PATRIARCH FOWL
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Casual Heroing, Chapter 92
🕑 Added 2023-04-17 18:51:21 +0000 UTCRead-y Link (Mobile Optimized Reader)
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Chapter 92 â Trufflinâ
Chapter Note: For those who may have forgotten, Truffles cannot read. It shouldnât be surprising if he misspells or doesnât know the right name and category of things.
Truffles
I walked through the Valerii forest with great purpose, carefully sniffing around some nut trees.
Hazelnut maybe?
I wasnât great with names.
The humidity of the terrain made it slightly easier for me â it carried the smell of truffles much, much better than when it was dry.
My worn-out boots crunched atop the soft under forest, releasing tiny bursts of foliage scent. I sniffed with a relaxed attitude, aware of everything that was within a five-hundred feet radius of me.
I treasured my father's teachings â never reveal your trump cards.
I held a giant wooden peg in one hand. I did not wear it because I needed to but because it made people underestimate me. People spoke more honestly around me if they thought I wasnât a threat. And it was easier for me to concentrate on a conversation if I couldnât smell the obvious lies that kept distracting me.
People seemed to think that my nose was too delicate for the smells of Amorium. And I let them. My father always emphasized how important it was to let people be misguided about one's capabilities.
Thatâs why, while technically a [Bard], my father was actually a [Swordsman]. But he barely carried a sword around. And he did not dress nor behave like one. Also, my father didnât enjoy drinkingâanother thing that he led others to believe he did all the time.
Remember, son, never show all your moves before the time comes. Showoffs are the first to die in a fight.
I sniffed the air a few more times, trying to pick up the particular smell of truffles.
The Valerii forest was a dense, lush expanse of greenery, full of towering trees that seemed to reach the sky. It mostly smelled like sugarbecause the majority of the trees around here â well, those that werenât nut trees â were sugar trees.
This was one of the places I was not supposed to be. It would make Stan very, very upset. He said that if the nobles found me, they could have me whipped. Especially if they knew what I was up to.
But my father had long taught me that rules could â and should â be infringed when they were stupid. Truffles? They had an entire forest brimming with those sweet fruits.
I needed them for my dealings with Joey.
A manâs gotta earn his due, Truffles. Never take charity from people. Always pay them back as soon as you can. Never accept goodwill from people you donât trust, if any at all, even from those you do trust. Build your own path, and you will have a wonderful life.
Together with my fatherâs obsession with not showing your moves upfront, this made for the two core teachings he always drove home.
When I told my parents that I wouldn't accept any more money from them, they went crazy. My mother cried so hard that even my iron will had second thoughts. But I steeled myself and got ready to take on this new adventure.
Sleeping in the park wasn't as bad as people made it out to be, and earning enough money for some food was doable. If only I could have gotten rid of the [Bumbling-] part of my [Bumbling Alchemist] that often gave me stupid insight and curiosity that messed up my potions, it would have been great.
I scrunched my nose when I thought about Joey.
My father and mother had fought some Humans, but that meant nothing. I wasnât an idiot. I knew how to distinguish good people from bad people.
Stan? Good.
Tiberius and Quintus? Good.
Arminius? Bad.
The [Alchemists] who refused to hire him without a contract that lasted ten years? Bad.
His father that almost choked to death an [Alchemist] that had swindled him out of his money? Very good.
I actually laughed out loud in the solitude of the forest.
Joey really believed in non-violence! HA!
I really needed to teach him betterâŠ
Could that be enough for learning how to read?
I swallowed and grimaced. No, not even close.
I managed to read the letters Joey had written with magic much, much better than I had ever read anything else. I knew someletters. And I had tried really hard to learn how to spell my name. If Joey really could teach me that on top of soap-makingâŠ
Donât get greedy, son. If you have something good going on, donât kill it. If a cow is giving you great milk, donât milk it to deathâlet her rest, and the fruits of her labor will be even better. Donât slaughter a pig that can spot trufflesâwell, you might not need it. Sell it to someone. Be kind but also ruthless. Kindness is a form of ruthlessness, Truffles.
Should I plan how to kill the [Soldiers]?
I scrunched my nose again, picking up on the very faint note of white truffle to the East.
If you need to kill someone, tell your mother and me.
Chrysantus! You stupid animal, what are you teaching our child?!
My mom really didnât like that. But I knew that if it came to it, sheâd be the first to help my father burn the bodies.
The practical problem with killing [Soldiers] was that they had many of them in the barracks. And if you killed one, more would come.
So, unless I planned on poisoning the entire barracks, that would be a bit of a problem.
Rotten roots.
Truffles, donât swear! Chrysantus, look what you are teaching your only son!
My motherâs voice followed me as I zeroed in on the right smell.
Truffles, the fruits, were pretty expensive. I wasnât sure this would be a fair trade. And honestly? Even the soap wasnât a fair trade at all. Recognizing some cheese and filtering it through the thing with small holes?
Never swindle someone too badly, son. Thatâs how you get mugged in the street a few days later.
I was pretty sure Joey wouldnât mug me in the street. [Soldiers] would, which was why it was so important to take care of that problem. But poisoning them all sounded like a lot of work for a lot of levels that I did not have.
I looked at my class.
[Bumbling Alchemist â Level 4]
My lack of practice was showing in all its pitifulness.
Stan would also object.
He had run away as soon as we started getting beaten up.
Iâd sniffed Stan eradicating an entire offending tree from the Pratus with his own two hands, so why did he get away from the [Soldiers]? His skin smelled like the toughest stone. He could have probably taken a sword to the neck and broken the sword.
Couldnât I just kill them all?
Wasnât that how it worked?
Someone tried to kill you, so you kill them?
I growled.
âI need to ask dad again,â I closed my eyes in frustration.
