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DITW 11-7: Revelations
🕑 Added 2023-08-08 00:00:04 +0000 UTCKimmy told him she’d done nothing. “It was Devlin.”
It was always Devlin. Even Kimmy could blame him. But that was better than her blaming her husband. If she accused him, it would be too much to bear. He wanted so much to know it all. Wanted to ask her, but was he really ready for the truth?
He caressed her neck and thumbed her strong jawline while Kimmy’s face turned away from the window, away from the light, her eyes closed. She said, “He undressed me.”
It was like a gut punch. Right away, he wanted to stop her, tell her that was enough. “He did?”
“Undressed me, made me look at myself.”
He frowned, his stroke slowing, his cock inside her throbbing like a molten beam, harder than he could imagine, hearing how another man had subjugated his wife. If he’d shown up to Devlin’s apartment in his wife’s underwear, what kind of temptation prompted Kimmy to allow him to undress her?
What had been passionate sex turned now to confession. Cold gray confession made red and lurid by the circumstances, by the dreadful shame of it all. He wanted to fuck Kimmy and hear how Devlin had squeezed her juice.
“You let him undress you?”
“I didn’t stop him. He was making a point.”
His eyes pinched closed in disbelief. It didn’t make any sense. What kind of point could license a married woman’s boss to violate her that way?
“Kimmy, what are you talking about?” He reared back, his cock still inside her, on his knees now, Kimmy on her back below him.
Her head rolled on the mattress until she faced him, her eyes narrow, looking beautiful on her back this way, her skin tight, her hair loosening from its bun, but still swept away from her incredible face. “I’m telling you the truth. I want to tell you. If you want to hear it.”
Did he? Or did he not?
The truth was he didn’t want to know. Not out of fear, not out of sanctity. If he knew the truth, it would devastate him. And if he knew, this would end. It would be over. As terrible as this was—at times unbearable—there had never been anything in his life more exciting than this. Nothing had been more electrifying than the existential horror of Kimmy’s fidelity with a man who terrorized him.
If she told him what he feared, if she confirmed the darkest conjurings he imagined, he couldn’t stay, couldn’t forgive. The marriage would be over, wouldn’t it? And not just the marriage, the incredible bonds that lashed them together through this wicked storm—they would rot away. The closeness he’d felt to her in this misery would dissolve. They would separate, move farther from each other. And that hurt his heart more than the knowing would. Wasn’t that true? They’d gone through this ordeal together the way tribal cultures arrange ceremonies of passage. Ordeal poisons. Or trials by fire. They were meant to cement resolve, to test fortitude and conviction. Was his conviction such a gossamer thing that a man like Devlin Stone could breathe on it and it would zephyr away like the finest talc?
He got down over her again, his face close, his hands on the bed on either side of her head. “When was this?”
Kimmy looked at him, puzzled. “Today. At the hotel.”
His words rushed from him. “This was today?”
“Yeah,” she said, brow still furrowed.
Honesty for today. Today he could handle. Couldn’t he? A clean slate to begin with. “What happened?” Now those words didn’t rush, they whispered and trembled.
She breathed in and out at a calm pace, angling her head in reptilian study, her eyes looking deep into his. Her hands went to his neck and caressed. “He undressed me, and I ignored him.”
The urge to detonate, to tantrum and rail, sizzled, but his doomsday clock never hit midnight—held at bay by Kimmy’s calm and candid mien. Sincerity. Cold sincerity beaming his way like some ghostly golden spirit, warm and tender despite its frigid core; rich with warmth and fuggy womanhood.
“You ignored him?” He sounded hypnotized.
She traced her fingers through the hair above one of his ears. “Yes.”
At one time, she hadn’t ignored Devlin. He sensed it, heard it in her voice. But he already knew that to be true—had seen the proof with his own eyes, a photograph of his wife’s legs spread for another man’s enjoyment.
His hips began to rock, and wicked pleasure zipped along the plump flesh of his engorged cock head, plugged in a woman he loved with angst and disquiet, her liquid grip tight but so slippy.
“He saw you naked? You showed him?” Kimmy nodded, and he asked her now, “Was he naked?”
