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DITW 12-1: Respite
🕑 Added 2023-10-31 23:00:04 +0000 UTCThings looked to be moving fast for Meyer. Arranged around Meyer’s sink basin were toiletry items not intended for a thirty year old man, nor for that man’s six year old daughter. A pink razor. Sophie wasn’t shaving yet, surely. Lady Speedstick, an adult size toothbrush in pink. A well-traveled L’Oréal giveaway toiletry bag that looked older than Sophie. Josh washed his face and brushed his teeth, then zipped up his toiletries inside his own well-traveled kit. Everything surrounding him existed in a foreign juxtaposition, and, though he’d had no way of knowing ahead of time, the decision to crash Meyer’s place was a clear mistake. Last night it had seemed like his only option.
Now showered and dressed for work, he emerged to join Meyer in the kitchen, a man out of place. When he’d arrived last night, bag in hand, he hadn’t expected Meyer to have a lady visitor. He totally forgot his cousin was a man out of place as well, and a man who wanted to situate himself in something that had meaning. Meyer intended to find meaning with Quinn, Samara’s friend who’d come along into their lives by chance, and Meyer had seized the opportunity the way a bold man would do. He’d like to commend his cousin, yet Quinn’s presence had him mute. He wasn’t able to discuss anything last night, could barely even insinuate why he might have shown up unannounced on Myer’s doorstep in the middle of the night. He’d demurred, tried to back out of staying, but neither Quinn or Meyer would hear of it, probably reading the toil and pain on his face and realizing he looked like a man who shouldn’t be alone on a night like this. There was no need to say to them it was marital trouble. What else would it be? And the worst thing: as he sequestered himself away from Quinn and Meyer, letting them get back to their apparent Netflix-and-Chill session, he’d lain in Sophie’s bed and let his mind wander. Quinn had been at the Dragon that day Devlin had showed up to gift Kimmy a trip to Cayman. It had been so obvious to all but him. Quinn must have taken one look at Kimmy’s tall and handsome and rich boss and known right away Kimmy was fucking him. It sickened his stomach. Devlin fucked women like Kimmy. He didn’t drop by and give them gifts in front of their husbands because he was a nice guy. He wanted Josh and all of Josh’s friends to know he was giving Kimmy the big dick when Josh had his back turned. He’d been a fool all this time. He’d told himself over and over how Kimmy wouldn’t do that, how it was Devlin’s manipulations making him think that way, how there was a dark half he had that was aroused by the sick thrill of his wife’s infidelity, and his wife had learned to tease it. If he’d just stepped back and looked. Really looked. If he’d got drunk with a woman like Quinn, he bet she would have given it to him straight right then and there: Dude, that fucking guy that came here?—he’s definitely banging your wife.
He heard the hushed tones of two people talking and not wanting to be overheard, and it amplified his humiliation. Meyer knew it now too. A woman like Quinn would positively put it straight with his cousin who loved Kimmy and had remained dubious this whole while. Meyer would have told Quinn how Josh had asked him to watch Timmy when he was in Rome. His heart sank into his stomach when they abruptly ceased their quiet chatter when they heard him coming. It felt like a mouse had died behind his drywall and and began to rot and fester now in the pit of his stomach.
“There he is,” Meyer said as Josh joined them in the kitchen. “How’d you sleep last night, buddy?” Meyer’s pandering sympathy showed how Quinn had convinced him last night of the trouble Josh found himself in. His cousin hadn’t believed Josh, but he believed Quinn.
He plastered a happy facade on his face. “Great. That’s an awesome bed. Sophie must get lost in it.”
“She’ll grow into it, cuz. Grab a glass, I’ll pour you an OJ.”
Quinn said, “There’s coffee. Let me grab you a cup. How do you take it?”
“Don’t fuss over me guys, I’ll just grab something on my way into the office.”
“You should stay for breakfast,” Quinn said. She looked cute without her makeup, dressed in PJ shorts and a big sweatshirt.
“I really want to get out of your guys’ hair.”
“Don’t be crazy, man. Fuckin’ come back here tonight if you want. We’ll stay up and Xbox, order a pizza. Seriously.”
Josh ruffled his hair. “I don’t know what I’m going to do yet.”
“You’re welcome here anytime, buddy.”
“Thanks, Meyer. Thanks. What time are you going to work?”
“I’m off today,” Meyer said.
Quinn said, “I’m not on shift till three.”
Josh nodded, tucking his mouth to one side. He’d really wrecked their fun by showing up last night. They should still be having sex right now. “What hospital are you at? Here in Ajax?”
