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Devil In The Waters 10-3
🕑 Added 2023-05-17 02:00:02 +0000 UTCThe suit brought her to Italy. She told him about it.
“You didn’t bring the suit I bought you. I saw it in the closet.” Josh said nothing.
They lay on the bed together, both facing the same direction. She stared at his back. He’d removed his suit jacket after he’d held her while she cried, wearing his white dress shirt and suit pants now. The sunlight had crept down the wall outside the window, the angle lowering, the color deepening. Traffic was quiet. She rubbed her face and stared at the too-close-to-focus bedding for a long while, her mouth working around with nervous tension.
After a while she said, “That was the hardest part about you being gone.” The suit.
Nothing. No movement. She knew if she peeked around his shoulder she would find him awake, eyes open and staring at nothing, hearing her but unresponsive. His back moved with his slow breathing.
How could she explain it? The sight of the beautiful tailored suit she’d bought Josh—left behind and hanging in the closet in its protective bag—amplified tenfold the notion Josh had abandoned her. She was the suit in the closet. Left behind and forgotten. But no, not forgotten. Unwanted. Unneeded. Forsaken.
To explain it would illuminate the reason she would feel such worry, such shame. Guilt. Further admission of her devastating crimes.
By now it was clear: Josh knew she didn’t hide her underwear in Devlin’s couch. Josh knew it but didn’t want it to be true and had blinded himself to the truth. Deafened himself to it. He’d thought it was all a game and that’s where he wanted his existence to remain.
And now he’d gone mute, as well.
Josh’s wounding was so grave he couldn’t acknowledge the truth. If he did, the shards she’d broken him into would cleave away and shatter on the floor. Her eyes went wet again, and her face scrunched as she began crying once more. All she wanted to do was touch his back—but his possible reaction scared her out of trying.
This time Josh didn’t comfort her. Didn’t hold her while the tears flowed.
She said, “I can’t be without you.”
Still nothing. She rubbed her cheek on the bed, drying her eyes, her heart wedged high in her throat. “I had to come, Josh. I’m sorry I had to come.” Her voice was a thick whisper now.
When he still said nothing, she craned her neck up toward the pillows—they were nearer the bed’s bottom, both of them wearing their shoes with their feet hanging off the foot of the bed—and regarded the black and white photograph of some Roman sculpture, maybe Zeus.
“Will you talk to me?”
Josh said nothing and she was sure he wouldn’t. She would return to the airport and go home and suffer in their apartment, hoping the man she loved would return from Rome to her. But knowing that was impossible. Why was she even here? She didn’t think it was selfish, but Josh’s reaction proved she was.
Then Josh spoke, his voice flat and lifeless. “What do you want to hear?”
That you still love me. That you don’t hate me.
“I want to hear your voice.”
Josh shifted to get more comfortable but didn’t roll over. He said nothing.
“If I touch you are you going to m-move away?”
Josh shook his head, then rubbed his brow, sounding troubled.
Her hand went out but stayed an inch from his back, afraid he would recoil at her touch, afraid he would spin around and tell her to go. Hearing him tell her she should never have come broke her heart. As her shoulder began to ache from holding her arm out and aloft, she held her breath and allowed her hand to come in slow and hesitating contact with Josh’s back. Even to her, her touch felt disingenuous, conniving. How would Josh feel?
* * *
The lost time in Cayman. That’s what he thought about, staring at the blank wall. Sitting at the villa and awaiting her return. And Devlin’s photo of Kimmy standing in his Cayman hotel room. That’s where it had happened. Whatever happened, that’s where it started. He knew it. Devlin fucking told him by showing his friends a picture of Josh’s wife when they were all in the private room at the strip club. All of them making fun of Josh, all of them knowing their good buddy Devlin had even fingered this man’s wife earlier in the day and taunted this dipshit husband—to their delight—by making him smell his wife’s pussy on his fingers. What a fucking joke he was. What a fucking dupe.
Three men making fun of a boy.
A boy who pretended to have a woman.
Kimmy touched his back and his skin crawled. Now he comprehended her bewitchment.
But her fingertips pressing his back, the warmth of her touch were welcome. A surprise. Something changed in him when he felt her touch. His heart throbbed; an ardor bloomed in his chest. Not for her. For himself. An empty sort of manifestation only meant to show him what he deserved. He deserved love. He deserved honesty. He deserved truth and fidelity.
But what had he got?
