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Chapter 15

🕑 Added 2023-01-30 02:34:57 +0000 UTC

Comments

SilverbladeTE

Just joined your Patron...loving the story! :) "ravaged by beasts"....buhahah! :P

Andrew Kluttz

Thanks! I'm glad you're liking the new cover art :)

Ahtu Nyarlathotep

When it comes to the relationship, that is character interaction, and something I've actively encouraged. My worry was the cooking bit overtaking precisely such sections of the story. You seem to have greatly misinterpreted my take. I agree with keeping essential relationships in the foreground(though perhaps still without putting them ahead of the premise itself). To quote the author in his response: My hope was simply to avoid turning a lionshare of the story into a description of a cooking show.

Robert Hinshaw

PS: Where did you get the new cover on RR? It's awesome!

Robert Hinshaw

See I disagree about the cooking bit, I quite liked it. I worry that there won't be solid story arcs about the husband/wife relationship--as in situations or problems that create conflict involving their relationship. One of the strong parts of Ilona Andrews' series is that even after the main characters get together, they continue to have believable conflicts and resolve them in ways that make sense (usually more sensibly than actual married couples). I like the solid relationship vibe you're placing this relationship on, but I don't want it to descend into blandness as the story goes, where the wife/husband relationship could just as well be left out. Anyhow, this is more preemptive worry since I'm enjoying it so much now and don't want to see it fly off the tracks.

Andrew Kluttz

Haha thanks! Try cooking like that sometime. It actually turns out really nice, as that's a real recipe I use IRL.

Andrew Kluttz

I'm glad that I was able to portray that Spock was almost about to walk in haha. I thought about it, but with his child like innocence of human society, I figured it'd be better to leave that out rather than creating the need for a very awkward conversation yet lol.

Andrew Kluttz

Thank you so much for the feedback! The story will definitely not be turning into a cooking show, no worries haha. I do apologize if it broke immersion, going back and looking at it, I could see why it might be slightly annoying, especially with the talk being so short. If it helps, the talk was short to build a bit of suspense over what Amber's idea was.

Ahtu Nyarlathotep

Perfectly SFW, and the talk was interesting if a bit too short for my taste. What I will honestly say I found a tad annoying was how long the excerpt about the cooking was. I think that could have been cut down to the essentials at maybe 1/3rd of its length, leaving more space for character interaction and story progression. It was like reading an exceedingly elaborate cooking recipe. I love good food, and I often cook quite a bit. But I'd have been fine with a description of the essentials of the cooking, and the tastes/textures involved. It was not as fun to read so much of the chapter being about cooking a meal, when there was interesting story elements and character interactions to get to. Spock's interactions with food was a bit more interesting to read about, as he is new to the world, and is trying to interpret how it all works. His every little interaction with even mundane things are character progression. This is hardly a big issue right now, as you've only done it this once. But I wanted to make my perspective on this sort of thing clear right now, and hope that this doesn't become a common theme. I do not want the cooking of elaborate meals to be taking up a lionshare of the story. It will detract from it unnecessarily.

I absolutely loved it. I could’ve swore Spock was about to walk in on them. Hahaa The character building, and story enrichment is great, but I am so excited to see more, “ kingdom building” and everyone else’s characters / how the system falls onto humanity. You are doing an amazing job. Keep up the good work, and I look forward to more of the story.

Drew

Yeah I'd say SFW enough if that's what you're going for and man the first half was making me super hungry. Great food description lol

X Blade

lol

Andrew Kluttz

Thank you for the feedback :)

ReadingObsessed

It's your story, friendo. Make it as PG as you want it to be. If you're looking for feedback then I'd say it's still within what I'd categorize as SFW.


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