Leo Simon
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All For Myself Chapter 37
🕑 Added 2023-07-29 18:46:37 +0000 UTCNana did her best not to cringe as she put a mirror in front of her. She'd just turned fourteen recently and had begun to feel very self-conscious about her body and whenever she looked in at herself an uncontrollable feeling of disgust would build up in her stomach.
Her skin made little to zero moisture due to her Quirk, as a result her skin will dry out and itch horribly, but she doubts that the itching is entirely due to her skins dryness. Sensei has said some mean things about how she looks, she hates that, he used to look at her kindly and say nice things to her, but ever since she started to develop he's looked at her with nothing but disappointment and annoyance.
She placed a hand on her disgustingly dry skin that was beginning to crack and her breathing came out increasingly more forced the more she stared at her own face. She was hideous, everyone around her sees her as nothing more than a waste of time- she is a waste of time- and the only one who's nice to her is Kurogiri; but he's only hanging around her because sensei tells him to.
She does her best when training but whenever Sensei looks at her she always disappoints him and he just leaves in disinterest. Clearly she can't do anything right. She's a disappointment. She's ugly, stupid, weak and she can't do anything right. Why do they even keep her around at this point? They clearly have better things to do than waste their time on her.
She stared at her favourite hand. Her brother. Whenever she puts him on her face she feels weightless, she feels less like herself. She's grateful to him and that he's always with her when she needs him. She wishes she could thank him.
But she couldn't, because she killed him. He's been dead for seven years, this is just a hand. The hand of her brother who she killed with her own hands, the one who she can't even remember the name of, the one who crumbled away when she tried to say she was sorry.
She's such a freak.
Tears built up in her eyes that she quickly blinked away. She needs to stop thinking, sensei is always saying to just do as you want and she wants to feel better, and this hand can make her feel better. She just needs to put it on her face, because she's more than just a moron if she can't even remember the first thing which her sensei taught her.
She felt a wave of nausea and relief wash over her as the hand locked it's fingers around her vile face. That feels nice, right? It feels so nice that she's crying, in fact she's so happy that her tears can't stop, dang it, why does she always cry when she's happy?
Soon tears are streaming down her face and she can't help but smile widely. Is this what happiness is? She's forgotten what that feels like.
A stray itch formed on her neck and she had the darkest thought suddenly appear in her mind. Would her Quirk actually work on her?
That thought has been appearing a lot. She has nothing to live for afterall, and death can't be that bad right? In fact she hears that it just feels like sleeping and not waking up. That sounds nice. She has to get up really early most mornings to train, not having to do that anymore would be nice. Not having to look like this anymore would be nice. Not having to live anymore would be nice.
She felt her smile turn more genuine as she brought her hand up to her neck and scratched her itch with four fingers, but instead of just taking them off she takes her pinkie and brings it closer to her neck. Will this be it? Was it always this easy? Could she just escape it all?
She feels her breathing go shallow and she closes her eyes as she slowly brings her fifth finger onto her neck...… and nothing happens. She's still alive and she's still got her brother's severed hand on her face.
Disappointment and depression begin to bubble to the surfaces as she brings her hand back down. She can't even kill herself right.
A knock on the bathroom door snapped her out of her daze and she became aware of the fact tears were still streaming down on her face. She took her sleeve and carefully wiped them away whilst making sure that her brother was still on her face as she asked." Who is it?" her words came out frustrated and rather rude. She sincerely hoped that it wasn't sensei who was at the door.
Through the wooden door she heard Kurogiri's voice loud and clear." Young mistress Nana, All For One has asked for you. Make sure that you don't take too long." He gave a short message and presumably began to wait outside for her. But, his words made Nana feel some surprise.
What did sensei need from her?
She made sure to adjust her mask to best cover her face as she opened the door to be met with the sight of Kurogiri waiting for her. They didn't even need to say anything as he opened a warp gate and after a few seconds she was right in front of All For One.