“Yeah. Lakeridge.”
More nodding, more not knowing what to say, more wanting to get the hell out of here. When he’d received the text response from Devlin indicating Devlin and Kimmy were together last night, it was like someone had snatched the veil from his vision. Everything clarified at once. And what he saw shocked the shit out of him. What Kimmy had done to him last night, discovering him parked outside Hyun’s apartment, taunting and belittling him, was mean and dominant. It was bullying. She scared him so much that Devlin had become the lesser of two evils. But Devlin’s quick response showed him something. Devlin lived to torment him. Devlin sucked the life from him. And so did Kimmy. The two were one. He could trust each of them the same. His wife was his bully now. And Kimmy bullied him, telling him he wanted the bullying. That he asked for it. And he couldn’t deny that in some manner he had asked for it. So he had to question himself: Do you want this? If you want this, what way do you want it?
“Okay,” he said at last with a sigh. “I’m going to hit the road.”
“You’re coming back here tonight,” Meyer said.
“Oh, I don’t know yet.”
Meyer came closer, moving around Quinn, seated on a stool. “No, Josh, I’m telling you you’re coming here tonight. I want to talk to you.”
His feet were stuck to the floor. That sudden surrender he’d suffered last night, the one that brought him to his cousin’s door, had turned a page in the sexual melodrama Devlin had turned his life into. There was no escaping the truth anymore. No more lies to tell, even the ones he told himself. “Thanks, guys, thanks for taking me in.”
Quinn said, “Any time, Josh.”
His eyes swelled. Swelled with the support he felt. For the first time since this horror had begin, someone else besides Kimmy was enjoined. It made him feel further apart from her. For so long she was his lifeline in this stormy seas. But his eyes swelled with more than just the compassion he felt from his cousin and his cousin’s new girlfriend. It was guilt. Guilt and shame. Guilt and shame in the face of family. He’d done wrong. He’d done much wrong. He’d done wrong even last night with Devlin. Meyer and Quinn made him feel like the choices he made didn’t need to be so dark. Didn’t need to be so dire. But, no. It was too late for that. Too late to be saved. He was sunk deep in this hurting mire. Gone headfirst down a deep and narrowing spiral. There was no turning back. There was only one direction he could go. The time for help was long gone.
“Okay,” he said. “I’ll bring pizza. Pizza for three?”
“I’m at work,” Quinn said.
“She just had the sitter for one night.”
“Oh, man,” Josh groaned. “I’m so sorry, guys.”
Quinn lightly swatted Meyer’s shoulder. “Why would you say that? . . . Josh, it’s totally fine. Family comes first, and I can get a sitter any time I want. I’m at work till eleven tonight. Harley’s with my sister. You guys have fun, catch up, eat your pizza. Talk. . . . For what it’s worth, your wife is so nice. And she’s, like, so beautiful.”
“Thanks, Quinn. I think she is, too.” Then: “Who says this has anything to do with her?” He showed a feeble smile, and Quinn showed him a glum one in return.
Meyer said, “Let me walk you out, Joshy boy,” and took him by the arm. When Josh moved to retrieve his overnight bag, Meyer stopped him. “Leave it here. Pick it up tonight.”
In the hall, Meyer closed the door behind him with a quiet click. He turned and said, “So this is pretty bad, huh?”
Josh nodded. “It’s workable. We’re not fighting. I just needed a place to be alone, you know? I need some time to think.”
“You said that. Look, I know you’ve been under a lot of stress and maybe I wasn’t the most supportive—”
“Don’t worry about it, buddy.” He clapped his hand on Meyer’s shoulder. “I don’t even know if this is a real thing I’m mad about here.”
Meyer shook his head and scowled, unimpressed. “You’re more full of shit than I am.”
“And you’re pretty full of shit.”
Meyer stroked a hand over his hair. “Ah, fuck. This is a shame, but you’re going to get through it. Don’t worry, okay?”
Josh massaged Meyer’s shoulder, saying nothing in return.
It was good to see Meyer and Quinn and how happy they were. Or at least how hopeful they seemed, each looking for promise in the other. There was a time Meyer and Hyun had been tight as twine. But that hadn’t worked out. It seemed so plain to move on, to leave your woes behind and forge a new path with a fresh face. But that seemed also like mere temptation. A lure. An escape. And it also seemed so scary. Scarier than Kimmy’s bullying. Too easy. Too ignoble. Surrender. Defeat. Second place.
Meyer said, “I’ll help you get through this.”
