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Boruto, You Little Rascal (29)
🕑 Added 2024-02-22 01:28:02 +0000 UTCChapter 29 - I Forgive You
Sasuke stood silently in the shadows, completely concealing his presence to ensure that Chitose would not notice him.
For the past six nights, he had stood behind the young boy like this every night, silently watching his back until he left before leaving himself.
Today was the same. He looked at Chitose with dim eyes. It had already been seven days. He watched as Chitose silently looked out the window during the day and came here in a daze at night. He knew what he was thinking about.
He watched as the young boy sat atop the statue, facing the lights of thousands of households, but where he sat was a stretch of darkness. His eyes that resembled his elder brother reflected specks of light and stardust.
He was waiting for his answer. In his heart, the answers could only be those few: hate him, want to kill him, never forgive him and treat him as a stranger from now on, or something else along those lines. But the nature would still be similar.
He had never thought of going to explain. What was there for him to explain? The facts were just that, Chitose already understood, there was no need for extra words from him.
Originally, the purpose of the latter half of his life was to atone. That young boy occupied the biggest share of his life. In a way, the Hidden Leaf, world peace, Kaguya’s allies, even Sakura and Sarada, were all secondary compared to this little boy. He merely silently awaited the boy’s answer, like a criminal awaiting his sentence.
No matter what he wanted to do, Sasuke would have no complaints. But in reality, he was still too naïve. When that moment truly arrived, his first thought was actually to turn around and leave, to a place where he could never be found.
He heard Chitose call out to him, and only then did he nearly panic as he realized that he still wasn’t prepared. He still wasn’t prepared to face the disgusted, even hateful gaze from the boy.
But now it was too late for anything. He could only force his legs, stiff as if dead, to move as he walked out from his hiding spot to stand still while looking at the young boy.
Chitose listened as footsteps sounded behind him, listened as the person stopped a few steps away from him. He closed his eyes and sighed before standing up to face his uncle.
On the dark stretch of the Hokage Rock that was not illuminated by any lights, a man and a boy stood face-to-face.
Sasuke’s gaze stopped at Chitose’s neck. There, the wound that the boy had carved into himself was almost healed. He had removed the bandages this morning. Sakura had generously applied the best medicine on him such that not only were the wounds healing swiftly, there wasn’t even a scar left now.
But Sasuke could still remember that moment the child collapsed. How it felt as if his own breath had stopped as well. If this child were to die too... If he couldn’t even protect Itachi’s child... Sasuke unconsciously clenched his one remaining fist tightly. It trembled.
Chitose looked silently at Sasuke. Finally, he slowly spoke up, causing Sasuke to tense up every muscle in his body for that instant.
“Do you regret it?”
In the silence, Sasuke struggled for half a moment before finally finding his voice again as he replied in a trembling voice, “...That feeling has never disappeared for a single day.”
Chitose gave no response. Sasuke inhaled sharply as he self-deprecatingly raised the corners of his lips despite not knowing he looked more wretched than if he were crying. He awkwardly turned his eyes away as he spoke in a hoarse voice, “You can take it as me arguing sophistically. It’s fine if you don’t believe it.”
He recalled how the boy had said amidst the blood-red Susanoo that he would never believe Sasuke’s words again. So what meaning did his current words still hold?
While filled with pain at this thought, Sasuke had already prepared himself to receive Chitose’s roars or mockery. But Chitose did not say anything more regarding that phrase. He merely tilted his head slightly as he replied in a flat tone, “...Then that would be fourteen years already...”
Sasuke raised his head in shock as for the first time he met the boy’s gaze, but at the same moment, the boy lightly glanced away to look at Sasuke’s empty left sleeve.
After a lengthy period of silence, he spoke again, “Did you love my father?”
Sasuke lowered his head. The answer was so clearly engraved on the surface of his heart, but the remorse and pain buried deep within prevented him from opening his mouth.
Seeing that he still gave no response, Chitose frowned faintly, “You didn’t love him?”
“No!” Sasuke quickly answered as he tightened his fist and lowered his darkened eyes full of pain. His lips trembled as he whispered, “...I loved him, more than I’ve loved anyone else. All this time.”
“All this time.” Chitose observed him silently, his gaze tranquil.
Sasuke closed his eyes and deeply inhaled. His heart felt as if it had fallen into an ice cellar, becoming exceptionally frigid.
“...I’m not blaming you.”
Amidst the suffocating silence, the boy’s cool voice suddenly spilled out inexplicably from his mouth, swiftly cutting through the air between them like thunder by Sasuke’s ears, exploding by his ears before instantly setting off towering waves within his heart in the blink of an eye. His heart shuddered once as he raised his head to look at the boy who was gazing calmly at him. His lips trembled, his gaze unwavering.
Looking at his seemingly untroubled expression, Sasuke couldn’t help strongly doubting his own ears. His voice shaking, he weakly whispered like muttering to himself, “What?” His nearly inaudible voice was still heard clearly by the black-haired boy.
