Fanu/FatGyver
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🥵 Top 10 worst DJ experiences 😰
🕑 Added 2022-12-29 13:22:03 +0000 UTC
Every DJ gets some really bad experiences sometimes. Travelling ones especially.
Let's talk about them.
How did I become a DJ?
I bought myself a pair of Technics in January 2000 to learn DJing, and never regretted that.
I'm happy to say my music (and being able to DJ and play music similar to my own productions) has taken me around the world to DJ and I've visited quite a few countries for that, touring USA several times, been to most countries in Europe that love DNB, been to Russia many times etc...
In an ideal world, everything would always go according to the plan and smoothly…but anyone with some gig/travel experience knows this is not the case.
There are some stories I've been sharing with my DJ friends over the years and I've actually had a top 10 list of the worst experiences.
Some of them may be funny, but maybe some of them also serve as an experience (to me at least, and hopefully there's something to learn for those roaming the globe doing the DJ thing currently).
You can find my mixes/podcasts here (podcasts show as icons, and mixes are at the bottom of the page) and some are on my Soundcloud and Mixcloud.
Aaaaanyways: without further ado, let's start with the worst DJ/travel experiences I've had. Some of them are related to (DJing-related) traveling for DJing, as I've prob had more bad luck with that than just with DJing.
(OK, I lied: there's more than 10, but 10 is a nice number to go for in a headline ¯\_(ツ)_/¯)
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⚫️ San Francisco: music HD breaks ⚫️
OK, I'm warming you up with an easy one that's not technically on my list.
You want to have backups of your music.
Early years of my DJing life (I think I played my very first gig around 2002), I traveled the world with vinyl only, but being able to join the Serato gang made my DJing life easier (I was among the first DNB DJs that Serato sent their first box to as they were looking for some active DJ dudes to rep their brand. I still use Serato!). But you need to back that digital stuff up.
Gig day, chilling at the promoter's place, I was doing some playlist preparation and wanted to shut down my laptop. For some reason, I was getting the Mac beach ball thing, and things weren't going forward. Waited for a few minutes, ran out of patience, and just manually powered my Macbook off.
As I turned it back on, everything works – except for the music folder on my music HD. The folder was grayed out. I had no idea how to fix it.
I was shitting my pants for a bit, thinking I'm in the middle of tour, prob done 5-6 gigs, and still had 5-6 to do.
I did get a faint thought that I had thought of bringing a backup HD. I shit you not one bit when I say that with absolutely trembling hands, I went thru my travel gear, hoping I'd have my backup HD with me…and I did. I didn't even recall packing it, but jesus, was I glad I had done that. Tour went on and nobody knew I nearly cancelled mid-tour as I (nearly) lost all the music I wanted to play.
I actually wanted to say this, as this is a hugely important factor if you travel. Actually, hell, if you do anything important, you do back your shit up.
OK, let's move on to better stuff.
⚫️Helsinki, Finland: CDJ not working⚫️
OK, this isn't a heavy one either, but let's keep warming ya up.
One of my earliest gigs in Finland was in 2005, prob soon after Siren Song release, as Teebee was at the same event.
IIRC, the DNB room opened sort of late, and I was the first DJ there, so I wanted to check the gear of course – that's good practice, or was (these days CJDs kind of make sure things are OK-ish at least).
I showed up early and asked the security dudes if I could go in and make sure the gear is fine. I could not.
Well, as the doors opened, I walk up to the stage, and people rushed in of course.
I started DJing to find out the needles were awful (I hadn't brought that much vinyl with me as I had recently learned to use the then-state-of-the-art CDJs, which I wanted to use), and one of the two CDJs had a really badly functioning cue button. It barely worked. They were CDJ100s, so there were no hot cues or memory points back then: you really needed that cue button to play.
Lesson learned early on: make sure you can do a soundcheck.
