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Opinion on scene in Her Males
🕑 Added 2023-02-26 17:13:46 +0000 UTCHello, my glorious hoes-
I need your opinion on the cheating scene from Her Males. I don't want to remove the scene because I feel like it's important for Charlie's growth and is a pretty significant part of the storyline, but I do feel that the way I originally wrote it made Charlie too irredeemable.
I'm working on final edits of the book, and I've rewritten the scene and would love your opinions on it. I'm trying to convey a very specific emotion with it, and I want to make sure it translates correctly otherwise I feel it could ruin the rest of the book.
I don't want to sway your opinion by telling you how I want you to feel before reading it, so I'll put what I'm aiming for at the very end and I'd love your feedback on if I missed the mark and need to adjust more!
(My copy and paste from Word to Patreon is being weird, so please excuse any weird formatting. I think I fixed it all, but I always miss something lol)
FYI- Cato's name has been changed to Kit
_____
My pace quickens as Emily and Kit’s house enters my line of sight, and Chev follows me quietly to the front door.
“Have fun,” he says, reaching around me to open the door.
“Thanks!” I chirp, hurrying up the steps.
Kit’s sitting on the floor of his living room as I bust inside, and he watches with shock as I kick off my shoes and waddle through his house with my bloody carcass. The door slams shut behind me, and out of the corner of my eye, I watch him stand and follow me into the kitchen.
My panting is embarrassingly loud as I drop the fox on the kitchen island. Blood pools below it, and I grab a towel and wipe it off while Kit examines my treasure.
“This one’s good.” He lifts the limbs to get a better look. “You won’t get a full set, but this should be enough for a top.”
I beam as he flips the animal over and continues his evaluation.
“You think Echo will like it?” I ask.
Kit nods, his shoulder bumping mine as he holds back a smile.
“She enjoys fox leather, and she’ll love that you’ve gifted her something so special,” he says. “You’ve done well, Charlie.”
His praise makes my heart race, and I clear my throat before turning back to the animal.
Emily enters through the back door a second later, her cheery expression growing as she notices the animal I’ve haphazardly thrown on her counter.
She’s quick to copy Kit and evaluate it, loud compliments slipping from her lips as she picks it up and orders Kit to lock the doors so Echo doesn’t come over and ruin the surprise.
“We usually do this outside, but we’ll do it here since this is a present,” she explains, grabbing a tarp from the closet and sending Kit to collect several knives.
I grab the fox and set it on the tarp, and Kit returns quickly before kneeling to my right and explaining how to skin it. Emily politely ignores my wet eyes, but she grabs a tissue to wipe at my cheeks when the animal in front of me begins to blur.
“It’s okay,” she whispers, grabbing my hair and pulling it out of my face. “Chev cried so hard, he vomited the first time he did this, and it took Echo a good year before she could do it without Kit’s help.”
Kit’s voice is comforting as he helps me through each step, the even tone helping to soothe my guilt-ridden heart. Thankfully, my tears stop by the time we’ve finished removing the skin.
Emily grabs the meat and moves it out of my view.
“Kit, why don’t you ready the chemicals while Charlie and I remove the fur?” Emily suggests, grabbing a bucket from underneath the sink.
She fills it up and returns to the tarp. “Come here.” She gestures for me to drop the skin in the bucket. “We’ll soak it for a bit, then remove the fur with a knife. Help me massage the cleaner in.”
Her hands cover mine as she shows me how to clean and wring out the skin, washing all the excess blood and guts off. It feels gross between my fingers, but her touch distracts me so much that I don’t mind.
We continue to work the fur until the water’s red, and I spread the skin on the tarp while Emily dumps the bucket. She’s back seconds later, her body wrapping around mine as she shows me how to remove the fur.
I hold in a gasp as her fingers lace between mine, her teaching intimate. I’ve learned that shifter women tend to be big on hugs and physical affection, but I usually avoid Emily. I was around Gray long enough that her natural scent doesn’t throw me into a frenzy, but it still calls to me.