Her eyes narrowed further, into black, unreadable slits. “Yes.”
“He was? You were naked together?”
“No,” she said, palming his cheek.
“Tell me then,” he pleaded, tired of summoning questions, of prompting her step by step through this black mire. “You want to tell me, anyway.”
“No, I don’t. You want to hear it, but you’re afraid to ask.”
They stared at each other, and while her challenging words annoyed him, he couldn’t argue that she didn’t want to tell him. He only wanted to believe she didn’t tell him. But he believed that because there was much she hadn’t told him before.
The coldness of her tone, the blatant and brutal unambiguity, unnerved him. Like the value of his righteous contempt for her betrayal had declined. Like over a space of ten days, inflation had risen dark waters up his righteous shoreline and reduced his acreage. He’d had his chance a week ago to set things straight, to prune the shape of his lust and love with his wife, but he’d let another man shape it. Let his wife shape it. He wouldn’t describe for her what he wanted, and now she and Devlin told him.
Before this time had come, he had power. Now, once again, he had little. He hadn’t capitalized on his opportunity.
He asked her, “Why was he naked?”
“Because he wanted me, and I don’t want him. When he was naked, I left.”
“But you saw him naked?”
“I did.”
Fuck. Here it was. Frigid reality; a wicked wind against his face. “You’ve seen him naked before?”
She inclined her head in the silky locks framing her face, still touching his cheek. “You know I have, Josh.”
Though he knew she’d seen him naked before, this time her answer was different. She answered his question plainly with an answer he’d already heard—and she answered the question he’d really asked her but was afraid to form into words, to conjure into reality: there are times you’ve seen Devlin Stone naked that I don’t know about.
The truth crushed his heart, but remained wrapped in ambiguity and plausible deniability. He could keep lying to himself to protect his heart and his marriage. Even when Kimmy told him the truth, she afforded him dignity, if he wanted it. He’d pushed her over the edge and she still loved him. And no part of his heart didn’t love her.
For the first time since his Roman reverie, he felt like there was a glimmer at the end of the tunnel. For so long now he’d stayed mired in the muck of Kimmy’s and his transgression, and he hadn’t even known he was lost in it. He hadn’t known he was lost until a way out showed itself like light through a rainstorm.
His mind moved toward the light, stumbling and unsure, wary even, as though the light itself was a trap. What was the light? What was the hope?
Kimmy didn’t hate him for the darkness he’d cast on their marriage. He loved Kimmy, and Kimmy loved him. She would stay working for Devlin Stone, but she could refuse him. But now the hope closed on him like a Venus flytrap, poisonous tines coming down all around him. He could still enjoy his fantasy. He could still skirt the fine lines of right and wrong and stew in the sour deviant urges that consumed him. But when exactly had this fantasy ever come to him? Was it his own, or was it a planted seed? Was Devlin Stone his wicked gardener?
And did it matter when Kimmy was here with him in marriage and not running away with Devlin Stone, not abandoning him and removing from her husband her love and tender care?
His heart swelled with overwhelming relief and love. Not just of love for Kimmy, but the love he received from her. It was undeniable. It beamed from her. Not bright and ecstatic, but low and throbbing, like something real and enduring. She didn’t hate him, and he didn’t even realize he’d worried about that. It was like a suffocating veil had been lifted, and he felt united with Kimmy again. And, even if their reunion was delivered on a serving tray surrounded by the vile condiments of Devlin Stone’s lust for Kimmy and his terrible manipulations, he received it well. Received it well because he needed it.
“He wants you, doesn’t he?”
“His desire is strong, Josh.”
He heard what she meant, but also heard the reference to Devlin’s vitality, his male essence. And the challenge: how strong was his own desire for Kimmy and did she know it?
Kimmy’s clear statement, the acknowledgement of Devlin’s desire for her, the knowledge she’d allowed Devlin to photograph her naked pussy and finger her roared in his chest, sent his engine thundering. The longing to make love to her became something new, something baser, something dirty and challenging and wild and electric. Smooth strokes turned to pugilistic thrusts, and his pleasure soared.
