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Rewrite of Chapter 1 Azarinth Healer
🕑 Added 2019-06-22 20:22:06 +0000 UTCHey all. After some deliberation I rewrote chapter one of the story. Forgot to post it earlier but here it is. Removed and changed some stuff.
Feedback is much appreciated :)!
Chapter 1 Boring introduction
Bones cracked as they slowly realigned. The healer winced at the pain, magic flowing through her. A roar could be heard in the darkness of the unending forest, a beast on the hunt. Just like me. Sighing at the thought, she smiled to herself and spoke into the night. Gods Ive become edgy. The healed hand forming into a fist, she marveled at the magically reconstructed tissue. Nothing she had ever thought possible, not even with an expensive degree. Two moons illuminated the woman when another roar resounded, much closer this time. Ilea stepped over the scaled and broken corpse, her blue eyes piercing the night when she heard big clawed feet digging into the soft earth. She was home.
The dull sound of gloved fists hitting a sack filled with sand was all she focused on, her own breathing and heartbeat growing distant as her unrelenting assault pummeled into the unfeeling enemy. A beeping sound woke her from the trance, the phone lying on the ground calling for her to stop. Sweat dripped down her brow as she looked around the gym. Picking up the phone, she grabbed her towel and walked towards the exit.
Bye Mark. She called out to the bald man engrossed in a conversation near the counter. He gestured to the other man and smiled at her.
Ilea, hey I just wanted to ask again about the classes. Are you sure you dont want to try?
She stopped and looked at him, cleaning her face with the towel, I appreciate the offer, really. You know I love it but with uni starting next week I just cant.
The younger man next to Mark lifted his eyebrows. She was aware of his stare and locked eyes with him until he shifted his attention. Mark are you kidding me? Ive been training every day for the past two weeks and you wont let me join the locals?
He was obviously upset but Mark just smiled at him, Jon, I would be careful or shell show you the reason why I wanted her to go instead of you or anybody else. Two weeks doesnt make a tournament ready fighter. He nodded to Ilea and smiled. Of course he understood but she couldnt help but feel a little bad about it.
Mark had been there for her but never interrupted other than correcting her form. She had crunched the numbers however and didnt plan to end up as a thirty year old still working in fast food with a fucked up face to boot. Even if she somehow won at the locals and moved on to become a professional, she wasnt ready for destroyed knees at the age of forty. The complaining she barely recognized behind her nearly made her stop and reconsider but she had signed up for a different life already. As a hobby, thats what it will stay.
With what she had in mind she could at least help people with said destroyed knees. Walking out of the gym, she was met by the bright afternoon sun. The walk back to her small one room apartment was brief, her towel dropped on the pile of unwashed clothing near the door. Tomorrow Ill clean up, I swear. The thought wasnt meant for anybody in particular, a remainder of the trained shame she should feel at the scene before her.
Sunlight breaking through the half closed blinds illuminated the battlefield of a room that probably hadnt seen much cleaning in the past couple days or even weeks. Dirty bowls, food packages and bottles littered the table, only interrupted by two screens and a half covered keyboard. The ground was covered in clothes, books and various other things.
Ilea closed her eyes and smiled. It wasnt the biggest place nor the most organized but hey, it was hers. Undressing on the way to the shower, she reveled in the cold water before searching for her work uniform. There you are. Stuffed in a corner of the room, she frowned at the wrinkles on it and threw it on the big pile near the door. Luckily she had three sets, one of them remained washed and at least somewhat straight in the drawer below her bed.
Good day at shitty fast-food place 87, what would you like to order? with a monotone voice she greeted the person in front of her.
Did you just say shitty fast-food place well whatever Id just like a coffee and one of the cheeseburgers. And only a little sugar, Im on a diet. the man winked at her as she typed the order into the computer in front of her.
Anything else?
The man shook his head Your company with the coffee, if thats on the menu? He smiled at her
Im afraid slavery is illegal sir but I heard the chicken nuggets tell some interesting tales. She finished her typing as he looked at her with a puzzled expression.
Thatll be 3.99. Putting the money into the counter she placed the requested order on the tray in front of her, Have a wonderful day. A radiant smile with piercing blue eyes saw the customer off as she shifted her gaze to the next one. Another week , she thought. Well not quite.
Hey Ilea, youre not coming in tomorrow right? Her colleague greeted her as he took over her place a couple hours later.
Yes, orientation at college.
He smiled Oh interesting, so were seeing less of your beautiful face around here from now on? Major?
