Samantha Blacklock
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But I Swear You're Really Pretty, Part 1 (Rewritten)
🕑 Added 2024-07-23 05:46:45 +0000 UTCWhen I Met You
"Ever since I was 6, I've prayed for a miracle.
'Please, let me wake up tomorrow as a girl.'
I never got an answer.
I'm tired.
I didn't ask to be born. I didn't choose to be born; if I could have chosen, I would have chosen to be a girl.
I would have chosen a different name.
I would have chosen a different life.
But I don't want to be someone else, no.
All I want is to be myself and be loved for who I am. But who could love me?
Who could love this boy who dreams of being a girl? A boy who wants to wear girl's clothes. A boy who wants a girl's name for himself.
'Avelyn.'
As if that were possible.
I don't even have a family anymore, and they were supposed to love me, no matter what.
I'm tired.
I don't want to die, but... I don't want to keep living this way."
Hours had passed since she left her parents' house. Without a place to go, Avelyn had wandered until she reached a park. It wasn't huge, but being in a small city, it was big enough to offer its visitors several meters of distance between them, not to mention the green spaces filled with trees between trails. In fact, Avelyn was on the less crowded side of the park.
She was sitting on a metal bench at the side of a trail, dressed all in gray, probably the color that would best describe how life felt to her. Black-rimmed glasses added the final touch to her jeans, T-shirt, and open hoodie outfit. Anyone would tell she was a boy just by looking at her. To her side, a black backpack and a beige messenger bag held all the belongings she cared for and could take: a few of her clothes, a journal, earphones, and some pills. Children's laughter could be heard in the distance, but most of the sound was drowned by the January wind moving the tree leaves. However, she was barely paying any attention.
Thinking about her loneliness, tears started to flow out of her eyes, forcing them to close. Just as she began to cry, a voice came from somewhere nearby.
"Hey, are you okay?"
She looked up and was met by the blurry sight of a young woman.
"Can I help?" the voice asked.
"I— I don't think so, but thanks," she replied, trying not to break.
Despite not wearing her glasses, she could see enough features on the girl to make her envious: light skin, black, short, straight hair, and light-colored eyes. Beneath the red hoodie and black jeans was a feminine figure she could never have.
The woman sat beside her.
"I'll stay here until I'm sure you're okay, but if I bother you, just tell me and I'll leave."
She wiped her tears and shook her head. Then she put on her glasses and turned to see the face of the person who seemed to offer her kindness.
"No, sorry. I'm just—"
Blue. The woman's eyes were blue and sharp. Freckles adorned the cheeks beneath those eyes, and a smile appeared on her beautiful face.
"What's your name?" the woman asked while Avelyn tried to compose herself.
"I— I don't... I don't want to talk about that."
"Why not?"
No answer. "He" just looked troubled.
"Okay... Can I tell you mine?"
"Sure..."
"My name is Elizabeth, but you can call me Lizzy."
Avelyn didn't reply.
"What happened? Why were you crying?"
Avelyn sighed. "I just had an argument with my family."
"They really hurt you, didn't they?"
Avelyn kept quiet for several seconds. Just as she was about to ask something, Elizabeth interrupted.
"Hey! How about an ice cream?" Elizabeth asked cheerfully. "What's your favorite flavor? And please, don't say no."
"Oh, um..." Avelyn was surprised by the question. "Chocolate chip, or pistachio..."
"Good!" Elizabeth stood up. "I'll be back in a moment! Please don't move and leave me here with two melting ice creams."
Before Avelyn could say anything, Elizabeth was already walking away.
"You're so pretty," Avelyn thought.
"I'll never be like you."
"Maybe in some other life."
A few minutes later, Elizabeth returned holding two ice creams: Chocolate chip and pistachio for Avelyn, and hers was cherry and cookies & cream.
"Here's yours," Elizabeth said as she offered the dessert to Avelyn.
"Thank you."
"How are you feeling now?"
"Better, thank you," Avelyn affirmed despite her expression remaining unchanged.
"You don't look better, though. Come on, tell me what's wrong."
"I... Don't want to be a burden."
Elizabeth stared at her for a moment. "Listen, you don't have to tell me if you don't want to, but if you need to vent, here I am, you know? I know how hard it is when you cry and there's no one to make you feel better. Well, I want to help. Let me be your friend."
