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Lord of Dread: Chapters 16-20
🕑 Added 2022-10-10 15:00:08 +0000 UTCChapter 16
My head pounds.
I release a low groan and roll over, my sweaty body sticking to everything it touches. Is it always this hot in the mornings? The air is absolutely stifling.
My stomach aches, the food I ate last night threatening to re-emerge as I force myself to sit up and look outside.
What time is it?
The sun is high in the sky, so I know I’ve slept in much later than appropriate. Just great.
With another groan I drop my head into my hands, agonized as I recall everything I did last night and the words I exchanged with both Ben and Elijah. I’ve never acted that way before, and curse myself for drinking so much so quickly.
It takes every bit of willpower I have not to crawl back into bed and hide beneath my covers.
Last night was a disaster, and I pray word doesn’t get around about my greenhouse adventures with Ben. If I’m honest with myself, it’s not our engagements I regret as much as how careless I was with them.
Ben is an attractive man, and I quite enjoyed the feeling of his hands on me. He made me feel desirable and wanted, two things I’ve longed horribly for. Still, there’s a time and a place for everything, and last night’s endeavors were off on both accounts.
If it weren’t for Elijah storming in and ruining everything, I have a feeling I would be waking up today with a sore body and an even sorer reputation. Surely somebody else would have wandered in during our rendezvous, and despite how badly I want intimacy, that would have been nothing short of a complete disaster.
Elijah ruined the evening as much as he saved it.
Still, a small part of me I refuse to acknowledge wishes I had been able to complete what Ben and I started last night. I would have taken him inside my body, and no longer would I have this void of desperation and need surrounding my soul.
Not that Elijah would ever let that happen.
I was under the impression that we had an agreement that allows us both liberties and evenings with whomever we see fit.
Now I realize that was all a farce.
He only said that so I wouldn’t make too much of a fuss while he runs around with the maids. He gave me an option he never actually thought I would take just so he could enjoy his freedoms with a free conscience.
He has no right to say that I will never see Ben again. I have every right to.
Especially after the way he treated me in our carriage last night.
I feel my face warming as I recall how he grabbed my legs and yanked me onto my back. He would have taken me right then and there against the padded seats if I hadn’t stopped him.
Disgusting.
My lip curls at the thought, and I glance down at my slip with a frown. I don’t remember going to bed last night. My last memory was looking out the carriage window at the stars, and after that, there is nothing.
Did Elijah bring me in here?
How dare he!
Before I can stop myself, I’m storming to my dresser and throwing a day robe around my shoulders. Elijah likes to parade around pretending to be a gentleman, but gentlemen do not go about taking advantage of whiffled women.
There are no thoughts beyond rage living inside my mind as I storm down the hallway and into Elijah’s office.
He’s sitting at his desk, and dares to raise a brow in mock surprise when I enter. I hate him.
“How did I get to my bedroom last night?” I blurt.
Elijah only cocks his head to the side, his lips twitching as he scans me head to toe.
It’s only now that I realize I didn’t even bother looking in the mirror before leaving my room. My hair is probably an absolute mess, and I can only imagine how much makeup I have smeared all over my face.
Shit.
I grab the ends of my robe and pull them tighter over my body, eager to hide myself as much as possible from Elijah’s wandering eyes.
I’m making an absolute fool of myself.
Elijah’s smirk only grows as he takes notice of my insecure action, and it takes everything in me not to lash out. He seemed pretty upset when I told him my desires for Ben, and I’m not above using that to make him angry. It’s about time he feels a fraction of how he’s always making me feel.
“I carried you.” He finally answers. “You fell asleep in the carriage and refused to get up and walk inside when we got home.”
I shake my head, refusing to believe it. There’s no doubt in my mind that, if given the choice, I would choose walking over being carried by Elijah. Even drunk, I would have preferred to walk.
“I don’t believe you.” I state.
Elijah only blinks.
“Exactly what part do you think I’m lying about?” He asks.
I shift my weight, not liking how he’s making me feel stupid for what I know is true. He probably took it upon himself to carry me upstairs without waking me up and telling me we were home. The old me would have absolutely swooned at the action, but I am no longer the naive, daydreaming girl I once was.
Elijah has killed her.
“You do not have permission to touch me.” I hiss, ignoring his fake ignorance. “Nor do you have permission to undress me.”
Once more Elijah’s eyes travel to my body. He doesn’t immediately respond, and I feel my anger spiking as I watch him suck his lips into his mouth. What’s that expression supposed to mean? Is he trying not to laugh?
“You really don’t remember anything that happened last night, do you?” He asks.
I scoff. Of course I do.
“Are you asking if I remember how good it felt when Ben put his mouth on me? “I ask, feigning innocence as I cock my head to the side. “Because I most definitely do.”
I smirk, happy as I watch Elijah’s expression grow cold. Who’s laughing at who now?
“Louise assisted you last night, Rebecca. I carried you to your room and left the rest to her.” He explains, finally giving me the answer I want.
Oh. Good. That makes me feel much better.
The thought of Elijah putting his hands on me, undressing me, makes me want to vomit. I’d rather cut off my hair than feel his touch, and I hate myself for how desperate I was for it when we first met.
For a while I thought we were becoming friends, that we could live in harmony with one another, but now I realize how foolish that idea was. I was stupid to have let him listen to me play the piano and even more stupid for spending a penny on that damn tie for him.
I need to save every little bit if I want any hope of ever escaping him.
“Now, I would like to discuss this issue with Ben.” Elijah starts.
I gulp. What on earth could he possibly want to discuss?
The silk robe I clutch suddenly doesn’t feel thick enough as Elijah gestures for me to sit. I wasn’t anticipating any conversation between us this morning, and was expecting this to be more of me lecturing him before disappearing back to my room type of engagement.