She took a moment to admire how handsome he was. Some ugly part of her was even jealous, she was cursed for the rest of her life to be a hideous little wench that couldn't draw the eye of a man if they had one hundred years, but he was blessed with being a decently attractive human being. She was never so glad that she had her brother on her face, she needed to be covered. She needed to hide her repulsive form.
Still though, she tried to sound positive as she spoke." Sensei!" She was happy to see him, and a part of her desperately sought his approval. If she could get him to just look at her like he used to then-
"Nana." His words were flat and cold. For some reason that hurt even more than him being angry. At least if he beat her then he'd be giving her a shred of his attention, she'd feel like she was worth the effort of beating down, worth setting straight. But no, he just had disappointment in his eyes. That was worst than anger.
Sensei spoke with a cut-throat tone and she could tell that he was beyond annoyed with her." You've done nothing more than be a disappointment for far too long Nana, this slacking off and laziness has become much too big of a problem. You're going to make that up to me somehow."
She looked down at the ground and meekly muttered with shame in her heart." I'm sorr-"
Sensei cut across her as he rubbed his head like he was getting a headache. Like she was just annoying to him." Your apology means little to me. Don't be sorry, be better. It's a simple concept." He then gestured to Kurogiri who summoned a warp gate and dropped in front of her three people. A man, a woman, and a girl who was maybe six years old. They were struggling and squirming, but the binds on them were tight, the gags on their mouths stopped them from screaming, and the girl was sobbing silently onto the floor.
She hardly had time to process the sight in front of her before All For One spoke coldly." Kill them."
She felt like ice water was dumped on her when he said that." What?" The words left her mouth before she had a chance to stop herself.
All For One looked at her like she was an idiot- which she was- before pinching his nose and stating." What about that do you not understand? Use your Quirk to turn them into dust. Consider this you making up for how lazy you've been lately." His words were dispassionate and were more like an order than anything else.
Nana felt a pool of nausea build up in her guts. He wanted her to kill them, he wanted her to turn an entire family into nothing but dust, a family which included a girl who was younger than she was when she first killed her family. If she wanted to make up for her own laziness then this is what she has to do.
All For One didn't handle deadweight. She'd undoubtedly be killed if she couldn't prove her worth to the man, she would be killed if she couldn't show him anything. But what does it matter in the end? She's killed before, she killed her own family. What are a few strangers? Why should she care about them?
She reached out her hand to touch the little girls face and turn her into dust, to erase her from existence. But, just before she touched the child they suddenly looked up and locked eyes with her. And that one look said it all, she was terrified. Completely terrified to the point where her eyes were full of tears, she didn't want to die.
From the deepest vault of her heart she heard Hana Shimura call out. That innocent, weak little girl who only knew how to play games with her brother. A girl who didn't want to kill the person in front of her, because killing innocent people is never the right thing to-
"What are you waiting for?" The disapproving voice of All For One called out and she looked up and locked eyes with him. In that one look she knew what would happen if she didn't do it. She'd meet her end herself, then this family would die. Their fate was sealed but hers wasn't.
So, she ignored that annoying little girl in the depths of her heart. She didn't need some ghost anyway. She didn't need morals. She didn't need love.
She didn't need anything except her sensei's acknowledgement.
Yet, when she touched that girl's head and watched as she crumbled away into dust all she could feel was an unending mountain of regret that weighed down on her shoulders and clogged her throat.
I'm so sorry.
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Comfy. That's the word that comes to Nana's mind when she wakes up. She feels her exhaustion fade away as a result of her actually getting some sleep, she feels the sensation of clean clothes against her bare skin, and her skin doesn't feel so itchy that she needs to scratch herself rugged. It was a nice feeling. She felt good for once.
Wait, good?
She finally opened her crimson eyes and came to the realisation that she was in... a house? It looked like one anyway, the room was lit only by the sunlight which peeked through a blind nearby, a television with a games console connected to it was sitting on the wall as a flatscreen, and a few other pieces of furniture littered the room. It wasn't anything too special, but it also wasn't terrible looking either.