I know, I know, this doesn't really make for a juicy story per se, but I'll say when you have a crowd in front of you and you're struggling to do a good performance, that's the worst.
(Getting booked in my homeland Finland in the 20-ish years I've been DJing has been somewhat rare, or let's say relatively rare, seeing I've been a DJ for 20-ish years and putting in a lot of work as an artist.
E.g., I once talked to the promoter of what's prob the biggest festival here, asking for a gig, and he says, he can't really book me here as I'm not getting gigs here. And at the same time I was DJing abroad all the time. That year, I had also remixed two other artists performing at the festival that year, but nah, those didn't help.
Finland, what is up?)
⚫️ Almost busted by Canadian border control ⚫️
This was prob in 2009.
I'll admit now all the three long US tours I did, I did them as a tourist: no visa. Internet and socials weren't that huge then, there was no IG where DJs would announce their schedules etc. It was risky, as every tour had around 12 shows (let me tell you I miss the early-internet or no-internet days: you got judged by your musical output only and not by how good your socials look).
I had done a few gigs in USA and did an overnight trip to Canada, then coming back to USA for the rest of the tour.
I had prob flown in to Toronto from Pittsburgh.
Naturally, you end up in this long queue that ends up on the counter where passports get checked. The lady at the counter takes a look at your passport and this small document you needed to fill in on the plane, stamps it, and directs you to the luggage area. Took some 30 mins to get there.
Except when it's my turn, she tells me to go THAT way…where no-one else was going. I am baffled but kind of know why. I ask why, and she just repeats, go that way.
So yeah, I enter this small-ish room, and one look at the queue tells me it's an immigrant room or something, as I'm seeing multiple nationalities queuing before me.
I admit I totally sort of panicked as I knew they'd bust my ass and send me home for not having a visa. My heart started racing, I started sweating and I felt generally horrible. The queuing took prob around 30 mins till I got to the desk – in which time I actually managed to calm down and prob looked fairly normal.
The man at the desk asks me quite directly where I'm going, why, if I had any drugs on me, why I'm only staying for one night and then going back to USA which wasn't my homeland (I understand that looks suspicious). I told him I'm just attending a party I wanted to go to. He asks me what artists are playing, where it was, what's the name of the club…and lemme tell ya, when you do a tour of 12 gigs, you don't really learn or memorize any of that: there's someone to pick you up, they take you where you gotta be etc. The only thing I could say was that Stranjah was playing at the same event!
This went on for maybe 3-4 mins and I'm sure I'd soon get sent back. A sudden turn of events was the gentleman realizing I was a Finn! So he starts listing Finnish sports people to me: "Aaah, Finland! Jari Litmanen, Tommi Mäkinen, Jari Kurri" etc…and man did that break the ice! I of course joined him in his sports zest and we shared a moment there.
Soon after that, he stamps my border document thing and wishes me a good stay. PHEW!
I raced to the luggage area, and the promoter crew was still there. I had taken over an hour, and I was told they were already asking for replacement DJs as they were sure I was not showing up.
I still get suggestions to do US tours/gigs, mostly one-offs, and my reply always is, "Happy to do it if someone wants to arrange the tour AND a visa" (I still have some docs required for a visa saved, as there was a US agency who once promised to do all that but failed and did fuck all in the end).
⚫️ No decks at an outdoor event in Russia – нет проблем ⚫️
I sadly don't remember where this was, but it was an outdoor event somewhere in Russia, on a field. Good vibes, outdoor toilets and all that.
I was chilling in a tent close to the stage where I was supposed to play an hour before my set.
Promoter comes in with a friend and says, "There are no turntables: the techno crew on the other side of the field has them". I had of course made it very clear that I use turntables, and I'd need them, as I was traveling with the dear aforementioned Serato box and control vinyl.
There were no CDJs at that stage, which was no problem per se as I didn't really get into them until fairly late in my DJing career. But man if they had had some, I would've used them.
