shinsori
patreon
Akuyaku Reijou ni Nanka Narimasen - Chapter 568, 569, 570
🕑 Added 2024-12-15 08:32:45 +0000 UTCA shrimpy’s serious effort!
We have continued searching the Cold Ruins, but there was no sign of Pochi. Finally, Rinka made a proposal.
"In that case, let's gather everyone! It's time for a full-scale sweep!"
The pint-sized self-proclaimed detective Rinka maximized her enhanced intelligence to devise a strategy. Her extraordinary memory for things she found interesting allowed her to grasp the Cold Ruins’ layout entirely, including traps and hidden rooms. Using the Cold Ruins map created by Rinka, we—meaning myself, the Wolfanea Commander, and Rosarinjas detection abilities—divided the search areas effectively.
"... How does your brain even work, Rinka? This is your first time at the Cold Ruins, right?"
"It's what you call a divine knowledge cheat!"
While Jend still seemed unconvinced, he didn’t push further.
In truth, it was a map straight out of a game created by Shiva, so calling it a knowledge cheat wasn’t entirely wrong. Still, memorizing the map in its entirety was beyond ordinary. Half the credit—or blame—went to Shiva, but the other half was Rinka just being her usual, eccentric self.
Without Geraldin-san, we commenced the sweeping operation.
The result? We reached the boss room on the 30th underground floor.
We had searched every floor, but there was no Pochi. This was the only place left. Could it be that Pochi was triumphantly conquering everything solo? Pochi, who was supposed to be a lonely Pochi… What exactly happened to him? Did he gain strength and become a mighty warrior? No way—that’s not Pochi. Pochi is Pochi.
With everyone except Geraldin-san, we entered the boss room, feeling tense... only to be greeted by—
"Huh?"
A surprising absence. No boss.
Wait, is it even possible for the boss to be out? What!? This is my first time experiencing something like this!
The boss room was completely empty. What now? What do we do? Normally, after winning a boss battle, we’d be teleported to the entrance automatically. To prepare for that, Jash, who rushed over after finishing urgent tasks, and Rinka, along with Lavita (who finally escaped thanks to a barrier sandwich), were waiting at the entrance. But there was no word from their end either.
"Ah, Pochi might have been favored by the Dungeon Master. Maybe he got invited to their private quarters."
"Excuse me?"
Geraldin-san, who had arrived later, said that casually. Then, as if it were his own home, he opened a hidden room that even Rinka didn’t know about.
Inside was an unexpectedly beautiful place.
Soft light illuminated sparkling treasures. Multicolored spheres of light...
And a heart shimmering in rainbow hues. There was a twin-headed Crystal Griffin, and Pochi sketching it. Around them, four figures were running about.
"Rosaaariiin!"
"Wahaha!!"
"”Kyaaahahaha!!"”
There was a muscular lady bursting with energy, with a face resembling mine, a very familiar boisterous muscleman, and two incredibly familiar adorable angelic twins.
"Oh, it’s me!"
"Oh, it’s me!"
"Whoa… You’re identical. It’s almost impossible to tell who’s who."
Seeing them side by side, the resemblance between Geraldin-san’s hustle-muscled duplicates became even more apparent.
Wait. Which one was the real Geraldin-san? This is bad. I genuinely can’t tell them apart!
"”Wahahaha!!"”
Seriously, I have no idea! Wait, which one is real? Huh???
While I was confused, Dirk’s expression shifted…
"Rosarin—my wife is way cuter and more beautiful than that! She’s not so overly muscular!!"
"What!? That’s what you’re focusing on!?"
Honestly, I feel like this is such a non-issue that I don’t care anymore.
"That’s right! Rosary is much more elegant, refined, and beautiful! You lack her kind of dignity!"
"What!? Shouldn’t that part matter more!?"
"... Give it up. Milfi won’t stop once she gets like this."
Cider-kun seemed to have reached some kind of enlightenment. What happened!?
"You! Apologize for insulting Rosary!"
An unexpected demand for an apology. The impostor, likely created by the strength-enhancing Tsuyoshi gifted to Pochi, bowed its head with a sullen expression.
"Rosariiin…"
For some reason, it seemed that my lookalike could only say my name. Bowing its head apologetically, it seemed surprisingly earnest.
"Well, as long as you understand."
Wait, what exactly!?
"... Rosarin really is Rosarin, huh."
Dirk, though I wasn’t sure why, seemed satisfied. But what exactly did you figure out in that exchange!?
"Pochi, are you hurt?"
"Pochi, we were worried!"
"Pochi, sorry about our old dumb man!"
"Are you safe...?"
"... Thank goodness (sniffle)."
"....................."
Yet the main subject of all this, Pochi, was utterly absorbed in drawing.
"Excuse me, could you pose as if roaring?"
"Oh, like this?"
"Yes, perfect! You’re magnificent—so beautiful and cool!"
With a bright smile at the Crystal Griffin he seemed to view as the boss, Pochi resumed drawing.
"Meow… Pochi’s in full concentration mode, nya."