Whenever he tried to face it, it wasn’t there, like whipping around knowing your stalker had crept up behind you with a knife raised above to plunge in your back... And only finding an empty road, clouded with fog and a ghost of laughter.
With nothing behind him, he could only look inward. Pin some blame on himself. Had he pushed Kimmy into it? Had he made her think that’s what he wanted? Were his own perversions at fault? How much blame did he deserve? The male part of him shouted: None! Fuck that, you bitch, this voice said, she’s a cunt! But it was too easy to think like that. That was neanderthal shit. Knuckle dragger shit. That was Rumble talking. Josh Waters was a sophisticate. Or a chump.
Since he hadn’t shrugged away Kimmy’s touch, her hand roamed, smoothing up to his neck, over his shoulder, her slender fingers gripping his upper arm and holding him. Great. Her left hand. Her fucking left hand with his ring on it.
He folded his right arm trapped underneath him, across his chest and held only the ends of her middle three fingers. With that gesture Kimmy scooted closer.
It was too much. He abandoned the bed, getting up and walking to the window, leaving her alone to hug herself and hide her face away.
He said toward the window, “I think it’s better if I’m alone right now.”
Kimmy sniffled, rubbing her face. She sat up on the end of the bed. “I can get a different room,” she said.
“You could, but...”
“Who are you here with?”
He turned around and put his back to the wall beside the window, the glowing light falling on Kimmy’s legs and feet. “Not anyone you know,” he said. “Not the people I work with. Harmeet’s here, but you don’t really...”
She looked up, a little hopeful. “I like Harmeet.”
“Yeah, but it’s not the same. He’s my boss. This isn’t...”
Kimmy looked down, her face sullen. What did she think, this could turn into a fun time, that all the Swanson gang and her could go out for drinks?
Very quiet, she said, “We could have dinner tomorrow. Just you and me.”
“I really have to concentrate. This is a big deal for me. I have to be on top of my game. I don’t want to be distracted.” He sighed and shook his head, looked aside to the window out across the terra cotta roofs. “Especially if we’re down to one income.”
Kimmy said nothing as he lost himself in that easygoing outside world, thinking of times he’d dreamed of traveling across Europe, of having a girl at his side, thoughts he ached for back before he had Kimmy. Then something occurred to him and he looked over to Kimmy. “We’re not down to one income?”
* * *
She didn’t know what to say, didn’t want to explode what might be substantial progress here. “I didn’t... We can...”
Josh’s brow lowered into a puzzled line. “How are you here, then? You just didn’t go in, you didn’t quit?”
“I... It’s...” She stopped talking, sighing, putting her hands on her knees and squeezing. She waited a beat before looking up to meet Josh’s eyes. “If you tell me to quit, I’ll quit, Josh.”
He stared at her with incomprehension. All that she’d built in the last hour crumbling as his jaw sagged and his lips parted. He sighed a profanity, pushed his fist into his brow, shaking his head and grumbling. She hunched over, making herself look as small and frail as she could.
Josh raised a shaking hand formed in a claw, then scrunched it in a fist, his features condensed to frustrated anger. “This is what I mean, Kimmy. Distraction! Now I’m wondering how you didn’t quit. I’m wondering how you didn’t quit last fucking week!”
His voice grew loud and angry and she jumped to stand, going to him. He shied away but didn’t stop her from taking hold of his lapels again. “I’m sorry, Josh, I’ll quit, I’ll quit. Don’t be mad.”
They were close, their mouths only inches apart. But Josh took hold of her wrists and loosened her grip, pushing her hands away.
He wouldn’t look at her, only saying aside, “Can I be alone?”
She folded her rejected hands across her stomach. “Why?”
She’d boxed him in and he had nowhere to go. He wanted to reject her again, wanted to look out the window, or move to the bed, but she’d closed his avenues of escape by sealing him near the end of the long and narrow hotel room. She backed away, gave him space.
Josh stepped past her and across the room, and she could sense his anxiety lessening as he fled from her. Just a few feet away and he was already clearheaded. Back to her, he put his hands on his hips, head bowed as he tried to gather his thoughts. She let him keep his space and stayed where she was.
At last, he said, “Get another hotel room.”
She gasped a silent sound, her spine going buttery for half a heartbeat. “Okay. Yeah, I will,” she said, sidestepping around him, heading to the door, not wanting to blow whatever it was she’d gained here.