She grunted and replied, Medicine.
Oof, thats a tough one. Didnt think youd go that way. The man said making her rise her eyebrow.
She had thought about a major for a while and definitely wanted to go into the health sector. Nursing school was an alternative but her snarky comments would likely make problems with the doctors. Why not infiltrate their ranks then. Tuition was the same and she could think about it in the first semester. Maybe something with nutrition would be interesting as well. Working in a gym sounds interesting too. Therapy or something. First she had to survive the organizational nightmare that was joining the academic life.
Might change it after a semester or specialize. A lot of the basic classes overlap.
He nodded and smiled, as he always did. Philosophy majors had a reputation after all. Well good luck either way!
A solid ten hours of sleep after her shift had ended, It would take the full force of the sun to wake up what lay slumbering between the numerous pillows on the bed. Not leaving waking up to chance though, the mechanical device next to the bed sprang to life as the room was filled with noise.
A groan escaped the woman lying in the bed as an outstretched arm swiftly disabled the alarm clock. Fuuuuck, its too early. going back to sleep, the woman laid there for another fifteen minutes until the first of her five alarms on her phone sprang to life. After another half an hour, the last one was disabled and with another groan Ilea finally managed to sit up on her bed with all of her willpower. Mornings suck. She declared to the world and any gods that were listening.
Not quite awake, the woman grudgingly left her warm nest and entered the small bathroom in her flat, her morning autopilot helping her dodge any stray item on the floor. Standing in the shower for ten minutes, her eyes slowly started to open. She nearly slipped when leaving the shower but caught herself in the last second. Avoided death there , murmuring, the woman left the bathroom with a toothbrush in her mouth. Fighting to get her socks on, sniffing on some clothes and lastly going back shirtless to the bathroom, she spat into the sink. This is going to be every single day for years now. Are you ready?
Getting a bus after changing her clothes at home, Ilea watched the houses and streets fly by as she sipped from her third coffee. The woman occasionally staring back at her in the murky glass looked everything but ready to her. Next stop Silan college. reacting to the female voice coming from the speakers, she stood up quickly and left the bus. A field of green with a towering structure in the middle of it all spread in front of her as she took in the view, falling in line with the other supposed students having their first day. Seems rather plain. Walking towards the structure, she entered into a hall decorated with various expensive looking furniture. Dozens of other people her age stood or sat around. Some talking, some looking at their phones.
Ilea! a shrill voice took her out of her daydream about chocolate when two arms reached around her and hugged her tight.
...air She managed to say with the last of her breath. Oblivious to her pleas, her friend kept hugging her, only letting her go just as the world around Ilea became dark. She could swear she felt a cracking of bone.
Breathing steadily she looked at her friend Rory I told you not to do that. she said with a weak voice.
I know I know, Im just so excited you know! We both made it in! Can you believe it?? Some of the people around them chuckled at the sight but were soon lost again in their own activities.
Yes, yes in fact I can believe it, were here after all Rory.
Rory only frowned at her Always so rational. Cant you FEEL the excitement! Her friend said
Oh boy this is gonna be a long day , Ileas thoughts were interrupted as an announcer asked the newly enrolled students to enter the main hall. The day went by without any major surprises. Ilea reached her home with her new and fully packed schedule including a bunch of paper she didnt know what to do with. Her floor was already filled which made her chose the chair instead.
Why are they not giving us these in digital form? The mountain of paper was at least a trees worth. Something like the fabled internet could really improve the archaic school she had chosen. Sinking into the bed, she checked out the latest trends in cat videos.
Sooner rather than later, a rumbling reminded her of the purest primal need. The thought driving her forward, she forced herself to get up and check the fridge standing in the small kitchen. A single pan covered loosely with an unfitting lid laughed at her, filled with the curry she had tried two days before. It wasnt a good one.
Adding some more chili and pepper as well as a dash of pure hope, she heated up some of the meal before turning on her computer to check if her favorite producers had uploaded any new videos. Nothing new today, man that sucks. Streaming it is then. another half an hour of indecision later, four episodes of a new show about forging were consumed.
Going to bed Ilea stared at the ceiling with a bit of a frown on her face. Tomorrow the university life starts. Grinding for years on end. To continue grinding afterward. Maybe I shouldve chosen kick boxing after all. Safe and boring isnt too bad maybe the excitement would fade if I fought professionally. One day at a time. The thought calmed her down a little, the woman entering her standard state of deep sleep in a matter of minutes, dreaming of fantasy wars, healers on a battlefield and of course chocolate. It was a good night after all.
