PATRIARCH FOWL
patreon
Casual Heroing, Chapter 112
🕑 Added 2023-05-17 12:16:11 +0000 UTCRead-y Link (Mobile Optimized Reader)
2/4 chapters this week!
AMEL—! 👠👠👠
Next chapter comes out on Friday!
Remember to check out how to Become a Beta Reader if you want to read even more unedited chapters!
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
Chapter 112 – Budding
This time, it’s Arminius laying on the ground.
I did not use a [Lightbolt] since I’m still not sure how strong that would have been: I have no intention of killing the man. But what he said struck a chord. That’s why I cast a [Light] as fast as I could possibly have done, with as much Mana I could have possibly packed into it.
And no, he wasn’t fast enough to dodge it.
“Drink the potion; you got hit right in the ribs,” I tell Arminius.
The man is sputtering on the ground, having trouble breathing. I might have cracked something.
“You—” Arminius wheezes. “Filthy—”
I uncork the potion and put it to his lips.
“If you don’t drink, I doubt you’ll get up anytime soon.”
He looks at me with his jaw clenched so hard it looks like it could snap. But still, he drinks the potion.
“Wasn’t that hard,” I say, putting a hand through my hair. “It’s the first time I’ve used magic in a fight. I wanted to be sure you’d be out of commission. I thought that otherwise, you would have whooped my ass pretty bad. Fair is fair, though.”
That said, I get up and look at Tiberius and Quintus.
“I need to finish my lesson with Truffles. Give this to him,” I throw the potion to Quintus. “He’ll need it. I don’t know much about healing people. If he has trouble, bring him to a [Healer] and put it at my expense.”
“I don’t need your charity, Worm!” Arminius snarls from the ground.
I look at the man on the ground and cock an eyebrow.
“Arminius,” I say with a straight face, “fuck you. Get better.”
And I walk away.
…
“You should have killed him.”
“Blondie,” I say, massaging my neck, “do we have to talk about this again?”
“Joey, it is very important not to leave your enemies a chance to retaliate. Arminius might bring [Soldiers] to attack you. And what if there are many of them? With enchanted gear?”
“I’ll defend myself,” I say with a shrug. “Haven’t you seen what just happened? A guy with supposedly many levels over me just got put down by a simple [Light].”
Truffles blinks several times before looking at the ground and muttering something to himself.
“What?” I ask.
“I have to talk to my father,” he frowns. “I don’t know if a shield would have blocked it.”
Wouldn’t have blocked my [Lightbolt], I think to myself. Unless we are talking about a massive shield, I suppose.
…
I looked at the large amount of foot traffic going through the doors of The Three Roses.
It’s marvelous, really. I wonder if, in the Middle Ages, they actually got cafés where you could sit and enjoy your tea while the bubonic plague devastated everything. Sort of like having a coffee break in the midst of the French Revolution, just with less filthiness.
I’ll tell you what, by the way—I’m feeling pretty good about myself. I’ll not hide it; it was pretty badass how I put Arminius out of commission. Hopefully, he doesn’t have any serious damage.
Now, though, coming back as a victor, I am on the lookout for my spoils of war.
Ding.
That’s the little bell on top of the door as I enter The Three Roses.
No Irene at the front, it seems. Well, it makes sense. It was apparently an exception to find her there the first time. They had needed someone to briefly man the counter; she spends most of her time in the kitchen.
“Hello, there,” I smile at an Elven girl at the counter.
“Good morning, sir. How can I help?” She says with a large smile. “Would you like to try the fresh three-flavored cake?”
“That would be great,” I nod. “But together with two slices of that, would you mind checking for me if Irene is back there?”
She raises an eyebrow at me.
“Who should I say is looking for her?”
I take a brief look at the people around me and bend over the counter closer to the girl’s face. “Her future boyfriend,” I whisper conspiratorially.
The Elf’s mouth makes a big ‘O’, and I pull back—not before sending a wink-with-tongue-click her way.