So what did I end up doing, not feeling I want to walk across a huge dark Russian field in the middle of the night and steal and bring a pair of Technics to my stage?
Sort of panicking an hour before my set, I learned how to use Serato on your laptop using your computer keys and trackpad. They had a DJ mixer, after all.
Let me tell you, that's not super slick or convenient. But I won't lie when I said I actually played a pretty dang decent set I was happy with. I don't think anyone noticed (or even cared) that I was looking like writing emails for the duration of my set! But I do not recommend doing that, and have not done that ever since.
⚫️ RUSSIAN BONUS MENTION with a good day, not using an AK ⚫️
In Moscow once, everything went smooth, and finally after the event, me and my friend were taken to the hotel. The driver accidentally entered a one-way street and drove a few meters the wrong way, and unfortunately there was a cop car real close.
They pulled our driver over immediately.
They were questioning him outside the car for a pretty long time, while there's another Russian cop nearly leaning on our backseat window while holding on to an AK that's nearly pointed at our window. WTF.
We were asked to go out and we had to present our hotel keycards and flight tickets and that took a while.
Finally we were let go and the driver, I heard, was taken the police station and was fined a pretty heavy sum of money.
Phew! You don't wanna fuk with the authorities in Russia.
(Bonus bonus: heard a story of some UK DJ getting busted for doing something other than alcohol at a festival in an ex-Soviet country.
The cop told the DJ that there's two options:
1) to proceed legally or 2) they'd go to ATM and he'd give the cop 1,000 pounds.
The DJ went for option 2, and the cop thanked him and he and got his substances back and the cop admitted he uses it too).
⚫️ I did have decks in Russia, but things got lost in translation…or something ⚫️
I believe this was in Moscow.
Being a Serato/vinyl user, I've always wanted to do a soundcheck well in advance, if possible, unless the promoter absolutely assures me everything is in tip top shape. So I wanted to do it here, too.
The schedule didn't really permit for that in a convenient fashion, and as I arrived to the club, they're already saying, they're going to start the event in 15 mins so I gotta be really quick. There were dudes finishing doing their techno live soundcheck on the stage, and there were plenty of people actually already dancing and enjoying themselves.
And I rush to set up my shit and just do a quick check (I only really need to see that turntables/needles are working and monitoring is fine). The needles were fucked and I could not beatmatch. Yeah, I hear you say, bring your own needles, and I didn't, and this was a lesson, too. Somehow you really learn things well when you learn them thru some sweating distress, right? Why does it often actually take just that and not just hearing the tips from people? In my defense, I had requested for everything.
So I'm trying to make things work and tell myself it's all OK so I wouldn't be shitting my pants all the time while waiting for my turn, but things were in a bad shape. I told the promoter, if I don't get proper needles, it'll be hell for me, as beatmatching is just pain. The promoter smiles and tells me to relax and finish my soundcheck.
I got some drinks in and just tried to relax, knowing it'd prob be stress ahead.
At one point, I see guys bringing in new Technics decks with price tags in them! That made me think, maybe things will turn for the better.
Soon after that, someone asks me to go to a room with nobody else in there. Huge tables etc. I sit down, and a waiter brings a menu. I forgot what I ordered, but it was prob something good: Russians are hospitable and food is always so good!
This was a weird moment, as it was the promoter's birthday, but I was being treated like a king (sort of normal in Russia TBH), and there were literally no other people in that room.
I finally get my food and get the first bites in, and immediately as I do that, a person of the crew comes in and tells me I gotta start DJing. I'm like, "Now?" and yeah, now it was.
So I went and did my thing. There were no needles. The whole set I'm sweating, as I love to blend and beatmatch, and I recall that being tough and I kind of hated the whole set just for that.
I had probably been playing for some 70 mins or something, and the promoter walks up to the stage, in good spirits, clearly enjoying his birthday. I told him, I'm so sorry if you can hear it but man I can't mix, like I told you in soundcheck! He says, it's fine, maybe you can play some Pantera song and then finish.
