PATRIARCH FOWL
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Casual Heroing, Chapter 99
🕑 Added 2023-04-26 18:41:44 +0000 UTCRead-y Link (Mobile Optimized Reader)
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Chapter 99 - Date Night, Part 5
Peacocks have a great point, ok? How so?
These are the things you need to impress a woman and have a fantastic date – Joey style: 1. Relax, shut up, and listen to her. Ask her relevant questions without being intrusive. This helps establish and evaluate the connection. 2. Make her laugh with some banter and jokes. 3. Now, this one's from Ovid, not me, but it's still good advice: if you're at the Colosseum watching a show and the opportunity arises, casually brush some crumbs off her dress, whether they are there or not. In other words, if there’s a chance for some nonchalant physical contact, take it.
Now, there are many other points I could make that are absolutely fundamental to dating, ok? It’s definitely not just a three-bullet-points thing. You’ll find the rest it in ‘Joey Luciani’s Guide to Dating.’ For now, there’s one thing above any other that you must keep in mind.
Peacocking.
Well, not exactly peacocking, as one would put it.
Let’s just say that you gotta be interesting.
I think I have it mostly covered with Irene when it comes to being interesting. At least under a professional aspect, you know? I’m a Baker who makes decent money. Food and financial security in one tall Human package. But, at the same time, she knew very well about the baking part of my life. If you want a woman to be impressed by you, you need to surprise her in at least one aspect of your life. If you are a physical worker, a woman would not expect you to have a more delicate use for your free time; paradoxes and anachronisms impress future partners. If you are an engineering student who writes romance in his free time or a psychology major who plays rugby, it’s more interesting than an engineering major who spends his time playing videogames or a psychology major who spends his time reading Jung’s quotes on the Internet to recite them at every group hangout.
Magic? Oh, who would expect magic from a Human Baker, right?
And it all started when I made the fan blades effortlessly. Well, she doesn’t know that it took a while to figure out how a spell matrix for that would work in its foundation, but that’s the point – she doesn’t know that. She only sees the fruits of my labors and zappings.
“I have been studying magic for self-defense purposes,” I tell Irene, creating a small orb of [Light] in my hand. “I also like playing around with it, but it’s super useful in case someone attacks me.”
I throw the orb of [Light] in the air—yeah, I basically solidify it. Then, I activate [Deep Focus] and create a much smaller version of [Lightbolt] out of a three-line spell matrix. I extend my finger like a pistol to aim and place the spell matrix across my arm. When the squiggly lines are traced right in front of my finger, a small bolt bursts out of them and impacts the [Light] a few feet from us, dispelling it into smaller, cascading motes of light.
“That is… so pretty,” Irene’s mouth hangs open. “How did you do that?”
I have no idea, I think to myself.
“Trade secret,” I reply with a wink.
Next time, I should experiment more beforehand.
It could have exploded, sure. But that would have been equally impressive… just not as pretty.
“I am a Baker, first and foremost,” I say, “but lately, I’ve been thinking about the fact that many Elves probably want to shiv my kidneys, you know? And I was like, maybe I should learn to protect myself. In fact, that hole up there was made while I was practicing a spell.”
I point at the hole that will cost Clodia a dozen silvers in Agostina’s housing charges.
“You actually did that?”
“Yep. I’d give you a second demonstration, but I wouldn’t want my landlady to barge in here and put my head through the wall.”
Irene smiles at the joke but then glances again at the hole in the wall.
“Where are you learning magic from? Are you someone’s apprentice?”
“Nah. Read bits of a book and just practice by myself.”
“I honestly want to put what you just said before a truth-stone,” she says.
“Go ahead,” I say with a slick smile.
“I’d rather not use a truth-stone on the first date, Joey Luciani. Show me something else.”
“You can touch [Light], you know. It’s physical and pretty much inert, as in, it’s not like a [Fireball] scorching your hands. Want to hold a [Light]?”
She nods.
“Cup your hands.”
I cast a small [Light] in her palms; she brings them up and shakes the [Light] lightly. I just discovered that if you take the [Light] out of the air, it behaves like any other object.
Huh.
You know what?
As Irene plays with a small [Light], I silently activate [Advanced Mana Sense] and, with a bit of cheating thanks to [Light Shaping], I manage to create two big spell matrixes. When I deactivate [Advanced Mana Sense], two long, stick-like [Lights] stand between me and Irene.