Josh smiled, looking for some platitude to ease his cousin’s worry. Said instead a non-sequitur that had been sitting on his park bench waiting to speak. “Do you know anyone who has hired a private detective? I mean, for real. Do people do that, are there detectives you can call?”
Meyer didn’t laugh, only eyed him in return. He said, “Quinn’s brother does it. For an insurance company.” He thumbed over his shoulder. “You want me to ask her?”
Josh shook his head. “I was only kind of kidding.”
Meyer looked more pained than he had before. Like Josh was acting crazy or something.
Josh squeezed his shoulder one more time. “I am kidding. I’m not hiring a detective. And I didn’t mean for Kimmy anyway.”
Now Meyer looked pained and puzzled.
Josh laughed and said, “I’ll bring pizza tonight.”
* * *
His phone dinged in the elevator and he knew it would be Kimmy, wanting to know if he was okay, wanting to know why the hell he wasn’t home when she came home. Because I’m not going to lay in bed with a hard-on waiting for you to come home and do something with it. Because you might or you might not. You might tell me something that sends me to the heavens. But you might say something that casts me to hell, too.
Most of all he was tired of his demons binding him in impossible chains.
His heart thudded when he checked his phone. The text wasn’t from Kimmy. It was from Devlin.
Devlin: have you asked her yet?
Josh responded.
Josh: Fuck off
Comments
Bill F Protagoras
Especially likeable is the final simile which did a Proust on me, reminding me how KT, near the end of CB, gave us a glimpse into another timeline where Nia's reckless driving in bad weather ended in a crash into a tree leaving Odie dead/disfigured/disabled... an ending where neither Nia nor Geoff would ever know forgiveness... an uncomfortable bit of conjuring, RCH... but nice irony. Wholeheartedly agree with your opening salvo!
Bill F Protagoras
It's toe the line... the characters weren't hauling on the bowline... and you have the cheek to whine about errata! Bloody readers!
CSH
What has Josh shown the ability to resist so far? He says he doesn’t want it to happen but is that true? Perhaps even Josh is now questioning that assumption.
KT Morrison
It does, but sometimes it makes me feel like one of those old-timey pulp writers, and I like that. Then I remember I'm writing on a computer, not a typewriter.
Donkatsu
In this context, L_S87, it is appropriate to say that Josh is between Scylla and Charybdis.
CSH
Courier kinda sucks
KT Morrison
Thank you so much!
KT Morrison
Ha ha—thank you very much. My eyes were strained and I changed fonts when I wrote that chapter, from TNR to Courier. I'm not as good at catching that stuff in Courier maybe?
KT Morrison
Oof. This is great.
KT Morrison
Absolutely. I don't think it was intentional, but her words betrayed some truth.
KT Morrison
Patreon losing my words used to happen to me too! Now I always write my responses in a text file before posting in case anything happens. Since I started doing that it hasn't happened again. Figures.
RCH
Wonderfully crafted chapter! I've been a bit sidelined by life and work commitments of late, so haven't had much time to comment. Nice to see Myer hookup! This is like watching a news clip of a major multi car pileup on icy road. Traffic is moving fine (wait for it... wait...) We've been watching the ice build traffic is still moving to fast we know something bad is going to happen... sometime later book 12 chapter 12+ the last vehicle will have slid to a stop... We all want to watch it! Can't wait to see the aftermath of this crash!
Bill F Protagoras
Oh, and do remember KT, that though twelve is a tempting number, the baker's dozen was created as a precaution. You are in charge, even if your characters won't tow the line, and yappy little mutts like me are pestering you...
Bill F Protagoras
Josh is rocked by a punch he threw himself... but he is no loser. Kimmy has her own rude awakening which is also wrapped in the veil of delusion... but she is no devil, nor bully, she is the dupe of wage slavery... she is still unknowingly playing Devlin's game... but Josh... we must wait and see. Me... I believe in the Golden Rule not tit for tat, not the law of talion. But Devlin should bear in mind that those who live by the sword... though not a law is a warning.
Bill F Protagoras
A nice dismissive "Fuck Off" always seems a fitting reply to the insufferable... in my experience. Though you should be cautious, it can be like speaking truth to power (which has its own thrills). Lets face it Devlin is not "hyun" (worthy of respect). Right?
Andrew Mellein
I don’t think this book will lead itself into “Hotwife” territory! Maybe on Kimmy and Devlin’s part but Josh wouldn’t allow his bully into that kind of relationship. It’s mainly a cheating wife, adultry series. I think that’s how KT labeled it. That’s what makes it different from her other hotwife book series. However to call her books “hotwife books” does them a disservice because they are so much more!