I did have Pantera on my HD and I dropped Fucking Hostile and finished my set.
Relief.
As I had finished and started undoing my Serato setup, I see the next DJ get up on stage, remove the needles I was using, and installing what clearly were some top shape needles.
DUDE.
🥵💻 Helsinki, Finland: stuttery live set💻😥
I was playing a live set at a labor day event in Helsinki.
I had played the same live set three times before recently - didn't feel bad about that, as it had been in other countries, so the audience hadn't heard it.
And that also meant I knew the set should be worry-free (creating a live set takes a LOT of time and testing so you know your computer can take it and won't start stuttering). Had been playing and practicing that set a lot at home, and sure enough it was road-tested.
Well, this one gig, the computer DID start stuttering really badly. First just a bit, but it got gradually worse, up to the point where people came to me trying to add something under the laptop, thinking it was because of hard drive vibration...but it was not that. CPU was getting hammered.
The set, for some reason, was now something my laptop couldn't handle anymore. I had not done a single thing to the computer (such as OS updates or anything…when you have a computer for live stuff, you don't do that).
Worst feeling in the world. I had played half of the set, and I just stopped, and some DJ started his thing, as I thought that might happen again.
Sigh. You live and learn. If you play live, keep the set very LIGHT.
⚫️ Russia flight woes ⚫️
This was in Tuymen, Russia, 2009.
If there's one basic-level request I'd have for a promoter, or a member of the promoter crew, it's that it's nice if there's a contact person that the DJ can talk to if he needs something – and I don't mean this in a "hey I'll need a beer now and a cocktail now" diva sense…but more like in a "We'll pick you up at 11:30 and take you to the airport" sense.
I've always been the person that's slightly worried/stressed about travel/flight schedules, but that's ensured I've never missed flights (due to reasons having to do with my own actions). This one was close.
I remember the promoter was having a lot of fun during the night, which is OK. I didn't stay super late, as I knew I had a sort of early flight back.
So I was taken to where I was supposed to sleep, and I clearly checked with the promoter that I'd be taken to the airport at a certain time. I was staying at the promoter's place.
Morning time, my alarm wakes me up, and the promoter isn't there. I call him up. He's still at the club, partying. Jesus. I told him I'll need that ride. The venue wasn't that far. He says he'll leave now and come ASAP. I waited for prob 60 mins or so and called again. He was still at the club and I started getting cranky, for a reason, and he said he'll come ASAP. And he did.
So in a moment, we're absolutely fucking speeding on the highway, hoping I'll make it to the flight. Stress levels 100. I make it to the airport, check in, asked about my gate (discussing things in English at remote Russian airports may not be as easy as you'd wish) and proceed to the gate.
Great, I know I'm sort of late already, or really close to the time of actual departure. There isn't even my flight info on the gate anymore.
Well, shit. Sort of loud, I'm trying to get attention, asking if there were people going to where I should be going. Well, it's remote Russia, and nobody seems to want to react.
Maybe it's not a juicy story, but if you've ever experienced this, you may know the feeling: you feel the flight has already left and there's barely anyone that can help you.
I probably looked pretty miserable. Finally a young couple comes to me and says the flight has been delayed quite a bit. OH HEAVENS THANKS. An absolute stress turns info relief.
So yeah, promoters, make sure you'll get the DJ back to the airport ON TIME (not 20-mins-before-departure-on-time…well on time!).