I swallow past the lump in my throat as I sit, and slide my gaze to Elijah’s desk when looking into his eyes grows too intimidating.
The surface is cleaner than usual, and I scan the papers scattered across it before sliding to his pen. It’s smudged with ink, and rests lazily on top of some random sheet covered in doodles.
Interesting. I didn’t peg Elijah as the sort to doodle.
“What about Ben would you like to discuss?” I break the silence.
I tap my foot against the floor, eager to get this conversation over with. I have a feeling I already know what Elijah is going to say, and don’t really want to entertain it right now. I’m much too hungover to indulge him in his baseless accusations and unfair demands.
“You are not to see him again.”
Stay calm, Rebecca. Stay calm.
“I was under the impression we had an agreement that both of us are free to do what we like and see whomever we want during our free time.” I state, remembering the words he shared during our carriage ride back from our wedding ceremony. “As long as there are no long-term repercussions.”
Even saying the words renew my hatred of Elijah.
“You told me I will no longer be disrespecting our marriage, and I agreed.” Elijah argues, crossing his arms over his chest before changing his mind and sitting instead. “I expect the same from you.”
Is he joking? I said that in a fit of anger, and no longer do I care. While I was hoping for an amicable friendship between us, that ship has long sailed. Elijah is as good as dead to me.
How many times have I said that already?
“I don’t care how you treat our marriage.” I lie.
Elijah cocks a brow.
In truth, I care a lot. I’m a weak woman, and despite my hatred of Elijah, I do find myself upset when I know he’s being intimate with others. It makes my chest ache, which only makes me feel stupid.
He may be my husband, but that is in name only. Despite how badly I wish to have a marriage of love and respect, it’s about time I let that dream genuinely die.
Saying I don’t care is one thing, but actually feeling that way is another.
I blame my father for this.
He always spoke so highly of our mother, and even to this day his face lights up whenever she is mentioned. They had true love, a strong partnership and even stronger respect, and I was raised genuinely believing I would have the same thing.
I still don’t understand how my father could ever agree to marry me off to Elijah, but there’s nothing I can do about it now.
Maybe if I had gotten caught by Ben before the wedding, Elijah would have called it off. If I could go back in time, I would urge myself to do just that. It might, and likely would, have ruined my reputation, but it seems on my way to doing that anyway.
I’d rather be ruined and single than ruined and stuck with Elijah.
I still can’t believe I was so foolish as to be intimate with Ben in a greenhouse during the middle of Minnie’s party. It’s a complete relief that Elijah was the one who walked inside and saw, not anybody else.
I shiver at the mere thought.
“I wish to apologize to you, Rebecca.” Elijah blurts, drawing my attention.
I expect him to look uncomfortable, but instead he clasps his hands together on his desk and stares me directly in the eye. I stare at him right back, even if the prolonged eye contact makes me want to cry. I’ve never liked this degree of confrontation.
“Being with the maid was disrespectful to you, and I apologize for the position I put you in. Despite how despicable you find me to be, I do possess empathy. I didn’t like seeing your tears the other night, and I was enjoying the comfortability we were finding with one another.” He continues.
I don’t know what to say, so choose not to say anything.
“I am willing to look past your actions with Ben last night, and would like things to return to how they were last week.” Elijah admits, hammering the nail into the metaphorical coffin that is our marriage.
Oh? He’s willing to look past it? How very nice of him. How very fucking kind of him to decide that after months of pain and forcing me into this miserable life, he wants to have a relationship with me.
It’s much too late for that.
“Do you want to know what I’m thinking about?” I ask, waiting for Elijah to nod before smiling and tapping the top of this desk. “I am speaking to you across a desk you make love to your mistress on, and when I am forced to suffocate my pride and beg you for money, it is this very same desk you throw that bag of coin on as if I am a bothersome nag.”
Elijah opens his mouth, but I’m up out of my seat before he gets any words out.
“This desk is quite versatile, but unfortunately, people are not. You have shown me who you are, Elijah, and I will not be fooled into ever believing otherwise.”
Chapter 17
The second I hear Elijah’s footsteps and see his shadow emerge in the doorway, I remove my fingers from the piano and close the lid. It’s clear by the way he lingers that he wants to speak to me, but I pretend I don’t notice as I turn and reach for the gloves sitting on the bench next to me.
They were quite uncomfortable to wear at first, making my hands feel like they were in a permanent state of dampness, but now I don’t mind it as much. The constant protection of my fingers has them looking healthier than ever before.
Louise teases me for my round-the-clock use of them, but I don’t care.
Elijah will never know my touch.
He lost that right when he forced me into this sham of a marriage with him, and our awkward and downright horrible union these past few months has only solidified it.
“Rebecca.”
I don’t often wish for death, but if God were to strike me down at the very moment, I don’t think I’d be too upset.
Sucking in a slow breath, I struggle not to let my annoyance show too deeply as I turn toward Elijah. As much as I absolutely despise him, he is my husband and I need to show at least a base level of respect.
Not that he deserves it.
Elijah steps further into the room, finally crossing the threshold of the doorway. He’s wearing a dark blue suit today, the color and fit complimenting him more than usual. I’m confident he’s never worn this particular outfit before, and I can’t help but narrow my eyes as I notice he’s even put on cufflinks.
I actually like what he’s wearing.
It looks like he’s put in effort, which, if I’m honest with myself, I didn’t even realize he could do. Elijah has expensive and nicely tailored clothing, but he typically wears cheaper fabric around the house. If it weren’t for me having gone into his closet, I probably would’ve thought that was all he owned.
Why’s he changing it up so much today?
I hope it doesn’t have anything to do with our conversation the other day. If he thinks he can swoon me by dressing nicely, he’s a larger fool than I took him for, which is saying a lot considering how little I already think of him.
