ErikaMoen
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COMIC: Letters From Space Camp, Page 7
🕑 Added 2024-04-11 00:45:46 +0000 UTCLetters From Space Camp is my memoir about going through a mental hospital program and for my pitch to publishers I am revising the Day Two chapter, which covers my second day in the program. This is my third draft of this chapter, you can read the first draft and second draft to see how it's changed (and it has changed).
In the original first two drafts of this page, I went from filling out the form to then diving into the the other patients sharing their answers. My agent encouraged me to flesh out my own responses to the check-in form, to take some time to bring the reader in to my mindset at that time.
Don't worry, we do still get to hear the other patients' responses, it just gets pushed out a bit further.
Looking at them laid out next to each other here, I can see that each version of this page became progressively more human.
Draft 1: Three panels. One panel to show the form, one to show one patient sharing their answer, one panel showing my sniffling reaction.
Draft 2: First panel still the same, but now the rest of the page is devoted to the other patients sharing where they're at. The first guy is nervously proud to be making progress on his sobriety while the other patient breaks down weeping because they're losing everything.
Draft 3: Same first panel of me filling out the risk assessment on my form, but now I spend the rest of the page thinking about what my answers on there mean and wondering if I truly do need this kind of help at all, if I'm "crazy enough" to be there.
So we spend some time in my brain space and seeing into my thoughts before we move on to hearing the thoughts and feelings of my fellow patients, which hopefully grounds the reader a bit more in this space and also where I'm at as a character.
Aw yeh, it's all comin' together!
Comments
Margreet de Heer
That works! And it's relatable - I remember being in AA way back wondering if I was enough of an alcoholic to be there... The response to that was: when you're here, you obviously are.
The Ferret
This definitely helps things feel more connected to your experiences. I didn't (dangit editing!) feel like it was rushed before but now the earlier pages feel a bit rushed. Still love that sniffling panel though.
