StarcatStoriesAndGames
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To new beginnings!
🕑 Added 2020-12-07 11:49:13 +0000 UTC
[Here is a Sample of my Patron-exclusive posts to come …]
I am aware this won’t be easy, but taking the easy path has never lead me anyhwere worth going.
This is a leap I actually have wanted to take for over ten years, since I got my Bachelor’s degree. Yet I never did. I didn’t have the courage. My family urged me to play it save. Patreon didn’t exist back then.
Instead I took a dayjob and went the extra mile, got up before dawn to follow my profession as a writer and game developer, after that I went to work.
So what I’m focussing on now, is something I have done for most of my life. I just never could invest as much energy or time into it, as I would have liked.
My writing
I follow a strong routine of working on my writing each day. However so far none of my stories have been translated into English. I have already translated indie games and now I’ll to do the same with my writing. I’d love to share this with you.
What about my games?
Well, the thing is, while I love games and also love making them, I never really had a chance to show what I can do. My background is very old-school. For a long time I thought I had to build everything myself, there was perfectionism, procrastination and then there was my dayjob that ate away at my time, and also me if I’m honest.
Have you played Atari today? Taming the beast of game programming
I started developing my own games in 1999 at the age of fourteen for a video game console that was retro even then: the Atari Jaguar.
I went through the ordeal of learning to develop games for it, in assembly language that is. At a time when there were no Jaguar emulators, no tools and only a very sketchy underground documentation available. There weren’t any easy ways to play homebrew games either. There really was only the passion of a fourteen-year-old to fuel my endavour. But against all odds, I did it. I made several games for the system until 2006 when I started my game design study and other things became a priority. (Read more about this on Arcade Attack in the interview they did with me.)
Game Design education
I studied game design in one of the first courses a private university offered here in Germany. Again, I was very passionate and put all I had into creating samples of my work that would prove I was the right candidate to be accepted for the course.
When the day came, I was so exhausted I could hardly think straight. I was accepted. But I wouldn’t study the subject of my dreams until a year later. Let’s say there were complications. But that’s a story for another time.
Ultimately I got my Bachelor of Science degree in game design.
Jumping into the industry
The industry was a strange place in 2009. Game dev studies were brand-new and a lot of companies didn’t know what to make of them. I went through the ordeal of a year of internships only to be back on square one. People were very rude, telling me I had ruined my life by studying game design. (Yet, I was welcome to work for free.)
I decided to shift my focus to programming. That’s how I got my foot in the door.
And boy was I happy when I got my first game job at a small local studio.
It felt like I had come home after a very long journey. The team was amazing, we clicked right away. The studio mostly did contract work for publishers. I worked on several Unity games as a C# programmer and I soon was lead game designer, narrative designer as well. Two games were released, but the team and I went through crunch-hell making them. And we’re not talking about AAA or popular indie titles.
We were passionate about making games, we could have made great indie games, but sadly the priority was paying the bills. A year later and for a lot of experience richer, I moved into industrial software development.
Still, I wanted to persue my dream games in my spare-time.
Writing saved my life, reading saved my sanity
On many occasions writing has saved my life. It taught me to share and connect with others. It wasn’t until I started working on games that I got serious about writing.
In 2009 I did my first National Novel Writing month. That’s also how I met my wife. The first year we shared a tiny one-room apartment in a student dormitory in Munich.
I’ve not skipped a Nanowrimo since, with a neat stack of novel drafts in a box under my desk.
Two years ago I finished my first novel and I was working with different small publishers to get it out there. Again there were complications.
Finally in the middle of 2020 I was fed up and decided to do it all myself. I went ahead and took the selfpublishing route with my novel.
What a relief!! Why on earth didn’t I do this years ago?
2020 was a disaster
Due to the pandemic all of my readings and events were cancelled. I couldn’t do any of the things I planned to promote my novel. Some things I did on social media, though and there were great bloggers who helped.
Remember, I left the games industry for a steadier job in software dev?
Well, this year my dayjob reached a new low.
I tried all kind of things to get by. I started to meditate using Playne (go check it out!) and I honestly believe it helped me and my wife stay sane during these difficult months.
I took up little daily tasks, like learning a new language (Japanese) with Duolingo.
Really taking one day at a time. When work took that much of a toll, that I couldn’t be creative at all, it was reading that helped me keep my sanity. Mostly novels. Especially Haruki Murakami.
Keeping up a streak of any kind, really helped. Meditating, eating healthy, doing Duolingo, reading, photography, listening to relaxing music, watching some episode on Netflix.
But taking care of yourself only gets you so far, if nothing you do is enough. I put in over a month of overtime and couldn’t take a vacation until November. Even then a crushing mind-load was omnipresent.
I know many people in essential jobs have it worse (hats off to you), but I do software development, so all this was really unnecessary. Nothing was gained from it.
Let’s just say the dayjob wasn’t healthy anymore and there were a whole bunch of deal-breakers for me. It just didn’t feel like my well-being or personal goals were any priority.
By the end of the year new colleagues came in and things looked better, despite massive amounts of work on my desk. But honestly? I was done.
So I decided I had to change my life, now of all times.
2021: Chasing my dreams
It’s one thing the pandemic taught me: that we need art and entertainment in our lives and as a creator it is okay to ask for support.
I’m looking hopeful at the coming year. Until then, I will refuel. Play games, watch Netflix, meditate, go for a walk now and then.
Beginning in 2021 I will write and make games and share many other beautiful things with you.
If you like narrative games or point-and-click adventures you’re in for a treat.
There are a whole bunch of ideas and projects I have been tinkering with over the years that never saw the light of day. My target platform right now is the PC. (Sorry Jaguar fans, but maybe you like what I do enough to tag along anyway? I’m sure there will be something here for you. And who knows, something I create may end up on a new platform you like.)
There are also my short stories that I will translate into English, and of course there is my novel that awaits you. The big plan is to get that translated throughout the year as well.
Some of what I create will be for sale through stores as well, but here on Patreon you get to see it first, and only here you get to see how it develops.
You get to witness my great adventure into life as a creative, as a writer and as an indie game developer.
There will be new stories and games created and shared along on the way.
Thank you for reading! Be well, stay strong. Stay awesome!