The more likely scenario is that he’s grown lonely after I fired his mistress and is now on the hunt for another maid he can sink his dirty claws into. Or other parts of his body.
I shiver at the thought, my lips curling into a scowl.
They probably find themselves so flattered to be receiving the attention of such a wealthy lord, the poor ladies having no idea just how much of a trash man he truly is.
Elijah shoves his hands in his front pockets and leans against the arm of the couch nearest to him. I don’t really like that particular one, the cushions hard, but I still don’t like the look of him acting so comfortable in here.
Arguably I know this room is his, everything in this home is, but I’ve come to think of the piano room as mine recently. Elijah never comes in here, and it’s where I like to bring my guests, the few I have, or sit with Louise on days when it’s too hot to go outside.
Elijah seems to sense my annoyance with his comfortability as his lips twitch into a slight smile, the reaction reminding me to keep my face flat.
“What?” I finally ask.
Elijah leans further into the arm of the couch.
Now I know he’s trying to piss me off.
“Would you like to go to lunch with me?”
I snort, the reaction involuntary. I’d much rather be eaten by tigers.
“No.”
I try to keep my voice from sounding too venomous, but it doesn’t work. My answer is full of malice, and near impossible not to pick up on. I really shouldn’t be so rude to Elijah. I need him for money, and if I make him too angry, he may start to refuse to give me coins when I ask.
If I ever want any hope of escaping him, I must, at least to some extent, stay on his good side.
It’s a shame he’s hellbent on making it near impossible to do.
“I thought you’d want to help expel some of the rumors circulating about us?” Elijah states, cocking his head to the side in mock surprise.
He’s baiting me.
I’ve made it more than clear how upset I am about the way people are speaking about me and our marriage, but he’s never made any attempts to rectify them. It’s been months, and I doubt going out for one lunch will change anything.
People have their minds set on their perception of us, and it’s much too late to change that. The only rumor I do have hope of ending is the one of my pre-marital pregnancy, which at this point should be starting to fade. I saw everybody looking at my belly during Minnie’s party, and I ensured my corset was tied so tight that everybody could see there was no way a baby was growing inside me.
The poor thing would have been squished flat if that were the case.
Bruises litter my entire ribcage as a result, but it was well worth it.
I will continue tying it relatively tight for the remainder of the month to ensure, but then I will return to normal.
“There is a new bakery that just opened up on Main Street. I thought you might like to stop there after lunch to get a piece of chocolate cake.” Elijah continues.
I quick a brow, surprised by his desperation.
“Oh, so you’re bribing me now?” I deadpan.
I’m not sure what reaction I’m expecting from Elijah, but it’s not for him to give me a full-blown smile. His teeth are nice, and when he grins so wide his cheek dimples on one side.
It’s a shame such a pretty man has such an ugly personality.
All us ladies swooned over him when he first arrived in the city. Everybody here knows one another, and it was exciting to have somebody new thrown into the mix. It helped immensely that he was a handsome, eligible bachelor.
I’m ashamed to admit that I was one of those swooning women at first, but I quickly learned better.
Elijah showed little to no interest in courting, and I had better things to do than waste my time on a man who didn’t care to get married. Funny how that worked out for me. I wish I had tried more with him.
He admitted that he picked me because I didn’t show interest, and if I did, he might have chosen another.
Not that I’d ever wish this on anybody else.
I huff, annoyed with the way Elijah continues to smile.
“Is my bribery working?” He teases.
I hate the way he teases. We aren’t friends, and I have no interest in joking around with him.
Sucking in a deep breath, I shut my eyes and force my heart to settle. Getting all worked up and angry isn’t going to get me anywhere.
Besides, as much as I hate to admit it, it would do me well to be seen outside with Elijah. I doubt it will do much for the rumors, but many marriages are not loving matches, and as long as the people make an effort to pretend otherwise, most people will follow along and pretend not to notice.
The effort goes a long way.
I don’t love being a social pariah, and if Elijah is offering to help prevent that from happening, I’m not exactly in a position to turn him down. Plus, I want his money. And cake.
“Fine,” I mutter.
Elijah’s smile only grows. I want to punch it off his pretty face.
“Great.” He confirms.
We continue to stare, and I take sick pleasure in watching Elijah’s smile fall as the uncomfortable silence stretches between us. I’ve grown quite accustomed to it, and don’t let it bother me as I watch Elijah squirm.
He’s like a little bug that’s being drowned in water.
I like it.
“We will leave in one hour.” He eventually states, clearing his throat one last time for good measure before spinning and leaving the room.
I let my shoulders drop the moment he’s out of sight. Bringing a hand to my chest, I will my thundering heart to settle. He came in here and got me all worked up, then decided only to give me an hour to get ready.
That’s not nearly enough time.
My teeth grind as I spin and hunt down Louise. I gave up my morning ritual of doing my hair after my last argument with Elijah, no longer interested in trying for a man I have decided I hate entirely.
Shit.
I find Louise hiding in the unused pantry, her favorite place to hide when she doesn’t want to work and is avoiding the head housekeeper. She jumps when I push open the door, her cheeks beet red as she shoves a letter into the top of her dress.
I recognize the handwriting immediately, my brother’s unique.
“Tell me, Louise, how is my dearest brother doing? I haven’t heard from Jack recently, but I see now that it’s merely because his time dedicated to correspondence is being taken up by a pretty young lady.” I tease, unable to stop my lips from curling into a wide grin.
I really was beginning to worry that I’d upset Jack and he was ignoring me, and am glad to see it’s just because he’s busy with Louise.
“He has asked me on a date.” She admits.
I sink my teeth into my bottom lip, more than a little happy with this development.
“And you said yes?” I pry.
She shrugs.
“I haven’t responded yet.” She sighs, pulling the letter out of her top and handing it over for me to read.
