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After Wife's Death - Becoming Her - Chapter 8
🕑 Added 2024-11-22 14:14:18 +0000 UTCOTHER CHAPTERS | ALL STORY LIST
The big day, or big night, was a week away when I enlisted Lonna’s help. That week went by so quickly that it was a strange inversion of the life I had been leading.
In the weeks immediately after Trish had died, days ran by leaving no trace, as though they never existed. Weeks of lightning-quick days vanished, for all that they were comprised of infinitely long hours and minutes.
The hours and minutes of the week before my ‘date’, though, raced by at a frantic pace, full of energy and purpose. Each day seemed too full to absorb, and at the end of it, there seemed little more in the way of clear memories.
But there were clear accomplishments. I must have tried on 20 dresses and 50 pairs of shoes. And then, after Lonna insisted I get a tighter corset despite what she called it, it felt enough like a corset that no other name seemed to fit in my mind - I had to go back and try half the dresses on again.
The day approached with implacable determination, however, and it was clear from the first evening that Lonna was the expert, and a very capable one indeed. Any resistance I might have felt at what seemed like redundant activities leading to artificial urgency was buried beneath her confidence and commitment.
I did balk, though, when she told me I had to come by her salon on the Saturday of my big adventure.
"I shouldn’t need a haircut, yet. Besides, I’ll be wearing the wig."
"Exactly. We need to set the wig while you’re wearing it to get the right look. And I really want to get Shannon to give you a makeover. She’s a lot closer to your color tones, and she might have some good ideas."
"Shannon? Do you want someone else to know about me? Why not take an ad in the paper?"
"Oh, calm down. What makes you think you’re the only ‘special’ customer we have?"
"You mean other guys come in there for makeup and things?"
"If you don’t know, then we must be doing our job, including the job of keeping our mouths shut. Shannon won’t take advantage of you. She already knows about Trish everyone does so she’ll understand."
Somehow, the argument about letting someone else in on my ‘secret’ distracted me from the more important issue.
What was Lonna going to do to me when I got there?
I should have asked. I should have known I was being set up when she told me I had to be there at noon, though Bud wasn’t coming for me until 7:00 that evening.
I should have figured out a lot of things before I found myself walking through the door to Lonna’s salon, dressed per her suggestion in one of Trish’s warmups.
Things started out safely enough.
We went to Lonna’s working area, actually a small room and not just an exposed chair, and she worked for a while to make sure the wig was securely on my head.
Some of that was glue, some of it was pulling my own hair through the weave of the wig cap, but by the time she was done, I think she could have lifted me out of the chair by all that fake hair. The wash and set that followed were not much of a surprise, either.
Every time I had been in the place there had been lots of people with hair in rollers.
Then she told me to take off my clothes.
"You have got to be kidding!"
"Not at all. We need to do your legs."
"Do my legs?"
If you haven’t ever had your legs waxed, trust me, it hurts. It hurts even more in places other than your legs, and Lonna seemed determined to eradicate any hair, anywhere, on my body.
She even did the wax thing on my eyebrows, not removing all the hair, but yanking everything except a surprisingly high arch. I didn’t think my eyebrows went up that high. Maybe it was a residual effect from the shock of having so much hair yanked out by the roots.
Lonna had removed the breast forms when she was forcibly extracting all my body hair. When she put them back, she fussed for the longest time getting the edges blended in, but I had to admit that when she finished, even I could hardly tell where the real me ended and the silicone me began.
It was almost a relief to get back into my warmups and lie back while they worked on my face. The greenish mud stuff looked positively vile, but it felt surprisingly good when they rubbed it into my skin. And at least they let me relax for a few minutes while it did whatever it was supposed to do.
I must have dozed off. The next time I opened my eyes, a dark-haired girl was leaning over me and I jerked like she had stuck me with a pin.
"Hey! Who are you?"
"I’m Shannon. I thought Lonna told you about me."
"Oh, yes, um, I’m sorry."
