ktmorrison
patreon
DITW 15-25: And Perhaps Her Grave
🕑 Added 2025-02-26 02:43:46 +0000 UTCKimmy watched Josh, his face pale, eyes wide. Devlin’s menace still hung between them. Those had been the cruelest words, the evilest barbs. Bottomless depravity.
She had pushed too far, too fast. A pang of regret twisted in her heart. She should have known better. Why had she let Josh talk her into it? But she knew why. It was exciting to show Josh too early. Early would deliver a greater and harsher impact. Danger burned hot, sweaty lust in her heart.
“I want Colleen,” Josh reminded her, his voice small.
“We’ll get her, but first, let’s shower,” she said. “We need to clean up, Josh. Okay?” She swung her legs off the bed, body still tingling and riding waves of vibrating pleasure. She had to get Josh moving, snap him away from this state.
Josh looked at her, eyes glazed. “Shower?”
“Yeah, come on, come with me.” She tugged at his arm. “You get in the shower and I’ll make the bed. I’ll join you in a sec.”
Josh stumbled out of bed with her, sluggish. She led him to the bathroom, turned on the shower. Josh stood, eyes distant but following her movements.
“Get under the water, Josh. I’ll be right back.”
She slipped out of the room and stripped the bed, balling the sheets up and tossing them into the laundry basket. Her old phone lay on the nightstand where she’d put it, screen now an ominous void. She snatched it up and hid it away in the closet, bound for the safe later. Out of sight, but never out of mind. She knew the damage it held, and Josh had only seen the smallest portion.
Then back to the bathroom and the sound of water hitting the tiles. Josh’s wavering flesh tone moved behind the frosted glass, his head under the stream. She cracked open the door, steam billowing out, saw Josh standing under the spray, his head bowed, water cascading down his back, then back to the bed. She grabbed a fresh set of bedding from the closet, made the bed, plumped the pillows, setting them neatly against the headboard, then back to the bathroom and slipping into the shower behind Josh.
Josh regarded her over his shoulder, some nice life showing in those eyes—and the smallest of smiles. A guilty smile, but that was a good one. She rubbed his collar, reached for the soap, lathering her hands, then gliding over his shoulders, down his arms. She washed him with care. Her hands moved lower, washing his stomach, his hips, her touch intimate but not sexual. She thought more of healing, more of care.
At last, Josh turned to face her, bringing her into the spray and warmth and into his arms. His eyes showed hurt, but there was love there, too. And, lo-and-behold, perhaps some humor as well. An admission that what just happened between them was crazy. Outlawed. Depraved. So, so nasty.
But now it was over.
Her body pressed his, arms wrapping him, their skin soft and soap-slippery. Her cheek pressed Josh’s neck. And she smiled, too. They stood there, under the warm spray, sharing the somber moment, not saying a thing.
Then Josh, far away but happy somehow, said, “How will I ever feel safe with you, Kimmy?”
Kimmy’s hands raked through his wet hair, holding a handful at his crown, the water running over them in warm sheets. A thousand answers jammed in the doorway; rushing lies. She breathed in and held it. Then let it out, her nails running his scalp. “You won’t, Josh. You’ll never feel safe with me.”
Josh’s expression didn’t change, watching her with steady intent, eyes awake now, but narrowed in scrutiny. He leaned his head back into the spray, still watching her.
She said, “It’s the condition you’ll manufacture. Fear. You like it. You like it, so you manifest it. You want to be afraid because it’s exciting. I excite you.”
“Yes, you do,” he admitted, unsmiling.
She laughed, hands scrubbing his hair. Her own eyes teared up, not from sorrow, but from unalloyed love. Abounding, overwhelming love for the man she married. For the man who stood with her now, naked in more ways than one. She kissed his dripping chin. Josh was as fucked up as she was; as dark.
“I never knew I could excite a man as much as I excite you,” she said. “I want to excite you. I want to make you crazy.” Her hands cupped his face, thumbs brushing his cheeks. “I hated when I scared you away. It was the hardest thing I’ve endured in my life. Don’t hate me. Just love me. Love me and let me scare you. Just for the thrill.”
“You like it, don’t you?”