He stopped her at the door, saying, “You shouldn’t have come, Kimmy. But you shouldn’t go. If you go now, it’ll only make it worse.”
She leaned her back on the wall, holding the door lever, rotating her grip on it, knowing she should just go and leave him alone, that would be the better thing, the wisest thing, but she couldn’t stop herself, turning, getting him to face her, saying, “Josh, look at me. Please, look at me.” And when he did, she said, “ I’ll do anything to make you happy. Anything.”
Comments
CSH
Yeah I get it. We are just coming at this from different directions. KT will likely surprise us both.
L_S87
Hmm. I see your point. There's a difference between Josh finding out 2 weeks from now, (assuming Kimmy is successful in manipulating him back into the fold) and him finding out 6 months from now after weeks of more coercion, manipulation and deceit where things culminate in Devlin's stated outcome of making Josh watch. Depending how that would go and how many times Kimmy thrusts those types of scenarios on him... I could see a possibility where Josh finds a way to excuse or ignore it because he's basically a hostage with Stockholm Syndrome at that point. I just don't think it's that likely. (In my very biased because I want a certain outcome opinion, lol) Regardless, KT will show us what is in store for them, and I can't wait because she's amazing at creating these stories for us to discuss. I'll go back to my moralizing, because I still want Kimmy to be punished!
CSH
Yeah you are right as to his responses but in each case, he came back and continued the game. At this point I think you are right about him shrugging it off but at a certain point in the future I expect he will have fallen so low that he can’t get out. Without getting too graphic, I’d just say go back and look at the readers poll KT did on humiliating Josh. At a certain point, Kimmy’s lying to him will be the least he has to worry about. Though, yes it will at least allow him the fiction that he did not do it willingly. Anyway they are all characters in a book. I think too many people see it as a morality play where evil is punished and good is rewarded. I see it as a cautionary tale. A sexual horror story of sorts. I think a happy ending would ruin this one.
KT Morrison
Thank you. Sometimes one has to roll up their sleeves.
L_S87
That's the fun of this, we all get to read the same thing and have different takes on it. I just fundamentally disagree with how Josh will react to "the whole truth". I don't discount what you said about Kimmy telling him lies he wants to hear, because that is quite true. However, i think it's also important to note that this same Josh is the guy who cried his eyes out in the car outside the hotel because he was hurting so bad. It's the same Josh who puked his guts out after Kimmy's recorded story with Devlin. Its the Josh who was pissed with Kimmy for humiliating him in front of the tailor by implying she had intimate knowledge of Devlin's junk (and she only got out of that one by seducing him with parking lot sex). And now we have the Josh who is so mad that he's virtually ignored Kimmy for an entire week. Because of panties. Angry enough that Kimmy is deathly afraid he's done with her and was willing to follow him all the way to Italy to manipulate a minor miracle into reality because she's positive if she doesn't, he's gone. (Let's not forget, Kimmy herself has stated she believes what she has done isn't forgivable and was positive Josh would leave her if he discovered the truth) Knowing all that, i find it hard to believe that any lie, or any scenario, that Kimmy cooks up to bring him back in the fold would ever blind him enough that if he found out about all of her other indiscretions, he'd have a "meh, i'm okay with it" response.
CSH
The Josh character already knows the truth. Hell, Kimmy has openly told Josh the truth several times. We see the progression and conflict as he gets closer and closer to admitting that he knows and that he has known all along. Kimmy lies to him but mostly at his behest when he communicates what lies he needs her to tell so he could pretend to believe her. That happened multiple times as well. In Cayman, then when he came home with her undies, etc. Josh has become addicted to Kimmy’s humiliation of him just as she is getting hooked on the same thing. Neither he nor Kimmy is going to stop. I think that’s the point here. Their sexual obsession with Devlin has taken them over and is fundamentally changing who they are and how they relate to each other. I just think it’s clear Josh doesn’t really want the truth. Yet, anyway - I think Devlin at some point will just tell him to completely crush him.
Donkatsu
Went back and reread the last half of Book 9. The goings on, sheer deviousness and ill-intent are so plain it is difficult to have much empathy with Kimmy's hurt puppy act. Perhaps she will go down into Rome"s catacombs and try to find an answer there.