L_S87
It's so interesting how all of us can read the same exact thing and form completely different opinions about what it means. Also shows how great KTs writing is that she provokes these kinds of thoughts. I can't wait to see where this goes, and yet I almost don't want to, because it feels like Josh is trapped into a damned if you do and damned if you don't corner.
Mike Monroe
Well here we are bk 12 ...The Ali and Frazier match ..the Thrilla in Manilla...I know that KT has a masterpiece ending in store for us. Josh has finally stopped lying to himself...Kimmy is the Devil...NO MORE denial. Where does he go from here .. Does he submit and become another weakling husband like in every other story or will he have some backbone. He has a support group ..Meyer and Quinn I hope plays a part in helping with that! Kimmy needs to suffer a bit ..11 books of disrespect and Humiliation. Tables need a little turning in Josh's favor. This is my 4th favorite book in KT's Multiverse. My 2 others are Cherry Blossoms and Losing his Wife and Maggie. 5 one which has not been completed and my boy Harrison is in limbo...I would to know how that one would finish.
Kat
Thank you KT! What a great start to the last book! I’m so glad to see Josh go to Meyer when he needed someone, not just for the obvious reasons (that he finally reached out to someone that truly has his best interests at heart). Adding Meyer and Quinn into this mess creates so many possibilities, none of them good for Kimmy. Firstly, and this one is a long shot, if Josh confides in Meyer that Kimmy and Devlin were hooking up at Hyun’s place, Meyer is not going to be too pleased. Not because of Hyun, but because it’s also Sophie’s home. He doesn’t want his daughter’s home used as a place for his best friend’s wife to cheat on him, especially with his high school bully. He will most definitely mention this to Hyun. This will lead to Hyun having doubts about Kimmy. Even though the story is false, it’s enough info to cause Hyun pain. Kimmy has told her an opposite story about her having an open marriage with Josh. Why would Josh leave Kimmy to stay with Meyer if he was okay with her fooling around with Devlin? Secondly, even if Meyer doesn’t mention anything to Hyun, Sophie could if she sees that Uncle Josh has been staying at her dad’s place. Quinn, as well, can cause trouble for Kimmy. I don’t believe that her comment about Kimmy being beautiful and nice was anything more than trying to be kind to a man that is clearly in trouble in his marriage. She’s a complete outsider looking in, and what she’s been witness to is enough to doubt Kimmy’s faithfulness. I hope that Devlin mentions his texts with Josh to Kimmy when they see each other at work. It’s going to cause her to lose it. Maybe she’ll lose it on Devlin. I also was happy to see Josh finally realize how much of a bully his wife really is. She is worse than Devlin, because she claims to love him, but takes great joy in torturing, bullying and basically tearing him down. Devlin just does it because he is a jerk. It was great to see Josh stand up for himself, and not wait for her in bed, even though his destructive side wanted to.
CSH
After rereading for the typos I noticed these passages: Meyer and Quinn made him feel like the choices he made didn’t need to be so dark. Didn’t need to be so dire. But, no. It was too late for that. Too late to be saved. He was sunk deep in this hurting mire. Gone headfirst down a deep and narrowing spiral. There was no turning back. There was only one direction he could go. The time for help was long gone. (He’s going to willfully submit to Kimmy’s games but will he also submit to Devlin’s humiliations?) It seemed so plain to move on, to leave your woes behind and forge a new path with a fresh face. But that seemed also like mere temptation. A lure. An escape. And it also seemed so scary. Scarier than Kimmy’s bullying. Too easy. Too ignoble. Surrender. Defeat. Second place. (He’s not leaving Kimmy.) “I am kidding. I’m not hiring a detective. And I didn’t mean for Kimmy anyway.” ( Might this be true? Might it be for Devlin?)
CSH
Also - some typos in there. Kimmy becomes Timmy at one point. I will look for others. Only found two: the decision to crash Meyer’s place Josh had asked him to watch Timmy when he was in Rome.
