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A New Kitten Chapter 52
🕑 Added 2024-05-01 03:06:55 +0000 UTCChapter 52
Content warning: Reference to, talk of, and attempted suicide. It is a rough chapter, but it is to finally set up an actual healthy relationship for Blake and Weiss further down the line.
It was dark in the home as Weiss stepped off after slamming Blake’s door behind her. She could see perfectly fine… another effect of Blake’s modifications to her body- intentional or not. But things still looked… different in the dark. Colors were muted, everything felt different thought the same. It was certainly an odd experience to suddenly develop night vision in her mid twenties. Though, so had being kidnapped and growing cat ears and a tail. So much of this was worlds more than an odd experience.
Weiss tried to circle back to something more centering as she began to pace in Blake’s living room. She’d yet to stumble back down the stairs to the basement; to her room. If she did that… it just felt more final? Like actually committing to a day or two away from Blake. Did she really want that? She loved Blake. She really did. But her simple love for Blake didn’t prevent her from being mad, frustrated… or scared. So that’s what this was, huh? It must have been if putting that label to it struck terror into her heart. What was she scared of? Well, the answer to that one came to her all too quickly.
Did Blake really love her? Was it the same type of love Weiss felt for Blake? Did it have to be? Was whatever type of love she felt for Blake healthy? Or even safe? Love in the Schnee household was seldom healthy at best. Klein. Klein knew a healthy love. He’d cared for Weiss when no one else had. Though, his sticking around, his going out of his way to help… had that been healthy for him? It certainly wasn’t safe. That’s how he lost his job at Schnee manor; it was why when he got sick he couldn’t afford what it took to keep him alive.
Was what she felt for Blake good in any real sense? Did that matter? Would it even be for the best if Blake felt the same? Every part of the modified Schnee was so fucked and entangled with all that had been her upbringing, maybe it was best Blake didn’t care for her the same way. Maybe things would just be better if Blake didn’t love her back.
Weiss’s face was already littered with the softest trails of tears when she came to a stop in front of a vaguely familiar door. It- she… she could remember something about it, but somehow she couldn’t for the life of her remember what it was she remembered about it. It- anxiety and sorrow built in her chest, and Weiss couldn’t conjure a reason why! It was… disturbing how quickly the sensation built in her, how viscerally it stole her and demanded her attention.
Like an envelope poorly sealed and long since wanting to open on its own, Weiss could feel something poorly hiding a secret in her own mind. All she’d have to do? Thumb around the flimsy seal and it’d pop open freely for her. Just open the door and she was certain she would know, that whatever hid behind that envelope would come back to her.
Dread built and welled in Weiss as she tried to push herself to reach out for the door. Some part deep in her lashed out and strived to convince her this was a bad idea. Just go back! Go back to Blake, cuddle with her, be happy, don’t peel away at the mysterious seal, just enjoy this life don’t-
The room was dark save for the wide assortment of monitors that played a looping background. To one wall, toys, to another, a small bookshelf, and finally the large shelving of dust tubs. Weiss had been here before, she had seen this room. A lonesome night when she wished for nothing more than Blake’s comfort… she had… she’d walked up here and found Blake editing that photo- the one she promised would just be for her, preparing to send it amongst so much else to-
No! No! No! Memories flooded back, memories Blake had buried in her. A slip. That was her first thought, that it had been a slip; a mistake. It made sense, a mistake put it all in the context that Blake could actually still care about her. That it was a poor choice the woman she loved had made. But, such rosy ideations crumbled quickly. It hadn't been a mistake, it was an intentional betrail.
A deceit in a long line of other lies; in the same line that has successfully seen her pushing herself left and right to help Blake with her goal; the goal of getting Weiss to turn on her family.
The family that had always bent, broke, and used her how they saw fit. It was a loathsome reality, but Weiss came to terms with it after her first attempt. She would never be able to get waking to Jacqus's judgemental face out of her mind; the way she felt when he demanded an explanation for why she had done it to him. She would never forget her shock- or how stupid she felt for being shocked. He had never cared about her. Willow never so much as crawled out of her bottle long enough to come see Weiss once in the whole year that followed. The horrible cold year. Whitley came to see her in the hospital- though she distinctly remembered wishing he hadn't. Her little brother always had a knack for finding that one thing that could hurt Weiss the most and needling at it till she broke. It would have been an impressive power if it hadn't been so cruel. Winter left rather than help her navigate it all- Weiss wondered if Winter ever even got notified of what she had done. What would Winter have said if she knew Weiss tried to toss her life away?
Would her sister have held her and said it would be ok? Would she have gotten mad at Weiss for doing it to herself? Maybe she would have been mad at Weiss for hurting her sister? Though… Winter in reality, most likely had been notified. It was more than likely that Winter either didn't care or wasn't surprised.