BONUS from eastern Europe: I had to take a train from the town of event to the airport. I was given a train ticket and very clear instructions, and double-checked everything with the person instructing me – not rocket science. Sit down, and get off at that stop. Except when I got off at the stop I was instructed to get off at and I see the train continue its journey, I see that the whole stop really looks like I'm really in some dead small town in the middle of absolutely nowhere – and I see a plane take off at some far distance. Had I got off one stop too early? Yes, I fucking had. Did this cause massive stress and was the airport a bit far? Oh hell yes. Did I finally make it on time? Yes, by some insane strike of luck I wandered around that dead town, ended up on a bus stop, and mentioned airport, and no way the person said there'll soon be a bus going to airport. I still get sort of regular nightmares relating to travel schedules, and these may be to blame, haha.
⚫️ Moscow: promoter is AWOL, and dude where's my ride?⚫️
So this one was a shitshow from the beginning.
Forgot the year, but Moscow it was.
Now saying unfavorable things about a person in public isn't great, but hey this one, I don't care.
I believe there was another, much bigger event in Moscow the same day. The promoter (a first-timer) had been informed about that but he didn't care: he wanted to have me and dgoHn play.
This person had arranged the whole event mostly alone, I feel, and it can take some work. He hadn't promoted things much. Well, I can live with that. At least I got to meet dgoHn (he's great and his music rules) and my russian friend there.
Well, not much to say about the event. I and dgoHn left pretty soon after dgoHn's set, taking a taxi to our hotel. The promoter was fairly shitfaced to say the least, around that time. He says he could go and get our payments now or pay us in the morning, when he'd come to our hotel and get us all a taxi to the airport. A big mistake was saying, "Morning is OK".
Because the dude never showed up at the hotel. Not a great feeling trying to call a promoter, and his phone is switched off (this'll happen again in another gig story in Latvia, you just wait). I can't remember what I discussed with dgoHn but we proceeded to the hotel lobby in hopes of the dude being there. He was not. Phone was off. Personnel at hotel lobby did not talk a word of English, and we didn't have any cash on us (we should've had some by now).
By some insane strike luck and to my surprise, my Russian friend, who had been at the show, was there. She arranged a cab for us and joined us for the ride. It took us a while to get going, but we finally did. Felt slightly stressed about schedule already when entering the taxi.
Haha, I remember the OG Russian Lada taxi "speeding" on the highway, some 50-60 km/h: I shit you not, I think its motor was busted, as it was slightly revving up and down, its speed varying all the time. I was stressing to my friend it's insane we're going this slow, as we gotta make the flight. My friend translated it, and the driver did the international finger symbol for needing more money (chafing fingers against each other) so he could drive faster. If I had had money, I would've paid him to reach at least 80 km/h!
I remember dgoHn doing this hand gesture, as if he's drinking from a bottle, laughing, saying something like jesus if I ever make it home, I'll down a beer.
We made it to the airport.
I flew to St. Petersburg and had to kill some time there, as the return flights weren't the best. I was joined by the local DNB promoter crew for whom I had DJd and played live before…a good bunch.
I spent some 7-8h at St. Petersburg, texting the promoter saying wtf, where was he, and when will we get paid. I got some vague replies.
It was a long day in StP, as I was a bit stressed.
Finally, at the end of what felt like a long day, I'm taken to the airport. I wanted to leave that weekend behind, and it had felt pretty shitty. I was ready to go home. I waved at the car that dropped me off at the airport, feeling better already. You know the feeling when it's been a bit long but you know you'll get home soon and you'll be in bed soon?
I walk towards the security screening while looking at the large screen displaying the flights for the next few hours, just double-checking – I mean, what could go wrong at this point. Except I don't see my flight on that screen.
Once again, speaking English didn't bring many results. I walked to the security people and show my flight info, baffled as to why there's no Helsinki.
All the Russian lady could do for me is repeat, "Taxi! Taxi!" and do a hand gesture waving and pointing elsewhere. Fuck me, fuck me. I realized I had been taken to the wrong airport: they have two airports at Saint Petersburg. They're not even that close to each other. I dunno man, I was so tired, I probably wanted to scream some shit, but I just got a new ride to the new airport, travel-stressed again. Barely made it, but I did.