"I don't think you want to befriend someone like me."
"Why? Are you evil? Did you kill someone or something like that?"
"No! I haven't hurt anyone, nor am I evil."
"Then, what does 'someone like you' mean?"
"Why do you care so much? Why are you being so nice?" Avelyn seemed distrustful of Elizabeth's intentions.
Elizabeth thought for a while.
"I don't know who you are, and you don't know who I am, but I know what it's like to be alone. I've been through a lot, and I wish I had someone to keep me company, but I had no one. I'm just trying to be the person I needed when I was in a bad place, the person I still need sometimes. If more people were willing to listen and help, this would be a different world. Some say the loneliest people are the kindest. I know it's true 'cause we know what it feels like, and we don't want anyone going through the same."
Elizabeth's good-natured smile made Avelyn stop to think about her words for what felt like minutes. Her eyes moved from Lizzy to the floor.
"If you knew the truth about me, would you still smile so warmly?"
"I― I left my house, and I can't go back. My parents hate me and won't listen to me. When I told my mother how I felt, she only made me want to die, or rather, wish I had never been born to begin with. I don't know what I'm going to do. I have nowhere to go. I have no one."
"Well," Elizabeth replied, "you have me."
Elizabeth offered Avelyn a tissue. Her tears hadn't yet reached her cheeks, but her ice cream was melting over her hands.
"Thank you," Avelyn said, skeptical.
"I'm serious!" Elizabeth leaned forward, emphasizing her words. "I can help you talk to someone from your family so they let you stay for now!"
"No, no one in my family would take me in. They'll just turn me to my parents, and things will get worse."
"What about a friend?"
"I don't have friends. They bully me at school."
"Why?"
"Because I am like this. I cry easily and don't act like a man. I can't stand other boys, but the girls think I'm weird, so no one talks to me."
"Are you serious?"
"Yes."
"Then, the police. They may press charges against your parents if things are that―"
"Don't even think about it," Avelyn Interrupted. "My aunt works with them, so she'll come up with some excuse and take me to my mother again. It will be hell for a year until I turn eighteen; then, they'll kick me out of the house anyway. I'm just making things quicker for them."
"So... You're seventeen?."
"I'll be next month, but they can't wait to get rid of me."
"What's your plan, then?"
"I... think I have enough cash for a few days. I'll look for a job and maybe a place to stay."
"I don't think you'll get a job that pays enough for you to pay rent and have at least two meals a day, being underage."
"Then I don't know. I'll stay on the streets. All I know is that I won't go back."
Elizabeth looked away and sighed. She thought for a few seconds before turning back to Avelyn.
"Look... I live alone in an apartment nearby. There's some space, and I've been looking for a roommate. Since you're still underage, I wouldn't usually take you, but given your situation... We'll just have to talk with the owner. You can stay with me, and once you get a job, we'll split the bills. It'll be easier for both of us. What do you think?"
"How old are you?" Avelyn asked.
"I turned 19 last November."
"Thank you for the offer, but I don't want to be a burden."
"You're not. We'll help each other; that's what friends do."
"I―"
"'You don't think I'd want to befriend someone like you.' You've already said that, but you won't explain why."
"I'm― I'm just some weirdo with weird dreams, unusual, at least."
"Are you? Or is that what your parents have made you believe? Because they seem quite abusive. You, you're an open book. If anything, you look harmless."
Avelyn simply looked at Elizabeth with her eyes full of tears, once again about to cry.
"Everything's going to be alright," Elizabeth told Avelyn with a smile.
---
Author's note: In real life, please don't follow strangers to their houses or anywhere else, even if they are kind, offer or ask you for help, or buy you an ice cream. Avelyn was lucky that Elizabeth was a good person, but it could have gone very wrong if it had been someone else.
---
Elizabeth's apartment metal door opened, and both came in. Now that the two were standing, Avelyn noticed Elizabeth was a few centimeters taller than her.
The living room was the first space to receive them. A few dirty dishes were on the coffee table, and some more were on the dusty, white tile floor. The brown sofa and armchair were partially covered in clothes, mostly jeans and hoodies, and the soft yellow walls had generic paintings that probably were there before Elizabeth moved in. A bookshelf and a TV only seemed to serve to collect more dust.