She felt strangely light now that she thought about it, like she could sleep all day and night. She was still hungry though, too bad there was nothing around here to- wait a minute, where the hell even was she to begin with?!
She looked down at her body to find that she wasn't in her usual attire and hoody... but pyjamas with flowers on! Who did this?! She hates flowers!
Weren't her ribs broken though? And come to think of it she was punched in the face really hard back then, yet her face feels really... smooth?
the door to the room suddenly opened with a creak behind her and she whipped her head backwards to come face to face with a man in a suit that had white hair and red eyes. Sensei.
Her heart became filled with fear and dread simultaneously and tears built up in her eyes. Her sensei was back, why wasn't she happy to see him like she normally was? Whenever he used to talk to her- even if it was to demean her- she would feel nothing but pure joy at having his attention on her. Now though? All she felt was complete and utter fear for the person in front of her! Her heart was beating faster and sweat was starting to leak out of her pores and into the clean clothes she was given, her light blue hairs roots started to dampen and her brow felt wet. What is he going to do to her? Isn't sensei meant to be dead? How is it possible that he found her again? Is he going to punish her? Was she a bad girl? I'm sorry sensei, I shouldn't have-
Her internal panic attack was cut off sensei who noticed her changes in behaviour and held up his hands in a non-aggressive fashion." I can understand that my appearance might be a touch alarming to you, but before you jump to conclusions I'm not All For One." His words were calming and he kept a respectable distance between the two of them as he attempted to explain himself.
But, Nana hardly heard him as she looked down with her feeling extremely confused at why she felt so many emotions that weren't suited to the situation. Why was sensei making her heart feel so much fear? She's meant to feel happy to see him, she's meant to love his attention, she's meant to love him like a father. Why does she feel nothing like that? Why does it feel so hard to breathe?!
Sensei sat down besides her and she didn't dare move a muscle as his hand grabbed her face and made her look him in the eye. Dots clouded her vision from the extreme panic she felt in that moment. She wondered what he wanted to do with her, what she was going to have to do to appease him? He's made her get rid of bodies before, is he going to-
"Calm." He spoke as his eyes glowed slightly in a warm way that made her nerves soothe themselves.
Suddenly she could breathe again and her body was no longer sweating. Her vision cleared up and overall she just felt very serene. Like she wasn't afraid of anything in that moment. Even him.
She stared into her sensei's red eyes and she noticed that they lacked the usual cold apathy he usually displayed towards her, instead they were filled to the brim with concern, understanding, and kindness. Was this really All For One.
He backed off a little from her and took his hand off her face- she almost whined at the loss of physical contact- before showing her a face of slight guilt." Sorry that I used a Quirk on you without asking. You were having a panic attack and I wanted to help you, I'm sorry if I overstepped any boundaries." His words looked sincere, a fact which greatly confused her, and his eyes didn't lie. He was genuinely worried for her. Sensei was actually being nice to-
He then proceeded to completely shatter her vain hopes as he asked her." And what might your name be? It'd be rude if we didn't introduce ourselves. My name is Ryoto, what's yours?" Was- was this a joke? No, that can't be true, sensei doesn't do jokes. So, was this really-
Nana found it in her to laugh a little, though it came out hoarse and dry from her lack of water, and his confused expression only further added to her amusement." You're kidding, right sensei. I mean, this has to be-"
His next words were blunt and hit her like a rollercoaster." I am not All For One. I killed All For One, we might have the same face, but you shouldn't rope the two of us together. I'm nothing like him."
She continued to laugh as he said those words. Yeah right like he could... wait, he wasn't joking. Looking into those bloody pools he called eyes she couldn't help but notice the seriousness of his words. He was being truthful with his words.
At the thought of All For One being dead relief and joy rushed through her system weirdly. This wasn't right, wasn't she meant to feel all of that when she thought that the man in front of her was her master? That she would once again be back in the clutches of the man who made her- wait. What is she thinking? Why did she think that-
She felt a migraine suddenly hit her skull and a massive throb of pain cause her to groan out loud. Seeing this sen- no, the stranger placed a hand on her shoulder, almost in a way that offered support.
