Achewood
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0068 — Fuck You Friday: How We Act On The Internet
🕑 Added 2024-06-07 17:00:10 +0000 UTCOuttakes at noon in the In-Universe and Author's Tiers!
I once considered installing Reddit on my phone and creating a burner account, which I would use to express the most impulsive and greedily reckless fetal kicks from my id. But then I worried I'd carry that mindset over into the real world, which is exactly what would happen, and then I remembered that "which wolf do you feed" thingy, and then I checked to see if The Onion was doing good content lately, and pretty soon I was looking for the chisel my kid gave me for Christmas, because my attention span is ruined due to the phone not being a sharpened rock or other device which doesn't outclass my cognitive equipment by orders of magnitude.
The end. Garbled moral.
Comments
Chris Walker
Oh man, just joined. I have missed these...
2scrogz
Re-reading this a week later, it still hits hard, especially the attached caption. Our brain is not meant for this pace of stimulus, but yet I can't look away. Fuck you, us, indeed.
Ruxine
And it was a merry fuck you, us, indeed. They did read the instructions on soap, and their hygiene improved, but imperceptibly. Had they indulged the egotisms of kingsoapking69000's many rants on youtube videos by various soap makers, they might have learned wisdom they could impart on others, in a condescending and unnecessarily hostile manner.
Steven Matuszek
My username on washingtonpost.com is never-read-the-comments so that if I accidentally start reading the comments I see my username and remember to never read the comments
Oppido
The internet might have been a bad idea, but at least its few redeeming aspects will all be drowned soon in A.I. sludge generated by no one, for no one.
Doc G
This comment section is such a contrast to most other ones!!
Doc G
Please... don't crush my asshopes, they're all I have
Matt Mitchell
Hard to avoid the car-crashes of occasional YouTube comment trawls, or sports sites, but 3 years sans any social media is a noticeable gain, despite the potential mild negative career impact.
Lionstooth
honestly, team Mikhyl, a sage unspoiled by the sound and fury
Douglas Wykstra
If most of the insults beneath specialist YouTube videos were as eloquent as these, not only would we not feel bad about reading them, there would be significantly less need for literature in society.
Julie (HiDeeHoGal)
honestly asshopes is somehow more menacing
Chris Onstad
*L
Chris Onstad
Like, 5pt type? Learn to edit, ASSSSSSHOPES
Chris Onstad
Stopped being able to read bronners at about 30
Chris Onstad
He’s listening to Netflix comedy specials during cardio
Chris Onstad
The only cool guy in the whole concept
Chris Onstad
Copy and paste us some, soldier
Chris Onstad
That line was when I knew I had a strip
Alexander Rediger
You should try going in the comments for local news posts in Baltimore. You have to take a shower and chant mantras about how all people aren't horrible.
Alexander Rediger
Totally. Though Mykhil seems like an old man you'd want to know.
Nicholas Williams
Peccolo Pete's sass game is real though.
Julie (HiDeeHoGal)
Dr. Bronner's never fails. So much less hateful than anything online. Also, there is a Chrome extension called HerpDerp for Youtube. Turns all comments into various combinations of the syllables herp and derp.
Donald Turnbaugh
The eating a burger with the wrapper on on band trip...cuts a little close to home for me.
John Robinson
I have a question for Ray's Place. What/where is the best way to submit it?
Ben Wilinofsky
Smiling serenely imagining a youtube video so good I would put it in my ass to surprise my wife
A. Hamster
I have been trading insults with the same person on Facebook for about five months now. We should have one of those little timers that they use for chess, I have insulted his timeliness (and also his mother).
Cody Richmond
Old books, old magazines. Stuff way past its relevance expiration is the key.
Cody Richmond
Gotta get thru this body first BRO
J Hardy Carroll
funny you should post this, Chris. yesterday I deleted all of my social media except for blue sky for this very reason. I also dumped the New York Times and Washington post because all they do is make me upset. from now on it's books and magazines.
TIMOOOO
What an oddly touching last panel! Are they on their way to Bloom County ™️
Rob Satterfield
Tres semmes and tremble taint
Jay Y
Beef's just there for illustrative purposes. He already knows that reading video comments is like reading someone else's code.
Don Rowe
Pimp skitters and Pantene Pro-V
Josh Egbert
A+++
Don Rowe
Conversely, one of the best JavaScript packages I ever saw was a fake comments section intended to be placed at the bottom of an article or blog post. If you left a comment, it would just save it to your cookies and not actually send it anywhere.
Aaron J. Rushton
You’d better believe I have wicked snack, Josh
Zen Window
the intersection of sturgeons law and the evergreen advice to never touch the poop makes for some very careful placement of footsteps in this online existence of ours
Smoke
There is a reason there are browser plugins to replace YouTube comments with random gibberish.
Rob Dalton
Damnit Onstad I'm still laughing at "I'm more of a 'Why is shit brown' kind of guy." Slow down and let my funny boner catch up.
Chris Onstad
Dear god are fitness video comments toxic. What ever happened to “healthy mind in healthy body”?
Chris Onstad
If you could scroll down in that thread, you’d see him catch a lot of hell for that
Chris Onstad
Straight up grandma’s house
Chris Onstad
Yes, and the irony is that those comments are all roid-ragey
Rob Satterfield
remember reading shampoo bottles while takin a shizzle?
Chris Onstad
I hate to disappoint, but this time i actually put the better stuff in the strip.
Hector Jimenez
It's the handgun emoji for me. I haven't laughed like that in a cool minute.
b.zap
1,000,000 Celsius is pretty dang fucking hot
Chris Gillotti
Finally Achewood's "We Have Met the Enemy and He Is Us" moment
blair
...but there may never have been a fitness thread that goes that long without a comment in STEROID CAPS. There should be a special typeface.
Bungus Bronbo
I'm working on being the change I want to see in the world but godDAMN is there a lot of change I want to see in the world.
Cf Duddy
I do love a lil mambo in the comments section 😼
blair
I'd bet money the outtakes from this are magnificent.
Sedric And Charlie
When I'm worried that I might live too long, I allow myself a few youtube comments to shave off some of my remaining lifespan
Dan Ford
This is exactly every weightlifting video comment section, minus the immediate arguments about whether the person in the video is on steroids.
Josh Egbert
Are there snacks?
Matthew Harris
I would put this comic in my ass to surprise my wife
EndgamerAzari
"Return to pissing yourself old man we've no need for you" is gonna be one of those phrases that will be permanently wedged in my brain with absolutely no chance of ever being used.
Chris Onstad
I feel like we’re safe in this deeply unpopular backwater of it though
Josh Egbert
I've long maintained that the internet was a Bad Idea
