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DITW 11-15: Proximity
🕑 Added 2023-09-19 00:00:02 +0000 UTCSaddened but still eager, Hyun’s eyes looked down, then back up again. “I understand, I think.”
Kimmy’s hand rested on Hyun’s shoulder. “I feel so much from you, Hyun. I want to share with you. I love it when we hug, when you touch me. You make me feel so good. Like, safe. But I don’t want to take advantage of you. I don’t want to lead you on, make you think there’s more there. When you sang at the karaoke, I saw so much wonder in your eyes, and I don’t like to think of it just being extinguished, you know, whatever you’re feeling shouldn’t just stop.”
Hyun’s eyes took a high gloss and her brows furrowed in the middle, wanting to believe what Kimmy said, wanting it to be true.
“I want affection. I want to be close,” Kimmy said.
Hyun nodded, her chin going down, eyes averting, trying to make sense of what was happening.
Kimmy’s hand stroked from Hyun’s shoulder to take a gentle grip on her upper arm. She met her eyes, showing a small, amused smile, trying to make the mood lighter for Hyun. “I’m going to use you. I’m going to take from you what I need.” Her mouth went to one side, showing she was joking, being silly.
Hyun smiled, eyes wincing to black lines, a chuckling little snuffle breathing from her. “Like a vampire.”
Kimmy’s hand cupped Hyun’s soft, smooth cheek. “You want to be my familiar? You can say no.”
Hyun’s smile shrank and she whispered, “I think so.”
“You do?”
Hyun smiled a little again, then her eyes wandered, moving to Kimmy’s naked chest, her breasts pressed together.
“I want affection, I want to be close to you. I know I’m selfish, I know. I know I am. You make me feel good, Hyun. You’re good. I want to steal it from you.” She moved her hand from Hyun’s face to her collar, then to her chest, resting over Hyun’s heart. Hyun moved the hand with the massage oil bottle out of the way to give her space.
Hyun started to speak, hesitated, slimmed her lips, working her mouth around. Then: “I know it’s not my place to say, but . . . I don’t like it, I don’t like what you do with your boss. It’s not good for you. And I don’t like to think of you with this other man.”
“Yeah,” Kimmy agreed in a soft whisper, nodding. “It’s over. It’s not going to happen again.” Which was true. Devlin had changed everything. Devlin had taken the fun out of the endeavor.
“Obviously,” Hyun said, eyes drifting lower from Kimmy’s chest. Her hand moved, timid at first, then bolder, coming to touch Kimmy’s bare skin, warm hand resting on Kimmy’s waist, just above the waistband of her cotton pants. Her thumb drew a circle near the centre line of Kimmy’s belly. “I guess this changes everything.”
“It does.” Now she retracted her extended arm, rolling her torso away and laying her shoulder blades flat on Hyun’s bed, her breasts exposed. Hyun’s hand stayed in place, dragging across Kimmy’s skin to lay flat on her bare stomach. But the pants Kimmy wore were high-waisted, and she unbuttoned them and drew the zipper down. Her hand covered Hyun’s and guided it lower, under her opened fly, over the space where her baby grew. Their fingertips touched the top edge of her panties.
Her head rolled toward Hyun’s and she smiled. Hyun smiled too. Kimmy played her nails on the back of Hyun’s hand while they looked into one another’s eyes. Hyun was a kind human. A special woman who Kimmy admired and cared for, who birthed and raised one of her other favourite humans, away tonight for her first sleepover. She had real and true feelings for Hyun, though they’d never been sexual. The affection was honest. The respect was honest.
But this union with Hyun would rob Josh of his ability to cast his forsaken wife out of the family. She would establish ownership over Sophie, the child in their life, she would gain an ally, someone who would cast doubt on Josh’s claims; Hyun was someone who would defend her, someone who would muddy Meyer’s understanding with conflicting or contrary details. If Josh finally broke before she could save them, if her loving husband crumbled and could take no more, she wouldn’t be so easy to cast out into the cold blue light, away from the warm fire of family.