She didn't need it.
She slapped his hand away and felt another panic attack begin to happen as her breathing became constrained and her face started to itch. She needed her brother! She needed his hand!
She turned her gaze onto the sensei lookalike and all but growled." Where is it?" However, her words only gained her yet another confused look.
He asked, slowly and carefully." Where is what?" Oh, this bastard!
She dived at him with her hand stretched out. This action caused her headache to increase it's pain levels. Her two halves were fighting each other. Hana Shimura wanted to let him live, whilst Nana Shigaraki wanted him to die more than anything. But, her arm remained in place throughout this whole war, she would turn him to dust before anything changed. Inside of her Hana sobbed at this fact as she grabbed his face and... nothing happened.
She checked her sight. She had her hand on his face, but 'Decay' wasn't working!
After a few seconds of silence her broke the tension in the room with a few words." So, is this like your deal? You like to touch the faces of those who save you?" He commented dryly, as though he didn't know what was going on.
But, those words snapped Nana back into reality. After she saw that 'Decay' wasn't working she kept her hand on his face and tightened her grip in a showing of frustration before saying." Where is my brother? Where did you put him?!" Her words came out angry and sounded unhinged as she demanded to know where the hand was. She needed it to make this headache go away! Why is he keeping it from her!
But, again, she was met with a face that told her he didn't know what she was talking about, before he had a realisation, he put his hand behind his back and pulled out-" do you mean thi-"
She pounced at him with the two of them actually being thrown off the sofa and onto the soft rug as she straddled him and tried to pry the hand from his grip. She needed her hand back! She needed her brother back! She needed Tenko ba-
In a display of swiftness that you wouldn't expect from someone of his size, Nana found that her brother's hand suddenly disappeared into thin air as she was grabbed by the wrists. She fell backwards with her head being cushioned by the soft fabric beneath them, however her hands were firmly grabbed and placed next to her head to pin her down. She was stuck.
She felt her long silver-blue hair messily slew itself on the ground below her as she looked straight into the eyes of the man who looked exactly like her sensei. Looking at him now she couldn't help but notice the very massive differences between the two of them. All For One would never look at her like that, whilst that man's gaze for the longest time had held nothing but eternal disappointment and poorly hidden annoyance just at the sight of her, this stranger's eyes were filled with the opposite, worry and sympathy along with a series of other feelings in line with them. She hadn't been subjected to anything like this in... well she's never been given shown emotions like this in her entire life.
It made her splitting head stop hurting.
But, it appeared that his sympathy wouldn't stop him from scolding her. She was given a stern look from him as he spoke to her with a raised eyebrow." Do you mind telling me why you pounced on me like a wild animal just now? If you really wanted your mask back then all you needed to do was ask." His words were reasonable, reprimanding, but not judgemental. He merely wanted an explanation.
She felt an unfamiliar feeling of embarrassment surge up in her chest and made her cheeks burn red as she averted her eyes away from his. Why did she suddenly feel so timid all of a sudden? She was just reclaiming what's rightfully hers, so why should she be ashamed of herself! He was the one who-
Her brief moment of indignation was cut short as she met his eyes again and the little girl in her heart felt extremely bashful under the eye of a handsome boy. She hasn't properly spoke to anyone else in years, her insecurities were harshly rubbing against her ego and in the end they won out, she didn't have it in her to be prideful. She had all the confidence and aggression of a flustered schoolgirl in that moment. Perhaps that was due to a literal child being one half of her personality.
Nana felt her mouth move to try and explain herself, but every time she tried to open her mouth nothing would come out. That's probably because she didn't have a good explanation to give him, what would she even say? That she needed her brother's hand on her just to stay sane? That she feels sick to her stomach whenever she's away from that hand? That she's some crazy bitch that enjoys wearing the severed hands of her family?!
