Rukis
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On HeartTheft
🕑 Added 2024-03-11 17:17:03 +0000 UTCI am trying to get my final work done, last few storenvy orders packaged, and our van packed in the final days before we head out to a convention, but I really feel I need to address this novel and some of the recent reactions before I go. I'm very emotional right now, but I will do my best.
First off, I want to thank everyone for your feedback, even those comments which were particularly devastating to me. I've been working on this novel for awhile now, it was in pre-production and planning for longer than I'd care to admit. Easily six years. I can't say I've ever tried so hard to write a book 'well'. It's my tenth novel. I wanted it to matter.
I've been listening to, reading, and watching journals, podcasts and interviews on deconstruction, ex-fundamentalist tell-alls, and those who've endured conversion therapy and religious abuse. I have even spoken face to face with several folks about their experiences, from several different religions. I have my own experiences, obviously. And it's looking like despite my best efforts, I still failed to craft a deconstructing protagonist that all of my readers could relate to and come to care for.
I will be speaking with Kyell Gold this weekend, he is intended to be the editor for this novel. I'm going to talk to him about the concerns I've heard here, and my friends and furry family, maybe even the FP guys, and get some feedback from the people who've helped me with my books all this time, and add it to the feedback I've gotten here. Nothing will be weighed more or less heavily, as I decide what to do. The whole purpose of doing beta reads here is because I KNOW that what I'm trying to write is challenging, and that I do not have a formal education as a writer, let alone the lived experience of every character I write. It's not just the subject matter, I am fully willing to admit it might also be a skill issue. But when you write about the sorts of things I write about, I don't think there's room for big mistakes. I don't think I get to just say 'it's good enough', and disregard serious criticism. I want to tell a difficult story with flawed characters who feel real, I want my protagonists to make terrible mistakes. I do not want anyone who reads my books to feel a character is guaranteed a good ending, because that isn't the kind of story I want to tell, and because in stories of queer oppression one of the key takeaways that one particular character in this story embodies is this - not everyone makes it. It's important to make that point and not gloss it over, or it is all too easy to forget it in the real world, and forget those that were lost to institutional abuse, bigotry, and violence.
But I also do not want people to feel my writing handles these difficult subjects lightly, lazily, or pushes a narrative that might harm people who read it. And I want you all to like my characters, despite their flaws, DESPITE their hesitations at crucial moments. I want you to care about them, warts and all.
Some folks on our Telegram chat have pointed out that I also might not have mentioned this fact here - This is not the final book for these characters. HeartTheft is a solo novel, but the story picks up after Chapter 25 in a second planned novel from Darcy's perspective. The characters' low point at the end of this novel, both in their personal lives and in the relationship between them, is intentional.
The fallout from the events at the end of HeartTheft is tackled in the next book. If there is concern that the ending seems rushed or too abrupt, or too dark, I hope it's not because I failed to communicate there is another book coming. I'm very sorry for that.
That being said, if this story was too dark, too difficult for you to read, if it put you in a bad place and you just cannot read any more, that is okay. And also, I'm really sorry. I like to put up a big, brash front with my readers and say 'buckle up, you're in for it' but I'm actually a huge mush at heart, and I HATE knowing my writing has hurt someone's feelings or ruined their day. I hope those of you who were really let down by this part of this story will give me another chance. I am going to make changes to the final chapters - how large, I cannot say. I cannot see a way to restructure the final confrontation in a way in which certain characters continue on in the story, given the way the events culminate.
Changing core events- namely who lives, who dies, is impossible for the narrative to continue on into the next book, and would render much of the characterization and events that lead up to this point meaningless. Not to mention, it would end the main relationship in the story. Which... I mean, this is a romance, guys. As messy as it is right now, it's a love story. Some of you might be having trouble imagining that now, but please extend me some trust, here. If there's one thing I do generally tackle well, it's messy relationship dynamics. The final confrontation in this novel WAS in fact planned the whole while, it was set up in several key interactions between characters, it is incredibly important to the thesis of the story, and an intentional dark mirror to those events.
I will be addressing specific concerns in the comment sections, and attempting to explain what some find unexplainable. But once again, this isn't a 'the readers didn't get it' excuse, it means I as a writer did not communicate certain aspects of this story well enough to you, and I will be pressing into that HARD, both in heavy re-writes and with my story editor, Kyell. Man knows what he's doing, I'm really hoping he can help.
Please take care of yourselves, and I will try to do the same. And please don't give up on the series, even if you continue to loathe the story decisions I made here. This might not be the book for you, even after I've re-worked and tweaked, but I hope I can write something you'll enjoy more in the future. To peel back the vinyl a little, I have my own rankings of my writing, and there are some I just have NO desire to read again. Sometimes a story doesn't resonate the way I want it to with certain people, and this one is seeming very divisive. I hope I can win some of you over, and get you to love Isidor again, forgive him for his trespasses, as it were. But if not, I promise there will be something for you in the future. Thanks for your time.
Comments
KiskaBeaust
This this this!