"Carefree as ever... That’s so Pochi."
Despite Mary and Ernst’s chatter, Pochi didn’t seem to hear them and kept drawing intently.
"Now, raise your wings. Both of them! Oh, how wonderful!"
It seemed the griffin had different attributes for each side. When it raised its wings, embers danced on the right, and icy particles swirled on the left—a truly stunning sight.
"Ah… so breathtaking! Thank you for modeling!"
"Y-yes…"
Despite Pochi’s unceasing focus, the griffin didn’t seem to mind. In fact, it looked quite pleased—its expression even smug. Being praised must’ve felt pretty good.
But seriously, someone needs to explain how this all happened.
How did it come to this!?
----------
Why did Pochi run away?
Pochi, who had been furiously drawing non-stop, finally seemed satisfied after three hours and put down his brush (probably Tsuyoshi).
“Dungeon Master, thank you so much! I think I can create something amazing!”
“... I see. But still, you're quite a peculiar beastman child. As expected of Geraldin's… wait, why are there two Geraldins now? Beastmen aren’t creatures that split like slimes to multiply, right?”
The Crystal Griffin, seemingly the Dungeon Master, finally noticed the troublesome man who had been running in unison with his copy, laughing for three hours straight.
According to the troublesome man, the Cold Ruins were a prime hunting ground for him, so he frequently visited and somehow (probably forcibly) became friends with the Dungeon Master. What an outrageous man.
“... Geraldin-san… there's two of him…”
Pochi, who had finally noticed us, turned toward us awkwardly, like a rusty tin toy.
“I’m so sorry! Rosarin Oneechan is much prettier, cuter, nobler, and more elegant! It was my first time using Tsuyoshi, and the result got mixed up with all kinds of images! I’m so sorryyyyyyy!!”
Pochi blurted this out in one breath and then executed a perfect sliding dogeza.
“Exactly! Rosarin is much more beautiful, adorable, and alluring!”
“Indeed! Rosary is much more elegant, lovely, and noble!”
“Eh…”
I… I can’t keep up with Pochi, my darling Dirk, and my bestie Milfi's excitement levels…
“Rosaaariiiin!”
“Rosariiiin!”
“Are Fake-rin and the Valkyrie resonating with each other?”
“Wait, Fake-rin is the muscle-bound lady!?”
“Pfft… gahaha…”
“Guh…”
I delivered a claw strike to the laughing Rinka for good measure.
“Ow, ow, ow! Wait, Dirk-san snickered a bit too, didn’t he?”
“Hm, karma?”
“Ugh, I can’t deny that… no, wait, favoritism!”
“Just love priorities.”
“Favoritism! That’s so mean! It hurts! Bullying isn’t cool!!”
Rinka’s whining was annoying, so I reluctantly let her go.
Pochi timidly addressed Dirk.
“Dirk-san, are you mad? I… I’m so, so sorry! I didn’t mean to insult Oneechan! I didn’t do it on purpose, and I really think Oneechan is much prettier, more elegant, more refined, and gentler, and—”
“Wait. Who are you talking about?”
“—better at cooking and smarter!”
I interjected, but Pochi ignored me.
“... Why do you think I’m angry?”
“Because Dirk-san treasures Oneechan so much! Please don’t tear me apart while I’m still alive!”
“I won’t! What do you think I am!?”
“You’re a super-strong big brother who loses all sense of restraint when Oneechan is involved…”
“...…”
Dirk couldn’t deny it.
“Aha! The mystery… the mystery has been solved!”
“What mystery?”
“The reason Pochi-kun ended up in the deepest part of the Cold Ruins! Pochi-kun was more afraid of Dirk-san than strong monsters, so the fakes moved him to the deepest part to escape from Dirk-san! And when Pochi-kun got dazzled by the Dungeon Master's beauty and forgot about Dirk-san, they stayed here!”
“So, if the Dungeon Master wasn’t beautiful…”
“We might have been stuck playing an endless game of tag!”
“... Yeah, maybe…”
“Pochi-kun, what do you think I am!?”
“You’re the super-strong big brother who loves Oneechan more than anyone and won’t tolerate her being insulted.”
“……”
Dirk couldn’t deny it again. I’m… loved.
“But Dirk forgives people if they apologize properly, right? Plus, he wouldn’t do anything awful to you, who I treat like a little brother, Pochi.”
Dirk nodded enthusiastically.
“... Yeah. I realize now that I was just imagining things out of fear. By the way, Oneechan.”
“Hm?”
“When does a picture created with Tsuyoshi disappear?”
“... I wonder?”
(......)
Huh? Everyone went quiet all of a sudden??
“Irresponsible!”
“Handling one is already too much; taking care of two is impossible!”
“Isn’t there an eraser or something? Or will they disappear naturally!?”
“Well, I’m not particularly skilled at drawing, so I never tested it. And, uh, Jend, is it really okay to treat your dad like a pet or something? Even if there’s an eraser… would you erase it?”
“Irresponsible!”
“He’s a father who nearly put his friend in a life-threatening situation. Being treated worse than a pet seems fair to me.”