She bit her lower lip, showing him the expression of great wounding. He held her, and she didn’t budge. “I promise I’ll never hurt you, not for real,” she whispered, her forehead resting against his, their eyes locked.
Josh closed his. “You planned that video?”
“I put him where I wanted him. I would have done terrible things to him, if you asked me. I was only getting started.” She smiled, bowed her brows, ready to claim she was only joking, but Josh believed her and didn’t recoil.
“I planned all of it. I wanted him to say those things. I lied to him. Colleen is yours, Josh. I had to tell him that to make it work. You know that.”
Josh stood rigid, water cascading off his shoulders. Her hands cupped his face, guiding him to meet her gaze. “Josh, you know Colleen is yours. You know it.”
“I know,” he said. “I know why you made that video. I understand. I know Colleen’s mine.”
“She is. She’s your daughter, Josh. Your little girl.”
There was a heavy unsaid in the air, a dread zeppelin, and better left unsaid: Yes, when I made the video, when I filmed Devlin in my panties, I didn’t know whose baby I carried.
Josh said, “Did you... did you enjoy it? Watching the video again.”
“You know I like it. You don’t even have to ask me that—it was obvious. But do you know why? It’s not just what you see on the video. What we watched is just a part of it. You know how I feel. None of it has any meaning without you. If there were no you, there would be no video, and there would be no affair—there would have been no chance I would give Devlin Stone a minute of my time.”
Josh’s mouth squirmed, his brow troubled. Though he always seemed like he understood the truth, he sometimes wanted it not to be true. Whether it was part of Josh’s kink or simple denial, she didn’t know for sure. The denial only served to remove his responsibility, but she was sure he saw it. They needed each other in a way that would guarantee their future.
Her hands slipped up his smooth arms and held them under his shoulders, getting his eyes to meet hers. She said, “I gave you everything you needed to destroy me. I ruined you. I know I destroyed you, Josh, but I also know you had every thing and every reason to end me in return, to seek righteous vengeance, and you didn’t do it. I wanted you back more than anything. You’re here because you love me. If you didn’t, you would’ve done the right thing and told anyone who would listen the evil your wicked wife performed. And if they were unsure, you could prove it. But you waited. You gave me what I needed to make things right. The space, the time. The time to show you how much you mean to me and how much I need you in my life. You had the evidence, you knew my crimes, you knew how to hurt me. How to destroy me. But you didn’t.”
She levered off the shower behind his back, stepped out, and held a towel for him. Josh came out, and she wrapped him in it.
With the towel around his shoulders, hair hanging wet on his brow, Josh’s smile returned. Not big and showy, a smile that portrayed something more like surrender. He said, “I love you. I still love you.”
“I know you do,” she said, touching his jaw. “I hope you know how much love I have for you, too.”
Josh went to the bedroom, and she went to the closet with a towel on her head, wet hair wound in it. She dressed in satin pajamas; she rubbed lotion on her face and hands and forearms. Josh’s eyes watched her every move from the bed.
She closed the closet door and entered the bedroom. “I’m going to get Colleen,” she said.
Josh’s face brightened, and he whispered encouragement to hurry up already. She laughed and moved to the door, paused there, hand resting on the knob’s cool metal. She opened it wider, eyes rolling up, regarding the frame, closing it, returning it to how she found it, then opening it again. Her lips slimmed, and she shook her head in a silent admonishment.
She turned, shoulder pressing the doorframe, eyes finding Josh, Josh sitting upright in bed, back against the headboard. His gentle hands smoothed out the crisp sheets around him, hair damp, face flushed from the shower. But his eyes were bright, eager. Like a boy on Christmas morning, waiting to unwrap his gifts.
There was no greater gift to give her daughter than Josh as her father.
She smiled, and Josh looked up, eyes meeting hers, and he smiled in return.
“I’ll be right back,” she said, her voice just above a whisper.
