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#455 Deified Duel
🕑 Added 2022-06-07 14:55:51 +0000 UTCFinally... the wedding day has come!
Looking back, we’ve come so far.
It’s an expressible feeling—as if my first meeting with Platy just happened yesterday.
Since then, the path we have taken together has become the farm’s development.
Though we’ve been married for quite a while now, I’m having a wedding with Platy today.
This makes it another milestone in our lives.
I’ve already prepared myself and put on my pure white tux.
Batemy is as impressive as ever for managing to recreate the tuxedo with only my description.
Not only that, it’s made of adamantine silk and is said to have more defensive power than some random legendary armor—truly suitable for the big day.
Today, wearing this tuxedo, I will declare my pledge to Platy once again.
“You readyyy, Master?”
Veil comes into my waiting room, also dressed up for the occasion.
“The venue is all settt. Pretty bold of you to make me get you like this.”
“Aw, don’t be so sour. We’ll have a banquet after the ceremony, and you can have all the delicious food you want there.”
“Now that I’m looking forward to! Maybe I should serve my ramen there while we’re at it!”
Veil, who used to do nothing but eat, is now offering food to others...?!
I head to the venue with her while still ruminating on the thought that anyone can change, bit by bit.
We’re holding the ceremony on the farm grounds under the blue sky.
Normally, a wedding would be held in a church or shrine, but our farm does not have such a fancy facility.
However, it also feels wrong to rent out a church somewhere just to hold the ceremony.
As it turns out, having it on the farm is best.
Fortunately, the weather is on our side, and the sky is a lovely blue.
“It’s a beautiful day for a wedding...!”
“Yeah, perfect for a duel!”
....
Hm?
I stop to think about what Veil just said.
Did I hear her wrong?
“Oh, Veil, hahaha. You misspoke, didn’t you?
It’s not a duel. It’s a marriage.
“Marriage is a joyous occasion, but a duel is a morbid event. You can’t make that kind of mistake.”
“No, I didn’t misspeak. There will be a duel.”
...What is she talking about?
“Like I said, there will be a duel before the wedding. I’m so proud, Master! I knew you’d add some bloodbath intermission to entertain us!”
No one made such plans, though!
What do you mean?!
I wasn’t informed of this.
Who on earth would want to splatter blood all over our big day?!
“Uh, the gods?” she replies.
***
When we arrived at the wedding venue, the mood was not friendly but rather tense.
And they are the source of it: Hades, the god of the underworld, and Poseidon, the god of the sea.
The two main gods had somehow descended into the mortal world, creating a mood of confrontation.
“Why?!”
I can’t help but be confused.
Why is there a confrontation between goods on our wedding day?!
Can’t they at least do this somewhere else?
“Oh, saint! Thou has’t come at last!”
“We could not start the showdown until thou hadst arrived, see!”
Don’t, please!
What kind of harassment is this?!
We want to spend the day in peace, so why are you trying to ruin it?!
“Um... Whatever are you trying to do, Your Mightiness?”
“Canst thou not bid? We art having a duel.”
I just hoped it wasn’t that, you know...
“Why a duel?!”
Many of our farm residents have also gathered, dressed up in their own way.
Everyone is in a celebratory mood, but the gods are trying to shatter that.
“...May I ask why?”
I would not hesitate to kick out the gods depending on their answer.
Now, what will Hades and Poseidon tell us?
“...Wherefore, of course.”
“It is for entitlement.”
...
Entitlement to what?
“TO BEAR WITNESS TO THE SAINT’S WEDDING VOWS!” says the two gods.
Ah.
So like... As was Puffer and Arowana’s marriage, we pledge our love to each other before god, as in...
“Do you swear to love your wife in sickness and health?”
“I do.”
That’s why weddings are also called shinzen-shikis, and marriage is almost, without exception, a religious ceremony in many cultures!
“Brethren of the water...!”
“What is it, brethren of the earth?”
“As I have said many times before, the saint and his bride live on earth. Thus, it is only logical that the husband of the Mother Earth Goddess, the protector of the earth, should witness their vows!”
“But the bride is a child of the water. Therefore, I have the right as well! Thou shouldst be the one to step aside!”
“Say what?!”
“Got a problem?!”
Both sides refuse to budge, and they finally resort to force.
“The winner of this duel shall witness their vows!”
“And shall receive an offering from the saint!”
I knew it.
They’ve had a similar skirmish before over Junior’s baby shower, and their motive was a mundane one of wanting an offering from me.
Apparently, the gods want our farm’s food and drinks because they can’t get enough of them.
But that mustn’t become a source of conflict.
“How many thousands of years has’t it been since we has’t hadst a real fight with each other, brethren of the waters?”
“I doth not know. It hast been so long that I has’t forgotten. But I doth remember thee crying because thee hath lost to me.”
“I see. It seems that it was so long ago that thee can fabricate facts from such a hazy memory!”
Hades points his scythe at Poseidon, and Poseidon points his trident at Hades.
Surrounding them, the farm residents are in the mood to watch the battle unfold, shouting wildly.
This is bad.
The match of the century between two gods is too big of an event; it might just outshine our wedding!
“Please wait!” I stop them and add, “I’ve decided who shall witness our wedding vows!”