“... Impossible! They can’t be erased!”
“Jend, Geraldin-san's duplicate looks so sad… by the way, which one is the real one if we were to erase or examine them?”
(......)
Nobody answered. Apparently, no one could tell the difference.
The troublesome man, now doubled, looked dejected and let out a sorrowful cry. What should we do?
I feel a headache coming on…
----------
Which one is real?
Now, setting aside Fake-rin and Fake Lucius & Lucille for the moment... I can’t tell Geraldin-san apart.
"They’re like mirrors!"
"Jend, can’t you figure out which one is real with your super intuition?"
"My ability doesn’t work that conveniently. It’s more combat-specialized, so this isn’t my area of expertise."
I see... His super intuition is more like a prophetic revelation than a power for distinguishing things.
"What about the scent?"
"Both smell like paint, blood, and Dad."
Since the real one had carried Pochi, the scent had transferred. One of the Geraldin-sans faintly smelled of Lucius & Lucille, but since the painting also carried the same scent, it was impossible to tell them apart.
"No choice, let’s call for help."
So, we summoned Geraldin-san’s eldest son, Jash. Lavita also came along, complaining to Rinka, who had been blocking them with her barrier. Good luck!
"…Why are there two!?"
"Right?!"
"One is already too much to handle, but two? What are we supposed to do with them?! Are we planning to mass-produce them for military purposes?!"
Jash was desperately closing in on me. Hold on. What’s with that grandiose plan?! And all I see in that future is us going broke from food expenses and Geraldin-san’s whims! No, that’s not the point here!
"Wait! Why are you blaming me?!"
"… Wasn’t this your doing?"
Jash tilted his head at me, genuinely puzzled.
"No... This time, it’s (probably) Pochi’s fault."
"Half of it’s Rosarin-chan’s cheat magic tool's fault."
"… I see."
Rinka’s interjection convinced Jash.
"Don’t just accept it!"
"Well, based on past experiences, it’s hard to argue..."
"……"
What kind of view does Jash have of me...? No, asking will only open Pandora's box, so I won’t ask!
"So, can you tell them apart?"
"……… I can’t."
Sadly, even the eldest son couldn’t do it.
"What about Pochi?"
"… I think I did a perfect job."
It seems even the creator can’t tell.
"Oh, then let’s use information the fake wouldn’t know!"
"Like what?"
"Um… how about your first meeting with Lumia-san?"
"‘Forgot!’"
We quickly realized that the memory of this muscle-brained hero couldn’t be relied upon. Even when we asked about other things, the real one had almost no recollection.
To make matters worse, the fake could transform into the Wolfanea Mask. The fake is incredible.
We tried having them fight, but their combat power was perfectly equal. The fake is absolutely amazing!
Left with no choice, I summoned the Colorfully Lewd Sage.
"Don’t bring me to such a dangerous place! And stop with these reckless transportation methods!!"
We’re still in the boss room of the Cold Ruins.
Apparently, he wasn’t pleased with the means of travel. Even though I got the Dungeon Master’s permission to create a slide to safely and quickly pass through the floors, this grumpy old man had complaints. Sure, the slide was steep and there were some monsters half-buried along the way, but those are minor details.
"So, what do you want me to do?"
"Which one is real?"
"… But first, why are there two heroes?! Explain yourself, you absurd disciple! Stop acting on impulse!"
Suddenly, I was blamed. Why?! After explaining, the Sage heaved a deep sigh.
"I get it now. It’s the result of a genius artist using a ridiculous magic tool created by a disciple with absurd creativity."
"So, can you tell them apart?"
"They’re identical down to the finest details, even in their magic power wavelengths. Even if you used the equipment from the Magic Academy, it’d be impossible to discern which is real."
"So, you’re useless."
"How is that something you say to a master who traveled all this way?! Being dragged here against my will, only to be called useless—this is too much!"
"… I’ll give you a souvenir as an apology. That was too harsh of me."
After giving him materials from the Cold Ruins, he forgave me. The Sage is easy to handle. Is he really okay? Could a bad woman deceive him...? Well, he does have a capable wife, so he should be fine.
In the end, not even the Sage could identify the real hero. Left with no other options, I resorted to the last method.
"No helping it. I didn’t want to ask this, but... Who is your master?"
"My Lord is My Lord.’"
"What’s your master’s name?"
"Rosarin."
"Pochi."
"This one’s the fake."
"As expected of Rosarin!"
To mark the real hero, I tied a ribbon to his hair.
"… Hey, you disaster-prone fool of a disciple."
"What is it, my esteemed master, beloved by his young wife in a most intimate manner?"
The Sage collapsed. He’s really weak against dirty jokes, isn’t he?
"Argh! So you mean you didn’t need me here because you could already distinguish the hero from the start?!"
"No, I couldn’t tell them apart. I only thought of this method after summoning you."
"Stupid disciple!!"
Since lying would have been pointless, I admitted it honestly, only to get scolded severely. Geez, this old man is so quick-tempered.
Next: https://www.patreon.com/posts/118340555