Immediately, she scrambles toward the kitchen, with her face all red like fresh tomato sauce. Another assistant comes over to bring me what I ordered.
With a plate of cake in each of my hands, I walk toward a free table. The Elves around me are giving me the stinkeye, but today I put down an ex-officer. What are a few older Elves going to do? Report me for being too charming?
It’s not long after that I’m looking at a tired-looking but still stunningly beautiful woman who is standing in front of me with a raised eyebrow.
“Did you tell that poor girl you are my ‘future boyfriend’?” Irene asks me with an annoyed tone.
“Did I?” I say, sitting with the two slices of cake I got from the counter. “Are you sure? I don’t have a great memory. Also, are you enjoying the chocolate? Managed to reverse-engineer them yet?”
"I haven't brought them here. I just ate them with my family."
Irene goes silent for a moment.
“You shouldn't have announced yourself like that. Joey, do you have any idea what you just did, by the way?”
“I don’t,” I say, taking a long time to savor a bite of the hyper-sugary cake.
“Well,” Irene sits at the table, taking the free plate for herself. “It’s on you to summon the monster.”
“The monster?”
Before I can get a reply, the double door leading to the kitchen smashes into the wall.
“Where is he?!”
Curiously enough, I cannot see who’s shouting because they are shorter than the counter.
“Told you,” Irene says while still chewing.
“Irene! There you are! Hello!!!”
A girl, shorter than Raissa, perhaps, runs up to the table. But unlike my apprentice Baker, this girl has no naivety nor shame.
“How much gold do you want to work for The Three Roses?” She says, putting two tiny hands on my arm.
I keep spooning the cake as I observe this… peculiar scene unfolds before my eyes.
“I am not sure I remember who you are,” I say with an apologetic smile.
“Camilla, owner of The Three Roses,” she introduces herself, still not taking her hands away from me.
“He’s not running away, Camilla. Put the claws back,” Irene says in annoyance.
“Claws? What claws? Oh my,” she looks at her own hands before removing them with a knowing smile. “Oops.”
“So,” Camilla takes a sit at our table as Irene raises her eyes to the ceiling, “how much?”
“It depends,” I say with a business tone, puckering my lips forward, “will Irene marry me and give me three children if I get hired?”
“DONE!”
Irene closes her eyes and starts massaging the sides of her head.
“I’m not sure Irene agrees with that,” I tell the short Elf, who seems to be on half a pound of cocaine.
“She will,” Camilla waves her hand dismissively. “What’s your request for salary?”
I grab my chin, making it look like I’m giving it a bit of consideration.
“How about… enough money to pay the debt of every homeless in the city and start a fund to make sure idiots from the military don’t get homeless anymore? I mean, we can table the fund for the moment. Just enough for the current homeless would be enough.”
“Done,” Camilla looks straight at me without blinking, dead serious.
“Huh.”
It seems that I’m the one caught by surprise.
“Camilla, don’t—”
“Camilla!” I see a second woman come out of the double doors leading to the kitchen. She has a notepad and a massive pen in her hand. “My skills almost made me faint! What are you doing?!”
“Negotiating the poaching of the Human,” Camilla says.
“Are you out of your mind?! What’s the proposal you made?! My skills are making my head hurt!”
“Forgive my sister, Flavia; she has skills that let her know how much money we are spending or about to spend. They are useful, but they can get in the way. So, it will take us a bit to get that money, but we can sign a magically binding contract and make sure you are covered. We could take loans against the bakery, too. Wait.” She turns toward Flavia, “How much is the skill pinging for? I’m not familiar with the cost of dissolving the debt [Vows].”
Flavia looks at the diminutive Elf the same way I would imagine a tigress looking at an impertinent cub. Then, she raises a hand with five fingers up.
“Five-thousand? Good. Done. Go get the money,” she shoos her sister.
“There are five zeroes in the number you are looking at, Camilla,” Flavia replies, frustrated.
That gives pause even to the small Elf.