Looking solemnly at Sasuke, he enunciated each word, “I said, I’m not blaming you.”
This time Sasuke heard it clearly, but he appeared so shocked that he merely gazed fixedly at Chitose, completely at a loss as to how to react or what to say.
Chitose slightly lowered his eyelids and heaved a long sigh. “It’s enough already, Uncle Sasuke.”
“You’ve atoned for fourteen years, it’s enough already. My father never resented you, and now, neither will I resent you anymore.”
He raised his eyes to look at Sasuke before suddenly stepping forward and walking right up to stand before Sasuke. Then he slowly raised a hand and gently embraced him.
Sasuke instantly froze like a stone, even forgetting to breathe for that moment. He merely stood there blankly feeling the boy’s warm body temperature against his chest, hearing that leisurely voice by his ear.
He heard him sighing as he spoke,
“So please, don’t continue living in pain. Don’t keep living for atonement anymore. From now on, live for yourself.”
Sasuke remained motionless as he stood there listening to Chitose’s every sentence that left him shocked and moved.
A long time later, he finally spoke again. His voice cracked as it trembled, “You’re not hating me?”
But the black-haired boy asked in response instead, “Did you hate my father?”
Sasuke’s right hand trembled once. Finally he lowered his head to look at the top of the boy’s head nestled against him as he answered softly, “...I did, but now...”
Chitose let go and took a step back to look at him, the corners of his lips curving up.
“Then my answer is the same.”
Sasuke silently regarded him. The boy’s voice flowed gently amidst the night,
“Using the deaths of others as excuses to punish the people who love me is not right, Uncle Sasuke. I once had nothing, and you gave me everything. Even you yourself are part of that everything. So stop dwelling on the past. From now on, I wish to keep living with you, with Sarada, and Aunt Sakura.”
“That’s why, I hope you can forgive yourself too. Don’t keep painfully atoning, and stop letting your atonement bring pain to the people who love you.”
Finally, the black-haired, black-eyed boy flashed him a faint smile. Gazing at Sasuke with fathomless eyes, gentle and open-minded.
“I’m not blaming you, much less hating you. So from now on, live freely for yourself.”
Sasuke’s pupils abruptly constricted. As he looked at Chitose, for a moment it was as if he saw his elder brother instead.
Amidst a stretch of white light he saw Itachi, looking exactly like Chitose, smiling gently at him.
He said, “I will always love you.”
Sasuke remained silent. Chitose silently regarded him.
At last Sasuke moved. He slowly went down on one knee as he used his one arm to pull Chitose into his embrace.
He hugged him tightly, burying his head deeply against the boy’s neck. His entire body trembled as his arm that held the small boy seemed intent on pressing him into himself.
He gave no response to Chitose, but Chitose had already read his reply from the succession of icy tears falling onto the back of his neck. He silently reached out to hug his uncle back, heaving a long sigh in his heart.
What truly tormented Sasuke all along was not the matter between the Uchiha and Konoha, but Itachi. He had killed with his own hands the brother who always loved him and protected him – that was what pained and filled him most with remorse. Just this fact meant he had no face to meet Chitose. Yet to Chitose, while he was troubled over how to handle the revival of the Uchiha clan and restore his father’s reputation despite the conflict, the crux that pained him most was that his father had been killed by his now most beloved uncle.
Thus, the only one qualified to answer Sasuke could only be Chitose, and the only person who could grant salvation to Sasuke, was also only Chitose.
No matter who told him in those fourteen years: Enough Sasuke, you’ve done enough, stop atoning... it would be useless.
Because Sasuke still hadn’t forgiven himself. So no matter who said it, it was useless. Yet at the same time, he himself also didn’t know, just when exactly, just what exactly must he do, for the boulder in his heart to finally settle down, for him to stop punishing himself, for him to finally be able to forgive himself until now.
Until now, for Chitose as Itachi’s son, as the continuation of Itachi’s life, as the only person who understood his agony and feelings. As the only one who could truly make him feel forgiven. As the only one qualified to say those words to him. Telling him –
—I’m not blaming you, we never blamed you.
—Enough already, stop atoning.
—Forgive yourself.
Only at this moment could Sasuke be truly saved.
Chitose silently laid his head on Sasuke’s shoulder as he watched the bright moon overhead. After Sasuke had more or less calmed down, only then did he gently pat his back.
A faint smile on his lips.
“Tomorrow when I’m discharged, remember to come with Sarada and Aunt Sakura to fetch me home, Uncle Sasuke.”
The corners of Sasuke’s lips hooked up slightly. Where Chitose couldn’t see, the rims of his eyes were red, his pitch-black pupils moist and glittering.
“...Mm.”
Thank you, Chitose.
He closed his eyes, silently saying in his heart.
Author's Note:
I modified this chapter who knows how many times before barely managing to publish it.
The conversation between Sasuke and Chitose simply left me weeping in frustration... But well, hopefully the end result is still considered satisfactory. Though some estrangement is inevitable, they’re still the closest family in the end. All that can be done now is to hope that time will heal the wounds.