His face hovered nearer hers and she didn’t look away, Kimmy accepting the violent stabs of his cock inside her, absorbing it and showing him she could take it. But the violence had nothing to do with his feelings for her, it came from the incredible degenerate surge of his strangest kink, of the reality that his tormentor Devlin Stone wanted Kimmy, wanted to fuck her, had maybe already fucked her, and for sure had fingered her. All behind his back.
But he couldn’t bear to have Kimmy think he was angry with her, so he relented, returning to a slower pace, breathing deep, staying connected to her.
Then, out of the blue, her voice soft and sibilant: “I told him to jerk off.”
The hair on his neck bristled and his eyes widened with shock. “You what?”
“He wanted to have sex, but I’m not going to do that, so I told him to jerk off. Then I left.”
Simple, matter of fact. And astounding.
This very afternoon his wife was in a hotel room with the worst man in the world, one who’d manipulated them both, one who tortured him, had him wearing women’s underwear just to get a glimpse of a photo he’d taken of Kimmy’s pussy. And yet, they were two married people in bed with each other a few hours later, working together, loving one another and finding ways they could make the best of the awful things that had happened. In the midst of this disgusting revelation, he almost could laugh at the sheer absurdity of it all.
He said, “Do you think he did?”
“I know he did,” she said, flat and monotone. Just the facts, ma’am.
“How— Wait, how do you know?”
“I didn’t watch him. But I know he did.”
“How do you know?”
“I saw him doing it while I dressed.”
“You said you didn’t watch him.”
“I didn’t. But I saw him doing it. Heard him. He ejaculated.”
Every male cell in his body screamed for him to burst into anger, yet he still couldn’t do it. Some other part of him wanted to ignore it, ameliorate her words into something else, something he could stomach. And a big part of him wanted all the dirty details.
Instead of pulling out and telling her once and for all that this kind of life wasn’t for him, instead of storming into the closet and packing an overnight bag and heading to Meyer’s, instead of throwing table lamps and screaming at the top of his lungs, he asked her, “Did you . . . see him come?”
Comments
Pete
He definitely feels responsible, but I also think he doesn't want the fantasy to end. I think perpetuating the fantasy, keeping if well-nourished, is a big driver for him. KT writes: "The truth was he didn’t want to know. Not out of fear, not out of sanctity. If he knew the truth, it would devastate him. And if he knew, this would end. It would be over. As terrible as this was—at times unbearable—there had never been anything in his life more exciting than this. Nothing had been more electrifying than the existential horror of Kimmy’s fidelity with a man who terrorized him."
Kat
I also am interested in Kimmy’s thoughts, more than what she says to Josh. What she tells Josh is pointless, because it’s crafted for her benefit. While she is absolutely heinous, she has expressed regret and guilt to herself for all the things she’s done. I’m hoping to hear more of that. I’m also hoping she’s going to find herself in a tough spot when her pregnancy is revealed.
L_S87
Can't speak for Kat, but my enlightenment would come from knowing Kimmy's thoughts and understanding why she's saying certain things, lying about others, and omitting certain truths entirely. It’s not an expectation of Josh to be enlightened. That ship sailed, I think. Kimmy has no desire to go down that road, imo, because she thinks it would be disastrous for her. I'm more wanting to know Kimmy's thoughts on why she chose this in between path. Right now we have conjecture and hypotheticals, I'm hoping we get some of her internal dialogue that gives insight into her choices. A brief glimpse into the mind of a heinous bitch. :)
L_S87
You're right, but, I think Josh's hesitancy to know is flavored by thinking this is all his fault. He doesn't want to know because he thinks it's all his fault. He doesn't want to know what his darkness has wrought. So he pushes the truth away, because he doesn't realize most of this isn't his darkness, it's Kimmy's. He thinks he pushed Kimmy at Devlin, not realizing she jumped for it before he ever started pushing their game. My opinion is that "truth" is pivotal and would change his thinking, and is born out by how often he attaches not knowing the "truth" to this all being his fault.