Waking up to the chirping of birds and the sun shining in her face, Ileas eyes slowly opened. Only to be greeted by grass. What the actual fuck? she said out loud as she took in her surroundings. Trees all around her, the sun shining through the cracks. She could hear a small stream in the distance. Ok what the hell is going on? The adrenaline of the unexpected situation woke her up far faster than any shower could manage Did someone kidnap me? Or is this a very very bad prank? Maybe one of those famous prankster gluetubers made me his target. looking around herself only trees could be seen Well wheres the idiot screaming Its just a prank bro!
Should I stay here? after ten minutes of waiting and nothing happening, she grew impatient, confusion and fear creeping up on her mind, telling her that this might not be just some unfunny yet harmless prank. Lets move then I guess. Maybe its a new survival show or something. Theyll hear from my lawyer though as soon as I hire one that is.
Thinking of where to go, she started towards the sound of the stream Where water is, there is life, villages and towns. So Ill start there I guess. Maybe some human traffickers kidnapped me and somehow werent satisfied with me. Why am I disappointed in them not liking what they got? Im fucking fabulous for fucks sake! Trying to distract herself from the growing urge to panic, she walked towards the stream, the forest seemingly untouched. No sound remotely unnatural could be heard.
Its not that strange, Im pretty far out there after all. At least I have my pajamas. Uneasiness apparent on her face, not that there was anyone to see. Ilea walked towards the stream, her only hold in this unfamiliar place. A roar broke the serene atmosphere, nothing like she had ever heard. Freezing in place she looked towards the source. Nothing. Her mind blank as she stood there for a whole minute What was that? What the fuck was that!? A bear? No they sound different, Ive seen a few videos , making herself finally move, she sneaked up to a tree and hid behind it.
Whatever I do I need to be quiet and not move, I dont think my kickboxing will help a lot against a bear. Another roar much closer froze her again, her whole body trembling, the woman could feel her heartbeat trying to hammer its way out of her chest.
Running steps were suddenly audible. Huge was the only thing she could think of when the sounds of two running animals came closer. A high pitched cry filled the air and another roar deafened it right after, including all other sound around her. A thud could be heard as the steps came to an end.
A sickening crunch filled Ileas ears and then silence. What what the fuck what the fuck , sneaking a glance around the tree, the woman stopped moving entirely. Her blue eyes fixated on the sight before her. Not even recognizing the smell of urine and the warmth spreading between her legs, a small ding reverberated through her mind as she looked at the dragon before her, biting into whatever mess was left of the creature it killed. Three meters in length, the head of a dragon and no wings, its maw bloody, it looked in her direction.
Its yellow reptile eyes locked with her blue human ones.
[Drake lvl ??]
ding Congratulations! You have learned the general skill [Identify]
Losing interest, the Drake continued its meal, bones cracking under the strength of its massive jaw. The smell of blood and her own urine suddenly came back to her as her senses seemed to amplify. Run instinct taking over, the woman started to move. Stumbling and slow, every step steadier and faster than the one before.
Comments
Nicholas Paterson
“Gods I’ve become edgy.” should be “Gods, I’ve become edgy.”
G. Harthane
Thanks for the criticism. The following 2-4 chapters are very slow with her training so I think it gives a bit of a hook of where we will get to eventually. I think if I rewrote the first 5 I might do it differently but I like it this way. Any suggestions instead of the preview paragraph? Or would you just leave it out entirely? I just feel like the chapter isn't particularly interesting otherwise.
G. Harthane
Hahaha, well it is on Royalroad still but I think I'll change it tomorrow.
G. Harthane
Agreed. Also shows a bit of what you'll get instead of the skippable load of meh it was before.
Keith
First impressions, I don’t like the preview paragraph. It’s unnecessary, I just generally don’t like these in books. As for this vs the original chapter 1. It’s an improvement, it reads better and she feels more real then in the first version. In the original she seemed like she was just hitting the bag to vent frustration, while in the update she’s very good at fighting. It makes her feel more badass and that’s good for any MC.
Matthew D
This made me want to re-read the series 😆
Darcy Lessard-Patola
Good first chapter, definitely pull one in to read the rest. Is it better then the last one? How in the hell would I know!? It was 230 chapters ago! I don’t have that good of a memory;)
Keifru
Hmm, a cold open then flash back with some restructuring. I think this is a more energetic opening; the previous just oozed with dreary apathy until she's suddenly in this different place and she starts 'waking up' and being more energetic and active.