Marcwolf
Rukis.. You continually grow as a writer. Your novels make us feel, think, love, and grieve because you make your characters so approachable and real to us. Regardless that they have fur or scales we can relate to them.. And that is a rare gift, even better you can draw the scenes as well. Often your novels inspire us to be better than ourselves - point out faults in your characters we can relate to and so see the reprocussions of those faults, and so to change for the better. In truth Kyell has never made me care or invest myself in a character as much as your had. Nor grieve as much for their passing. You are truly a Great WordSmyth :)
Marcwolf
Hear Hear...
Monsieur Foxy
I feel like this is a really big growth moment for you, Rukis. You are growing your skills, because you are acknowledging where there are things lacking or pushed too hard, and you are working to find a way over this hurdle. Hit your limits>Find your way past those limits>Become Better Writer>repeat.
BeastNeverSeen
I gave my thoughts on the specific events in the comments on the previous post, so I won't reiterate them here beyond saying that I don't think the overall narrative arc is in any way fundamentally flawed. So far, this remains one of my favorite stories that you've written and I just want to express again my excitement to see it taken to its conusion in whatever form it may do so.
Thomas
I'd wanted to write down in the comments for the actual chapters, but wasn't sure how to put it so, here instead it'll be. I've been a huge fan of your work for years now, to the point of spreading awareness and subtle(and not so subtle) advertising of it to my friends and acquaintances. I've read all your novels and comics and I will say this: you've done great so far, and I trust you to make this novel just as good as the earlier ones: sometimes, it can be hard to interface, relate to some of your characters: everyone got different experiences, different stories, and it's normal to feel more for certain characters over others: you've decided to tackle this particular subject and straight up the religious issue and you've done so once again with nuance and care. It -is- hard to swallow sometimes but nobody came here not expecting tragedy. Could have been written better? Maybe: I mean, you're an a amazing write so I am sure you can always do better, but remember always this. All the people who can read these words are here to support you, to get more of your work and want to see you succeed. I have no real criticism on the two chapters, myself, especially now being fully aware that there's an entire book more that continues the story. Don't give up and personally I trust you to give us a great continuation of this, not that I didn't trust you before. We're here for you.
DiezlWolf
Keep creating! We're with you!
ArcticSpirit
Thank you, Rukis. <3
Rukis
I've also been in a bad place in my personal life recently and I completely, totally understand. Bring it in *hugs* But please don't be afraid to continue commenting and giving me constructive feedback. It's so important.
Rukis
I'm going to be addressing this in the comments, but I think if there's a perception of the events being rushed, it might come down to me trying to keep the word count down. We are at 260k right now, and while I thought I spent an adequate amount of time on planning and writing, and that 22/23 were long enough as they were (honestly I was worried I spent too much time on atmosphere building and characters speaking/interacting in what was supposed to be a frenetic moment, but I guess this IS the time to be verbose) I am very willing to expand these chapters, if folks think that will help them understand the climax of the book better. Writing MORE has never been my issue. I have been trying to learn to self edit for exactly that reason, and I might not be very good at editing down. And maybe this isn't the time for that.
ArcticSpirit
Rukis, I was the 4th comment on the post for chapters 22-23 and I regret how I worded it. I was in a dark frame of mind and my emotions were shot to hell. It takes a phenomenal writer to do that to me as I have to be heavily invested in the story and the characters and not many authors can achieve that in me. Please don't give up. This has been an emotional time for all of us and especially you as the author as they are your creations. I'm so sorry if my comment caused any distress. Despite how the comment was worded, it was from a place of despair and I was not thinking straight. I'd read the rest of this novel immediately if it was published. You have not written one single chapter of any of your books that I haven't been completely captivated by. I don't know you, but I love you for the years and years of written and drawn works you have gifted to us. I remain your loyal, adoring fan.
Edef
I won't be reading this until it's complete, but for what it's worth, I *want* stories that make me cry or make me hate the outcome or go against my expectations. I want stories that defy tropes and deal with serious mature topics and feel real. So just in case you're only getting complaints about how people don't like the way things turn out or only want a happy ending, know they there are others out there that love it the difficult and sad way.
Daniel Ortiz
Rukis, as a fan of your work for the past couple of years, I can safely say that do not give up who you are as a writer. I can understand why both chapter 22 and 23 did hit people hard in the wrong way, especially feeling a bit rushed, but please understand that no one does storytelling like you do. You go for what realism is in your books, how life treats you and how no matter what you have to keep fighting for something, even in the 18th century era that your books take place. Do not change the core value of your storytelling, it’s not possible to please everyone, but at least it’s possible to make it better so it doesn’t feel rushed. Thank you so much for giving us this world, and I do hope to hear more for Hearththief and any future novels you have on the works. Thank you again
TiberiusRings
I want to say that the fact you clearly care SO MUCH about these tough issues and want to make sure you do right by people who may be experiencing something similar speaks volumes to your commitment to your work and how you care about your audience. It's very hard to talk about difficult topics and hope you don't hurt someone accidentally or don't present it in a way that actually resonates with people. You're a fantastic writer and world builder -- your stories have been with me for, what, over a decade now? You're going to hit it out of the park and anyone worth a damn is going to be cheering you on.
