Achewood
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0091 — The Birthday Pot Roast
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It was discussed at the house that this was a "weird one" to run directly after our honeymoon, so I promised to make it clear that this strip was premised solely on how bloated I felt after eating a bunch of the in-flight dinner buns on British Airways (both ways), and has nothing whatsoever to do with my beautiful bride.
Comments
magicarl
Strong agree. The complimentary saying in our household is "have sex first!!!"
magicarl
related: because of a Liz Lemon Halloween costume in the past, which included a whole bag of off-brand cheetos, which were eaten entirely, without pause, by both me and "Liz", eating too much garbage to ruin plans of gettin busy is still known as Liz Lemoning in my household.
2scrogz
This is why, in committed relationships, if you're planning a celebratory romantic day, you schedule the intimacy for ~3 p.m. so that: 1. there's no issues with overfull bellies 2. enough time to get cleaned up and dressed for a dinner-date afterwards. 3. all that pre-dinner exercise makes for an excellent appetite and guilt-free feasting. Cast aside your antiquated notions of how dates are supposed to work, this reversal of the typical order-of-operations will assist in the navigation of the canoe to Shangri-la.
Julie (HiDeeHoGal)
I didn't know about that sketch but MadTV is so underrated. You think Pixar thought for even a minute when naming those characters either?
ladiesbane
Olive Garden = birth control
ladiesbane
There's a classic Mad TV sketch called "Sex Toy Story" -- the names aren't as good, but Buzz and Woody make an appearance, along with the song, "You've Got A Toy In Me".
Cody Richmond
It used to be you could count on having at least a little sodium to stand on when the smoke cleared and the dust settled. Not so these days.
Brody
I agree with the lady cat that sometimes postprandial orgasms are not worth the calories expended from the fine meal that preceded them.
Tyrone Slothrust
i like the way you think! Scandibirria!
Lynsey McCoskey
As a vagina-haver, this is dead-on. It is just the reality of having a body. Frustrating for all parties involved, and "not worth it" is very real. (Beef - chin up, bud. You just made too good of pot roast.) Long story short, I'd consider sharing this with my therapist, but I'm not sure she knows what Achewood is, so I'd have to spend a lot of my expensive session explaining stuff for very little payoff.
Walter Biggins
“…the whole cast of Toy Story” had me doubling over in laughter
A. Hamster
I think pot roast and gravy could make a resurgence simply by calling it “Midwest Birria”
Nicholas Williams
And we might as well have our vascular systems pulsating with kecap manis.
Ian Stewart
They're trying to move a whole damn baseball team to Sacramento, "temporarily." Watch how that goes
Oppido
Kind of weirdly proud of Beef for opening up to T like this? Go get your Vulnerable on, my man.
Chris Onstad
When I was small, we had friends in Sacramento. We didn't know why.
Lionstooth
I was born in Sacramento and this whole thread is speaking to me in a viscerally unpleasant manner
b.zap
Was it The Mongo what made that little robot gay?
Julie (HiDeeHoGal)
Odyssey class. That thing could take on the Romulans and the Borg. (I'm sorry)
Tom P
The cat proves his emotional maturity by expressing concord, that the orgasm was unnecessary due to his fine meal.
Chris Onstad
Well, if it we're talking maritime rules, I imagine this would be in the Destroyer class
Julie (HiDeeHoGal)
Yes it is. Maybe should be Admiral Hitatchi then huh?
Chris Onstad
I made them up on the plane. Isn't the Hitachi the one you can settle wet concrete with?
Julie (HiDeeHoGal)
Have you been sitting on those sex toy nicknames for years? Or did they just come extemp? I know a lady who nicknamed one of hers Captain Hitatchi. But I like yours better.
Miiiike Walker
Oh my god, my current (soon to be former?) boss lives in Sacramento and This Tracks. I’m on the east coast but when I met him in the back of my mind I was like “who the fuck lives in Sacramento?”
GruntyGinMan
Vlad and Chucklebot furiously moving the dial on the amount of information they desire
Chris Onstad
I have heard that every commercial food producer fills their food with extra sodium because all the world is collapsing around us
Nicholas Williams
I have heard that the airlines fill their food with extra sodium because something about the pressurized cabin desensitizes our taste buds, but I think its more likely because they are bad and they like giving people shitty things that will hurt them.
Chris Onstad
Straight from the bottle, like the masters, like the Dutch
Chris Onstad
I can see that. The kind of guy who moves to Sacramento.
Chris Onstad
hoping "bust out the mongo" becomes a new idiom
Anthony Thompson
Nah, after he got his HVAC certificate at the community, he just… Nermal was different after that, on the corporate grind, they drifted apart
Chris Onstad
LESS
Anthony Thompson
Did he drink beer from a bottle and lose his job?
Tom
Well...we went back to her place and tried to put the moves on but neither of us was really having it. She asked me to stay overnight and I said sure. Then she busted out the Mongo. To clarify, at this time I was in her bed, and 100% awake No more dates after that but she did end up stalking me for a few months, so that was fun
Chris Onstad
MORE
Chris Onstad
Hey I’d been traveling for two weeks. I was tired of inflammation
Chris Onstad
Ah. Then, uh, nevermind. (But my question, as applied to Arlene, still stands)
Tom
Oh man this takes me back to a *truly* awful second date (possibly third? Definitely not a first, I am not a cad)
Matthew Harris
That was the world's favourite Arlene
Chris Onstad
The pot roast is obviously what I want people to be focused on here. That gravy!
Chris Onstad
But this would be a funny wrong-number text to get
Chris Onstad
Wasn’t Arline Garfield’s girlfriend
Omnithea
If I cannot conquer in the bedroom I will build a Kingdom in the kitchen.
Matthew Harris
Do you not
Matthew Harris
Is this a reply to the wrong comment
Chris Onstad
Did she ever wind up mating with nermal? He was yoked when he grew up
Chris Onstad
Best reply; stay focused my cho
Chris Onstad
Was that the one where he also took some shits and bet on a dog
Matthew Harris
The world's favourite arline
Chris Onstad
Tell me you don’t imagine this entire scenario every time you peer into the dining room at Cracker Barrel
Josh Burton
I have never read a better description of bad sex. I can only assume the author is a connoisseur.
Tom Simmons
This reminds me of the end of that Bukowski novel where the guy goes to a striptease and realizes he can't get it up anymore
Josh Egbert
Even his successes are failures
Omnithea
Recipe?