“You did amazing today. Everybody’s been talking about how impressed they are with you,” she whispers. “We enjoy having you here.”
My jaw clenches, and I let my eyes slip shut as my body reacts to hers. Her breasts push against my back, and when coupled with her sweet scent, it has me holding back a shiver.
She hums quietly in my ear and pulls away as we finish. Emily has been nothing but kind to me, and it’s wrong for me to lust after her like this. She turns to me with a soft smile, her eyes ever-knowing as her nostrils flare.
I feel the blood rush to my cheeks, and I turn away to hide my shame.
“It’s okay, Charlie. Honestly,” she says, helping me to my feet.
I shake my head, overwhelmed with guilt as I follow her to the sink to clean my hands.
“I’m sorry,” I whisper as she tries again to assure me I’ve done nothing wrong. “I don’t mean to, and I know you’re mated to Kit.”
Emily laughs. “Kit doesn’t mind.”
I doubt that very much.
I drop to my knees and begin cleaning the tarp. My guilt refuses to let me acknowledge that she’s a succubus and probably gets this all the time. It’s not nearly as embarrassing for her as it is for me.
Kit returns shortly with the chemicals. He grabs the skin from Emily and coats it with the smelly liquid. I move to help him, but he waves me away with an exaggerated huff.
“The chemicals are strong,” he explains as Emily steps out of the room to put some things away.
“How long until it’s finished?” I ask.
Kit shrugs. “About a week.”
That’s not too bad. I fold up the tarp and set it aside, and Kit hangs the skin on a rack while I try to put the tarp back on the top shelf of the closet they took it from. Kit washes his hands with a laugh as I struggle to reach.
“You’re so short,” he comments, approaching.
I shoot him a glare, but my body quickly stiffens as he grabs my hips and lifts me a few inches into the air so I can reach. My fingers shake as I shove the tarp onto the top shelf, and Kit sets me back on the ground in one smooth motion.
The action presses his chest against my back, and I let out an embarrassingly loud, shaky exhale at the feeling of his bare skin touching mine. Kit’s an attractive man, a fact I’ve been working hard to ignore and pretend I don’t notice, but it’s near impossible not to when he’s covered in Emily’s scent and pressed against me.
I should move away and put distance between us.
Kit doesn’t seem to notice my arousal as he drops his hands from my hips and steps back. I take a moment longer to move.
I’m a horrible person. Kit and Emily are happily mated, and I still don’t know what’s happening between me, Gray, and Silas. I’m still slightly convinced they’re out to kill me, even if Rock promises they aren’t, but I shouldn’t do anything until I have clarity.
Kit turns to look at me, his eyebrows pulled tightly together.
“Are you okay?”
Unlike his wife, Kit seems blissfully unaware of my reaction to him, and his growing comfort toward me only worsens it. I almost miss the days when he avoided me like the plague, but now he sees me as a friend and has no issues with the occasional touch.
Kit looks good, but it’s his mate’s scent that does me in. It turns me on, especially when he’s so close, and it urges me to act on my attraction.
Would it be so bad if I did?
As much as I love Gray and Silas, I’d be foolish not to acknowledge the power imbalance in our relationship. Most of my life has been spent in hiding, and when they purchased me, the only experience I had outside of my home was from the month I spent in the secure Seeker facility.
I want to know who I am outside of Gray and Silas, and shouldn’t discovering who I am sexually be a part of that? How can I say my males are truly who I want when I don’t even know who I am and what I want.
“Charlie?” Kit speaks up when I don’t answer his question. “Are you okay?” he repeats.
I clear my throat and nod, but it doesn’t seem to be as convincing as I’d like it to be as he steps forward and ducks to my level. He licks his lips as he looks me over, and a quiet hum emerges from his throat as he straightens up and pulls me into a tight hug.
I wish I’d chosen to wear my usual clothing instead of the leathers Emily and Echo gave me.