Her eyes lowered to Hyun’s soft and succulent mouth, and she moved closer. She’d never once kissed another girl, or had ever thought about it. But Hyun really was special. She was quiet and private and it was just the two of them alone in the apartment and no one would know what they were doing. There was an erotic pull.
Hyun closed the space between them, rolling Kimmy’s way, bringing their mouths into cool, damp contact while her hand rode down between Kimmy’s legs and cupped her panty-clad mound. Kimmy gasped into Hyun’s kiss and Hyun swallowed it, working her mouth on Kimmy’s in slow sensual exploration.
Hyun’s boldness surprised her, and she chuckled while they kissed. She raised her knees and opened her legs wider. Hyun caressed her pussy over the cotton underwear, pulling Kimmy’s lower lip with her own. Hyun said, “You have the most beautiful mouth. I love to watch you talk. And smile. And laugh.”
Hyun withdrew the hand from over Kimmy’s pussy, like the boldness was only a show, and her hand remaining there without explicit permission might be a violation.
Kimmy said, “Take your top off. I want to feel your body on mine,” and touched the hem of her sweater. Hyun closed her arms protectively, squirming away.
“My body’s not like yours.”
Kimmy rolled toward her and embraced her, kissing her cheek, squeezing her in her arms. “Let’s get under the covers.”
Hyun found that agreeable, her eyes still showing trepidation, but they each went in turn lifting the bedding and shifting so they were underneath. Kimmy showed Hyun a happy expression while she shimmied her pants off under the covers, and it spurred Hyun into taking her sweater off, pulling her arms out and then lifting it over her head, all without accidentally lowering the covers and revealing her nakedness to the lamp light.
Kimmy went to her again, now naked but for her cotton underwear bottoms, finding Hyun topless but wearing her bra, and still wearing pants. It felt sweet hugging her, putting her arms around Hyun and feeling her soft body. She was warm and the feeling was tenderness and care. Hyun’s hands explored her back.
Kimmy said, “I only want affection. We don’t have to do anything, Hyun. We can just do this. I don’t want to push you or make you feel pressure.”
“I’m okay,” Hyun said.
“I want to take your bra off.”
“Okay.”
Kimmy’s hands worked behind Hyun, unclasping her bra. She freed it, then ran a strap off her shoulder with the point of her index finger. Hyun at first crossed her arms over her chest, but soon found the courage to remove the bra. She even allowed the bedding to slip down to her upper arm. Kimmy kissed the front of her shoulder.
Then she took Hyun in her arms again, rocking with her, her hands sweeping Hyun’s smooth back, dipping into the backside of her pants to see if she wore underwear. She did. Hyun nibbled small kisses on Kimmy’s neck while they embraced. It felt sweet and safe and altogether good.
Hyun stopped kissing her for a moment to ask her, “Josh lets you do things like this? He likes it?”
“Yeah. But this isn’t for him.”
Hyun’s eyes widened as she faced a newer fear. “You’re not going to tell him, are you?”
Kimmy shook her head and touched Hyun’s cheek. “No, this is between us. Don’t you think it’s only our business?”
“Yeah.”
“This is just us in a closed room with the door locked. This will only be ours. No one else’s. I promise.”
Hyun nodded. “I would like that.”
They rolled together, sometimes kissing, sometimes touching. Hyun liked kissing everywhere on Kimmy’s body, but never moved her mouth to Kimmy’s nipples and her hand did not return to between her legs.
Kimmy asked her, “Have you been with someone before—a woman?”
Hyun took a long time answering, but said at last, “One time.”
It warmed her heart, and she couldn’t help feeling so much affection for her. She cupped Hyun’s cheek again, saying, “You are so special. So special.”
Hyun said, “Have you?”
Kimmy’s smile dissipated and she said, “No.”