A few steps down the hall, she paused outside Hyun’s door, knocked lightly, but heard no response. She pressed her ear to the door. Silence. She opened the door into a dark room, curtains drawn, light filtering in from the hallway, casting a long, thin rectangle across the floor. She slipped inside, eyes adjusting to the dim. Hyun’s room was sparse, the only furniture a bed, a dresser, and a small desk piled in disarray with textbooks, and the laptop Kimmy had bought her, closed now for the night. Hyun’s backpack lay on the floor. The bed was a mess of tangled sheets and blankets, a lump huddled in the middle. Hyun.
Kimmy approached the bed, steps quiet. Hyun’s shape rounded up the covers, her slight frame curled into a tight ball. Hyun faced the wall, back to Kimmy, dark hair fanned out across the pillow.
She slunk across the room, slippered feet silent on the wooden floor. The silhouette of Colleen’s crib showed from the soft amber nightlight plugged low, near the floor.
Comments
Bill H.
This reminds me of a line from an old movie I can’t remember the name of. “Sometimes, things are just the way they seem".
Chris K
She did internally say that when she made the video, she wasn't sure who's baby it was. But Kimmy hasn't yet confirmed through her internal thoughts that she is Josh's.
Pete
Prior to this chapter I was certain that Colleen was Josh's. But here, Kimmy tells Josh over and over again that Colleen is his. She repeats it at least five times within a few short paragraphs. There's a famous quote...how does it go? Something like "thou dost protest too much." What if...Kimmy's lying? That was an awful lot of assurance. For something Josh was already convinced of. Now it could be that she was just really anxious, and wanted to reassure him. But....telling him again five times? That's more than a bit over the top. Imagine: 'Josh heard voices in the other room. No, not voices, just Kimmy on the phone, talking excitedly. "He bought it. Hook, line, and sinker. I told you I could manage him. How? It was easy. Josh always sees what he wants to see. He wants SO much for Colleen to be his daughter. It was effortless. He's right where we want him." She was masturbating furiously as she chatted rapidly, nearly out of breath. But with who? Who was she talking to?'
L_S87
I agree with your last statement. (All of it really, but the last part I like the most) Kimmy seems to be treating Hyun like she's disposable. Now, KT has hidden *A LOT* from us when it comes to their relationship and the past year, but how Kimmy is acting now screams "you're not needed anymore." She's not being mean about it like she's kicking her out, but more like only her and Josh and being together really matters now that Hyun's helped pull her through the hard parts. That room feels like a summation of their entire relationship. Hyun leaving it spartan and simple because she doesn't view it as the space she wants to permanently reside in and Kimmy letting her leave it that way because she wants Hyun to feel committed to their relationship but doesn't quite care enough to support Hyun in moving past that lack of home feeling. As per usual, Kimmy wants to have her cake and eat it too. Some of that is just guessing, because I know Kimmy *does* care about Hyun, in someways more than she does about Josh, but she also has let Hyun have this hope, knowing it's going nowhere yet keeping her around like some sort of parachute should Josh walk away. And Hyun wants to be that parachute. Yet now she likely never will be, so she's in her unwanted room, feeling unneeded. We'll see if I'm reading that right. There could be a really dark option here that's none of that.
Kat
I was always under the impression that Hyun’s room was on the ground floor. I don’t know why, but isn’t there a nursery for Colleen on the ground floor? If Hyun and Kimmy ‘s rooms are so close to one another, there’s no way that she didn’t hear Kimmy and Josh. And if the door was open a crack, she was definitely watching them. She was curious, especially if she could hear them. Their whole relationship is probably a mystery to her, and who knows if Kimmy has really told her the whole story. She probably wanted to see for herself why Kimmy would want Josh back. Hyun’s opinion of Josh doesn’t seem to be a good one. I wonder if she saw them watching the video. Maybe she heard the dialogue on it? Did seeing Josh’s breakdown do anything to her? When Kimmy went into her room I was waiting for something really bad to happen, or for Kimmy to discover something bad. I watch too many tv shows and movies. Lol I’m betting that Hyun is faking being asleep. Her bed seems too disorganized, and she’s too hidden to really be sleeping. As for Hyun’s sparse room, my first instinct was that it’s sparse because she’s been spending the year (when Sophie’s with Meyer) in Kimmy’s room. The other reason is quite sad. It’s giving off “hired help” vibes, like she’s a nanny who’s staying in Kimmy’s house, and has no life beyond her job and school.