The bandeau top leaves most of my chest exposed, and the feeling of Kit’s bare skin against mine is doing more to me than I’d care to admit.
“Life has been hard for you,” Kit quietly whispers, running a hand down the center of my spine.
I shiver.
He’s trying so hard to comfort me, but my body isn’t getting the ‘this is innocent touch’ memo. My face warms as my cheek presses against his chest, and I listen to his heart beating as I clench and unclench my fists.
Kit’s large, and it’s next to impossible not to realize it when I’m wrapped in his muscular arms. I breathe in, my body softening as Emily’s residual scent fills my lungs. Every inch of his body is coated in her, and while it’s diluted, it’s still distracting.
It smells so good.
My thighs clench together as I rack my brain for a response, my mind coming up blank despite how hard I search for one. I flinch when Emily walks back in, and I meet her gaze with wide eyes.
She raises a brow at our positioning, the woman able to easily see how intimate it is, even if the shifter cuddling me is clueless.
“Tell me what’s wrong,” Kit says, his voice rising in pitch.
He struggles with strong female emotions, and he seems especially panicked when he can’t determine what’s causing them.
Emily rolls her eyes as Kit panics.
“Charlie’s fine. She’s just turned on.”
Kit gasps, his body stiffening as he pulls back to look down at me.
“Are you aroused?” he asks.
Emily leans against the counter to watch, a smile toying at the corners of her lips. She thinks this is funny. I’m going to kill her.
She kicks off the counter, and her hips sway as she approaches and slides her body between me and Kit. He quickly steps out of the way, and my attention darts to her full lips as she licks them.
“I’m going to kiss you,” she warns.
All I can manage is a jerky nod, and she places her fingers below my chin before connecting her lips to mine. They’re surprisingly soft, and my hands twitch by my sides before I work up the courage to bring them to her waist.
What am I doing?
“Emily,” Kit groans. “We can take a trip to Lust if you’re needing.”
She ignores him, and her hands slide up my waist before she turns and walks me backward into Kit’s chest. He doesn’t move, but I can feel his heart pounding against my back as she grabs his hand and drags it to the front of my body.
I breathe in, overwhelmed by her scent. It’s growing stronger.
Emily brings her lips back to mine, her kiss soft. I moan into her mouth, and she pulls away with a smile before shifting her attention to Kit. He’s as still as a statue behind me, and Emily grabs his hand and slides it to my thighs as she leans over me and kisses him.
I turn to watch, my body shaking with need.
Emily releases his hand and reaches around me to touch Kit. I feel his leathers shifting against my back, and he grunts as she slides her hand underneath them. I’m frozen, struggling with my desperate desire for her.
I need to put space between us.
She strokes Kit, her arm rhythmically moving back and forth as she pleasures him.
“Please,” he begs.
Emily giggles, and I moan as she brings her lips back to mine. I have no thoughts as she kisses me, and I’m only faintly aware of Kit’s length pressing between my thighs as I bring my hands to Emily’s body and feel the bare skin exposed by her leathers.
She’s soft, and she smells so fucking good. I need her.
Kit rolls his hips with a quiet hiss, his body rocking against mine as he squeezes my inner thigh. A moment later I feel his mouth on my neck, and I whine into Emily’s mouth as he sucks a dark hickey into the spot where demons mark.
I’m sure the location doesn’t mean much to a shifter, but Gray and Silas loved to kiss me there.
It was a silent promise.
I continue to inhale Emily’s lust as Kit thrusts into her fist. It’s growing stronger as she feeds.
“My dirty mate,” Kit breathes.
He slides his fingers further up my thigh, and I rest my head against his chest as he cups my sex. A second later two thick fingers slip into me, and I clench around them as Kit moans.
His thrusts grow faster, the tip of his cock pressing between my thighs with each movement before he lets out a choked cry and something warm coats the back of my thighs and slit. He curls his fingers inside me, rocking them in and out.