I want to so badly, but I have a feeling Jack wouldn’t like me reading his private letters and I’m trying to be a better person when it comes to my snooping. Oh, but I so badly want to know what he’s written.
“Do you want to go?” I ask.
Her cheeks grow an even deeper shade of red, and she ignores my questions with a huff and straightens out her dress.
So, that’s a yes.
“I don’t have nice clothing like all the Ladies in town.” She whispers, tugging self-consciously at the gray maid uniform she wears.
That’s not an issue at all.
“We are about the same size. You can wear one of mine! We can pick one I haven’t worn in a long while so nobody will notice.” I promise, only half telling the truth.
Elijah will notice, but he would never admit to it. He’s a kind man who knows when it’s appropriate to play daft. Louise shifts her weight from foot to foot, glancing once more at the letter in her hand, before bringing it to her chest with a soft smile.
“Thank you, Rebecca.” She whispers.
Oh, how I love their love. Shoving away my jealousy, I wait for her to tuck her letter away once more before getting to why I’m here. I know she’s not going to react well to it, but I can’t possibly do this myself and Louise is the best hair braider I know.
“I need your help getting ready, urgently. Elijah wants to take me out to lunch-” I blurt, gesturing to the rat’s nest that’s become my hair. “-in an hour.” I tack on at the end.
Louise does a poor job hiding her shock, but it’s very quickly replaced by horror as her attention shifts to my head. I frown, placing both my palms on the crown of my head to hide it. How rude!
“Louise!” I scold.
She grimaces, hiding her fear as he ushers me out of the pantry and upstairs to my room.
“An hour?” She clarifies.
I nod and pick up the hem of my dress so I can walk faster. Louise places a hand on my back and urges me along, the woman not shy in her complaints. In the time it takes us to get upstairs, she’s gone on about how sore her fingers are going to be to eventually declaring that I’m not allowed to be angry with the results she provides.
I never would, but I know she already knows that.
“He promised me cake.” I defend myself.
Louise rolls her eyes and orders me to sit, and I obey with a squeak. She’s behind me a second later, her eyes meeting mine through my vanity mirror before she grabs my hairbrush in one hand and my hair in the other.
Chapter 18
I stab the chicken on my plate a bit harder than I probably need to. I picked the most expensive item on the menu for the sole purpose of making Elijah angry, but I don’t think he even noticed.
Bringing the fork between my lips, I let my teeth clang against the metal as I bite down.
The noise is grating, and I’m satisfied when Elijah releases a tiny shiver in response. I enjoy making him uncomfortable, and repeat the process once more. Our carriage ride here was spent in awkward, tense silence, and it has not grown any better in the time between us arriving at the restaurant and getting our food.
“What are your plans for the remainder of the week?” Elijah finally asks.
We both know he doesn’t care.
“The head housekeeper has asked to speak with me tomorrow, and I’m getting lunch with Minnie and Anna on Thursday.” I state, unsure why I’m wasting my breath sharing this information with him.
He hums and nods as if he’s actually listening, and I resist the urge to roll my eyes as I stab and shove another piece of chicken into my mouth. I’m only here for the chocolate cake I was promised, and stare longingly at the bakery down the street.
I love outdoor seating, and am happy we got a small table on the sidewalk. It makes for some fascinating people-watching, and I think I’m falling in love with the man feeding the pigeons by the fountain at the end of the road.
He’s clearly afraid of them, a look of complete horror spread across his face as he jumps and tries to avoid the more daring of the birds. A group of what I assume are his friends stand nearby teasing him, making me wonder if this is some sort of dare or if he’s lost a bet.
Either way, he seems like a lot of fun.
I doubt Elijah would ever feed birds, the man probably thinking he’s so much above such an act. He probably laughs at the mere thought of caring for anything beyond himself. If it doesn’t directly benefit him, he doesn’t care.
“Why has the housekeeper asked to speak to you tomorrow?” Elijah’s voice draws my attention.
He doesn’t know? I assumed either she had run this by him or he had asked her to do it on his behalf. Neither would surprise me.
“I assume it’s to scold me for my decisions regarding the employment status of a particular maid.” I deadpan.
Elijah sucks his lips into his mouth and readjusts. I watch his throat bob as he gulps, but he washes away whatever that odd look spreading across his face is just as quickly as it appeared. With a slow inhale, he meets my gaze and holds it.
“She’s in no position to scold you on anything. You are the lady of the house, and you have the final say on who we employ.” He urges.
I want to laugh. Is Elijah truly that blind?
I may be his wife, but his ignorance and avoidance of me have made it more than clear to the entire staff that I hold no position. I doubt I’d even have clean laundry if it weren’t for Louise.
Elijah continues to stare, probably waiting for more of a response from me, but I don’t provide one. I have nothing to say. There’s never been anything to say, and it’s about time he learns that there never will be.
I pick at my food, quickly losing my appetite.
“Are you excited to get lunch with your friends on Thursday?” Elijah tries, changing the subject.
I shrug.
Elijah sighs.
“Will’s going to be staying with us over the weekend.”
Now he’s got my interest. Elijah quirks a brow as I straighten and meet his eye, a slight smile threatening to spread across my lips. I like Will, and I’ve been looking forward to the opportunity to see him again.
We’ve taken to writing occasional letters to one another, but they are far and few in between and, as exciting as Will is in person, he’s horribly boring to communicate with through correspondence. He provides me no details on his budding love life with the lady he told me about when I last saw him, and the few scraps he throws my way lack zest.
I want drama. I want romance.
“He is?” I bring my hands together in an excited clap. “What for?”
Elijah takes his sweet time chewing his food before answering, and with every passing second I resist the urge to scream and demand he hurry up. I bet he’s doing it on purpose to annoy me. He sure seems to enjoy doing that.
“Well?” I push the second I see him swallow.