Hyun lay her head on Kimmy’s arm and looked up at her. “Did you . . . did you see other guys before Josh?”
“Yeah. I did. Do you mean more than that? More than see them?” Hyun didn’t answer but Kimmy read it in her eyes. “Yes. Josh wasn’t my first.”
“Was it weird then with this other man?”
“Yeah. It was.”
Hyun thought about it, her eyes lowering, drifting again to Kimmy’s breasts. Her fingertips explored Kimmy’s stomach. “You’re so beautiful. I’ve always thought you were so beautiful.”
“I think you’re beautiful too, Hyun.” She guided Hyun’s hand to her breast, squeezing the back of Hyun’s hand, encouraging her. Hyun’s thighs shifted under the covers and she inched closer, concentrating on coddling one of Kimmy’s breasts.
Hyun said, “I’m not like a man.”
“No, you’re not. You’re better,” she said, thumbing the back of Hyun’s hand over her breast.
“I mean, I don’t know how to please you.”
“You’re doing it right now, Hyun. I don’t want it from a man. I could lay with you like this all night and be happy. Sometimes when I’m with Josh or with Devlin I feel like I’m just an object for them to fight over. Josh loves me. Devlin doesn’t. But neither of them are tender like you are. That’s all I want. That’s all I need.”
Hyun said nothing, still looking lost.
Kimmy said, “I don’t know how to please you.”
At last Hyun showed a small smile, seeing the truth in that statement.
Kimmy chuckled and hugged her tight. “You don’t need a penis to please me. I only need—”
She stopped, mind racing. A sudden spike of pure thrilling erotic desire tightened and her heart began racing.
Hyun said, “What is it?”
Kimmy rolled over Hyun, getting her flat on her back and began kissing her again. This time with pure horny passion. Hyun was receptive, kissing her stronger in return. Her hands went over Hyun’s soft shoulders, caressing her breasts—the first breasts not her own that she’d touched. She shot her rump back and lowered her mouth to one of Hyun’s soft pink nipples. It went hard in her mouth, her tongue toying with the rubbery bud. She kissed Hyun’s stomach and her ribs. She was soft all over, curvy. A woman. A mother. She wore the dimpled curve of a c-section scar.
When she put her face over Hyun’s again, Hyun’s eyes were alert and electric. Her pale cheeks showed the pink of sexual blush.
Kimmy said, “Let me get my phone.” Hyun didn’t object, only waited as Kimmy searched under the covers for her pants. She fished her phone out of her pocket while Hyun rubbed her back. She lay back with Hyun, cuddling at her side like they were teenagers.
“I have to go to work tomorrow, but...”
Hyun said, “And I have to go to school.”
Kimmy said, “Is it okay if I sleep over?”
Hyun giggled. “We’re going to have our own sleepover?”
“Yeah, what do you think?”
“Definitely.”
“Good,” she said, texting Josh. “I have to get up super early, like four-thirty, four-forty-five, I’ll have to go home and change...”
“And shower.”
Kimmy finished the text to Josh and sent it, putting the phone between her bare breasts and looking at Hyun. She bounced her eyebrows saying, “Why’s that? A shower? What the heck are you going to do to me?”
Hyun laughed and hid her face from Kimmy for a second. Josh answered her text, saying that was fine, he wouldn’t wait up for her. “There we go,” she said, showing Hyun Josh’s answer. “My dad said I can stay.”
But before they embraced again, Kimmy sat up and climbed out of the covers, snatching her top and bottoms from under there while Hyun clenched the bedding to keep herself covered. “What are you doing?”
Kimmy hiked a leg into her pants. “I’m running down to my car for just a fraction of a second. I’ll be right back.” She tossed her top on without the tank, and added. “I sure hope those pants are off by the time I get back.”
Comments
Pete
There's a part of Kimmy that is very cold, calculating, analytical, and strategic.