L_S87
I know, were both in the "Why does Kimmy get everything she wants instead of having her comeuppance as she deserves," boat. There's still time. If Josh got his hands on that phone, things may play out differently. There's obviously a reason it's in a safe.
L_S87
You could be right. Either way, it shows that room isn't her home. Or at least she doesn't want it to be. It feels like a temporary place. Hopefully we found out why in the next chapter.
L_S87
I don't think it necessarily means more on that video, but may mean just more videos period. We know she taped her and Devlin having sex when she ran that recording of "showing Devlin her breasts" that made Josh throw up even though she stopped it before the real events occurred. Plus she also filmed her and Devlin and Amy. Who knows what else she has in there.
L_S87
I'm kind of wondering if she's already awake and just pretending because she's not sure she wants Kimmy to know she's awake. Or is scared to speak up. Or doesn't know what to say. If that partially open door I'm interpreting is right, she may be scared of what Kimmy will say if she's caught still awake. Some of this also is going to fall into what Hyun saw. Naughty sex or Josh bawling is eyes out? I'm betting she might view Josh a bit different if she saw that.
Dan W
Don’t know about anyone else but i’m so tense waiting for an almighty twist I’m almost cramping up.
JL23
I didn’t take the sparseness of Hyun’s room as a sign she was staying in Kimmy’s room really. I just think it’s a sign she only sees it as a place to sleep and study. If she’s not in class, she’s taking care of Colleen and Sophie. I doubt they would have been spending nights together with Sophie in the house and down the hall. The passage with Kimmy at the bedroom door, closing and unclosing it, and seeing something she “disapproved” of, and the fact she says it’s only a “few steps” to Hyun’s door. If she’s was that close, perhaps she heard things and couldn’t resist seeing exactly what this relationship between Josh and Kimmy entails.
JL23
You’re thinking Hyun was listening, or perhaps even watching them at some point? And Kimmy figured that out when she opened the bedroom door?
Chris K
Apparently more on the video we don't get either.
Chris K
I wish that baby was Devlin's. I wish something would happen to the all great and powerful Kimmy. I wish, I wish, I wish....
JL23
“Into the wild abyss, the womb of nature, and perhaps her grave.” There’s that duality again. Has Josh accepted his duality? As Kimmy has accepted hers, and found she loves him more for what she perceives is his? I’m not 100% sure he really has yet, but it’s a process. And yet, as I end the chapter, all I can think is…”will Hyun wake up before Kimmy leaves?”
L_S87
Wow, KT. Just... Wow. *SO* different from the last chapter on an emotional level, and yet... just as amazing if not more so. I really liked the part where Kimmy admitted Josh is in many ways better than her. She destroyed him but he didn't return the favor. He gave her this chance and continues to give her chances because even though she doesn't much deserve it, he loves her. And I think that was her way of acknowledging it. Her acceptance of some truths she doesn't much like. Then again, she's still Kimmy, so she can't totally cozy up to all the truth, there's got to be some lies and deceit in there somewhere. And she ultimately got what she wanted, Josh surrendering and accepting her lie that she did it all for him. Oh, certainly there is a version of the truth in there because without Josh she wouldn't have gotten off on the thrill of cheating and humiliating him, but she started off only thinking of herself and what she got out of this. No amount of Josh surrendering to keep the peace so they won't have this same argument for the 100th time changes the truth of the matter. Also notable that Josh hit her with the truth in enjoying his suffering and she still pulled the distraught act while they both know she does. The last chapter was proof, even if she hadn't admitted it before. No, she'll use the truth when it helps her, but deception is always close in her back pocket. As amazing as the dialogue and shower scene was, the last bit was the most revealing. It took me a couple reads to realize what the scene at the door meant. Hyun, you naughty woman. Then again, Hyun's room paints and even more sordid picture. No furnishing... Barely lived in? Paints a picture that it's not really her room, or at least not where she spends most of her nights? I hope I'm reading that wrong, because if not.... Kimmy truly is a heinous bitch. Won't hurt Josh? Yeah... Only because what he doesn't know won't hurt him. Right Kimmy?