My elbow accidentally knocks against the table and clatters the silverware when I move too sporadically, and I fight the urge to duck my head when the couple at the table next to us turn and shoot me a sharp look.
I suppose I’m being a bit loud, too.
Clearing my throat, I pretend not to be affected as I fix the spoon and clear my throat.
“No particular reason. I know how much you enjoyed seeing him last time, so I invited him to come and visit.” He explains.
Is that so? That’s awfully nice of him, and I don’t believe it one bit. Elijah doesn’t have a kind bone in his body. I bet he did it for another reason and is making this one up to earn him some points. It’s something I would do so I can’t entirely blame him, but I’m still not happy about it.
“What?” Elijah asks, sensing my hesitation. “You don’t believe me?” He continues, his voice taking on a teasing edge I’ve never heard from him before.
I do my best not to appear affected by it as I take a sip of my drink and shake my head. Elijah can be as friendly as he wants, but I know better not to believe it. Kind men don’t force women into marriage and flaunt their mistresses around.
“Not at all.” I state.
Elijah physically holds back a smile. I want to punch it off his face.
“And why’s that?”
“Because you’re untrustworthy.”
I feel proud of my quick response, and lean against the back of my chair as he tilts forward and props his elbow on the table. It’s not a proper way to sit, but I doubt Elijah cares. He doesn’t exactly seem eager to impress anybody, a fact I learned when I realized all his best clothing goes unworn.
He’s wearing it today, though, and I fight the urge to glance down at his body.
“Untrustworthy! How so?” He continues his infuriating teasing.
I resist the childish urge to stomp my foot.
“Because you are.”
That wasn’t exactly my best retort, but it’s Elijah’s fault for scrambling my brain in the first place. It’s almost like he’s trying to flirt with me. He rests his chin in his hand and cocks his head to the side as he watches me scramble to collect my wits.
“Very eloquently put.” He eventually murmurs.
How dare he.
“I don’t like you.” I snap.
Elijah’s smile only grows, and I hate how my eyes naturally fall to his lips. I’ve always found men with full lips attractive, and Elijah checks that box. He’s fairly good-looking, even if he has a shitty personality, and I scan him one last time before dropping my gaze to his hands.
He decided to wear his wedding ring today, something I’ve noticed he never does, and scowl at the jewelry. I looked forward to the day I could put a ring on my husband’s hand, so excited about getting to see something that signifies our love worn by him every day, but this one means nothing.
Just like mine.
I glance at my hand and examine the diamond.
I took my gloves off to eat, not wanting to risk getting them dirty, and twist my finger until the stone catches the sun. It’s a beautiful piece, not that I’d ever tell Elijah that.
“Did you pick out my ring?” I pry.
He doesn’t immediately answer, and after a second I glance up to see his reaction. I’m surprised to see he looks offended, his eyes darting between me and my finger.
“Of course I did.” He defends. “Who else would’ve done it if not me?”
I suck in a slow breath. I could be petty right now or take the high road and let it go. The second option is clearly the best one, but the first would be much more entertaining.
My lips purse. I really should take the high road. Elijah is clearly trying to be nice to me this afternoon, a fact I’ve been working quite hard to ignore, and to some extent, he’s doing me a favor by taking me out to eat in the middle of town.
I know he doesn’t like leaving the manor, the man seemingly loving his lonely solitude, but it’s important for my reputation that people think my husband cares even the tiniest bit about me.
I really should take the high road and compliment the ring.
Instead I shrug and glance idly down the street.
“I assumed you had help from your mistress.” I sigh, twisting it around my finger.
Petty it is.
Elijah clears his throat, and I know he wants me to look at him but I won’t give him the satisfaction. He’s made it clear he hates that I keep bringing it up, but he made his bed and now he needs to lie in it.
What did he think would happen? That he would parade around the estate with her and I would be too meek and timid to ever acknowledge it? It only shows how little he knows me. I understand and play the role my gender has assigned me in society, but that doesn’t mean I’m a doormat.
“How long are you going to hold that over my head for?” Elijah huffs.
Until I die. Until the thought of it doesn’t hurt anymore. Until I forget the humiliation I felt when I finally worked up the courage to bring him that stupid tie only to run into her exiting his bedroom.
“I would like us to be friends, Rebecca.” He continues, reaching for my hand.
I yank it away before he makes contact and slip on my gloves. He will not touch my bare skin.
“I’m sorry.”
He’s sorry he got caught, not that he was unfaithful.
“You promised me cake.” I state, eager to change the subject.
I may have brought up his indiscretions, but I never intended for the conversation to go on for this long. Or for him to repeat his infuriating claim that he wants us to be on good terms again.
I’m sure it’s only a matter of time before his urges get the best of him and I encounter another maid sitting on his desk.
I just need to keep my head down and continue collecting my money.
“I’ve ordered our chef to begin making desserts to accompany our dinners every night.” Elijah blurts.
He looks pleased when I finally look his way. My eyes narrow as I scan him, eager to seek out any signs of deception. The only time we’ve had desert was when Will was visiting, and I had to pretend to be his wife in exchange.
“And what do you get out of it?” I can’t help but ask.
“The satisfaction of making you realize I’m not nearly as awful as you’ve made me out to be in your mind.” He laughs, gesturing for our server to bring him the bill.
Ha! What a joke.
“That’s unlikely.” I admit.
Elijah’s dimple makes its rare appearance as he grins, and I have to look away when I feel my cheeks warming in response to it.
“We’ll see.”
Chapter 19
Louise grunts as she pulls the strings of my corset, and I spin to shoot her a glare. I could do without the noises of struggle.
"Your breasts are huge right now, Rebecca." She huffs.
I frown and shove the offending fat into the top of my corset. They always get swollen during this time of the month, and the way they threaten to pool out of my dress is entirely indecent.
Especially considering Will is here. It's one thing to walk around with my breasts spilling out when it's only Elijah and me.
