Matthew Nesheim
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Chapter 42: Lefty - What the Goblin Knows
🕑 Added 2023-10-26 17:00:03 +0000 UTCThe goblin’s name was Cat’s Eye and when he finally crawled out from under the bridge and presented himself to the party, Grumner smashed him in the face, knocked him cold, and took his whistle. Calista then offered to slit the little monster’s throat, but the dwarf said it would be better if they interrogated him first. So it was that they bound and gagged Cat’s Eye before Grumner threw the goblin over his shoulder and carried him away.
Together, they crossed the bridge and marched straight south along the river, taking care to stay out of ear shot of the goblin encampment Grumner had spotted. Minutes after losing sight of a the bridge, Cat’s Eye awoke and began to struggle. So Grumner then set the goblin down and threatened to knock him cold again if he didn’t keep quiet. With a glare, Cat’s Eye fell silent. They saw no more goblins for the rest of the day.
They marched several miles with Cat’s Eye on Grumner’s back before they stopped, set him down, and undid his gag. The goblin immediately let them know how he felt. “Whatever you do, make sure to keep me tied up,” he said sarcastically. “That way I have absolutely no incentive whatsoever to help you out in any way shape or form. Not that you would want any of my help anyhow. I mean, I’m just a goblin. What value could I possibly have?”
Lefty nudged Grumner, “I don’t know about this one. He seems like he’s intent on threatening the fourth wall.”
Grumner was confused, “What’s a fourth wall?”
“It’s the conceptual barrier between storyteller and story,” explained Lefty. “Breaking it means a character within the story acknowledges, passively or directly, that they are playing a part within said story.”
Grumner stopped. “How can he be breaking the fourth wall? We’re not in a story …”
Lefty rolled his eyes, “I know we’re not in a story, but he is because he’s a game NPC, right? I mean, this whole world is a bunch of stories all happening at once because it’s a game and there’s a bunch of people watching.”
“I don’t know,” Calista said. “It sounded like garden variety sarcasm to me.”
Cat’s Eye cut in, “What’s an NPC?”
“You’re an NPC,” Lefty snapped.
“How can I be an NPC when I don’t know what an NPC is?” The goblin asked.
“Now you’re the one who’s threatening the fourth wall, Lefty,” Calista said.
“I’m not doing anything, I’m just trying to make a joke,” Lefty said.
“Well your jokes suck,” Grumner grunted.
“How about you just let us question the goblin,” Calista said.
Feathers gave an ironic quack.
“Hey, I resent that,” Lefty quipped. However, he could understand Feathers’ point. They needed to hear what the goblin had to say and his attempt at humor was getting in the way. He decided to sit down and have a good listen as the other two worked.
Calista let out a deep breath as she brushed back her hair. “Now, where were we?”
“Something about me being an NPC,” the goblin said.
“Right,” Calista nodded. “And what were you doing at the bridge?”
“Guarding it, obviously,” Cat’s Eye said defiantly. “But that’s not why I was there. I was there because I was taken prisoner by the other goblins and conscripted into their little army that they’ve been forming.”
“So what you’re saying is that you’re not one of the bad goblins. Is that right?” Calista asked.
“No,” Cat’s Eye replied. “I’m not a bad goblin. In fact, I’ve never actually hurt anyone before in my life. You see, I don’t want anything to do with any of the war that seems to be brewing here. Not unless it can help me turn a profit. You see, I’m not a soldier or a marauder. I’m actually an out of work businessman.”
“What kind of business?” Lefty asked.
“Normally?” Cat’s Eye asked.
Lefty nodded. “Normally, what do you do?”
“Normally I sell things people need. Normally I have a sack of goods that I carry with me from town to town. I even used to have a donkey.”
Calista cut in, “What happened to the donkey?”
“My fellow goblins stole him when they conscripted me as a slave.”
It was at this point that Feathers waddled behind the other three and trained his eyes on the surrounding forest. As the most sensible member of the party, he prided himself on doing the little things that kept the others alive. Which, in this instance, meant he was to keep watch.
Grumner got down on his haunches, “Give us one good reason to not slit your throat and leave you in a ditch.”
“Ah, I see I need to overcome some casual racism.” The goblin cleared his throat and smiled, “To start, I’m not evil. I’ve never killed, maimed, murdered, or otherwise hurt anyone. I’m a practical goblin and killing is usually bad for business as it leaves one less prospective customer in the world. Second, I like coin. I prefer to do business over anything. Most of this world is full of three kinds of people: Those who are trying to conquer something or those who are trying to keep themselves safe or those trying to entertain themselves. Whether they be adventurers looking to work through the next dungeon, or they’re villagers looking to protect themselves, or they’re imperial soldiers looking for some moonshine to pass the time. Everyone needs to buy something. Everyone. And so I’m one of the people in this world who simply makes sure people get what they need.”
“So you’re a merchant?” Calista asked.
“Correct,” Cat’s Eye stated. “As I am now, I would currently describe myself as a disenfranchised businessman. However, seeing that I don’t currently have any physical goods to sell, I have a proposition if you’re willing to hear it.”
“Spit it out,” grumbled Grumner.
Cat’s Eye focused his eyes at the dwarf, “I don’t know what it is that has the three of you out here, but I’m guessing it has something to do with the very same group of goblins that were so keen to conscript me into their little army.”
“That may or may not be true,” Calista answered. “Continue.”
“As I suspected,” Cat’s Eye grinned. “Now, because I was unlawfully accosted by one of these said goblin tribes, I just happen to know a bit about them. So how about I exchange what information I know about them for inclusion in your little band of adventurers here? At least so far as it takes for you to reach the next point of civilization in which we may or may not decide to go our separate ways. Does that sound fair?”
As the little goblin finished, Lefty looked to the others and nodded to an adjacent tree. A moment later, they were huddled around and out of ear shot of Cat’s Eye.
“Well,” Calista whispered, “what do you think? I don’t see any reason not to bring the goblin with us. That is, if he’s to be believed.”
“Hrm …” Grumner furrowed his brow. “If he’s to be believed.”
“You have to admit, if the goblin is lying, then it’s a very, very elaborate set of lies,” said Lefty.
“That’s the problem,” Calista said. “If the goblin is lying, he’s very good at lying and if he’s very good at lying, then that means he’s also very dangerous.”
They all looked at each other then as none of them had an easy answer to this. Lefty glanced back at their captive. The little green man didn’t seem to be worried at all. In fact, he looked more angry than anything. If we do decide to trust this little thing, the monster could very well lead us straight into a trap. But if we don’t … well, we need all the help we can get.
It was then that Cat’s Eye called out. “Is this really so hard to believe? That I consider myself a member of civilized society, even if my place in it was … shall we say … less than socially acceptable?”
Lefty gave the goblin a smile, “I can see where you might say that.”
“Everything I had was taken and destroyed by these cretins,” Cat’s Eye answered. “They robbed and enslaved me. If I were any race other than goblin, I’m sure my story would be much more believable to you.”
“But that’s the problem,” answered Calista. “You are a goblin.”
Cat’s Eye sighed and rolled his eyes. “Fine. I’ll just tell you what you need to know the most. You’re all headed to Rumadrane, right? You were probably given a mission from one of the locals because there’s been so much trouble. How much would you give to know how to infiltrate the fortress without being seen?”
Grumner gave a thoughtful grumble. “What do you mean?”
“I mean that if you can get through the front gate, which will be no easy task, I can tell you where the secret passage is that leads into the fortress catacombs.”
