pressurizedpleasure
patreon
My billing cycle will stay paused for December
🕑 Added 2021-11-24 17:00:29 +0000 UTCHey everyone, hope you're all doing okay, time for another update. Fair bit of rambling today, there's a tl;dr at the bottom if that's more your speed.
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I'm kind of not sure what to say anymore because I honestly feel like a broken record (I think I've even used that phrasing in previous updates); things have been pretty rough for me with family being awful, intense depression, yadda yadda. I feel like I've fallen so far from where I used to be a couple years ago, both in terms of my mental health and producing art at a reasonable rate. Like, supportive comments aside, I've really barely done anything this year (and last year, and the year before).
As long as this post is, there's a lot more that I won't unpack here because none of y'all have that much time to waste reading about it, but being in such a constant negative mindset just utterly destroys my creativity and I don't foresee that changing anytime soon, unfortunately. I need to draw to make money to get away from my family to live a better life, but I struggle to draw because of this toxic and unsupportive environment. Gotta love catch-22s.
The rare times that I do draw, it's either because I guilt myself into doing so or it's because I felt really invested in the idea, the latter being what I find myself gravitating to the most lately. To be 100% honest, my heart really isn't behind random kink art these days. A lot of that comes down to my own struggles and loneliness, I want to draw ideas, characters, scenarios that help me express myself beyond just the horny interests that we share.
I don't know that I'd find success doing that though. Or that I'd even be capable of following that desire, to draw the things I feel most intensely for. Drawing comics or animations of my OCs tackling some of the struggles that I've dealt with, creating interesting stories and interactions that portray them as people rather than just generic kink material. Show them building up a meaningful relationship and all the hurdles that entails, especially when insecurities and hesitations come into play. Allow them to both grow as characters and have some fun along the way.
Am I even capable of doing any of that when I already struggle to create at such a significantly lower standard? Would you and the rest of my followers even be interested in those ideas? Would I only be hurting myself by putting more focus on my OCs and less on fanart? Should I allow myself to be paid for work that I'm highly uncertain of, both in terms of quality and how long it takes to make? Should I just close up shop until I figure things out and come back at a later date? Would I just waste everyone's time (including my own) if I try something different and end up failing?
I can't answer any of those questions with confidence at the moment, so I'm gonna give myself another month to think about it. Either I'll have some direction to follow by the time the new year starts or I'll just close up shop until I can figure things out because I feel awful for repeatedly wasting all your time and letting you all down.
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tl;dr: Depression sucks, I want to make art that means something to me (which will still include kinks in some form), entirely unsure of my abilities to do those things, need another month to think stuff over, come new year I will either keep things going or close shop. So, my page will remain paused for December.
Here's how pausing my billing cycle works:
- I pause my page (it's already paused as of this post)
- Existing patrons won't get charged for their current pledge amount during the first week of December
- You still get access to my page and whatever I post if you choose to remain pledged
- New patrons who pledge during December will be charged for their chosen pledge amount because my page is charge up-front (I cannot change this)
- At the end of December, I'll make another post to let you know if I'll resume billing or not so you can adjust your pledges accordingly