I did get paid for the gig at the end, but it took some hassling of the promoter. Turns out he had rented DJ gear for the event and hadn't returned it (some ppl from Moscow hit me up about that, asking for his contact info, as they couldn't get in touch with him).
Phew. DJing and traveling is fun!
⚫️ Portland, Oregon (and San Francisco, California) ⚫️
I'm pretty sure I had played Seattle the night before and I was now in Portland.
I had eaten quite a few burgers while in USA. So we wanted to have burgers before the show, and my agent, who joined me there, suggested a burger joint. We were about to walk in, as some pretty drunk couple storms out and starts fighting.
I recall saying something like, well, let's take this as a sign, and you know what, I've had so many burger meals, let's go for something healthier and look up some other joint.
So we went to some other restaurant where I ordered a chicken Caesar salad, only to find out later the burger would've been a better option.
Fast forward to my set. Was supposed to DJ for 2 hours, but after one hour, I feel my stomach's getting absolutely fukked. At 1.5 hours, I had to go and tell my agent who was there that I'm feeling so bad, I cannot go on, and I need to stop.
Fast-forward to me running to men's bathroom. Except men's bathroom was locked. If you've ever experienced the heavy onset of food poisoning, you know you don't realy negotiate with it. At all. I prob stood outside the bathroom for a few seconds hoping the men's bathroom would open, but it didn't, so women's bathroom would have to do.
If you've ever seen a comedy movie where somebody vomits in a funny fashion and the vomit's coming out of some highly pressurized hose or something and the contents just FLY around…I'll say I thought things don't work out that way in real life, but that magical night, they did, and to this day, I feel bad about what the walls of that ladies' bathroom had to experience.
I didn't sleep one second that night, as I spent most of the night crawling from my bed to the toilet and back. Body was 100% emptied from everything.
What did not help was the fact that I had a somewhat early flight to San Francisco in the morning. So yeah, I was clearly going thru some sort of food poisoning thing. Man, was I feeling low at that airport. What kinda helped (but not with energy levels) was that at least my body was so empty of everything, there was nothing left. Hah.
Fast forward to San Francisco. I meet the promoter and his friend, and – bless them – they were STOKED and they were blasting jungle really loud in his car, while I feel absolutely drained and fucked: going on zero sleep, zero energy.
I had to be honest and say I may have to cancel this gig as, let's be honest, I'm really, really bad right now. I was taken to a very lovely couple's place where I got to to straight to bed and I got all sorts of fluids to drink. I repeated I may have to cancel as I'm fucked, but can I stay in bed till 8 p.m., and let's see how I'll be feeling then.
Soon it was 8 p.m., and it was a tough call. The idea of cancelling did feel bad, but so felt my body. Hell, I said I'd do it.
I was taken to the club around 10 p.m., and I prob played around midnight.
Party was AMAZING. There was even a couple who had just got married and they had traveled from pretty far just to SF to see my set. That made me feel a bit better.
It was a sick, sick event (literally and figuratively, haha!). I remember guys and girls raving hard, and in the front row, there were ladies trying to offer me whiskey, and trust me, normally I would've loved that…but I had to concentrate on not vomiting and shitting my pants!
⚫️Hungary ⛈
This isn't a hard-hitting story, but I recall an outdoor festival in either Hungary or Bulgaria where the weather really messed things up.
There was a 2-day festival coming up. There were several stages for different types of music.
I arrived the day before festival, and man, the weather was amazingly beautiful and sunny.
The day of festival, it was one of the worst rainy days I've experienced. I recall looking at the stage where I was supposed to play a bit before my show, and there was rain dripping down here and there, and I said, if you don't make the tarps better, no way I'm going to put my laptop on that stage, and things kind of look like some electrical hazard with this rain now.
I remember that's the only DJ gig I've done where my hands were absolutely freezing and I was absolutely hating to play. With cold-as-hell hands, it's not a joy to operate turntables. I hadn't brought any gloves, but it was so rainy and I guess you were getting sprinkles of rain on your hands anyways, tarps above you or not.