“Are you good with swords?” I say, picking up one of the two [Lights]. “Care for a little duel?”
“Are you trained?” She takes the sword and falls into a surprisingly neat stance. “I practiced a lot with my brother, Joey.”
“Well, the [Light] is pretty soft, like some flexible wood. I doubt we will actually hurt each other. Let’s try it, shall we? En garde!”
…
I look at the sword pointed at my face while I lay on the floor.
What the…
“You tripped me with the chair!” I say, outraged. Also, I get a little sting of pain in the leg that got messed up by the [Soldiers] in the inn.
“Was that against the rules?” She says with a satisfied smirk. “Do you want to go again?”
“You bet,” I say, standing up and wielding my very cheap lightsaber against the woman. I try not to go too hard on her, but after a few exchanges, she whips my hand with her [Light]-stick. Mine falls to the ground as I swear.
“Mothertrucker,” I hiss.
“A bit weak, Joey,” she laughs aloud, holding her belly as I bend to pick it up. “Can you do any better?”
Looking at the woman having an insane amount of fun beating me up, the corners of my mouth rise up. She had been a bit down and nervous up until this moment. Whatever she has gone through in her life must have been hard to make her this tough. And she clearly has some problems with dealing with her past. The fact that she seems to have forgotten all of that after opening up is worth a little beating.
We keep up our mock-fighting for a while, laughing all the way through, the hilarity of the situation growing each time she manages to get my [Light]-stick – or me – on the ground.
We dance around the table and chairs, making an even bigger mess of my apartment. But each time a chair or something else falls to the ground, the fight gets funnier and even more unhinged. Irene’s cardio is also better than mine, as I’m breathing pretty hard by the time we get to our final bout.
“Well, I’m not sure you earned yourself a second date, Joey Luciani. Is this all you got? Still a bit too green behind your ears.”
“Am I, now? Tell you what. If I take you down, I’ll see you for lunch in two days.”
She sighs melodramatically, “I guess you’ll only see me in your dreams,” she says, bringing the ‘hilt’ of the [Light]-stick in front of her and placing her other arm behind.
I have to admit, Irene is pretty strong. Now, it is true that I’m not the perfect specimen when it comes to fitness. I am not fat or anything, but I don’t exactly exercise and do 100 push-ups, 100 sit-ups, 100 squats, and a 10 km run every day.
However, it’s also true that I have been playing so far. But with a second date on the line, this just got serious.
“I’ll tell you more. I’d like for you to cook my lunch too. Ready to show me your [Chef] skills?”
“Try me,” she smiles maliciously.
Goddamn, she’s pretty. Hope this won’t hurt too much.
Irene lunges at me.
[Deep Focus]
The world slows down slightly, and I see her left hand coming up to land a punch on my face.
Gutsy.
I think to myself as I lean forward, out of the jab, hooking my leg behind her knee, dropping the [Light]-stick and seizing her stick-wielding arm.
“Sorry,” I smile like the Cheshire Cat as I use my weight to throw us both to the ground.
She panics and tries to wiggle out of my grasp. But we are already halfway down.
To avoid having her smash her head on the ground like I did at least ten times tonight, I extend my free arm, slightly flexed, to cushion the fall. Our combined weight is too much for me, though, so I gently roll on the free arm’s side and let us thud to the ground at our sides.
We are both panting and slightly sweaty as we look at each other.
Irene looks deeply into my eyes before looking at her jabbing hand that I’m holding in mine. With her face getting a bit of color, she licks her lips and squeezes out a few words.
“Congratulations, you won.”
I look at her dilated pupils, feel her breath in mine, and take in everything on her beautiful face. I inch my neck forward, slower than a crawl.
Irene doesn’t lean out of the way as my grasp of her hand softens, making it easy for her to back out.
She closes her eyes slightly and parts her lips.
I kiss her gently.
Comments
wholock202
I am really looking forward to seeing what he thinks of her cooking since she has the 'chef' class.
Zain Ansari
You know I find it funny that the romance in this novel is so much more engaging than what I’m used given how much I’ve tried to find something to fulfill that need on RR or scribble for a long time. You’d think that at least someone else has gotten it right but most of the authors I’ve read make women out to be cardboard cutouts or plot devices more than actual humans with motivations
