ImmortalCockroach
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How to bullshit a Star God
🕑 Added 2024-12-04 19:21:44 +0000 UTC"Sure, but you still haven't mentioned your conditions," Yun Wuji said calmly, waiting for her to finish before posing his question.
"It seems that you are not ordinary," His calme reaction caused Jasmine to look at him in a different light. If anyone of his level were to hear the story she said, they would be shocked and disbelieve, because aside from the Heretic God's Indestructible blood, her tales implicitly talk about a higher world something more than this tiny planet.
A higher realm means higher cultivation realms, which is what all the people of his level should be pursuing. But Yun Wuji's reaction was too calm as if he didn't seem impressed at all.
She cleared her throat and declared, "The first condition is that you must promise to help this princess obtain three items: a stalk of the Netherworld Udumbara Flower, three Profound Beast Cores no lower than the Tyrant Profound Realm, and at least thirty-five kilos of Purple Veined Divine Crystal!"
"Sure, I can do that," Yun Wuji agreed without hesitation. He already had the Netherworld Udumbara Flower and the Profound Beast Cores in his possession; the only thing he lacked was the Purple Veined Divine Crystals, having used up his previous stock.
Still, it was no big deal. By the time she managed to rid herself of the poison, he figured he'd have prepared them easily enough.
Jasmine nodded in satisfaction and stated her second condition, "The second condition is that you must accept this princess as your master."
"Ehh? Why?" Yun Wuji's brow arched in genuine surprise. Unlike Yun Che, he wasn't some novice without cultivation experience. Why would she want him as her disciple?
It made no sense!
"Hmph! That's none of your business!" Jasmine replied with a haughty snort, her lips curling slightly as she observed his surprised expression. She was dissatisfied with his earlier casual demeanor, but seeing him caught off guard now strangely pleased her.
"I see no harm in this," Yun Wuji said after a brief pause, accepting her condition. It wasn't a big deal to call her his master. He didn't plan on treating her like one anyway, at most, he would throw her some food now and then.
'Wait! Could it be that this was her real goal?!' Suddenly, a thought struck Yun Wuji. 'Damn! If it weren't for my almost frightening detective genius, I never would've figured that out!'
"Hmph! That's for the better!" Jasmine nodded with satisfaction, imagining the delicious food she'd be enjoying in the future. A small trail of drool escaped from her scarlet lips, but she quickly wiped it away with her sleeve.
"That's all?" Yun Wuji pretended not to notice her small action and asked.
"Hmph! You saved this princess's life, so I won't demand anything beyond your power," Jasmine stated coldly before adding, "Becoming this princess's disciple is the greatest fortune you'll ever have. From now on, you must always address me as your Master."
"Are you sure? I used to have a master, an old man with a long white beard and a sagely demeanor. Every time the word 'master' is mentioned, I can't help but think of him. But you, you're a cute little girl, probably around 12 or 13. Are you sure you want me to treat you like an old man?" Yun Wuji said with a smirk, his expression saying, 'Be careful what you wish for.'
Jasmine's eyebrows twitched slightly, and the corners of her lips curled in a restrained spasm. She took a deep breath before speaking, her voice calm but with an underlying edge. "You can call me Jasmine, but never forget in your heart that I am your master! And don't forget your duty and place as my disciple!"
"Alright! From now on, in exchange for the Heretic God's blood, I will exempt you from the 'rent' and accept your two conditions," Yun Wuji nodded immediately. "Jasmine, now you're my master, and in exchange, you will teach me the profound way. I will respect you, follow your orders, and be obedient." He kept uttering nonsense that even the Evil Infant clearly knew he would never follow.
"Hmph! You better not forget that!" Jasmine crossed her arms, nodding with a smug expression. After a brief pause, she added, "Do you want to take the Indestructible blood now, or do you need to make any preparations first?"
"Yeah, give me half an hour," Yun Wuji replied, then immediately sat cross-legged and closed his eyes.
"What are you doing?" Jasmine asked, her confusion evident as she watched his actions.
"..." Yun Wuji ignored her and began to operate the body multiplication technique. His face contorted in pain as a vague shadow, resembling him, gradually began to appear in front of him.
After two years of adjusting and refining this skill, it had become much easier for Yun Wuji to use. The pain and drawbacks were significantly reduced, but even then, the pain he felt was still something that few could endure.
"..." Jasmine's forehead creased into a frown as she watched a body similar to Yun Wuji being created. At the same time, her mind wandered back to everything that had happened since the moment she stepped onto this planet.
As she thought, her expression began to shift, growing colder and colder, until it seemed as if the entire area had fallen into an icy hell.
After more than 20 minutes, a new body took shape. Yun Wuji quickly dressed it, worried that this tsundere would react violently and attack it. However, contrary to his expectations, she didn't react at all not even a sound, or a movement.