"Don’t be. It’s time to take the mudpack off, though, and do your nails."
"There must be some mistake. I’m wearing gloves tonight."
"Oh, really? Lonna was real definite," Shannon said as she peeled the now-stiff gunk off my face. In some ways, it felt like it had rooted into me as deeply as the wax. But instead of hurting when she pulled it off, my skin felt like it had been slapped awake or something. Tingly, like when you’ve just done a fast ski run down a frosty mountain. It was really sort of nice.
"That’s amazing," I said when she pulled the last of it off.
"Glad you like it. It really helped, too. You need to get a facial more often."
"Yeah, right," I said, barely suppressing a most unfeminine snort. I was saved from having to explain my lack of enthusiasm by the arrival of the nail technician, accompanied by Lonna.
"Oh, wow!" Lonna said before I could say anything.
"That really did a good job. You need to do that more often."
The next interruption in what I wanted to say was from Shannon, who giggled at the delayed echo of her own sentiment. By the time she ran down the nail tech had a hold on my hand and was starting to trim the cuticles.
"Lonna, why do I need to have my nails done? I’m wearing gloves."
"Well, for one thing, you might take your gloves off at some point.
But more than that, it will make you feel more feminine all night long. The grace you need when your fingers get longer will show even when you are wearing your gloves."
"Ah, I see," I said, sighing. Why was it women were always so logical when they wanted you to do the most illogical things?
The rest of the things they did to me, well, maybe I’ll just describe the rest as part of explaining what happened later.
After they let me loose, Lonna followed me back to my house so that she could help me dress.
I needed the help. Not only was the newest corset-thingy way too tight for me to get into by myself, I was too nervous to do even the simple things like brush my teeth.
Especially since I had to do it without messing up Shannon’s makeover. Somehow, Lonna managed to get me ready. Yet another big one that I owed her.
When the doorbell rang, she made me stay in the bedroom while she answered it. I heard Katy’s voice first, as usual, but Lonna’s, "Hi, Bud" made it clear they were both there.
Per directions, I waited until I was told to come in and ‘make an entrance’.
The response was not what you would call tumultuous. Katy and Bud watched in dead silence while I swayed into the room. The heels Lonna had made me wear were way too high for anything but a swaying sashay that looked like a deliberate enticement.
The only sound was the whisper of silk on silk as the dress I had picked out a dark blue number that should have been in the dictionary next to the word ‘slinky’ slithered over my dark stockings.
I felt both exposed and covered up at the same time because my shoulders and a lot of cleavage were showing, yet I had on gloves up past my elbows.
That same contradictory feeling was reinforced at my neck. Lonna had all that hair up in an arrangement even I could tell was very elegant, and that made my neck feel very exposed.
Yet I wore a triple strand of pearls that seemed almost like armor as they circled my neck.
Dangly pearl earrings added to the feeling, swishing almost to my exposed shoulders and sometimes clicking ever-so-faintly on the necklace. Lonna had been most emphatic that pearls would be my jewelry theme for the night, so there was another triple strand around my left wrist and pearly-white combs accenting the darkness of my hair.
The silence continued, sounding even louder after I reached the others and stopped walking. When I got close enough, I could see that Bud was back into lawyer mode. Not a hint of his impression showed, except in the fact that he wasn’t letting a hint of his expression show.
Katy, on the other hand, had so many complex emotions on her face that I couldn’t sort them out. There was surprise there, which I sort of expected, but there was also more than a hint of frown. It made me even more nervous, so I blurted out, "Somebody say something."
"Dear God," Katy said, letting out a breath I hadn’t realized she was holding. "I don’t believe it."
That didn’t really help. "What’s wrong?"
"Nothing," she said quickly, reflexively. Then she tried again, though it sounded strangely forced, "Nothing at all. You look fabulous!"
"Oh, um, thank you."
Before I could say anything else, Katy turned to Bud and said, "Doesn’t she look fabulous?"