Can't say there were many people there, and the organizing party probably took a massive financial hit.
All I remember is that after the set, I went into some backstage warehouse where we were eating some food and downing some alcohol and that was that. Felt bad for the crew.
⚫️ Latvia: overall fuckery
There was supposed to be a proper nice warehouse rave in Latvia.
Seba, Macc, Paradox, and dhoHn were there at least, if I remember correctly.
Things started a bit shit from the very beginning, and as the person picking me up from the airport showed up, first thing he says is that the event prob isn't happening.
Reason, IIRC, was that they hadn't paid for an official license to do the event, and a rival crew had busted them.
I was taken to the venue anyways where I met the other artists. There were lots of people outside the building: it definitely would've been a decent event.
We proceeded to go to someone's place (I forgot who I was with) and had some drinks there, and all of a sudden I recall someone getting a call and he says there's now some ad-hoc event happening at some warehouse and we should go there. And we did (I and some of the ppl that were hosting me).
I recall Seba was playing as we get there, and they honestly had a decent rave going on already.
But there were some sad talks in the air and I remember clearly someone saying that this event doesn't really have to do with the event you were supposed to be playing at. I also recall hearing that the promoter was getting super drunk at his home, not answering anyone's calls. Well, at least the people from the crew were there, keeping me company.
I played after Seba, and IIRC it was a decent event.
However, I did notice after my set that the ppl of the crew that had been hosting me had left. Well, I try to call them, and phones were switched off. Well, shit. I didn't see other familiar artist there anymore either.
Basically, when you don't even know where you are and don't know anyone there, lemme tell you, that, in the middle of the night, is not the greatest of all feelings.
There were some people there that very super friendly and I had talked to them before this ad hoc event while we were somewhere else having some drinks.
I for sure would've loved to be taken to somewhere where I was supposed to be at that point to get some sleep, but as the offical crew had fucked off and switched off their phones (seriously, ppl like this should not book artists), the next best thing I could do was to join the crew of the ppl who seemed nice and friendly.
I don't fully remember how the night went on, but I do remember this crew I had joined wanted to go somewhere else for afterparty. It may not come to you super surprising that that wasn't what I would've loved to do, but I basically had no choice. Had no money on me (should've got paid by then), no credit card, and it wasn't the smartphone era yet when you could quickly look up some cheap motel and go there…I prob had some 2006-style Nokia on me or something.
Anyways, to this afterparty place we went, and people kept playing records at someone's crib and drinking more alcohol.
I remember being really damn tired but somehow worry-free (I guess worrying just makes you feel worse and sometimes you just gotta laugh at how stupid things to), and it was prob till 8 am or something that things went on. All I could think was I'm flying home really late the next day and I hope that works out.
Well, after the afterparty, there were two girls who seemed pretty sober and trustworthy and who knew my situation, and they said they know a place where I could crash.
What followed was a pretty long walk across the town – with me lugging around a really full bag of vinyl (yeah, I was playing only vinyl back then) that would be OK to carry for short distances, but some 3-4 km walk at 9 am after being up all night with a mega-heavy bag isn't a joy.
(You may get the idea by now that I've definitely endured some travel stress just for all the DJ travels)
So we finally end up at, well, some place, and things are looking cozy. I was told I could sleep on this sofa here, and the people I was with would do their best to contact the people responsible for taking me to the airport later that day. There was a couple living in that apartment and they gave me food.
Finally I'd get to rest.
So the couple greets me and leaves me to sleep in the living room and go to their room. Silence, peace, rest. Finally.
Except the couple starts fucking and moaning really, really, really loud, on the other side of the wall. I mean, yeah, it's your apartment and you can do what you want, but really? That lasted for at least 30 mins. Shit sounded like they were doing it next to you.
