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The best thing in my life has ended after 12 1/2 years.
🕑 Added 2025-03-06 21:52:46 +0000 UTCMy husband, best friend, soulmate, and my everything Chris Lue has flown free to a better place yesterday, March 5, 2025 at 10:20pm after putting up a hell of a fight for 10 days. He developed severe pneumonia in both of his lungs and sepsis in his blood after getting Influenza A.
I don't know how to make this kind of post. I can't believe I'm making this kind of a post. I never imagined it would be this way. If anything, with my health conditions, I always thought it would be me first.
Those who knew us knew that we were glued to each other. Everything I did, he was automatically co-signed. Everything he did, I was automatically co-signed. The first 2 years of our relationship that started on September 22, 2012 was full of innocent bliss. Our lives changed after I was diagnosed with lupus in January 2015, but he never left my side. When I was in ICU fighting for my life after a severe allergy to lidocaine, the one thing I kept in my mind was Chris and Atari (our malshi who we named after the band we saw on our first meet/blind date). I fought through my severe battle of hanging on to life because I didn't want to leave him. Since I couldn't speak due to being on a ventilator, I fought through the pain to scribble his name and drew a heart around it on a piece of paper to indicate that I wanted him. He is why I am still here today, why I survived that critical moment in my life.
This is NOT to say that he didn't do the same for me. I know he fought. He knew to wake me up at 1am on Monday to tell me something was wrong - had he not, I would've woken up to the cold version of him next to me. When he was put on a ventilator and had his arms tied down in ICU, he worked with me via blinking his eyes and nodding his head to communicate me when I used my phone to go through letters for him to spell messages to me. When there was a code blue on Tuesday 30 minutes after ECMO (used to treat people with life-threatening heart and lung failure), he came back after 4 minutes of his heart flatlining. He stayed as long as he could, and I am so proud of him for that. I told him how thankful I was for him to wake me up to tell me something was wrong in his state of being unable to breathe. Unfortunately, a better place had a spot ready for him, and it was time for him to check in.
I don't know how I am going to live my life without him. He adjusted his whole life to fit with mine after I got lupus. He took me to all of my doctor appointments. We had such an adventure together, even at Kroger of all places because he loved to cook and discover new flavors so he would see something and say "hey, this could go in a pasta right?".
Y'all who know me personally knows that I have always lived with inner and outer insecurities and it's not easy for me to give myself credit and acknowledgment. With that being said, I wholeheartedly and un-hesitatingly can say that I am so grateful to have had a love that was so rare, so deep, and so unconditional that isn't easy to find and not many can. That may sound bold, but Chris healed the self-doubt in me and helped me not only grow some boldness, but the power to acknowledge and make awareness of the truth. Not "my" truth, THE truth.
Chris had his inner demons that he struggled with, but he gave me assurance that our lives together made him happy. He was so, so happy. He always said how lucky we were for what we had with each other.
He did not deserve this. He had so much more potential. He was so full of adventure and life. We were supposed to count our gray hairs together. We went through so much hardships. What more could life want from me to prove my power? Why was taking Chris from me even an option?
I'm going to take my time to grieve. I'm not going to be okay. It's going to be a long, long, long time for me to find some option of a new contentment in my life. It will NEVER be the same and NOTHING will be close to anything as good as the 12 and a half years that Chris gifted to me. How annoyingly ironic is it that he developed pneumonia and sepsis on our 3-month marriage anniversary? How tragic is it that we always made it our thing to say that I am Calypso because I am the Goddess of his Seas and that he is Davy Jones because he gave his heart to me, only for me to now be gifted by Methodist Hospital with a stuffed giraffe with his recorded heart beat in it? How incredibly sad is it that we were supposed to celebrate our marriage on our 13-year anniversary in Hawaii this September 22nd, 2025? We literally just chose our first song and were silly-dancing to it the week before. I custom-made my dress just for you, because I knew you would love it. We were so excited to bring Atari to Hawaii to with us and to see her first time with the beautiful Hawaiian sands to dig in and discover.
I have so much more to say and so much more that I want to share, but I have to go select an outfit for him now for him to look like the handsome man that he is for his funeral and I have to find a photo for his urn. However, after this post, I will share a new photo album of something that we wanted to kind of surprise everyone with.
I miss you so much baby. I am so empty and numb. I can't finish The White Lotus without you. I don't know if I can go to Hawaii without you. I can't function without you, but I promise I will keep myself healthy considering my health condition because I know that you wouldn't want me to get sick. I know that you would want me strong not only for myself, but for our "fatso" Atari.
I love you Christopher Karr-Lynn Lue and you will always be the only one. You are it. I know we can never predict the future, but I know that there is no one else for me and no one else who could even temporarily take his spot. He is my "forever I do". Meet me at the Rainbow Bridge in Haleiwa in our own Flash-Sideways, and please have Atari there with you. That way, I can stop feeling Lost and we can move onward together.
PS: if y'all would like to share a memory of Chris or your favorite thing about Chris or even something random about Chris, please do so in the comments. Not only would I love to hear it but his family, who are unfortunately feeling this pain as well, would love to get more insight about how wonderful, charming, funny, and beautiful their son was and always will be.
PPS: I created the GoFundMe with the intention to not only cover his hospital bills, but to give to Chris as well when I thought it would just be 3-4 days of treatment. I clearly now will be in even more need of financial help with funeral services and all else that comes along with that on top of his hospital bills. I really would appreciate the financial support; with my health conditions, I'm not only unable to get a 'normal job', but I just can NOT create YouTube and Patreon content for a long while. Not while I'm still trying to figure out if this is real or if he's about to walk in through the door after taking several hours to play some good ol' pool. The GoFundMe link is below, feel free to share this post. Chris was the kind of person who kept to himself a lot, and I would love for the world to know the magic and beauty that he showed to me. Thank you.
https://www.gofundme.com/f/support-chris-lues-critical-health-battle
Comments
RiderMX
Hey Thina, I just wanted to let you know that I am contantly thinking aboout him and your journey through life. I have been a follower for such a long time and it really brings me back to earth that you lost your husband, but at the end of the day, I just want you to know that I am always thinking about your losss and that life will go on. He will always think about you (his wife) that made his life so special. He is in a better place now and will always think and care about you. He is with you all the time, I am so happy that you have with you, much love from germany <3
Matthew Galloway
I can't imagine the pain you're feeling right now. Condolences for your loss. ❤️