Suddenly, Yun Wuji heard Jasmine's cold voice in his ears, her murderous gaze locking onto him. "There's something strange about you," she said. "You seem like you've already prepared for this from the beginning. And now that I think about it... how could someone of your standing just coincidentally appear in a small, barren place like that?"
"Who are you? And who sent you?!" Jasmine's voice grew colder, her eyes narrowing with suspicion as she stared at Yun Wuji.
"Jasmine, I think we had a misunderstanding here, I was in Floating Cloud City to attend my disciple's wedding and coincidentally I found you when I was strolling the mountain," Yun Wuji said calmly as he explained to her. He had already expected this reaction from her, and it was time for him to bullshit another one.
He had already succeeded in bullshitting many divine spirits and was becoming an expert in this field.
"Hmph! Wedding? Then how do you explain this cloning technique? This is a technique so profound that even back in the Sta... my place, it's impossible to find! How can a lowly place like this have it?! Are you going to tell me that you created it?" Jasmine let out a cold laugh as she narrowed her eyes, many possibilities colliding in her mind.
Is this man a pawn of some King Realm? No! It can't be. If any of them were plotting against her, why would they go to such lengths? They could just kill her and take what they want. Why would they make such a foolish move and even risk losing the Sky Poison Pearl?
"I indeed created this technique myself," Yun Wuji nodded, but he immediately sensed her aura growing colder and her expression darkening. It was clear she didn't believe him and took his words as a clumsy lie. "Hey! Hey! I don't mean any harm. If I really wanted to plot against you, I could've just waited for you to die and taken whatever I wanted from your dead body. Why would I go through all this trouble?"
"Hmph! Who knows what scheme you're cooking?!" Jasmine snorted at his words, her eyes narrowing. "I don't believe you didn't know my identity before coming into contact with me! I can overlook all of this, but there's one thing I want to know! My route was only decided at the last minute, in desperation. Even the people closest to me didn't know where I was headed. How did you know I was going... to... land... on... this... planet?!"
"Sigh! I didn't expect to be exposed so soon. It seems that I really can't hide it from you..." Yun Wuji let out a sigh of resignation, lifting his head to meet her gaze. "Jasmine, listen up. I did know exactly where and when you would appear long before you descended upon this planet."
"..." Jasmine frowned, but she remained silent, waiting for him to continue.
"To be precise, I knew about it for more than two years," However, hearing his next words, her expression changed.
She flashed forward and grabbed him by the collar, lifting him off the ground. "Are you making fun of me? Do you really have a death wish?!" The sight of a little girl lifting a grown man was almost comical, but the tension in the air made the situation far from funny.
"Nope, I'm dead serious. Why don't you calm down and let me finish my explanation? It won't be too late for you to judge whether I'm lying or not," Yun Wuji said calmly, without struggling.
"Hmph! You'd better," Jasmine snorted, releasing him.
"I have an ability to predict the future. I used it more than two years ago, and I predicted your appearance at that time," Yun Wuji said calmly.
"Horseshit!" Jasmine shouted immediately in response. Who did he take her for? A dumb tsundere girl with the power to destroy a planet with a single sneeze, who was manipulated by her father and teacher to sacrifice herself?!
She was a Star God! She had inherited the memories of all her predecessors and witnessed nearly everything the God Realm had to offer. She knew that even the old geezers in the Heavenly Mystery Realm couldn't accomplish what this guy so casually claimed to have done.
"What do you mean by horseshit?! I won't let you call my sincere explanation horseshit!" Yun Wuji shouted back, though inwardly he thought, 'How dare you call my bullshit, horseshit?!'
"Hmph! If you're not spouting nonsense, then what is this? You're pushing your luck too far. Do you really think I won't do anything to you just because I'm poisoned and need you to keep me alive?" Jasmine snorted at his outburst, her laugh laced with anger.
'Exactly! I know you'd never harm me, hehe,' he thought in response to her anger, a sly grin forming in his mind.
"So much for being my master, you can't even trust me?" Yun Wuji shook his head, faking a look of sadness. "Come, inspect my profound veins, and you'll understand what I'm saying."
"Hmph! I don't have a dumb disciple like you who can't even come up with a decent lie. Let me see..." Jasmine snorted and walked toward him, placing her hand below his chest. The moment her senses touched his profound veins, her mocking voice abruptly stopped, replaced by a cry of disbelief.
"What the actual fuck?! Seventy-eight profound entrances?! How is this possible?!"
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I understand that there's a lot of dialogue, but I feel it's important to get things right. You can't just expect characters to casually say things like, "Here, take the Heretic God's blood and accept me as your master," and then the other person simply responds with, "Yeah, sure!"