Donkatsu
Good points, Kat. I have a question, though. Given how duplicitous and heinous (love that word) Kimmy has acted toward Josh, why would we expect anything more enlightening about the picture. Wouldn't she just give him some BS about how Devlin has undressed her before and taken photos of it. Then she gave him a wank, or something like that just to make him go away? Which allows her to segue into something like this: "And all the time, I was thinking about our love, Josh, and the life we have together. But the big bad man said he would beat you up if I did not show him my flower. I was just protecting you. And those panties that keep disappearing from the dresser, I'm really at a loss about that, Josh. Tell me the truth, are you wearing them? I always knew you were a pervert! Amy warned me."
CSH
I agree with Donkatsu here. To know the truth all Josh has to do is sit down calmly and insist on it. Basically saying, “Ooooh tell me, tell me Kimmy!” while he’s buried balls deep in her isn’t the way to get the truth, it’s a way to get his rocks off. He even says it here, he doesn’t want to know too much.
Mike Monroe
I believe The Book of Revelation is where we are. Kimmy is trying to rapture Josh on to her side how his awakening should go and Devilin wants hell on earth.....total destruction!!!!
Mike Monroe
I get that but there is really too much smoke going on here. He is really too trusting when the evident is right there. If the missing time in Cayman island wasn't enough all the other stuff going presently ..WTF!!! the meeting with Devilin and the photo also?? how he can take the blame for the game is beyond me, KImmy has been shady since beginning . He is choosing to be willfully ignorant. The fact that Kimmy would do anything with his tormentor after knowing full well how her husband... the supposedly love of her life feels about him definitely speak volumes about her respect for her husband...Period
Donkatsu
Agree, but most of Josh’s ignorance of the truth is willful. He could know much more of the picture, even without reliance on Kimmy telling the truth rather than gaslighting him all the time.
Kat
I hope we get another chapter soon. I want to know what Kimmy was thinking throughout this scene. She is totally heinous and duplicitous, but intriguing, as well. I need more from her perspective. In a couple defining moments in this story, it seemed like Josh was becoming stronger and ready to assert himself, but right afterwards, Kimmy found a way to make him crawl back in his shell. I wish he’d get more of the whole story, or at least confront her for real about what he knows. (Show her the photo on your phone!)
L_S87
I think Josh's lack of backbone is largely because he doesn't know what he doesn't know. So he's making decisions, and formulating thoughts based on an incorrect data set. There's a world of difference between Josh's assumption of this all being his fault and the reality of what's unfolded. Kimmy lies, manipulates and keeps him in the dark because of that difference. Josh even states here, as weak as he is, that he knows what the inevitable outcome would be if he knew the entire truth. He would have to leave. And that's with him thinking the "truth" is all his fault and he bears 100% responsibility for Kimmy's actions. We've seen Josh be firm enough, and get angry enough, that if he had the whole story, i think the outcome would be different. Which is what all of this really hinges on. Does Josh ever get the complete picture or does Kimmy succeed in forever keeping him in the dark?
L_S87
A lot of this is colored by us, as readers, knowing so much more than Josh, and having the outside understanding that his view on this is completely wrong and distorted. Views Kimmy knows she could correct, but chooses not to. For multiple reasons. I'm sure she's convinced herself that doing the right thing isn't doing the right thing in this case. I think she was trying to slow boil Josh before, but Devlin got tired of it, so he moved things along (into the boiling pot with zero prep, as CSH so adroitly stated). She's now taking a firmer, quicker approach to the slow boiling, while insisting she's "protecting" him while doing it. And i can't disagree that there is some emotional protection in her approach, but it's hard to give her any sort of praise given that this approach just so happens to give her everything her selfish heart wants. While lying to Josh about it. I'm sure she views those lies as protective of Josh's "dignity" (HA!) as he rather dumbly states it, but it's hard to see it as anything but evil manipulation given we know the whole back story of what she's hiding. And justifying it by saying Josh doesn't want to know, while he's sitting there saying tell me, is just awful. He only "doesn't want to know" everything because his assumption is that this is all his fault and he somehow has deluded himself into thinking that he should be happy for her love that he almost ruined. And Kimmy let's him think that, because it benefits her. She's heinous. Intriguing, lovely and yet rotten to the core.
Kat
Kimmy is definitely the most interesting character. Everything going forward hinges on her and her actions. You are right in saying that she is the one slowly boiling Josh.