I was pretty sure I had asked already, but not being able to read meant I had to get people to read my fatherâs letters. At the [Mage]âs guild, the clerk did it for me in a special room, but I couldnât really show all my private conversations to the people in the Pratus. Not that I hadnât tried to get them to read something, but they just made fun of me, telling me that I had probably written it myself.
âDad told me, Iâm sure,â I stopped for a second, looking down between my boots. It helped me concentrate.
Nothing.
Rotten roots.
I tuned out my motherâs voice before she could disturb my resumed search.
I was getting very, very close.
I sniffed the air, feeling a slight disturbance in the normal muddle of forest smells.
I ignored it. Most likely, it was just too many animals pissing at once or something.
I crouched in front of a tree, digging with an enchanted dagger that I carried around for protection. Dad said it was a gift for my independenceâand that if I lost it, he would replace it for me. If someone stole it, he also said he would wring their necks.
The thought had made me slightly anxious because of all the thieves that could have robbed me while living in the Pratus; anxious for them. Even though there werenât many riches around the camp, someone still tried taking the little that we had left.
But it turned out that trying to rob a bunch of ex-[Soldiers] and other military classers wasnât easy.
How many [Thieves] did they kill? Four?
It could have been more if Stan didnât try to resolve things peacefully. And Grigio always managed to pin down bad-intentioned people before the others got to them.
I excavated as much as I could until it was unsafe to continue with a sharp object, and then, I proceeded to use my hands, chanting a little song about truffles.
âTruffles, truffles, where you areâŠ
It ainât easy to dig you upâŠâ
When an unfamiliar smell of steel touched my neck, I froze up.
âA little [Thief]?â A sultry womanâs voice spoke into my ear. âGive me one reason I shouldnât turn the Flora Sanguinis here red, little [Thief]. Do you enjoy taking things that donât belong to you?â
I had already dug up the entire white truffle, cradling it in my lap while still kneeling on the ground.
âHuhâŠâ I stuttered. âThere are so many truffles around here, and the nobility canât really dig them up. I checked. They have no animals that can find truffles. After a while, they will go bad. One of my friends needed one â just one â and I thought I would come here and take it because my father always says that stupid rules should be broken.â
âYour father doesnât sound like a very smart person. But he certainly does sound like a criminal.â
âMy mother says the same. She doesnât like when my father offers me advice that she thinks will land me in trouble,â I say, looking at the top of the tree and catching a scarlet lock of hair on my shoulder.
âWhatâs your fatherâs name, [Thief]?â
âIâm not a [Thief]? Iâm an [Alchemist]⊠Well, almost. My father is Chrysantus. Heâs a [Bard]. I think. He doesnât tell me his full class. He hasnât told mom either. He said that when he dies, weâll find out. Honestly? I think he has gotten a class consolidation between [Bard] and [Swordsman]? My mother really hates when he doesnât tell her. I think he does it just to make her angry. He laughs a lot when she screams at him for this.â
âChrysantus?â I felt the smell of the dagger less strong, and I looked down.
âGet up and turn around.â
I did so and found myself staring at a scarlet-haired woman.
âH-hello?â I said, swallowing for the embarrassment. It was much easier to talk to her when she wasnât looking straight at me. I lower my gaze and start thinking hard about what to say in this situation.
âI-I am sorry about the truffles. It was for a friend.â
âA friend shouldnât tell you to break the law.â
âHe didnât!â I said, almost shouting. âI-I⊠it was my idea. Itâs just that he wanted to cook something, I think. Heâs a [Baker]⊠no, a Baker, he said. With capital B? I⊠donât really understand what that means. He doesnât have the class. Maybe because heâs Human?â
I felt the smell of blood and animal fur getting closer, and I could see the figure of the woman towering over me.
âHuman?â She asked with a raised eyebrow.
âYes. Do you know him? Heâs pretty tall. Like you.â
She did not move one inch.
âHuhâŠâ I squirmed, uncertain about what to say. As it usually happened, my tongue started moving without me thinking at all. âDo you know that not all [Alchemist] know the formula for soap? And Joey told me that we shouldnât use the soap they sell too much because itâs bad for your skin. Apparently, thereâs something⊠soda? Was it soda? Maybe? Thereâs something that I believe is called soda that is really, really bad for your skin. It burns it. Wait, he said itâs called Sodium Hydroxide. That is a very cool name. Sodium is salt. He said he would explain the âhydroxideâ part to me when I could read better. Oh, rightâthatâs why I need the truffles. He said he was going to teach me how to read. I didnât believe him, though. But then, he made these big letters with magic, and they were much easier to read than anything I have ever tried reading with my parents. He also said it was important to memorize sounds and use, like, fingers to tap letters? He looks very stupid, but he knows a lot of things. And since he is also going to give me the soap formula, I really need the truffles for him. Can I keep it?â
I heard the woman inhale.
I closed my eyes, expecting her to hit me or something.
After a few seconds, I opened one of my eyes and fixed it on her.
âJoey,â she chewed the word. âAnd you are Truffles, I bet. Keep your homonym, Truffles. I have worked with your father. I am not going to mess with that manâs son. But since you were stealing from my familyâs forestâŠâ
Oh, no. Am I going to lose a hand?
I frowned.
Can I mix potions with only one hand?
âYou are now forced to come to the Valerii party for the Day of Blooming. You and this âJoey.â I shall have the invitations delivered by tomorrow. Do you understand?â
âH-huh. Ok?â
âGood. Keep the truffle, Truffles.â She turned and started walking away. âTeaching how to read, how to make soap⊠that is very interesting,â she muttered to herself.
Before I could ask her how it was possible that I couldnât smell her, she disappeared right in front of me, blending in with the surroundings completely.
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