lapfox
patreon
2021: work and health
🕑 Added 2020-12-08 13:53:29 +0000 UTChey all, hope you're keeping well. this one's a general life and work update.
i suppose i should start with info on TIME TRIPPER. i'm planning to have the first circuit/episode out in January! i've extended the timeline a bit so i can step away from it for a week or two before coming back with a fresh mind for final bugfixing and polish. the soundtrack will come out at the same time. TIME TRIPPER will be free, the soundtrack will be name your price. thank you so much for allowing me the opportunity to work on projects like this. please look forward to it!
beyond that, let's talk 2021. and to talk 2021, we have to talk about my health. i've been trying to cope with increasingly challenging health issues over the course of this year:
- major psoriasis and eczema flares (the latter of which has made it difficult to see for the past few weeks, as it has repeatedly decided to invade my eyes and face)
- related psoriatic arthritis
- my asthma getting much worse
- mental health issues from discontinuing amphetamine/benzofuran drug use after my overdose in january (update on that: it's been nearly a year and i've only broken my sobriety from such substances three times! i was getting fucked up weekly, if not more, at the peak of my bullshit, so i'm pretty happy with myself)
that's not so say it hasn't been a good year for me, though. i mean, like, as good a year as it can be considering the state of the world. this year i:
- debuted a "new" alias in the form of deuteronomy and developed a style of musical performance i truly enjoy doing
- learned guitar well enough to perform it on nearly every track on HALCYONDAZE
- learned kaizo mario shit, something i've wanted to do forever (hardly a productive thing, but it's still a thing!)
- learned a shitton about doom mapping, gzdoom modding and the related scripting languages
- did most of the above during streams, working to become comfortable with my shortcomings and failures
- streamed a fuckin' ton, something i've wanted to experiment with for a long time
- attempted an everydays project, but unfortunately having to stop since i was running out of energy for larger projects (thank goodness i did stop, though, since my other records and projects this year wouldn't exist otherwise)
and i'm pretty happy about that! so my goal for 2021 is to be...
slightly less lofty.
simply: most of my health issues are being exacerbated by stress. between being extremely online and available to fans and whatnot this year, tackling enormous projects on a whim, working 10+ hours a day on some of them for months at a time, and making my relaxation time public in the form of streams, i've been putting myself in stressful situations and not giving myself any time to really rest and adapt to what's happening. typically, i'll push myself through something as hard as i can, burn out on it just as i'm finishing, and then deal with the health consequences right as i'm starting a new project. it's not a sustainable cycle.
so what can i do about it? for one, i can do a little less - this was an extremely productive year for me and it felt great to bounce back after inflicting a lot of damage upon myself. but i really need to pace myself to keep this up. so, here's the plan, more or less. in 2021:
- i will be less Online. fewer streams, likely shorter streams, less living on Twitter, etc. in place of this i will be exercising, meditating, cooking good meals for myself, and practicing my craft. just a few years ago, i was very in touch with this aspect of life, but i got hooked back into Internet Living too hard.
- i will be handling fewer physical releases. i might do a cassette release myself at some point in 2021, but my goal is to do 4 vinyl releases over the course of the year, one each quarter. there are a number of things i still want to put on vinyl and this seems like a great opportunity to offset the workload and still get physical stuff done. i'll be trying to go through bandcamp's new vinyl preorder system, too!
- i may be slightly more secretive about projects until they're approaching completion in an effort to not set myself up for failure so much. when i reveal something, i often become troubled over expectations and deadlines and this and that. i think my productivity will simply be healthier if i reel in the constant "this soon! that soon!" and whatnot.
i hope this is all fair, and i hope you can understand. i plan to continue to deliver my best work, or at least, work i find interesting and fun to create. your ongoing support allows me to keep creating, and without it i'm not sure where i'd be. i can't thank you enough, and i hope that by putting the focus where it matters, i can continue to bring you works that resonate with you.
thank you so much, and lots of love ♥
Comments
msx
there really is no shame, we all end up using for a reason and all it takes is a couple lapses of judgment to be in way over one's head.
X
take care Halley! i also have experienced issues of chronic healthissues similar to yours and addiction/substance relapse and recovery several times. ashamed to admit it, but when i first discovered your music i was abusing amphetamines, currently been sober for a while again but i understand the struggle. be strong. also thank you for creating so much wonderful music, HALCYONDAZE is one of my favorite albums from this year and my best friend has been enjoying it too. but yes, please put yourself first, nothing is more important than mental and physical health.
msx
what yall are doing (supporting me with a few bucks every month) is already more than i can ask for and gives me a foundation to build on
Scezumin
https://youtu.be/TgLRmir7Zxk Is there anything we can do to check in or show support during streams? (Or not during streams!) How can we help you achieve your goal?
Jadetiger
I'm very glad to hear that you've been achieving so much and I even encourage you taking your time and prioritizing your health over your work. I'd appreciate work that piqued your interest and was fun instead of something you "have" to get over with if you get what i mean. I for one am always shocked at how good you're at teaching yourself a new trait such as merely just setting up the stream or doom mapping stuff, it is really enjoyable and inspiring. Not just that talent of yours is inspiring, but your openness with yourself and your mental health is really helping people. Years ago i stumbled upon a twitter post of you about depression and your thought experiment how even if you were to succumb, the universe would go back in a loop and you'd be eventually back at that point. At that current point in my life, it had helped me immensely to get a different grasp on my situation and i thank you for that. As for chilling out more and giving yourself some rest from work, I think the hobby of tea-brewing gongfu style might be something for you both mentally and physically. Tea has become something that has given me more relaxation and calmness due to the ceremony and mindfulness the process comes with. (Gongfu Tea is way different from teabags, if you're interested or have questions about it, just ask me on discord)