"That’s as good a word as any," he agreed.
Then he did something I absolutely didn’t expect. He looked at me. I mean really looked at me, one of those long, slow looks that made it clear he was enjoying the view.
I blushed so brightly that I think it showed in places that weren’t really me. But the frown was back on Katy’s face. I could tell she wanted to say something, but she held whatever it was back.
Lonna saved us all from the ensuing silence by her own observation, "Tami picked the dress out herself. She has great taste.
Oh, and you look nice, too, Bud."
He did. His black tux fit his trim body like it had been tailored for it, which I knew was the case, but it combined with his shiny dark hair to make him look like he belonged in the dictionary, too. Next to ‘tall, dark, and handsome’.
And even as I thought that I felt myself blush again.
"Hadn’t we better be going?" I asked, after what seemed like another long silence. Maybe it was just that my heart was racing so fast my time sense was all screwed up.
"Oh, yes, we should," Bud agreed, visibly shaking himself as though to throw off a spell.
Katy sort of woke up, too, though her expression was still complex.
She put a smile on her face and said, "I need some pictures."
It triggered my sense of humor. I don’t know why. Maybe it was a way to try and let out the tension I was feeling, but the image of a mother taking pictures as her grown-up little girl goes off to the prom was too vivid to stifle. I started giggling and reached out to put my hand through Bud’s arm.
"Oh, Mother. You are so old-fashioned."
Lonna bubbled over with a laugh she had lost control of, too, and in minutes we were all harrowing almost too much to stand up. Bud steadied me on my heels as he led me over to the fireplace, and Katy dug a camera out of her purse.
"Oh, that reminds me," Lonna said. "Wait a minute while I get her purse and stole. You need the whole look."
Lonna ran into the bedroom to get the mink stole that had once upon a time graced Trish’s shoulders. It, and the pearls, were the only things of hers I was wearing that night, and I had almost refused.
But then it seemed like it was right, somehow. As though it proved that this was all about getting closer to my memories of Trish. In any event, a few seconds later the mink was draped around my shoulders and a purse that was almost too small to be useful was in my hands.
"Geez, Tami, lighten up," Lonna ordered. "You’re clutching that purse like it’s a matter of life and death."
Now it was my turn to take a deep breath and try to settle down. After a moment, I managed a weak, "Well, you told me it was a ‘clutch’ purse. I thought that’s what I was supposed to do."
"Oh, no, that’s too bad even for you," Bud groaned, but Lonna giggled and Katy snorted, so it did serve to keep things from tensing up again.
With the tension relieved, I wished I hadn’t made the comment about being time to leave. When I said it, it seemed like we needed to do something, and that’s all I had been able to think of.
Now I wish I had suggested we have some coffee or something.
But Katy was recovering from whatever had been bothering her and was in full bustle. Posing us alone and together, she even took one of Bud all by himself. Then Bud was doing the watch thing, making us all feel like we were holding up the wheels of progress and I found myself being ushered outside.
Bud walked me to his car like I was the Queen of England, bowing a little as he opened the door. I was grateful for his helping hand as I tried to get into the seat while gathering up my dress without dropping my purse.
Hopefully, he didn’t see any more than he should have, well, I mean he’d already seen all there was to see when we were in the locker room together, but somehow that didn’t apply anymore.
My ‘date’ for the evening was very quiet as we drove toward the site of the writer’s ball. We were well on our way to the tension that had already made its presence felt that evening and I was trying to think of something to say when Bud blurted out.
"Did you really pick that dress out yourself?"
It cracked me up. Of all the screwy things to worry about! I had to laugh, which made my denial seem less than convincing.
"Oh, no, not really. We were in this store and there was a rack of dresses hanging along the wall. Lonna told me to pick one, and I thought this one was a nice color. I always liked dark blue.
Anyway, the next thing I knew, Lonna was gushing over it and I was in the dressing room. When I came out, it seemed everyone in the store was just adamant that this was the dress for me."
