katsmithart
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Bottle of Pills
🕑 Added 2024-03-02 20:00:03 +0000 UTCI spent three hours staring at a bottle of my pills
Wondering if what’s inside would really be enough
To bring this story to a close.
I hate this mess inside my head, this mass of jumbled stuff
That rolls around in crashing waves
And pushes reason from my thoughts.
My fearful insecurities grasp me tight
And tie my me up in knots
That bind my words and hold my hands
And lock me with inaction.
I do my best to focus on the good things in my life
But they dissolve into abstraction
And lose their form before I think
To memorize their gauzy shapes.
I cling to any scrap of joy
But the pieces always escape
And I find myself alone.
Those that love me - just a text or call away;
But in my head I am alone.
This rigid sense of hopelessness
Keeps my thoughts in disarray
And pushes me to think the worst of myself.
After all, I am a lie, a broken masque of smiles;
Veneer of grins; facade of kindness;
A picture and some witty words on social media profiles.
My depression sings a lullaby of sorrowful deception
That undermines the work I’ve done so far.
I let out a silent, wordless scream
That echoes in this fleshy avatar;
This marionette of bones and blood
In which I struggle to control
The daily fight within my head -
The battle for my soul.
The bottle taunts me, pills rattle within
I count their tiny taps against the plastic wall
And do the math. They are too few.
Looks like I live another day, after all.