CSH
Some disjointed thoughts: Josh seeks shelter from the storm. Very human and real. He admits Kimmy is lying (he always knew) and has made the mental stretch to realize she is bullying him ( but can’t admit he likes it). Even at his most human and rational Josh is still weak and incapable of fighting back. The traditional gender stereotypes are reversed here. Josh runs away and hides while trying to emotionally hurt Kimmy by staying away and cutting her off. Kimmy goes out and aggressively takes what she wants. Odd that Josh painted Quinn as practical and hardened and willing to speak the truth but the only time she speaks, she compliments Kimmy. Maybe her truth would not please Josh - maybe it’s something along the lines of - “she was always way out of your league.” I liked that as it called into question the accuracy of Josh’s internal monologue. So, he is more honest with himself about Kimmy’s behavior, though he can’t be honest yet about his masochistic addiction and here he downplays it but we can see it at work in his musings about others’ thoughts. They are both blaming each other versus blaming Devlin, - interesting. Imagine Josh needing to return for his bag, telling Meyer and Quinn “it’s okay now” after he has voluntarily witnessed the deed. They will witness his decline. How humiliating will that be? What did Devlin tell Josh to ask Kimmy? Can’t wait to find out. It indicates there was a long conversation there we don’t know about yet.
L_S87
You know, I wondered that myself. It comes across as a compliment on the surface, but this isn't a scenario that is complimentary towards Kimmy that Josh feels he needs to leave. It feels like an underhanded jab that Kimmy and her beauty would be the type to be tempted and wooed by someone like Devlin. And also, though maybe not intentionally, that Josh is hitting above his weight in the marriage market so shouldn't be surprised she'd look to "move up". Then again, maybe it's just an innocent comment to convince Josh that Kimmy is amazing and he needs to try to reconcile for his own betterment. (Given she's not in the know on how awful a person Kimmy can be)
L_S87
You're right, but that's hard, especially when Kimmy sends him texts showing how upset she is that he's not there. It shows that she loves him deeply, and it plays to Josh's weaknesses, even with his current clarity of understanding that Kimmy has turned into just as much of a bully as Devlin. She just backs it with a twisted mesh of love and devotion that confuses the heck out of him. He's going to go back because he can't help himself, and Kimmy is going to roast him for what he's done. I think how Devlin inserts himself into this will decide whether Josh stays and suffers or leaves and still suffers, if in a different way. I've kind of always pictured a scenario where Kimmy unknowingly gives into Devlin, whether to punish Josh or just as a reprieve to wet her appetite for awfulness and Josh somehow is witness to the act. Devlin then uses the scene to crush Josh by manipulating Kimmy into saying or admitting things from the past that break his heart. We'll see how KT leads us, can't wait!
Andrew Mellein
At this point, Josh should cut his losses with Kimmy. But I think he still loves her.
Bill F Protagoras
A virtuoso beginning... full of changes of perspective and tricky metaphors that reflect Josh's deceptively clear "insights" and the stumbling steps he is taking. If Devlin were the smooth manipulator he believes himself to be he couldn't be happier... but the man is no Mephistopheles. And all the characters waiting in the wings are working their magic... centre stage.
Bill F Protagoras
Did Quinn condemn Kimmy with faint praise!
Donkatsu
Great start, KT. Glad I was wrong about where Josh turned up. How long can his clarity last?
Bill F Protagoras
Best Halloween ever!
L_S87
That's probably the worst part of how this ended up. He did the right thing, finally, but for the wrong reasons. He's in such a dark emotional state that accepting information from someone as detestable as Devlin somehow seems logical and now Josh is trapped. He accepted a lie as factual truth, made a big, life altering decision based on it, and he doesn't even realize how precarious his situation now is. Kimmy could easily have him by the short hairs over this if she ferrets this out. Sure, she did something even more awful, but by that point she won't care. All she'll see is Josh believing Devlin over her and leaving her crying on the floor for hours. She. Will. Make. Him. Pay.
Tracey52
How good is this! Good luck with the last book kt. What happens when Josh is convinced that Kimmy wasn’t with Devlin? I hope it’s not back to square one.
L_S87
Well, I tried to type up my thoughts twice, only to have the crappy Patreon app delete them, not once, but twice, simply because I scrolled up a bit too far. So I'll keep it short. Thank you, KT! This is a great and thought provoking start to what is sure to be an awesome, but heart wrenching, finale. It's interesting to see that Josh FINALLY connected the pieces of why Kimmy isn't good for him, at least in her current selfish incarnation. Her actions on the last part of the prior chapter show she loves him, desperately, it just never conveys itself in a healthy way, at least not anymore. I wasn't that shocked to see where Josh ended up. He was never likely to go see Devlin. He hates that asshole. Case in point his last text. It will be interesting to see what Meyer does with this info and how that plays with Hyun, if it does at all. One thing is certain, if (more likely when) Kimmy finds out about Josh's reason for ghosting her, she's going to go nuclear.
Andrew Mellein
I'm glad I was wrong and Josh went to Meyer's! Meyer now seems like someone Josh can rely on. Also great to see Josh putting Kimmy and Devlin in the same category as Bullys. Great chapter!
