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Chapter 310 Opinions and food

🕑 Added 2019-09-24 10:47:39 +0000 UTC

Comments

Michael C

If you ever stop writing this story, I will be very.very disappointed. Think sending assasins level.of disappointment.

Lowe K. Lyesmith

This chappy was insanely good. Story really needed some of this. Lightness without rambling. Thank you!

Matthew Robinson

Love the rewrite. The conversation flows much better. Ilea didn't have to punch Lucas for the smoke in her face. The characters are identifiable. I think the conversation even helps showcase Ilea thinking about her choices and what they mean at her power level. Hopefully you are happier with this version as well as that is the most important since you're the author.

Rip Woodham

Well.... I had posted a long comment full of criticism and suggestions, but it was either removed or eaten. Was up for a while and then after a lot of edits.... poof. Oh well. Probably an indicator I shouldn't spend so much time on comments here. :-(

G. Harthane

Thanks for the feedback.

G. Harthane

Thought about it but it didn't really fit with who I wanted Lucas to be in the first place. He wouldn't really know/care about this stuff.

G. Harthane

I reused parts and I think that was where I connected two big chunks. Agree that it might be a little weird. Still hopefully more cohesive overall.

whatbm

Good job! The rewrite is much better.

Backfire

Love the rewrite, and love the attitude even more. Keep up the good work

Alan McBrayer

A big improvement. Even after multiple readings I had thought that Ilea was sarcastically saying "“Good to know that at least history will remember the true ruler” and the line about giving the key to Terok didn't make sense to me before but putting it right after her mocking his richness makes it work. I also really liked Ilea taking him to task about the demons and Maro being more active in the conversation about the suns.

Hasome

Revised version seems quite a bit better. The only thing I would've liked to see remain in the chapter was the bit about the elders allegiances (Wallace being allied to a foreign power iir)

Nodlehs

Flows much better now!

I like the new dialogue, it’s more clear who is talking and how the overall conversation flows. However, assuming I remembering it correctly, her response of “I came here for the opposite reason seemed” stronger without the “I am tired of it all...” line. The original version was a more coherent single thought so she could simply reject it as antithetical to her character. But, this more nuanced version makes it less clear what part(s) she is rejecting.

Jessiii

The rewrite definitely flowed better and was easier to follow. Thanks for taking the feedback positively.

Yaksher

I think it’s a bit late in the story now, but having Ilea develop schizophrenia or multiple personality disorder, even just as a gag rather than a story point would be kinda funny. As is, she seems more or less mentally healthy despite everything.

BritishBob

I think you've summed it up for my. Ilea isn't really in any rush at the moment, I think this should be a conversation should be split over 2-3 days. I mean they did just kill a fool and kinda just go Meh Whatever. Seems too impersonal?

Thaabit Rivertree

Regarding the dialogue, there needs to be more physical description of the visuals of the scene, like what their body language is. There is a long stretch where it's only quotes and no description of Ileas facial expressions, body language, reactions. It felt a bit disjointed and I think the mood the author was trying for didn't fit the actual dialogue. Not to just be critical but part of it is the editing standard for this chapter isn't up to your normal standards (I mean spelling and grammar errors). When we saw Ilea's internal thought's it seemed more natural. Why didn't Maro reveal he was alive at the time of the event when he first spoke about the three suns? Then he suddenly announces he's the king of Rhyvor and the elder doesn't even ask about the event he's researching. How do they understand the reference to Nano robots? The sarcasm doesn't seem to fit and I think it would be better to just describe their reactions than saying outright that the sarcasm wasn't lost on them. Overall I love the story and feel it's pretty amazing. Just some quirks this chapter.

G. Harthane

Aight, lemme head right out

Deinos

Loved the chappy

Atlas Dwarf

Going by him growing plants and trying to fix the environments, might be some sort of plant mage. Maybe even a life mage with the whole pacifism stance.

Atlas Dwarf

Thanks for the chapter. I think the problem with the conversation here was that there were to many topics brought up for how short the conversation was, which really just causes the characters to skim over important topics and not react as they should. Now granted all that might just be the king and elder going full political speak, but that should've piss Ilea off a lot more.

I agree that the current Ilea wouldnt tolerate being disrespected by him blowing smoke in her face. I feel like she would do something snarky like blow a cloud of ash in his face or something.

Matthew Robinson

1k Patron rewards: Discord. Ilea Interview. Artwork. More side chapters if you want. As for these two chapters. Something was a bit off about them. The conversation in this chapter was a bit hard to follow on who was speaking when so drop some names. The characters didn't really seem to care about what they were saying either they just lacked conviction in what they were saying or maybe it was that some many topics were discussed in such brief detail. Someone mentioned Ilea not punching the Elder for the smoke thing and I agree there she should at least smack him with Ash. I think it only needs some small tweaks but it's a little off. I'd say give it like two-three days and see if that makes what's wrong more apparent. Lastly, thanks for all the writing and the most recent chapters. Always enjoyable.

Knightfire

Was waiting for her to ask re resistance training. Maybe he is a gold mage and she needs that resistance

Thaabit Rivertree

I had a super long comment but after editing it, it somehow got lost. Had lots of corrections in it. Hope it got to you author

Jessiii

I definitely appreciate a slower chapter, but the dialogue felt really disjointed and it was hard to follow at points. Otherwise keep up the good work.