He was listening in lawyer mode, no hint whether he believed me, or understood how ‘those things happened’ or, well, no hints of anything. It made me feel like I had to break that neutral distance, even if I had to use a sledgehammer.
"So, Bud, do you like it?"
"Oh, um, sure, it’s very, "
He ran down, but I wasn’t letting him off the hook that easily. "Very what?"
Taking a deep breath, he looked over at me and smiled. He must have recognized his own stiffness, because he said, "Miss Piper, you look lovely tonight. The dress is beautiful, but never so beautiful as when you wear it."
"Oooh, you are smooth. I’m gonna tell Katy on you," I said, letting a bit of Trish tease-giggle into my laugh.
"Oh, no, anything but that," he laughed in turn. "If she finds out I was using my best lines on another woman, I’ll be sleeping on the patio for a month!"
"A line? Is that all your words mean to you? A line to woo an innocent damsel?"
"Innocent? Goodness, you better slide over to that side of the car, so when the lightning strikes I don’t get hit, too."
"What, suh, Ah don’t know what y’all ah talkin’ ‘bout. Ah, I’m just a li’l country gal, all wide-eyed at bein’ in the big city."
"Try again. Katy uses that country gal shtick on me all the time.
I’ve developed an immunity."
"Oh, dear. Immune to my charms and the evening so young yet.
Whatever will I do as the night wears on?"
Whatever he might have suggested was forestalled by our arrival at the site of the ball, an overpriced hotel in the heart of downtown. But I had to admit, when the valet rushed to open my door and offered a hand to help me stand, I really appreciated that particular indulgence.
Then I wasn’t sure if it was a good idea or not, as I ran out of hands trying to control my purse and my dress with one hand already occupied by him, without letting too much leg show through the slit in my dress. Lonna had promised it wouldn’t be a problem, since it was only split just a bit higher than my knee.
Of course, that was when I was standing.
When I was sliding across the seat, it rode up a lot higher than that.
But the only result of my display was a wide grin on the part of the valet.
By the time Bud was around the car, I was standing with the dress falling quite demurely back to my feet. Smoothing non-existent wrinkles from the sleek lines of the gown was more an attempt to stall than a necessary part of recovering from the ride, a ploy so transparent that Bud just smiled at me and offered his arm with exaggerated gentility.
Maybe there was another result, at that. As we walked into the hotel, those highest-ever heels made me walk with a sway that caused the thin material of my dress to swish on my fanny.
It could just have been my awareness of that unfamiliar sensation, but I swear I could feel the heat from that valet’s eyes right below here the mink stole draped down my back. It was not something I took pleasure in.
I was glad when the door closed behind us, shivering a little with an uncontrollable little attempt to make that tickle at my tush go away.
"Are you okay?" asked Bud.
"I’m standing here wearing a thin gown in cold weather, and I’ve just been ogled by a guy," I whispered sharply. "What do you think?"
"I think," he whispered back, "that that was the point of this exercise."
"Oh, yeah. Well, it’s not working so far."
Being a lady, as in formally dressed, was as much of an increase in the ‘issue’ factor as getting dressed at all. The first time I was really out in public as Tami, I was wearing clothes I had practiced in and doing things that were, I don’t know, discrete.
The sensations could be separated out. The feel of the lingerie and the restriction from the heels were things I could deal with one at a time. But as a lady, they all piled on top of each other.
One hand seemed useless, tied to a purse that couldn’t just be slung over my shoulder. The heels were so high that I had to think of them all the time. Just getting on the escalator was a cause for incipient panic. And the dress, even aside from not being able to breathe in the tight corset, the dress was just everywhere. It swirled around my legs with the faintest breeze, and it snapped at my heels when I tried to walk. It revealed my leg with every movement, but it seemed like there were a thousand yards of fabric when I tried to step up without stepping on the hem. Somewhere in there, I felt Bud take my wrap and turn it into the hatcheck counter, but I was too distracted by the long skirt to notice just when.