“Hum,” I intercept, “I was kind of joking? It would be great if I could get all the money to liberate and employ everyone, but I think it would be better if it was a gradual process. I haven’t figured everything out.”
“I will,” Camilla says without a hint of doubt, putting a hand on my arm. “Whatever you want to do. I’m in, Human.”
“His name is Joey,” Irene pries Camilla’s small hand from me. “And he was just leaving.”
“Was he?” Camilla stares menacingly at Irene.
“Miss Camilla,” I say with a warm smile, “I appreciate the courting and the favorable opinion you might have of me, but I promised Clodia one year of my work. I don’t break promises.”
Camilla’s face suddenly goes dark, and then she slowly turns to her sister.
“Let’s abduct him. Get the rope.”
“Camilla!” Irene gets up and literally picks the smaller Elf up like a child. “Are you out of your mind?!”
“Just a year! Let’s bring him to a farm or something! In a year, we bring him back, and he’s as good as ours!”
Flavia looks at her sister, trying to fight Irene, before turning to me and giving me a head-to-toe scan.
“[Personal Evaluation],” Flavia whispers, not low enough that I can’t hear her. “Oh.”
She actually goes pale and grabs a chair, wobbly.
“Hey, need any help?” I say as I bolt to my feet and move to grab her before she falls.
“Y-you,” she stammers. “W-what… how? Rotten roots…”
She sits, taking some water out of her bag of holding and downing it in one go.
“Mr… Human. Are you a Named Adventurer?”
“Me? No. I barely have any levels. And they are all in the [Mage] class. Why? What did your skill say?”
“I am sure someone as prominent as you might know, but [Administrators] and [Managers] sometimes get skills that allow us to evaluate how much money a promising recruit might bring to the business.”
“Huh, that’s cool. Can I ask how much you saw? Is it a precise number?”
Flavia shakes her head, taking several more gulps of water.
“No, nothing like that. It is usually a faint figure. Yours… I couldn’t see it clearly. I can’t even say how many zeroes there were. But… many. I would like to move a formal proposal for a job, sir.”
“Sir?” I shake my head. “It’s fine. I’ve just got some more experience as a [Baker] than most people. Your skill must be a bit off, trust me. I’m good, but I’m not that good.”
“Irene! Let me go, you [Witch]!”
“Stop harassing Joey!” Irene says, trying to keep Camilla far enough from her that she can’t get a kick in.
“Should we go stop them?” I say with a worried look.
Flavia, who’s still recovering from her skill, shakes her head. “No, don’t worry. Someone else is going to take care of that.”
“Someone who?”
As if I could read the future, I suddenly turn in the direction of the kitchen. For a third time, the double doors smash into the walls, and this time I hear a crack too.
“Camilla!” A Goddess crosses the threshold to the dining room of The Three Roses. “You brat! Stop making a fuss out there! Irene, you too!”
Damn, that’s the Angelina Jolie lookalike, I think to myself. Then, I add the second most important attribute. Clodia’s girlfriend.
The woman, whose name I’m drawing a complete blank on, picks Camilla from Irene’s hands and puts her on the ground.
“You disgusting animal,” the older sister says with a frown, “what’s all this?”
“The Human is here!” Camilla points at me.
The tall, statuary Goddess looks my way.
And she doesn’t have a friendly gaze.
Uh-Oh.
Comments
Kaine
I hope Flavia tells her sisters how much money Joey would actually make them and not just glossed over , like I want their reaction to the figure. Anyway thanks for the chapter.
Ioannis Panagiotidis
Kind of feels weird how we have been waiting for joe to use some combat magic and now we only get the retrospective after he already won the fight, Makes one think you might revisit the Fight from one of the Elves perspective, I enjoy that you didn't spend ages explaining a fight scene that doesn't really matter, But still seems a bit Anticlimactic. I was also quite confused how the Light spell broke his ribs. Did he cast a Ball of Light and accelerate it ? Still an amazing Chapter, cant wait to see how the Story will continue :)