L_S87
I agree it's great, but I see it differently. I see telling lies at best allowing her to have Josh and Devlin in the short term, at worst losing access to both as Kimmy herself has said half her interest in Devlin is how it makes her feel in relation to Josh. I say that because her lies allowing her to have both require not just her lies being maintained in perpetuity, but for her to control the uncontrollable: other people's actions. Gaslighting Josh into believing this is all on him only works until he finds out she was having sex with Devlin before Josh ever broached the subject of his kinks with her. At that point, the game doesn't exist because it was never his and Kimmy's game, taken too far, it was Kimmy and Devlin's game. If Josh is struggling now over a pair of panties, how will he feel about that???
CSH
But that’s what makes this one great. She’s Josh’s vision of goodness and she is willingly becoming totally corrupted by Devlin. By the way, refusing to ever tell the truth is the sign of a really practiced liar. If she tells Josh the truth, at best she loses either Josh or Devlin and maybe both. If she sticks to the lie she can have both.
Wess
Great analysis. Love reading other’s reaction to this sordid relationship. I’m about done with Kimmy. Almost everything she says, and does seems to summon up a new level of bile within me. She’s just a disgusting person. Devlin is too sadistic, simple & narcissistic to evoke the same desire to see him suffer. No one writes characters that make me feel what KT’s do. Thanks for the sublime torture. Love it❤️❤️
Mike Monroe
Yeah I agree with most of the comments from everyone. I love this forum. Kimmy is a master manipulator. I know that however she may feel a bit pained in what she is doing...this is all a part of Her and Devlin's plan. They mean Josh no good at all. For all the coming to Italy because of the suit she bought him and feeling of being left...BS. She is so good at getting Josh to feel maybe all of this is his fault...which we know it's not. Kimmy is just angling Josh for his destruction! She wants to have her cake and eat it too!
KT Morrison
Brilliant!
Tracey52
Yeah. I can’t see Josh sticking to his guns either. While Kimmy seems contrite, I think she is still trying to manipulate Josh to have her cake a eat it too. Come onJosh, I’m rooting for you. Keep pressing.
L_S87
CSH hit the nail on the head. I'm glad i'm not the only one to have read that and drawn a very similar conclusion. The emotions here, on both sides, are so impactful. A part of me hates where this feels like it's heading, and yet i love every moment of reading about it. While Josh's pain is evident, i feel like, as much as i want to discount it, that Kimmy is clearly in pain as well. She's struggling with the fruit of her actions with Devlin. She admitted several books ago that she knew this was the inevitable outcome and that it was her fault for the choices she made, yet faced with the reality of what it means, she refuses to let go. She's willingly to do ANYTHING to keep him, well... except tell the truth that is. I wish she would come clean, if for no other reason than this path she's chosen doesn't fix anything, the truth still holds their relationship hostage, like the Sword of Damocles.... waiting to cleave through everything and destroy it. Because her implication at the end, of doing anything for Josh, and the implied guilt that puts on Josh, that this is all his fault, is horribly inaccurate. We as readers know this, even if Josh doesn't. Yes, it's meant to be the ultimate manipulation (Kimmy's version of doing anything to get him back) to convince Josh this is all his fault, it's what he wanted, how could he possibly blame her and treat her like this??? Yet, by eschewing the truth in this case to fall back on an almost demonic level of twisted reality, she builds their entire regrowth on a weak foundation of lies. One comment from Devlin, a text from Amy, one whispered rumor from someone who talked to the girl at the hotel, or the realtor for Devlin's apartment... and it all comes crashing down. Irretrievably. Which is why i wish she'd just fess up. She's the ultimate succubus though. Lies, manipulation and temptation. Those are her grift. Not truth. Nor love.
CSH
Nice one. This is what we come here for, this level of realism. Well, that and the perversion, lol. Perfectly drawn characters here. I especially love how you have developed Kimmy. She’s genuinely desperate but also plumbing new depths of corruption, manipulation and deceit. Well done on Josh’s internal battle over who’s to blame. Kimmy has become expert at implying without saying, that it’s all his fault. He then jumps on it to blame himself again. And that last statement- holy crap is it filled with multiple implications for the future and the past. It’s another way of saying “It’s all your fault, Josh. Both what happened and what’s about to happen.” From Josh’s perspective it’s actually reasonable to believe it. Once she’s lovingly got him admitting he’s at fault, hard mean new Kimmy can draw him in with something along the lines of “ just embrace who you are - I’ll help you because I love you.”
Glaucon
Big Oof. I've got a lot of respect for your ability to write the painful parts of this without looking away. So much dread underlying it all, though, and we're just here waiting for the other shoe to drop.