She fumbled to try and explain her actions, which only served to fuel her humiliation and increase the heat of her face. He seemed to be mildly amused by this as the grip on her wrists loosened slightly, serving as a reminder of her current position underneath him, his face hovering over hers and she felt her heartbeat quicken at how close they really were and how suggestive they must look right now.
Of course she was being pinned underneath him and if he wanted he could probably do anything he wanted with her, she was feeling weak and hungry right now, plus 'Decay' wasn't with her at the moment- probably taken by him-, in other words she was completely at his mercy. But... why didn't that thought bother her. She doesn't really know him, and she shouldn't feel comfortable like this. She should be struggling to escape, so why-
The grip on her arms was finally released and she was snapped out of her own shame as he rose to his feet and looked down at." You don't need to tell me if you don't want to. You've clearly had it rough and maybe I was going too fast for you. How about we just get you something to eat, you look like hell." His words were absolute, as though they were getting something to eat no matter what she said.
Suddenly a loud rumbling sound was heard throughout the room, at first she didn't know it's source. But, then she realised that the rumbling was from... her stomach.
She was sent an eyebrow raise by Ryoto, if she remembered his name right, and immediately her cheeks were stained red with embarrassment clear on her features. She really hadn't been eating the best lately and having something to eat sounded good, but her legs felt like jelly due to her lack of energy.
She weakly tried to push herself off the ground, but her legs started to shake and after just a moment she fell right on her butt. She was weak.
Ryoto noticed this and offered her a hand to help her up. She didn't accept it at first, but after another failed attempt she swallowed her pride and took his offer for help.
She was pulled to her feet quickly, and with surprising care, but her legs were still as weak and shaky as ever, so she lost control of her balance and fell forward onto his chest with her instinctually using her arms to cling onto him. She realised what she just did almost immediately and let go as heat returned to her face for yet another time that day, but she forgot how frail her legs were, she lost her footing and nearly toppled over, but... she was stopped.
"You know I could've just carried you if you asked." She felt confusion cloud her mind as she was lifted off the ground with extreme ease and before she even knew what was happening she was sitting in the arms of the man who looked just like her master. He was carrying her like a bride on her wedding day.
"Wait, you can't just- why are you holding me like this?!" Nana cried out in extreme embarrassment as her face lit up red like a Christmas tree. Ryoto, however, only seemed to find her reaction funny as he didn't even answer her. He merely started to walk through the house at a leisurely pace, the sound of his shoes rubbing against the wood being the only sound he made as he moved from the house's living room to the kitchen.
Nana felt her annoyance increase at not getting an answer to her question, but she ultimately dropped him when she noticed how comfortable she was in his arms. Her weakness, her flaws, her past. All of it, she felt content in his two libs, she felt happy for once.
She felt the corner of her lips perk up slightly from how she felt in that moment. Her face cleared up slightly and soon the crimson on her cheeks was much less prominent, the world outside of his arms was drowned out as she rested her head into his shoulder and took in his scent. He smelled like cologne and vanilla, a combination she didn't know she needed until now, everything about him just felt so comfortable that she didn't even know how it was possible. Why was she enjoying just being near him so much?
She felt her head grow light as a feather as she melted under his embrace and she even closed her eyes and a short hum of bliss left her mouth. She was so comfy that she could-
"You enjoying yourself?" Those words made her eyes open a little and she realised exactly what was going on and what she was currently doing. She was essentially clinging onto him.
That thought was enough to wake her up instantly as she noticed the way he was smiling with amusement at her reaction to him simply holding her. Immediately her red blush was reignited. What was she doing? Why is she acting like this? Is it just because he's a handsome guy, or is it something else?