"So, here we are. Excuse the mess; sometimes, I don't have the time to clean up. Make yourself at home," Elizabeth continued as she picked up the dishes. Then she took them to the kitchen. "The kitchen is here, the bathroom is at the end of the hallway, my room is to the left, and there's another room to the right, but it needs furniture. I'll ask the owner for it. In the meantime, we should think about where you'll sleep."
Avelyn stood with her backpack and bag near the door, looking at the keys Elizabeth had given her in case she wanted to leave.
Elizabeth returned and picked up the clothes from the sofa, taking them to her room. "Have a seat and tell me more about yourself," she said after returning.
"I... I wouldn't know what to say," Avelyn said as she put her bags down. "I'm sorry, I'm not... It's not common for others to be kind to me, not recently. I find it hard to talk about myself with others."
"I see..." Elizabeth sighed. "Sorry if I'm being too pushy; it's just that... I feel very lonely, you know. I don't have many friends either."
"Why? And what about your family?"
"My parents died some time ago because of some drunk asshole who couldn't take a taxi. I never had siblings; both my parents were only children. There's no one left in my family."
"Oh, I— I'm— I'm very sorry!" Avelyn stuttered, "I didn't mean to―"
"No, no," Elizabeth interrupted. "It's okay. You should know why I'm doing all of this. Before the accident, I had been dealing with a broken heart—you know, young, stupid me—a bit too young, a bit too eager, I expected too much from love. Then my parents died, and of course, I became depressed. I still can't believe it, but most of my supposed "friends" turned their backs on me when I was no longer there for them, when I was the one in need. I turned away the few ones who didn't leave before they could. Then I got sick, very sick. I thought I wouldn't make it, but it didn't matter. I wanted to die. I had lost it all, and just when I was waiting in line to get on the stairways to heaven, the doctors told me it was not my turn yet and that I should remain seated. And here I am, lonely and depressed, trying to make new friends, with hopes I can trust them more than the old ones. The owner of these apartments is my best friend, she has helped me so much, but she's not a great emotional support. I try to smile and remain positive, but sometimes I just want to cry, and there's no one to listen. I'm tired of feeling so lonely."
"Lizzy, I... I had no idea. I'm so sorry. I do want to be your friend. It's just that I'm scared. I don't want to disappoint you. There are a lot of things going on, and I don't even know what to do..."
"I know. All I'm asking from you is for a chance to be friends. However, I don't even know your name yet.
"I..." Avelyn looked troubled.
"It really makes you uncomfortable, doesn't it? You don't have to tell me right now, but it'd be great if you had a nickname or something; I don't want to constantly say ‘Hey, you’ every time I want to talk to you or something like that."
"I'm sorry. I hate my name, my last name, and everything that comes from those two. It's one of the reasons I left."
"Then, choose a different name. I'll call you however you want."
"Really?"
"Of course! What matters is that you feel right!"
"Then... I'll think of one."
"Perfect! For now... I should really clean this mess. You'll sleep on the sofa for the time being, but I don't want all this dust and thrash around you.”
—
At around 1:00 am, Avelyn was sleeping on the sofa, covered by blankets.
Elizabeth came out of her room wearing black pajamas and slippers and sneaked towards her. She saw the backpack on the armchair, took it, and looked inside.
The backpack contained clothing. Elizabeth recognized the soft texture immediately. She took one of the clothes out and discovered it was a brown dress. It had a damp smell, which showed it had been stored for some time. She took another piece out, which turned out to be a blouse. It seemed all of the clothes inside the backpack were women's.
She looked into a different pocket and found a cheap red lipstick and an eyeliner pencil. Nothing but thrash on the other pockets.
She left everything in place and approached Avelyn to take the messenger bag from the sofa, but it was too close to her legs.
Seeing how risky it was to take it, she gave up and returned to her room.
---
Comments
Samantha Blacklock
Thank you so much! ^^
Lexilie
And it all began with one fateful encounter <3
ANTRHEN
I love how you build up the rapport and the tension and you explain things really well for the events that are happening! Very good writing too!😊
