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Chapter 85 A fine Establishment

🕑 Added 2018-07-05 16:34:44 +0000 UTC

Comments

G. Harthane

Thanks for the corrections and suggestions, also for other chapters. I'll check these as soon as proof reading comes around. Both here and on RRL :).

Arkeus

“We have to leave them behind if we want to survive, don’t you see that?” a man said to Valerie who seemed rather full of him. <= of himself “I do not know. They have attacked many of the independent cities, decimating the population in many of them. This might be the last one standing.” the man said. <= using decimating is always awkward given it should mean 'one in ten'. I'd suggest slaughtering or some such. Flying towards the city again, Ilea felt a little melancholic, nostalgic even. The vacation home her family had owned near the sea was something very close to her, for many different reasons. Choosing the place for her blink ability felt right to her and she wouldn’t leave the barren ledge as it was. <= two sentences with 'to her' in a row is a bit awkward, and I would suggest "she wouldn't leave the ledge barren as it was" so that the accent is on 'barren', indicating what she is thinking. “I thought you were a beast deciding on attacking.” he said after he registered the voice. <= "deciding to attack" is probably better. “I can’t perceive you...” Ilea said, trying to see the woman with her sphere. There was nothing there, no matter and no smell. She didn’t even hear her. Eve grinned as she locked eyes with Ilea. “I think I figured your skill out…” she said and giggled again. <= until Hunter's Sight level~~~Or Eye of ash gets 2nd, I guess :D


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