Everything felt really absurd at that point and I can barely remember the next few hours. I probably ate something and slept when the extra loud fucking ended.
I do remember that in some hours, people came to me and they said they had reached the dudes who were originally supposed to host me. They showed up in a few hours and paid me, IIRC, and I probably lectured them a bit.
I don't know if this story really conveys who long that night was, but long it was.
Stuff like this really makes you a bit cynical, but hopefully also in a healthy way, and you learn a lot about what you require when you travel.
🍻 Helsinki, Finland: I like good beer and my laptop does, too! 🍻
This must've been some 12-15 years ago.
So some of my friends used to do this nice DNB night at this small cozy venue/bar in Helsinki (I'll leave the name of the venue out) where they played the deeper end of DNB. I loved the night, as there wasn't really any dancefloor, so no-one had the pressure of playing bangers and making people dance: you could play anything. This one time, I was invited to play and was happy to join.
So it really never was unclear to anyone that DNB was the name of the game.
I had been playing for, well, not super long, when this fairly drunk dude comes to me, "Play something else! Do you have something else?" very stubbornly. Every DJ has had these at some point.
I kindly said to him that DNB was the theme for the night, like it's always at this particular night, and I would not play anything else. I wasn't being a dick: just stating a fact. You don't go to a house night and bitch about the music if you don't like house: you go somewhere else, d'uh!
He kept doing this, and a few times, I said the same thing, all friendly. But as that keeps happening, at some point you stop ignoring the person. I mean, you've done all you can, right?
I did notice he was getting more frustrated and a bit aggro each time.
Well, this escalated, and he went and he bought yet another beer and came and threw its contents on my laptop. The Pioneer mixer got some of it too.
My friends saw this, too, and it was no accident.
I was pretty damn baffled, to say the least, and I prob stopped the music and marvelled at all the beer dripping out of my Macbook – definitely a sight I had not got to witness before, so I was proud of gaining this experience! Bummed that I didn't get any pics of that.
The douchebag proceeded to run out of the venue where his friend tried to stop and hold him. I went to them like "What the fuck did you just do?" and he's just like "Um..um...I don't know" and I'm asking for some ID so we'd handle this thru his insurance company or whatever. He finally breaks free from his friend's grip and runs some 10 meters away, and I follow the guy, to some grill or kiosk or something where there's a bunch of people. I follow him with his friend. So this group of people he approached somehow were immediately on his side and they saw me and his friend approach him, and they were like, "Whoooah, what's going on here then?" and I tried telling them this dude just fucked up my laptop and DJ gear and is trying to escape but it started looking to them like we were the bad guys as they were sideing with him. I quickly gave up, thinking my laptop just got messed up and I don't need a beating on top of that.
I called the dude a day or two after as I got his info from the venue (they actually knew him), and he was just as douchey sober and didn't really want to do anything about it. I said my laptop is busted and I need to do a gig abroad next weekend and it's up to you to get me a working laptop. He laughs and offers me some really old defunct laptop and I said, "That old junk wouldn't even run the software I use" and he laughs and says, "Well, at least I've offered you something now!"
Basically I returned to discuss this with the bar, and they had already put in an insurance claim as an accident – without asking me at all – and I got paid the price of a new laptop in the end, and the bar guy actually let me use his laptop for the gig next weekend.
Well, that is it! No long finishing words – if you made it this far, I salute you!
Have you had bad experiences DJing? I'd LOVE to hear!
Make sure to tune in to my monthly Twitch DJ streams of jungle/DNB here.
I will announce the dates on my socials such as Instagram and Facebook so keep your eyes peeled.
You can find my mixes/podcasts here (podcasts show as icons, and mixes are at the bottom of the page).
Comments
Janne Hatula
Thanks! I really hated some of those situations…but at least they made for good stories in the end, haha.
All Hail Eris
These were super fun to read, the anxiety was palpable🫠