Then we arrived at the ballroom.
Five hundred heads rotated to aim at us. A thousand eyes burned holes in fabric that was too thin to begin with. If Bud hadn’t been moving forward at a steady pace, I’d have turned and ran (ha!, I’d have crashed to the floor, but I’d have tried to turn and run). It didn’t help a bit that there was a long staircase leading down to the main floor of the room.
Clutching at Bud’s arm in real need, I gathered up a bit of my dress in the hand that was also trying to hold my purse and prayed that I wouldn’t bounce too many times as I tumbled to the bottom.
"Relax," Bud whispered. Yeah, right, let him try and get down those stairs in these stilts.
I’m not sure I would have made it without his arm for support, but halfway down I realized he was providing more than physical support. He was standing tall and showing pride that I was on his arm. And he was doing it without chiding me for my own ungraceful cowering.
My awareness of that must have shown in my posture or something because just as I looked up at him to show my gratitude, he smiled at me.
"You go, girl," he whispered, then smirked as my eyes widened.
"Thank you," I said. "I owe you big time."
"I’ll put it on your bill," he said, laughing as he stepped to the registration desk and showed our tickets. Though he was only a few feet away, I was left alone for a moment, and for the first time, I started to see individual faces in the crowd that seemed to press around me.
And of course, the first face I noticed in the crowd was someone I already knew. He was headed toward me, a short man, with thinning hair, with a body that would never grace the cover of one of his books.
Before I could turn and run (yeah, right), he was standing in front of me and lifting my gloved hand to his lips. "Allow me to introduce myself," he said, "for we have surely never met. I would have remembered despite the intervention of years and continents."
Since this was the night for dictionary images, I decided he belonged next to the word, ‘oily’, but I found myself blushing anyway at his overly-courtly mannerisms. His introduction was no surprise, except that he gave me the whole story without embarrassment.
"I am Johnathon Layton, though it is perhaps more likely that you have heard of my nom de plume, ‘Brenda Carstairs’."
Bud’s deeper voice as he returned saved me from the need to say anything. "An interesting pen name."
"Hmmm, of all the words I’ve heard used to describe it, that one would seem to convey the least information. Which is, of course, information of a sort, is it not?"
While I was trying to sort out that sentence in my mind, Bud did the gallant escort thing, and I found I appreciated the . . . protection? Whatever the feeling was, it made me glad that Bud was there in a way that I had never considered before.
He took my right arm in his left, then offered his free hand and said, "Hello, I’m Benjamin Weiserman."
"Mr. Weiserman," Layton repeated, then looked pointedly at me.
"This is Tami James," Bud replied, smoothly slipping in Trish’s maiden name. That was a close call.
I hadn’t even thought that if I told people I was Tami Piper, the similarity to Tim or Trish Piper would be noticeable.
I looked up at Bud with shock and gratitude warring for precedence in my eyes. He grinned back at me, winking where Layton couldn’t see.
That whole interchange took only a heartbeat, even at the racing pace my own was keeping, and Bud turned smoothly back to Layton, saying, "Is there a particular reason you’ve chosen such an . . . incongruous pen name?"
"It’s not incongruous if you write romance novels," Layton replied. "Ladies who read those like to think that the author is capturing their fantasies, something a man could not do. Or so they think."
"Ah, then perhaps I might be excused for not recognizing your work," Bud said, nodding.
Layton refocused his eyes on me and asked, "Perhaps the lady has read some of my little tales?"
I actually had read a couple. The style of romance novels is fairly distinctive and I had considered using it as the basis for an embedded code in one of our spy novels. Layton, or Brenda Carstairs, wrote in the sub-genre called, ‘bodice rippers’ which I thought might have enough action words to support coded commands to a secret agent. They had other elements as well, and the memory brought a smile to my lips as I nodded.
"Yes, I have read a few. They were certainly . . . passionate."