Mike Monroe
Agreed!!! Kimmy is the most disgusting character KT has created ...The worst wife ever!!! If Kimmy is up here ..who is watching over Hell!!! I want her to get what she deserves...Hate is too strong of a word!!! Despicable Kimmy Chang!!!
L_S87
I think she has guilt, her thoughts have shown her to have guilt. She knows she's done wrong by Josh, but I think she feels that shouldn't matter because she still loves him. She thinks that being devoted to him isn't a physical or moral thing, it's emotional. Spiritual. In Josh she sees someone who is her foil. He's everything she isn't and she needs that stability. She also sees that she is everything he isn't. That makes them a perfect match in her eyes. Her strength, dominance and power protect him while his love and compassion nurture her need for acceptance. While not a perfect physical union, hence her desire for Devlin, it is the perfect emotional marriage. Or for her it is. So she's willing to do whatever it takes to keep that. Josh struggling internally with this is simply him not seeing her grand vision. Yet. Ultimately, Josh belongs to her. Whatever it takes to keep him is worth it. What she's doing with Hyun is the ultimate expression of the ends justifying the means.
Kat
Yeah, I felt sympathetic to her, as well, until this book. Once she’s figured it out, and decided to keep going was when she crossed over. She knows she’s pregnant, too, but none of that is giving her any pause into her darkness. She no longer has any guilt, only want, to do what she wants, when she wants, and to never have to answer for it.
KT Morrison
This is great.
KT Morrison
"I think Kimmy's definition of love is one of utter and unthinking devotion. She wants Josh so irrevocably tied to her that she knows no matter how awful she is, no matter how despicable the level of humiliation she may put him through for her own satisfaction, Josh won't leave and he'll keep loving her. "
L_S87
I think Kimmy's definition of love is one of utter and unthinking devotion. She wants Josh so irrevocably tied to her that she knows no matter how awful she is, no matter how despicable the level of humiliation she may put him through for her own satisfaction, Josh won't leave and he'll keep loving her. Which kind of makes sense because after everything she's done, she still insists she loves Josh. No amount of amazing sex from Devlin and I amount of kinky behavior from Josh makes her want to leave him, she just wants to be free to do whatever she wants and be able to go home to Josh. Which in the surface doesn't sound horrible, until you look at everything Kimmy has done, and more importantly, how she's done it. I think I detest her even more because I felt sympathetic to what she was going through for so many books. I thought she was redeemable because she was exploring and just making bad decisions. No. She didn't know what she was doing at first, but the instant she figured it out, she didn't correct her horrible behavior, instead she leaned into it. Becoming more. Wanting more. All at the expense of Josh's psyche. She's a predator. A heinous one.
Kat
Exactly, what is her definition of saving them? Your thoughts on this are right on. There is no best for Josh, just what’s best for (how you’ve awesomely referred to her as) heinous Kimmy. I’m just puzzled as to what kind of love she needs from Josh anymore. It’s just awful.
L_S87
Great thoughts! I wondered about the saving line myself. What is her definition of "saving them"? Because everything she's done up to this point defies any sort of explanation on how she's accomplishing that as it relates to Josh's well-being. It feels like her definition of "saving" is keeping their marriage together through any means necessary so she can keep Josh and his love while also getting what she wants sexually, both from humiliating Josh and physically with Devlin. And Hyun as well, at this point. There is no right or wrong. There is no best for Josh or their relationship. There's only what's best for Kimmy and what she wants.
Kat
I was going to say the same thing. Kimmy is undoubtedly the Devil in the Waters.