Also I really love your side character stories. Maybe every couple sundays you can release random continuations of those stories, and add more forgotten characters. Like the dagger and enchantress girl, her dad the blacksmith, Cless, the girl Ilea gave the azarinth class to, kyrian. And a lot of the other characters. Itd be cool if these side characters could somehow intertwine

Grond (James)

I definitely could not follow her emotional journey in this conversation

Definitely creating a discord!

Chopper

I think it was out of character for Ilea not to punch the old man for blowing smoke in her face. As far as the conversation goes, I know its something the author likes to do; have people ignore others and talk over each other, which is fine but you have to mention that or it gets confusing. The dialogue at dinner was quite chaotic and I more or less got the gist of what was happening but still found myself annoyed.

I noticed it too and did a double take at one point, but it's mainly 2-way conversation that doesn't express the speaker (or really need it) and when the third person comes in they're expressed. Of course more descriptive, expressive speech like - jabbed/retorted/suggested, etc are welcome to convey tone but each author to his/her own. The more rapid change of talker also speeds up the reading hinting at a fast paced, table conversation... on the side. God forbid jp authors; 'throws elementary grammar book at them'. Supposedly their native language includes unique sentence structure which indicates the speaker but doesn't translate over to english (or so I've been told... I feel like I've been lied to there, but whatever).

BigBuckler

I think the only issue I had in this chapter is that it was easy to lose track of who was speaking, or who was supposed to be answering the question that just got asked

Rip Woodham

She likes to think herself removed, but her actions speak differently. Just like with the Sentinel class evolution. Everybody is a hypocrite. We tell ourselves and others things that do not paint exactly the same picture as who we are. The author does a good job with this.

Your dialogue was mostly good, although some parts got that Japanese light novel format of an entire group of people talking with absolutely no descriptions or indicators of who's talking to who so we're left having to infer who is saying what to who and we have no idea how they might feel about it. This works well in some dialogue, but it seems out of place in deeper conversation like we're seeing here. Also with the way it's currently written it seems to be randomly shifting from 3rd person to 2nd person view. For example Ilea seems to be trying to make a strong point about how she feels out of nowhere since there was no inner dialogue before or after to suggest she even cared. We don't have anything but the spoken words to go on for her feelings on the matter in some important parts of the conversation. Overall, a little to much show rather than I tell I suppose. At some parts at least. The chapter and conversation itself are both fine, it just seems to be written a bit disjointed in random ways.

Corwin Amber

thanks for the chapters

Jonathan Frerichs

no i think it´s right as it is they talk but don´t really talk about anthing is is after all the first conversation they have together an Maro isn´t really all there yet with all that is going through his head well same with illea and thinking about stuff

Yaksher

1000 Patrons... congrats. Love these chapters, though as some guy above said, the convo is a bit erratic and incomplete.

Alan McBrayer

I'm reading his line as a group of lvl 300 or so people that could suppress him.

Worldknower

Maybe a quick chapter to look back at some forgotten character? Like the dagger?

Gardor

Not to be a nag, but I think this dialogue needs work. Topics are brought up and ignored by people (Elder doesn't interact with the guy who was alive during the calamity he's trying to fix, Ilea doesn't ask who "Urn" is or what Strand wanted or talk about going to the demon realm), characters are weird (Maro is being dismissive and sulky, Ilea is telling the guy to do his job and whining and making ineffectual arguments for no reason, Elder is blowing smoke in peoples faces) and just in general the conversation seems erratic and stilted, they switch from topic to topic in the span of a sentence, without really resolving anything, and it's hard to tell who's talking cuz it's disjointed and everyone's tone is relatively similar. A girl who's been on the planet for 3 years, an ancient necromancer king and a Hand Elder shouldn't sound so similar. Plus she's got her new sentinel sphere which should be helping with social interaction, maybe passively. Like in the last chapter that moment when Maro and the Elder look at each other and laugh at Ilea brushing off the compliment is weird, it's clear what you were going for but it's a weird moment. Then they just start talking in little bursts of sentences of random, explicitly stated things.

DANTE

Idk, i think it's a bit out of ilea character to get so worked up about that kind of things, I had the impression she was ok with how most things work on Elos

Thaabit Rivertree

If the empire has people capable of suppressing him... That makes me think they have someone(s) at lvl 400 plus... The way he talks about her getting dragged in makes me think if she shows herself she might be forced by the 400+ leveler to do some tasks/take a side/get killed. Most people don't want someone capable of upsetting their power dynamic growing rapidly in their backyard

Morgan

Tbh these two chapters have been my favourite chapters in the past 2 months excluding the lvl 300 upgrades

Zachary Smith

I’m pretty excited for the reactions of everyone she knows in the south when she returns!

Zachary Smith

Every chapter can’t be impactful or dramatic. It was a nice filler/ change of pace

Davvy chappie

You do you boo I wouldn't be throwing money at you if I wanted you to work yourself yo death

Alan McBrayer

Kinda wanted Ilea to mention Weavy when Lucas was haranguing her about choosing a nonviolent path

Mr. Bigglesworth

100 chapters for 1k Patron mark go!

Mr Crowley

For an interesting idea, an in character AMA with Illea would be awesome, or maybe answering questions about other characters in the setting?

Matthias

Big get together for anyone able to come, some time in the future? I bet a lot of people would love that

G. Harthane

Also I can't do nothing for 1000 Patrons coming up. Never thought I'd reach such a ridiculous number. You are all unwise in managing your money! Any stupid ideas? Not sure if I can manage more chapters to be honest...


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