ibenz009
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Miko spider corruption p7-9
🕑 Added 2022-10-12 23:07:58 +0000 UTCAlright, the draft is finish! Sorry for late post.
Anyway if you have any suggestion or want to help fix my bad grammar feel free to post it in the comment.
Comments
Stormfries
woow
ibenz009
thank!
ibenz009
Thank you!
ElSalsaRey
Great work! Grammar ideas (all capped words): Page 1, I didn't see any mistakes Page 2 "Rejoice, as Goddess HAS blessed you..." "And with this mark ENGRAVED on you, you are now A fellow PRIESTESS of THE great mountain goddess..." "WHAT'S wrong, my sister?" "It FEELS almost like we have been SISTERS..." Page 3 A few MONTHS later "This land DOESN'T need..." (unless you want to go super casual, then don't is fine) "Look, another sacrifice come to BANISH us, sister." "Indeed, sister. LET'S take care of this..." "These MORTALS never learn, DO they not?" "I have A few PLANS in mind for her." "...you are facing Yame-Hime, GUARDIANS of this land, AVATARS of the goddess." (as noted before, they referred to themselves in the plural before, so they'd use it here, at least for Avatars. Another possibility, to allow clarification, is rephrasing the whole thing as "Now, mortal, you are facing Avatars of the goddess Yame-Hime, Guardian of this land.")
MagicCobra911
On the final page the name Yashe-Hime indeed should be plural if their both involved? Also wouldn’t it make more sense to now call Kyo, Makoto Hime?
Alfredo
Already looks amazing! Looking forward to see it in its final glory!
StarGazer
Wow that looks amazing. Really breathtaking design