Kat
Yep, I’m disappointed in Hyun, as well, especially since she had the sense to tell Kimmy that she doesn’t like what she’s been doing with Devlin. I feel for Hyun, though. She seems alone and stuck living in Ajax away from her family. I live near Ajax, and Guelph is west of Toronto. It’s technically not that far but, with 24/7 traffic on the 401, it could be close to a 2 hour drive one way. It’s probably not easy to visit, with school and shared custody. If you don’t have car, it’s harder. I don’t remember if Hyun is out to anyone either, so romantically her life is probably lonely. She’s had a crush on Kimmy for years, and here is the object of her affection confiding in her, sweet talking her. It’s probably a dream come true for Hyun. Kimmy knows all of this, and is using her for the most disgusting reasons possible. After everything Kimmy has done, everything with Devlin, even her pregnancy, there still seemed to be a small part of her that genuinely loved her husband and there was some regret. This thing with Hyun has shown this woman has no bottom. I’ve wondered before, but has she always been this duplicitous person? Did something just snap that night at Tiffany’s party? We say Josh’s sexual demons have overtaken him, and they have, but Kimmy’s have also overtaken her. I’m imagining she’s getting the dildo so Hyun can use it on her, and she can think of Devlin, like she did in his apartment. Then she can go home to Josh and torment him, and get off even more. That’s pretty fucked up. Using Hyun as way to cement herself to Josh for life is sick. Why does she even want to stay with Josh, other than for the thrill of humiliating him? Kimmy has been picking these weaker people to manipulate and use. The one person she hasn’t been able to totally control is Devlin. She wants to control him. She thinks she’s better than him. I don’t think she’s going to be able to do that, and hope that’s her complete undoing in the end. One more thing stood out for me. This - “If Josh finally broke before she could save them, if her loving husband crumbled and could take no more, she wouldn’t be so easy to cast out into the cold blue light, away from the warm fire of family.” How exactly is she trying to save them? Kimmy’s motivations right now seem to be all about breaking Josh down, not repairing anything about their relationship. And technically, she’s not family. She’s married into the family, and pregnant most likely with Devlin’s baby.
Andrew Mellein
He should do her dirty (with someone else) behind her back and then leave her! But I don’t think Josh has got it in him.
Andrew Mellein
Remember when people were up in arms over Jess in Learning Lessons over how despicable she was for her actions such as leaving Pete (her breadwinner husband) for Tyler ( an unemployed loser) . I think Kimmys got her beat as even more despicable for her actions by a country mile🤣🤣🤣🤣
Donkatsu
You cannot throw the Devil under the bus, and Kimmy is the Devil in the Waters. {breaking all gender stereotypes for Satan; proving that KT' truly believes in equal opportunity!}
Andrew Mellein
I think Kimmy is KT’s most despicable character! I think Kimmy knows the baby is not Josh’s so like she’s thinking in her head she’s seducing Hyun to stay in the family and feel the sadness when Josh finds out and bolts. It’s gross! I like how she also throws Devlin under the bus, showing she only cares about herself. I am waiting for her crimes to be fully exposed by Josh or someone else! But that’s all probably in the final book!
L_S87
Such an awful, heinous willful display of selfish corruption. You nailed it 100% Kat. I must say, I'm a bit disappointed in Hyun, although given the situation I understand why she would capitulate so easily. With Meyer gone, this is her dream, the desire she's had, and hidden, for years. Still, to understand that she's asking Kimmy to disrespect Josh by keeping this secret and defile the hallmark of an open relationship is selfish and a bit awful. The only reason this would be okay is that Kimmy says Josh "knows" and is "likes" it. You hide it and the acceptance goes away. Now you're just cheating. You know, the thing Hyun didn't want to do and do confessed to Meyer. The thing she wanted to make sure Kimmy wasn't doing with Devlin a couple chapters ago. Pretty awful. Kimmy corrupts everything she touches. She's wretched.
Donkatsu
Not true at all! She has a nice tush (not as nice as Charlie’s), nice tits, and great legs; probably skilled in the use of pelvic peristalsis as well.