He surprised her with his next words." I'm sorry if you're uncomfortable with me holding you like this, I can understand if my face might bring up some bad memories. I can change my face if you'd li-"
"No." When she answered her lips seemed to move on their own. Why would she be scared of how he looked? Surely his reasoning isn't that she'd be afraid of sensei, that's crazy. She hasn't been scared of him since the day she killed that fam- That innocent little girl who looked at her with desperate eyes filled with tears, she was begging to be saved and what did she do? Nothing. Because she's a coward who was just as scared as her in that moment. She was still terrified of him, but that was the day Hana Shimura truly died. She died. SHE DIED. SHE DIED! SHE'S GON- ily. Besides this man seemed friendly.
She gained a confused look as Ryoto's expression morphed into one of worry and he was silent for a few seconds before saying." You're crying." Huh?
That can't be right, she's so happy right now, how could she- oh she is crying. Weird. She placed her hand on her cheek- which was strangely smooth, weird considering her dry skin- and brought it to her eye, the fingertips were damp with a watery substance. Why was she crying?
(The little girl inside of her heart- Hana Shimura- wanted to call out that it was because she was afraid of his face, that she should be afraid, since All For One was her captor and torturer who forced her to murder other and twisted her mind into a mess of two sides constantly at war with each other. Meanwhile her darker half- Nana Shigaraki- was telling her to stop accepting help from some stranger who was just ripping off sensei, that she should leap out of his hands and kill him. Because there's nothing wrong with just destroying him, he liked watching her embarrass herself. Instead of just accepting that she should- No! He's just trying to help us! Why does he need to die- SHUT UP YOU BRAT! WE CAN'T LET OUR GUARD DOWN IN FRONT OF THIS SENSEI COPYCAT! WE NEED TO KILL-)
"Are you alright? Do you need help?" Ryoto suddenly asked, the sight of her cringing in pain as though she was having a terrible migraine becoming a very bizarre sight and the concern was readable on his features. snapping her out of her own mental battle as her two personalities turned their attention onto the man in front of them.
"No, I just have... a lot on my mind." She answered vaguely as her mind once again felt an unusual calmness and her head's pain started to dull and once again his arms felt like the most comfortable place to be in the world.
Ryoto examines her face for a moment, but ultimately he just decides to set her down on a chair in- wait, when did they get to the kitchen?
Looking around she saw cupboards, an oven, some drawers that likely held kitchen utilities. There was also a decent size table in the room right in front of her. The table she was now sitting at. Was she so zoned out that she didn't even notice they moved to an entirely different section of the house? Apparently so.
She kept her eyes on the back of Ryoto's white haired head as he explained what was going on." You look really hungry so I figured that I'd go out and get us some Chinese food. I'm a terrible cook, so please excuse me for not cooking you up a feast or anything." He spoke as though he was speaking with someone he was extremely close with despite her simply being some random girl. Wait, did he know about who she was?
Him knowing about her wasn't an impossibility. Quirks are genetic and the only way for him to have All For- sensei's Quirk would be for him to be some bastard child or failed experiment of his, that would explain those black markers in his hands, he has sensei's Quirk!
She felt a surge of negative emotions throttle inside of her chest as food was placed on the table in front of her, this action distracted her as the Hana inside of her stared up at Ryoto, who was smiling friendlily down at her as he took a seat opposite her and just started to talk to her with a curious tone." You know I never did get your name. Do you mind telling me what it is?" He then stared at a dumpling which proceeded to float into his mouth. He looked very comfortable around her for some reason, she also felt that way. Strange, she could have sworn that it was normal to be wary of strangers, yet she felt no distrust towards the man in front of her.
She suddenly realised that he asked her a question and she opened her mouth to answer." It's Na-" Why was her throat locking up? Also why-
(Inside of her head an argument erupted between her two halves over who she really was. On one side there was a dry skinned woman with icy blue hair glaring at her to say the name she'd been given by her sensei. Nana Shigaraki. But, on the other side was a little seven year old girl with brown eyes and black hair in pigtails. She was pleading with her to choose to be good again, to be a decent human being and pick her name. Hana Shimura. They constantly battled it out with neither side allowing for the other to win, a complete standstill as they desperately fought for control over her bod-)
"Hana Shimura."
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