That was a painful, though not entirely unexpected though. That even the sister she loved most likely heard and choose not to come, not to help, not to care. That was probably it. Winter was probably just like everyone else, Winter didn't care- couldn't have been bothered to come see the sad screw up suicidal sister.
Of course, insult to self inflicted injury, as soon as she got out, her father continued to parade her out and around. Only after her time in the hospital, he lied and said she had been away on some magical trip around the kingdoms of Remnant. Went on and on, boasting and using her as a prop to wax about how much he could afford to throw out on a luxurious vacation for her. Of course even after all his parties, Jacques only ranted louder about what her 'vacation' had cost him. Because being trapped in that hellish hospital was such a wonderful vacation. Costly or not, her stay was 'necessary'. Maybe it was… but Weiss always had a sneaking suspicion that necessary for her to be happy or even to just stay alive wasn't really what her father meant. He meant it was necessary for her to continue being useful; to continue being the perfect prop of a Schnee. It was the same reason he's given her Blake. Not because it could help her, but because it would allow her to be more useful to him.
And they had both gotten their use out of her. Jacques forced her onto the council as he pushed her up the SDC chain of command, all the while stomping out every iota of Weiss at every step. She wanted to take a more humane route? No wonder she caved and tried to escape life, she was too weak; incapable of doing what was needed. She couldn’t vote the way he wanted? Well, she owed it to him, he spent millions of lien to keep her in that horrid hospital; to save her. And if she dared disagree with any of it? Then she was welcome to consider the hospital her inheritance and move out of the apartment her father paid for before never expecting another dime from him for the rest of her life. Jacques needed his good little prop, and he did whatever he needed to force Weiss to be just that. Her every moral and thought was forfeit for his control.
Was that not the same goal Blake held when she pretended to love her? Because it would help with her mission? Because then she would be more willing to help? Because, if she fell in love she would be easier to use. Weiss had very literally been a prop for Weiss since the very beginning. How stupid! How fucking stupid! Why in the hell did she ever believe a word Blake said?
Weiss reeled and sobbed. Betrail, deceit, whatever it was, it was proof. Blake had been fooling around with her mind from the very beginning. Weiss, on some level had known for a long time, but to finally uncover a truth; to see what lied beneath her jumbled mind; to finally remember what jumbled her to begin with. Blake had never cared about her.
For a moment, a mortifying thought sunk in. How much of what memories she did have were real? If Blake could suppress her memories, could she manufacturer others? Were any of the sweet things Blake had said and done ever even real? Weiss felt sick. She was sick and tired. Tired of being a tool for someone else, of being a prop to be wheeled out when necessary and shut down and shut out after.
It was then that Weiss spotted the dust bins. A way out; dark, but light or no, it was an end to the tunnel. It would be peaceful; an easy way out. She would never have to be used by Blake or her father or anyone else ever again. She could actually be free. Weiss’s feet took her to the bins and the craving in the back of her mind found the drug dust for her. The tub was full. Weiss didn’t know much about the drug, but given its strength, that much would almost assuredly get the job done.
Tears streamed down Weiss’s face and for a moment, she wished she had never found the room, that the horrid memory had never loosened itself from the depths of her mind. Things had been imperfect for sure, but she had been happy, more than happy believing Blake loved her back. But the timing was too perfect. It couldn’t be real. Blake couldn’t have meant all the things she said. If she lied about giving Weiss her privacy and only using what Weiss consented to using, Blake could have lied about anything, hell, everything! It was all bullshit. It was all bullshit, and the thought of returning to the life that made her so happy before she rediscovered the memory… it made her want to… well, it made her want to do this.
Inevitably, Weiss landed on the question of whether or not she deserved what Blake had done to her- she laughed at that. The answer was easy. She may never have deserved anything more. Signing off on every step Jacques made since she joined the council? Allowing him to ramp up the faunus internment at the SDC? Turning a blind eye as his methods grew less and less humane. She deserved every lie and worse for what she had done and allowed to be done. Maybe the only moral thing she could do was die?
Weiss’s hands shook as she pulled the lid from the tub. She’d done this before. Pills, dust, same thing; they were both drugs. And… honestly, slipping away the last time? It had been so peaceful, all the way up until she woke in the hospital. And, really, that was a fluke above anything else. She had no way of knowing her father was going to need her to perform for one of his fund raisers that night. If only she had done it a couple hours later, no one would have found her and she could have circumvented these past three horrible years. These pointless… horrible years.
Though, without those years, she would never have had the illusion of love with Blake. Fake it may be, but she was happy. In some way Weiss was grateful for that as she sobbed and brought the first crystal to her lips. Blake may have used her, but the faunus seemed to have ticked the last thing off Weiss’s bucket list.
End of Chapter 52