L_S87
Its possible, but I don't think so? You're right that its not beneath her, but her checking the phone and then showing it to Hyun makes me think no? Though that doesn't preclude her from having used it before. It also doesn't preclude that her promise to Hyun about never telling Josh was a big fat lie because this was always a setup and Josh already knows and she told him to stay out there while she entertained Hyun to humiliate him. Ultimately, I think this is exactly what it appears to be, Kimmy manipulating Hyun for her own benefit. Which is why I think that 2nd paragraph is actually the truth. One of the rare times Kimmy has been open and honest with *some* of her motivations. Because that 2nd paragraph can be true while also being a secondary motivation with her primary reason being what that despicable paragraph stated. To shackle Josh to her forever.
Ryan
I want it come in the form of Kimmy doing something for his pleasure for once not hers and then twisting his mind about it again, AND not making him feel crazy about it while she does it!
Kat
Kimmy is such an evil bitch. I agree with Ryan. Kimmy is going out to her car for the giant dildo. She’s such a crappy person to do this to Hyun. When she states her reasons for being with Hyun…”She would establish ownership over Sophie.” WTF? Who thinks like that? There is no love or care for Josh at all. All her declarations of protecting Josh’s heart, and this love for her best friend are BS. She’s setting Josh up to be humiliated by another person, and this one is in his own family. Telling Hyun that she’s an object to Josh and that he isn’t tender with her? Her own behaviour is what’s torturing Josh. It was Kimmy that said that Josh wasn’t enough for her in bed. She’s messed him up so much, and for what? What’s her real end game? I can’t believe she’ll ever be happy with just Josh again. I’m ready to see her burn, and I actually hope it’s Devlin that lights the match. These last few chapters have been so hard to read. My gut is churning right now. But, I can’t wait to see what happens! Something has to backfire on Kimmy. She’s just repulsive.
Tim ziegler
Josh needs some vengeance.
Tim ziegler
This women has no redeeming qualities!
Donkatsu
L_, Josh had locational spyware on Kimmy's phone and disabled it out of some naive sense of honor at the RY tryst. Why wouldn't Kimmy have tracking software on Josh's phone? It's certainly not beneath her morally or tactically. Do you think she is gaslighting Hyun in that second paragraph, setting up her strategic rationalization and fallback positions further down the chapter?
L_S87
Holy shit, KT. You need to warn somebody before you create an emotional ride that would put a roller coaster to shame! That second paragraph... was so heartfelt from Kimmy. I couldn't believe it. Where has this Kimmy been? She chooses now of all times to show this level of honesty when Josh is the one who deserves it? Not that Hyun doesn't, of course. And then... then our little demoness shows up. Showing that her picture deserves a spot in Websters next to the word Evil. Because she's evil incarnate. That paragraph where she finally makes known her true intentions to use this as leverage to force Josh to stay with her even if he's so crushed that he only wants out... that's not love Kimmy, that's just selfish obsession and desperation. You don't love him, you just want to own him and force him to keep loving you, no matter how despicable you have to be to do it. That last bit... does she see Josh spying on her? How does that go down if she catches him? Or does Josh see her getting that dildo (because I think Ryan is right on what she's after) and have a complete meltdown because it's obvious what that means? Lots to think about!
Ryan
She’s going to grab that giant dildo she bought before when she was missing Devlin and Josh sitting in the parking lot is going to see her with it.. is this going to finally blow up in her face? Is Josh going to finally stand up for himself? I just want Josh to be honest with himself about what he knows and actually put Kimmy in her place, then she has to choose to either step up and make it up to Josh by taking care of his needs he’s struggling with, be a good wife. And I want Josh to be a better husband and communicate with his wife, they could actually do this together and stop getting into each other’s way.
Glaucon
Pretty despicable angle for Kimmy to be taking here. I wonder if she's deluding herself that this would work if it came to a divorce, but stranger things have happened! Even the idea that it miiiight work, like- if Josh is so profoundly damaged by the whole thing and tries to make a clean break - she simply won't let him, make his own family think he's the one in the wrong? That's erotic horror territory.