Donkatsu
Great discussion. Question for the group and KT, if she wishes: Have we switched from Dante's Inferno to the Book of Revelation (Apokalypsis)? Do we need to figure out who's who here? The Beast, the seven-headed dragon, the serpent (the second coming?). One can boil a lot of frogs in the River Styx, just sayin'
CSH
My take on what she means by protecting Josh is that she’s going to ease Josh into it instead of just dropping it on him like Devlin. She’s the one trying to boil the frog (Josh) slowly, whereas Devlin just dumped him in the pot of boiling water. So, yeah, it’s only protection from her point of view not objectively. I agree that Kimmy is the real interesting character here, not Josh or Devlin, imo.
Mike Monroe
Kimmy is forever the skilled manipulator. The She Devil mixes some truth with a lot of lies. I was team Josh but now he is just a sad weak loser. I hoped he might have a back bone ...maybe a little one but it appears he just gonna accept the scraps of whatever Kimmy gives him. How could someone be good with the most trusted person in their life knowing they have totally betrayal them with the most hated person ever to have been in their life. The confession is right there as well as all the evidence of the deceit. Where is the anger... the rage ...just pitiful acceptance.
L_S87
While i have a great number of issues with Josh in this particular chapter, i do find Kimmy's portrayal intriguing. She went from a manipulative bitch who got caught with her hand in the cookie jar to a weeping, distraught mess, who basically was very contrite and willing to do anything for forgiveness. When that didn't really get the results she wanted, she (with Devlin's prodding) has gone back to manipulative mode, but with a clear tweak in that she's telling the "truth" instead of it being a game. Plus she's portraying herself as being uninterested in Devlin. I find her character dynamic, while detestable, rather interesting. Like you, i can't wait to see Kimmy's perspective of this and what sort of justifications and rationalizations she makes for this being how she's "protecting" Josh. There's still a number of unresolved issues on the board and we certainly haven't heard the last of Devlin (and i also presume Amy) on how they intend to impact this situation.
Kat
Josh really disappointed me in this chapter. He is so weak and sad. One minute he’s upset and telling Kimmy that she has to quit working for Devlin, and then the next minute he’s letting her gaslight him into submission. He always regrets it afterwards. He’s letting this kink take over his life. He asks himself where this fantasy ever came from. Does it even matter now, Josh? You know your wife has been cheating on you, and humiliating you behind your back with your worse enemy. What kind of relationship does he think can have with her going forward? Why does he still want to be with such a treacherous person? Kimmy, on the other hand, seems to have decided that she’s going to do whatever she wants. I don’t get what kind of comfort she’s getting from this wimpy man, who just accepts her ridiculous explanations. How can she say that she respects him? She didn’t even ask him how he knew about what happened at the docks in Hamilton. She’s not scared about losing him anymore. She knows she can just tell him some of the truth, her abbreviated version, and get a gold star for her honesty. She justifies this to herself, because Josh doesn’t really want to know all of it. As much as I dislike Devlin, they need to stop putting all the blame on him. Everyone here is making their own choices. I can’t wait for the next chapter! I want to hear Kimmy’s perspective
Tracey52
I don’t think I like where this is going, but I’m still fascinated. I’m starting to like Josh the least of all the characters, he seems so weak. Completely trapped/controlled by his kink and therefore Devlin and Kimmy. Kimmy isn’t going back to the old Kimmy, and I can’t blame her. Looks as though she’ll get to keep her cake and eat it too.
L_S87
Hmm. Even the "truth" is mixed with lies and omissions. I don't think she deserves any respect or congrats, but at least Kimmy finally found the strength to tell him a large portion of the "truth", even if it was for a day. No respect because she now has the confidence to say these things, but only because she knows these particular truths feed Josh's kink more than his pain and subsequent rejection of her. The other truths, though, the earlier ones? Not so much. Although, she did hint, and Josh picked up on it quickly, the implication that she has seen Devlin naked many times. It feels like there's a lot of convenient plot armor here, things being twisted for a specific outcome, but I'll withhold judgement as we still have a long ways to go, and a lot more "truth" to reveal before anything is settled.
Glaucon
https://tenor.com/view/truth-simpsons-gif-11978427