"Why thank you, my lady. I don’t think I’ve had such a pretty compliment in a long time. And certainly not from such a pretty complimenter."
Bud was suddenly overcome with a fit of coughing. He waved his arm at the refreshment area to define an excuse, and with a nod to Layton offering an apology, we escaped.
When we were out of earshot, Bud whispered, "I’m going to slap you if I hear another word, all evening, about being ‘smooth’."
"That guy is not smooth, he’s just slimy," I whispered back, but I had to giggle, too.
My escort abandoned me again when we got to the bar. And again a man stepped up to me as soon as Bud had left.
"Hello. I don’t think I’ve seen you at one of these before," he began politely. "I’m Jason Michaels."
"Tami James," I said in my turn, reflexively offering my hand for a handshake. I had never met this man before. He was quite a bit younger than the average attendee and I wondered at his background. At the prices for tickets, most beginning writers couldn’t afford to come.
"Are you a writer?" he asked before I had a chance to do the same.
"Um, well, not really. I have a, uh, friend who is."
Once again Bud returned to claim me. He had two glasses of what looked like champagne, and I frowned for a moment.
"A beautiful lady needs at least one glass of champagne on such an elegant occasion," Bud explained, bowing slightly as he handed me the flute.
"Smooth," my lips mouthed, voicelessly. He jerked a bit, then nodded his head in acceptance of the accuracy of my jab.
The men did the guy thing, shaking hands and repeating introductions. I took a careful sip of my champagne and vowed silently that it would indeed be a single glass for the evening.
When I tuned back in on their conversation, I almost spewed what I had sipped as well as dropped my glass, as I heard Jason saying, "Actually, I had hoped to meet Tim Piper here. I’ve long appreciated his work. But I understand his wife died."
"Yes," Bud confirmed. "Tim took it very hard. Trish was special to a lot of people."
"Indeed," Jason said. Then he lifted his own glass and said, "To Mrs. Piper, the inspiration for a talented writer."
It was more than I could bear. My eyes flooded and I sagged against Bud. He was instantly supportive, taking my glass before I dropped it and handing both to Jason.
"I’m sorry," Jason said. "I didn’t mean to distress you."
"It’s alright," Bud explained. "Tami knew Trish, too. They were very close."
"Ah. I am sorry. I meant only respect and admiration."
"Of course, but perhaps you will excuse us for a moment."
He nodded, stepping back politely. I wanted to tell him it was okay. But it wasn’t okay. It would never be okay again. Ever.
"Are you going to be okay?" asked Bud.
No, you idiot. That’s the point.
But I straightened up a little and tried to get my legs under myself again. I fumbled in my purse for a tissue, not really able to see though my eyes were too full of tears. Bud was pulling a handkerchief from his jacket when I finally got something from my own meager supply.
Even though I tried to dab at my face instead of smearing everything, the colors on my tissue showed that I would need some repairs. I blinked rapidly, trying to find a powder room. Bud pointed toward one and led me that way.
Comments
David Foster
Wow, you have described and brought forth the tension and heart turmoil Tim/Tami is going through right now. Bud is a steadying influence. But the sweetest moment was when Bud introduced Tami with Trish’s maiden name. I just imagined it was the way that allows Tami to draw more deeply into identifying with, and “taking on”, Trish. One step closer to becoming her. I can’t wait for what is to unfold next.
alan schuster
This is really weird. After every chapter that I finish reading of any story it reverts to "after wife's death". Very frustrating! It's been doing that for the last several days.
My Freeze
Great chapter, very descriptive and moving. Quit a start to an evening out for our girl with the hansom Bud. I eagerly await the next installment.
Brianna Demonet
Way to go Bud! Taking care of a brave but still very fragile Tami/Tim.
Amanda
Very nicely described with really insightful interactions. You feel as though you’re right in the action. Loving this story so much, hope there is much more to come.🙏❤️😂💁♀️
