asmrmads
patreon
I love you and our safe space with all my heart!
🕑 Added 2020-12-13 10:43:19 +0000 UTCHi my sweet sweet friends.
I'm typing this with tears pouring down my face (don't worry, tears of relief and peace from feeling so safe that its overwhelming-in the best possible way.). Have you ever been so exhausted maybe mentally and or physically, that when you feel a moment of relief/peace wash over you, you just break down? Thats what I'm feeling. It feels like I haven't been able to catch my breath for so long......its just been one marathon after the next for so long that when Ive had the moment to acknowledge what Ive been going through, its all been so heavy and all at once. Which might sound silly.....but I have this thing that ive been doing my whole life-where I can acknowledge what's going on in my life or what I'm feeling, but I then minimize it, say im fine, and shove it down so I can continue to function the best I can. Which might work for the moment, but inevitably it will all come back up, and at once. I'm sharing this with you because communicating my feelings/dealing with them effectively has never been one of my strong suits. Which I'm aware of and have been working on for a very long time, but I still dont always meet the mark. There are very few people in my life that I have ever felt safe enough to open up and tell what's going on in my life/how i'm struggling mentally, and or physically. due to being chronically ill for the past 8/9yrs and the isolation that comes from it- I dont have many people in my life that I can open up to, or feel safe enough to.....but this safe space and all of you in it have never made me question my safety or our support system.
I have never met people with such kind, loving, supportive, compassionate, etc. hearts like each and every single one of you have. Its not only the love you show me that's extraordinary, but the love you show to others here in our safe space as well. Today was a really rough day. Awful anxiety that I'm drained by.....Each comment I read brought tears to my eyes, more than the last. I feel so seen, heard, and loved. Todays anxiety is being fueled by the feeling that im "alone" but in this moment I feel anything but alone.
Everyday someone expresses to me how grateful they are for me and what ive been able to do for them, but none of you will truly understand what all you've done for me and continue to do for me. everyday. I truly will never be able to effectively communicate to you what you mean to me. My words feel so little compared to love I have for this safe space and everyone in it. Thank you for giving me love when I haven't truly been able to do that for myself. Thank you for reminding me why I make the content I do. Thank you for reminding me how loved, seen, heard, and supported I am. Thank you for sharing your own struggles/feelings so myself or someone else here might not feel so alone. Thank you for reminding me how worthy I am, always. Thank you for reminding me to be gentle with myself. I hope these are things Ive been able to remind you of at some point or another. I hope you never question how loved/safe you are here, and I hope you always feel seen and heard. I am forever proud of you my sweet friend. I know you've been trying your hardest! How are you feeling? Mentally and physically? If you feel safe enough to share of course💜
Thank you for being you! And thank you for each and every single sweet word you have ever sent my way. I love you all!
Wish I could give you the biggest hug, then cozy up with fluffy blankets and have a movie marathon💜
Comments
Crystal L
Hi Mads, I know this post is from a while ago and you probably won’t get to see this but I felt like I had to say something. I haven’t been keeping up with your patreon content (you’re the only person I’m subscribed to) because I’ve just been having a really hard time the past few months and I think I kind of withdrew myself a lot, even from good things like this safe space. I think I haven’t been active on here since August or September (but I did see your covid update and I was always thinking of you and sending you so much love) because I went through a really dark period with family issues, a breakup, and moving back for college. I started therapy which I am so grateful for but it was really hard to confront my issues and learn to not just be on my own, but to also be okay with that. I’m still learning a lot but I think I’m doing a lot better and I’m trying really hard to be there for myself and love myself. I have no doubt you know exactly how that feels. Anyways I missed you tons and I feel like I have so much to catch up on! I was so excited to come back here and see all the wonderful makeup videos and vlogs and life updates that I get to watch❤️. I always read your updates even when I couldn’t bring myself to do much else those days. I wish I could give you the biggest hug. You are without a single doubt the STRONGEST person I have ever seen or known in my entire life. Please remember that. Even in your darkest days you radiate light and warmth and love to everyone around you, which is so so beautiful. I can’t imagine how you are feeling and I never will be able to, but do know that I feel SO much love for you in my heart and I hope you can feel all the love from everyone else here. Wherever you go we will all be right there with you smiling with you or crying with you. I’m sure you have mentioned this in your updates but I hope the search for a house is going well and I hope sweet baby Catalina is doing amazing and getting all the cuddles🥰 Sending you so much love and light❤️❤️❤️
Sofia
I love you Maddie 💚 thank you for the amazing content!!