I'd rather not do it, but considering he's my husband, nobody would bat an eye. With Will, though, people will think I'm trying to flirt. They'll label me a whore who's trying to seduce her brother and law.
Shoving my breasts low into my corset, I shift my weight between my feet as I urge Louise to hurry up.
I've been doing much exploring since Will showed me his secret spot in the woods, and I'm eager to travel there and show him the large berry bushes I found. They're huge, but the thorns on the vines limit the number of pieces I can obtain.
Will is tall, and I'm not against using him for his long arms.
Louise tells me I should take Elijah there and ask him to help me pick the fruits, but I'd rather die than invite him to do anything with me. He's been bothering me for days now, always lingering around the room I'm in and trying to start a conversation.
Even the vow of silence I've taken around him doesn't seem to be deterring his advances.
I thought our miserable attempt at lunch the other day would've been proof enough that we would never be friends, but it seems the man is persistent.
Still, I don't trust his motives. I'm not a stupid woman. I know there's a reason why he's done such a flip on his interest in me. Maybe he's worried about losing business deals if word regarding his forgotten, sad wife gets out.
Or maybe he's having a hard time securing a new mistress after they learned what happened to his old one.
I'm sure the maid he was entangled with will have difficulty finding work in another household, but I refuse to feel bad for her. I thought she was potentially in a tricky position when Elijah put his advances on her, probably scared to lose her job if she said no, but the way she smirked and flaunted their relationship in my face tells me that's not the case.
She was proud of what she was doing, and felt good hurting me.
In return, I feel good hurting her. She made her bed, and now she will lie in it.
I only wish Elijah would lie in his and leave me alone.
I have no interest in being his friend, companion, or whatever in heavens he's got in his head that he wants us to be. He can choke on a peach pit for all I care.
"I'll hold them down, and you tie." I suggest, referring to my breasts.
Louise grimaces as she pulls the corset tight and ties it off, but the second I release my breasts, they come pouring back out. So embarrassing.
I should buy a new corset that is more suited for my growing body, but they cost money and I'm saving every penny I can. I'm sure Elijah would give it to me if I asked, especially now that he's in his annoying apology phase, but I can't bring myself to degrade what little honor I have and beg him for money.
I refuse.
Louise frowns as she circles me and looks at my front side, and with a nod, I gesture toward the stifling dress she set aside for me earlier. I hate this one, the fabric itchy and uncomfortable, but it will best cover my current issues.
She laughs at the scowl I wear as she helps me into it, and I glare in her direction as she ties it up in the back.
"It's only for a few days. They'll return to normal shortly." She breathes, heading to the door.
I follow her, but refuse to acknowledge her words. She's lucky she gets to run around all day in her loose maid outfit. Her breasts can swell all they want, and nobody is none the wiser.
My back hurts and ribs ache, but I hold my chin high as I storm through the estate in search of Will.
I saw his carriage arrive earlier through my bedroom window, and I'm eager to hear about his travels and life in the city. I'm also most excited to learn about any new advancements with his lady friend and if he has gone shopping for rings yet.
"Is that Rebecca I see?"
I make a hard right and peer through the doorway I was just walking past. Will sits inside the drawing room with Elijah, and I ignore my husband entirely as I throw out my arms and pull his brother into a hug.
Will squeezes me a bit too tight, and I wince as the action compresses my tender chest.
"You're hurting her!" Elijah snaps.
The arms around my waist are removed a second later, and I beg my cheeks to cool down as Will scans me with a loud apology.
"I'm fine. You didn't hurt me." I lie.
Elijah sucks his cheeks into his mouth as I loop my arm through Will's and lead him from the room. They may be brothers, but Will is my friend and we have much to discuss. He can have his brother back this evening, and the two can get drunk after dinner as they enjoy.
Then he can spend the night with a maid as I know he also loves.
I hate Elijah.
"I've missed you." I admit.
Will coos and pulls me closer to his side.
"Of course you did! Elijah told me he's been trying to find friendship with you, and I can only imagine how annoying that's been." He snorts.
I grin, his words reminding me exactly why I love him so much.
I take great pleasure in complaining about Elijah, and let all my frustrations out as I lead him to my berry patch. Not once does he question why I'm bringing him ominously into the woods or why I stopped on the way to grab a basket, but I can see the question in his eyes every time he looks down at me.
It's quite warm today, and I tug at the neckline of my dress as I point to the berries and hand him the basket.
"You use me, Rebecca." He laughs.
I shrug with a grin. Yes, I do.
I make myself comfortable under a tree as I watch him get to work, and feel only slightly guilty as time passes and the back of his shirt grows damp.
"Tell me all about your lady love." I state, no longer wanting to talk or think about Elijah.
Will takes a moment to respond, which is never a good sign, and I hold my breath as I wait.
"She's engaged."
I gulp. Judging by his tone, I'm fairly confident it's not with him.
"I'm sorry. She's missing out on a great man." I state, suddenly regretting all the probing questions I've shot his way in our recent letters.
I thought he was just a boring written communicator, but it makes sense that he was avoiding saying anything. He was quite smitten by her, and I'm pretty sure he was under the understanding that she felt the same way about him.
That's disappointing.
As he picks berries, Will and I talk about the newest opera performances, the topic light and easy. At some point I feel bad and begin to help him, and we work in comfortable silence.
"You know, I came here to relax. Not be put to work." He teases after a few minutes of quiet.
I shrug and shoot him a sideways smile.
"You're free to leave whenever you want."
"A tempting offer, indeed."
Despite his words, he doesn't leave. Even when he pricks his finger and draws a small bead of blood, he remains and helps me fill my basket. I'm not sure what I will do with all these berries, but I'm thinking Louise and I can use them as currency for our nightly card games.
