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Ray in Australia - Part 1 of 6
🕑 Added 2024-09-16 17:00:09 +0000 UTC(Post now edited to include the attached column)
Some many years ago, an Australian journalist named Tim Blair commissioned Ray Smuckles to write a series of columns for Sydney’s Daily Telegraph. Ray, true to form, didn’t really ask what Mr. Blair wanted from the partnership, and randomly submitted several pieces over the course of the next few months. Remarkably, they actually ran, but as they no longer exist on the Tele’s site, I reprint them here for your enjoyment.
The following column was written on July 26, 2007.
(Edit #2: Thanks to alert reader Jarret for pointing out that many of these Australia columns also exist in harder-to-access form in Ray's blog! I had completely forgotten that I ran these there, after they ran in the Telegraph. So, I guess these aren't super-exclusive to Patreon, but they are formatted and edited here, with new illustrations. Perhaps I should just compile them as one big doc.)
Comments
Chris Onstad
Due to plate tectonics and ley lines, Australia actually used to be three times around the world away. Ray heard a guy on Rogan explain this. You can find it unless YouTube demonetized it again. That always happens.
2scrogz
Ray never got a real firm grasp on how the international date-line works, but in his defense, it's not like days of the week really matter to him. Every day is Ray Day, baby.
Chris Onstad
Yeah I didn't take that as "you LIAR and FRAUD!" but more internally as a, "this particular set of readers is always going to remember more than you do about your own work so roll with it" kind of moment. And yeah, I think I'll package it all up at the end as a standalone, continuous reading experience. Patreon value-add!
Jarret Cooper
Didn't mean to be an "actually" guy; I was just hoping there was more than I remembered :) and the PDF with the illustration / caption at the top IS exclusive as far as I can tell...
Chris Onstad
Wow, good find! It looks like some or all of the Ray in Australia columns also ran as blogs after they ran in the Telegraph, which I had 100% forgotten about. It looks like I'll need to update these postings so I don't look like I'm lying about this being exclusive to the Patreon. Thanks!
Jarret Cooper
Were there more pieces published in the Telegraph that aren't in Ray's blog? https://raysmuckles.blogspot.com/2007/07/australian-culture-lessons-1.html
Chris Onstad
Yeah, your memory is 100%. Now that you mention it, I too am surprised they were open to this kind of imported mockery. At the time, I just reasoned that everyone had a better sense of humor about themselves than Americans. The toast ordeal is, I think, in column 4 or 5.
Cymbaline
My memory after 17 years may be crap, but I seem to remember Ray's vibe going from "this trip to Australia is going to be awesome" to "this place sucks and this guy keeps trying to convince to eat toast." Which is pretty funny thing to get an Australian paper to run. I'm the kind of person who would give them a fluff piece, so hey.
Chris Onstad
I think "highly suggested" comes in a later one of these columns. Why were you surprised I submitted them?
Chris Onstad
Post edited to now include the actual column! (see attached)
Cymbaline
I remember reading these (I guess on their site?) when they came out and being mildly shocked they were game to publish them. And a little surprised that you submitted them, hah. It is not, however, a surprise that they don't have them up anymore. Also, I still say "highly suggested" from time to time. (Man, I really hope my memory on that line is accurate.)