My back arches, and Kit pants in my ear as an orgasm rips through me. It’s intense, and I tighten around his fingers as he works me through it.
Emily pulls away, her eyes wide in shock, before peering at Kit over my head.
“Are you high, Kit?” she asks, a tinge of panic entering her voice.
She cups his chin and holds his face still as she peers into his eyes, and after a second, she roughly turns to me and does the same. Kit continues to ease his fingers in and out of me, and my eyes roll back as another wave of her scent fills my lungs.
“Fuck,” Emily hisses.
She’s on the opposite side of the room a second later, her back plastered against the wall as her eyes dart frantically between Kit and me.
My first inhale of fresh air has me going painfully rigid.
Oh, my god. What have I just done?
Emily places a hand over her chest as I rip Kit’s hand off me and scramble away. A choked sob falls from my lips as I tumble to the floor, and Kit reaches forward to grab me before he’s pushed away by a frantic Emily.
“I’m so sorry, Charlie,” Emily rushes to say, all trace of her scent gone as she pulls me into her arms and snaps at Kit to give me space. “I had no idea my lust was affecting you so strongly. I had no idea.”
I shake my head, my eyes filling with tears now that the cloud of lust that’s distracted my thoughts is gone. I shouldn’t have done this.
I was okay with some light flirting, maybe a kiss or two, but I never wanted it to go further than that. My sex is sore from Kit’s fingers, the slight ache a painful reminder of what I’ve just done.
Kit’s gone pale. “I’m sorry, Charlie.” His voice is hoarse. “Have I dishonored you? Oh, fuck, I’m so sorry.”
My bottom lip trembles as I wipe at my wet cheeks, unable to make eye contact with either of them.
Kit’s cum drips down my inner thighs, the feeling of it only worsening my anxiety.
Emily wraps her arms around Kit’s waist as he steps forward to try to comfort me, the man very clearly out of his element.
That makes two of us.
“I need to go home,” I say, rushing to the door.
“Let me walk back with you,” Emily offers, holding back the large man who’s desperate to smooth the tension between us. I’m sure he will panic the second I’m out this door, and Emily should be here for that instead of with me.
“I’ll be fine! It’s a quick walk,” I assure her, gesturing wildly in the direction of my cabin.
I don’t wait for a response before turning and escaping out the front door. My bare feet slam against the rough ground, and I curse myself for forgetting I took off my shoes shortly after arriving with my fox.
I’ll get them another time.
Sticks bury into the soles of my feet as I rush to the cabin I share with Rock.
_____
So, I'm aiming for this still to be Charlie cheating, but at a much smaller scale than before. I want it to be clear that Emily's lust is the final push for Charlie to give in, but she's still very much in control of herself. (think having 2 or so drinks at a bar- your inhibitions are lowered, but you're still able to consent)
I do NOT want this scene to be taken as SA, especially since Gray and Silas consider it cheating and are angry with her for the remainder of the book, but I also want Charlie to still be a redeemable love interest.
Please let me know if that's the vibe you got while reading this, or if I need to adjust further!!
Comments
I didn’t ever really find Charlie irredeemable tbh, even with the original scene. regardless of their intent gray and the others bought her, she’s a victim of human trafficking. This is her first experiencing the real world of course she’d make bad decisions. I think people are to soft on the trio, maybe after literally purchasing someone to FEED gray and deciding not to help the females when it was within their power they deserved to get cheated on. Just my thoughts.
I think that the act itself is better than the original if you’re going trying to be more “forgivable.” Unfortunately, it does read as Emily and Kit being predatory. I think with a lot more communication, you could make it work. When the lust being taken away instantly led to her regretting everything, it felt like a date rape. Especially when you also take into account that she seemed to feel guilty and uncomfortable when she was turned on by them and Emily decided to turn it up and TOLD Charlie that she was going to kiss her and then also included Kit without Charlie’s consent. So, yeah that’s just how it read to me. If anyone can make this scene work, it’s you so best of luck.