It's much more fun when you're betting something, and berries are an excellent low-stakes way to have that.
When the basket is full and we're both covered in a gross layer of sweat, Will finally calls it and steps away.
I wipe my brow and smile at our collection. This is impressive, and I look forward to indulging myself in them until my lips and fingers are purple. Louise is going to love it, too.
"Care to take a dip?"
It takes a minute for Will's words to register.
"What?"
Will gestures in the direction of the lake he once showed me. We are relatively close to it, and I can hear the rushing water from here.
I visit frequently, and do quite enjoy dipping in my toes on hot days. It's probably improper for me to remove my shoes and socks in front of my husband's brother, but the offer is too tempting to turn down.
Will laughs as I loop my arm through his and lead the way.
It rained recently so the water might be a bit high, but it's still a relatively shallow stream so I'm not too concerned. It's also not like I'm going to be attempting to venture into the deeper center. Swimming isn't something ladies are taught, and I'd rather not drown.
"I heard Elijah has ordered for a dessert to be served every evening after dinner." Will comments.
My lips purse as I turn and look at him out of the corner of my eye. That's an odd thing to say. Will acts casual, but I'm not falling for it.
"Did he ask you to put in a good word?" I pry.
Will hesitates, which is all the response I need.
"He didn't not ask me."
Elijah must truly be desperate if he's trying to get in through his brother. It's a shame I'm so unwilling to be swayed.
"I'd rather not talk about Elijah and his half-cocked attempts at bribery." I snort.
Will looks hesitant, but doesn't push the subject as we come up on the river and I set my basket on the ground. He tugs off his footwear and rolls up the legs of his pants before I even find a rock to sit on, and once I finally do lower myself and begin untying my shoe laces, he's already splashing around in the water.
He shouts at me to hurry up, the man as impatient as his brother, and I huff out that I'm doing my best before yanking off my socks and joining him.
I lift the hem of my dress so it doesn't get wet and draw attention, and groan as my toes curl around the slimy rocks. It's so gross, but the cold water does feel amazing on my warm skin.
Will ventures in deeper than I'd ever dare to, and I laugh and watch as he makes a big show out of accidentally getting his pants wet. I knew it would happen, the man much too careless, but nobody will bat an eye when he returns to the estate with wet pants.
He's a man, and everybody will assume he was doing some important, manly business.
So annoying.
He shuffles back over to me after a few minutes, and when I see his expression turn to horror, I instinctively reach out to grab his arm. His fingers latch onto my wrist at the exact moment he goes down, and I cry as the sudden yank has my own feet sliding across the slippery rock.
For fuck's sake.
Chapter 20
The second my body hits the water, I’m pissed.
Any semblance of the good mood I was in earlier is gone, and I resist the urge to scream as I straighten up and stomp out of the water. I should never have put out my hand to help Will. I knew the rocks my feet were on were slippery.
Shit.
Will remains close behind me, loud apologies bubbling up from his throat as he follows me out of the water.
My entire dress is soaked, and the fabric feels like it weighs a thousand pounds as it hangs limply down my frame. When I reach the bank, I stop and pick up the hem, grimacing when water pours off it and onto the grass by my feet.
I’m going to kill Will.
“I’m so sorry, Rebecca,” he says, running up alongside me.
I’m going to stab him in the eye with the heel of my shoe. When I spin to face him, my anger only grows as his eyes dart to the top of my head and his face turns red. Is he laughing at me? I release my dress and cross my arms over my chest.
The bastard is laughing at me.
“This is not funny,” I huff.
Will swallows down his laughter and nods, agreeing. I can tell he’s lying to me as he continues to try and stop his annoying cackling, and I resist the urge to scream as a booming howl falls from his throat.
He clutches his stomach and bends as he eyes me, his gaze trailing down my soaking wet frame.
I bet I look like a drowned cat.
“Help me wring this out,” I order, gesturing to the base of my dress.
After a few more seconds of laughing, he finally calms down and approaches. Never in a thousand years did I think I’d be demanding my husband’s brother help me squeeze water out of my clothing.
How absolutely humiliating.
Every piece of fabric covering Will’s body drips as he approaches and bends to grab a handful of my dress. His height means that he needs to lift it relatively high to not hunch over, the action exposing my legs up to my knee.
He’s polite and averts his gaze, but I’m sure it’s all both of us are thinking about right now. I can only imagine the rumors that would spread if we were to be spotted.
“Again, I’m so sorry,” he says, grimacing as the water pours from my many layers of fabric.
I ignore him and continue wringing. The dress is so heavy, and I slump forward as the weight drags me down. Walking back to the manor in this is going to be hell, and all I’ve had to eat today are berries and half a piece of toast.
At least it will help me work up an appetite for dinner.
Silver lining.
We spend a good twenty minutes squeezing every inch of my skirt, and by the time I’m satisfied, my body is wracked with shivers. The slight breeze feels like it’s going straight through my body, and I cross my arms over my chest and rub the exposed skin as Will steps away to retrieve his discarded shoes.
He’s still dripping, and I choke on my spit when he rips off his shirt. What’s he doing? His back is to me, and I stare wide-eyed at all the exposed skin as he folds his shirt in his hands and squeezes the water out.
Did he forget I’m right here?
I’ve only ever seen my brothers without shirts, and that’s not nearly as exciting as seeing a man who is not family without one on. Will is lankier than his brother but still strong.
The muscles in his back flex as he moves, and I feel my body grow tingly the longer I watch. Do all men have this much muscle? My back looks nothing like that.
I lick my lips and clear my throat when Will abruptly spins in my direction. His cheeks turn red as he realizes I’ve been watching him, and I feel mine do the same. The polite move would have been to look away, not ogle.
Still, even though he’s facing me, I continue to stare.
Will doesn’t say anything as my eyes trail over his broad shoulders and down his chest. There’s hair smattered in the center, and I gulp as I follow it to his belly button. There the hair thins into a straight line, and I hold my breath as I dart my attention to where it disappears into his pants.
Oh.
The fabric of his trousers clings to his legs. His thighs are thick, and between them is a bulge I won’t insult him or myself by looking at. Even if I so desperately want to.
My skin grows warm, and for the millionth time since my father told me a man had asked for my hand in marriage, I curse Elijah. Why did he have to choose me? Why couldn’t a man like Will have picked me for a bride?
I would make a good wife, and I have urges I believe most husbands would love to fulfill.
I can’t help but wonder, if I weren’t married to Elijah, if Will would be willing to touch me. I’d never be so daring as to ask, but how he stands and lets me look at his body tells me he would. He’s a handsome man, and I’d love to know how it feels to touch his bare chest and have him undress me.
These thoughts are dangerous, but I can’t seem to stop them from running rampant inside my mind.
Does Will desire me as I do him?
“We should get back,” he breathes.
I nod, and after one more long look, I turn away. My body aches as I find my shoes and slip them back on, and by the time I have them tied, Will has put his shirt back on and joined me by my side.
He grabs my basket of berries, and I give a jerky nod in his direction before following him back home.
Thanks to my soaked dress, it takes us twice as long to return as it took us to walk here, and by the time the estate finally enters my line of sight, I’m exhausted and starving. The time for lunch has come and gone, and I’m pretty sure we are closer to dinner now.
I’ll wait until then to eat.
Not that I have many other choices. I will need to clean up before moving about the estate, which will take a good hour or two. Louise is going to kill me for ruining the hairdo she spent all morning working on, and I only hope she doesn’t ask too many questions.
I’m not very good at lying, but there’s no way I’m going to tell her about my wild decision to walk through a creek with my husband’s brother. I trust her, but I won’t give any women information they could use to ruin me.
This is not a good situation.
When Elijah comes storming outside of the estate, I wish to die.
He looks furious as he approaches but not surprised. I’d bet money that he saw us leaving the woods from his office window and came down to investigate.
“What is this?” He ignores me entirely and directs his question at Will.
For once I’m happy about his apparent dislike for me and duck my head in the hopes he completely forgets I’m here. Maybe I can sneak around him and leave Will to explain why we’re soaking wet and reeking dirty fish water.
I only make it two steps before his head snaps toward me.
I flinch, waiting for the lecture, but grow confused when it doesn’t come. Instead, Elijah trails his gaze down the entire length of my body, his eyebrows pulled together and lips pursed. I shift my weight from foot to foot, uncomfortable, as I wait to see what he’s going to say.
“Are you okay?”
I blink. That’s not at all what I was expecting.
“What?”
Elijah steps toward me but stops when my body goes rigid. I’m getting really sick of his concerned husband act. We’re only in front of Will, so it’s not like he’s at risk of having any naughty rumors spread about him. I doubt Will would go around saying that his older brother mistreats his wife.
Especially while he’s currently in the process of finding a woman for himself.
“I’m fine,” I state, not wanting to discuss this.
My answer is met with silence, and I wish for the world to swallow me whole as I glance between Elijah and Will.
What are they thinking? I’d pay good money to have access to their minds.
Will avoids eye contact, and I mentally curse myself for acting so foolish as I angrily slide my attention to Elijah. I truly wish he had never spotted us, but luck has never been on my side.
Especially as of late.
I slide my fingers down the wet fabric on my waist before clenching the top of my skirt. It’s still damp, and I can feel a slight stream of water seeping down my fist. Gross.
“I’ll call for Louise to meet you in your room,” Elijah sighs.
Why on earth would he get Louise? I’m more than capable of getting her myself. Elijah has never offered his help before, and I sure as hell don’t need it now. I don’t need anything he offers. Not his desserts and not his fake kindness.
“There’s no need,” I mutter after a moment. “I can get her myself.”
Elijah shakes his head and steps toward me. I step back. Avoiding my husband is a dance I’m good at, but he’s making it exceptionally hard as of late.
“Go to your room and undress, Rebecca. You’ll get sick if you stand around in wet clothing. I’ll find and send her to assist you,” He orders.
I work my jaw side to side as I debate whether or not I want to keep arguing with him. His offer is arguably one I want. I dread the thought of walking through the estate looking for Louise, and I’m admittedly freezing.
The last thing I want is to be indebted to Elijah, though.
If I allow him to do this nice thing for me, that puts him in a position to ask something from me in the future.
“It’s fine, Rebecca,” Will interjects.
He looks earnest and offers me a soft smile when I turn in his direction. My eyes narrow, and after a second, I huff and storm past both men. Elijah scoffs, but I can’t bring myself to look him in the eye as I walk past.
I’m sure he doesn’t appreciate me not listening to him but folding for his brother, but that’s what happens when you’re cruel. People don’t trust you. On the other hand, Will has never given me a reason to doubt.
Even when he pulls me into the water.
I’ll need to get my revenge on him before he leaves. It probably won’t be today, but I have all day tomorrow to think of something. Maybe I’ll put hot peppers in his food or a spider in his bed chambers. I’ll have to find something of equal measure.
My lips curl into a wide grin as I sneak inside the side door and head toward my bedroom.
Life is best when Will is nearby to occupy my long days, and I press my hands to my cheeks as I rush up the stairs. Did I really see his bare chest today? And the outline of his legs through his wet trousers?
My skin is burning.
He’s leaving tomorrow, this visit short, but I’ll have to ask when he’s next expected to visit. If Elijah’s odd need to bribe my affection continues, maybe I can use it to my advantage and get him to invite Will for a more extended stay.
That would be nice.
___
Elijah's about to get J-E-A-L-O-U-S
Comments
HOOKED! Loving this story.
I'm so into this story!
