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Book 7 Chapters 57 and 58
🕑 Added 2024-07-22 00:26:01 +0000 UTCHey folks! Did you actually think I was gonna blue ball you regarding the achievements of that last big fight?
Small retcon regarding that convo between Justice Light and Juice Box. I haven't updated the file, but Justice Light is a little more direct with his comments. He asks Juice Box if any of her people have touched any of the basilica guard ogres, and she tells him that a few have. This is a great relief to Justice Light.
I'm also going to have to rewrite some of the scenes after the D'Nadia scene several chapters back, specifically regarding what happens with captured enemy soldiers, but that's for tomorrow.
Chapter 57
I met up with Li Jun and Zhang as we walked toward the saferoom entrance. But first, we had to make a detour. We silently angled through the dark toward the small, newly-built brig complex just around the bend from the Nest tower. This sat at the base of Li Na’s clock tower, just outside the smoking remains of the Dagda temple.
The stench of burnt stew still filled the area a few days later. The bearded cleric within the temple had apparently boiled himself alive in his own stew, collateral damage from one of Li Na’s dreads during the assault on Club Vanquisher.
Donut was still at the Nest, overseeing the mages who were enchanting the blocks. Li Na and Toyotomi were there with her, and they were showing Donut how to utilize the synergy aspect of the tower.
Li Jun clapped me on the shoulder. His new eye, which at the moment was a swirling orb of black, unnerved me. When it was working, the black changed to look like a miniature, clockwork engine, all contained in the round eye. Even the name of the thing was a little freaky. The Engine of Tomorrow. I wasn’t clear on how it worked, but it gave him the ability to see muscles tensing, and it basically slowed down his own perception of time in short bursts. This allowed Li Jun to basically predict where an opponent was going to strike next and react with amazing speed. Like Bullet Time from the Matrix movies. He and his sister had been training with it nonstop.
“How are you doing?” he asked.
“Me?” I asked, surprised. “I’m doing okay. I’m worried about Louis. I’m worried about Donut. I’m worried about Elle’s plan. I’m worried that Boomer’s battalion doesn’t have enough troops. I’m worried that we don’t know where the Dream’s troops are. I’m worried about all those war mage things that are going to pounce on us the moment the timer ends.”
“Yes, but what about you?” he persisted. “You seem a little... overworked after that raid on Club Vanquisher. Donut says you received over thirty loot boxes, but you’ve only really told us about your new brush and the potions. Donut said you got a patch, but you haven’t put it on your jacket yet. You usually post all the items in the group chat.” He indicated my Emberus tattoos. “Plus your hands are glowing now.”
I shrugged, suddenly uncomfortable. The glow came from the Heathen Burn benefit I had for the rest of the floor.
I had, indeed, received 32 loot boxes. Plus several achievements. Plus a new quest after that previous fight. It was overwhelming. Like always, I copied all the achievements into my inventory. At the mention of them, I instinctively opened up the notepad and looked at the ones at the top.
After the battle had completed, and after we’d managed to tie up Milk, get ourselves out through the temple bathroom, bring her to the stronghold, and then drive all the way back to the closest saferoom, I’d met up with Donut and opened up our lootboxes.
I’d received over fifty achievements. Most of them, like usual, were for stupid shit that resulted in low-tier adventurer boxes. I’d also received multiple boxes and achievements for seeing gods for the first time, some of whom I didn’t even remember. None of those resulted in notable loot except a few low-tier rings that we’d ultimately given to Katia so she could test eating them.
I did, however, receive some important achievements:
New Achievement! Varg Vikernes!
Whoa, now. Calm down there, black metal enthusiast. Breaking into and defiling a church is one thing, but breaking into Club Vanquisher, hub of all religion? Causing chaos in the club is the equivalent of, I don’t know, giving the pope a wedgie and then tea-bagging him while he squirms on the floor.
Reward: You are permanently banned from Club Vanquisher. You are permanently banned from all temples except your own religion (Emberus) and any temples where you’ve been named friend of the church (Apito. Eileithyia. Grull. Hellik. Issitoq. Nekhebit. Theia. Yemaya.)
I had no idea what the name of the achievement meant, but it wasn’t a surprise I’d been black-listed from all temples after that clusterfuck at Club Vanquisher.
That I’d been named “friend of the church” with some of those gods was surprising, however. Hellik had just added me to the list, despite my quest to kill him. Apito was a surprise, though she was somehow tied to all of this in a way I didn’t yet understand. Eileithyia, who was being driven by Huanxin Jinx, wasn’t a surprise. Nor was it a surprise, her retainer, the Starbucks logo-looking Yemaya had me white-listed since Donut and I had freed her on the previous floor. Odette was driving Nekhebit, and the Open Intellect’s agent, Rectrix, was driving Theia. Issitoq, however, was a mystery. But it wasn’t nearly as big of a mystery as being named friend of the church to Grull. That just didn’t seem to make any sort of sense whatsoever.
This was all something I’d have to figure out later if we managed to survive the next few hours.
New Achievement! Liquified.
You, while immortal, blew yourself up. Like, you dropped a bomb at your feet. Hot damn! We have seen some crazy shit this season, but man, there’s nothing quite like the simplicity of such a desperate move. The slow motion replay of that is really quite something. It was similar to watching something small and furry get smushed underfoot, but even more raw, more real, you know what I mean? What a goddamned rush.
Still... Did you know that only worked because you had god-tier immortality? Most versions of that spell would’ve still caused you to be splattered into so many pieces you would’ve never reconstituted in time. And don’t even think about trying that with that other, bigger bomb you have in your inventory. You were lucky this time. If that had been a magical explosion...
Reward: You’ve received a Legendary Lucky Bitch Box.
The box had contained a small patch of a group of four-leaf clovers being smashed under a bare foot. I sighed, thinking of it. The patch was sitting in my inventory, where it would remain. I don’t know what the system was thinking when it gave it to me. It was clearly something I would never wear:
Upgrade Patch. Small.
This upgrade patch depicts a perfectly-perfect, mouthwatering human foot treading upon a patch of four-leaf clovers, creasing them as it presses down with gentle but oh-so-firm force. Despite their non-sentient nature, the clovers have a brief moment of awareness as they suffer, and it is fucking delicious.
Delicious.
Affixing this patch to an eligible garment will imbue the following benefits:
Lucky Shot. A fatal blow will be deflected into the body of a party member instead. This benefit may only be used once per floor.
Warning: Upgrade patches are fleeting items. You may remove them, but they will be destroyed in the process.
Even with Donut’s Cockroach skill, there was no way I would risk wearing this. I didn’t care how valuable it was. I wouldn’t wear it, and I didn’t want the others to know what it did, lest they attempt to talk me into installing it.
New Achievement! You in my house now, boy!
You have entered the temple of a god, you have pissed off that god to his face (well, in this particular case, you pissed him off to his weird-ass bug body head. Seriously. I can’t stop thinking about how goddamned bizarre this guy is), and you have faced that god in battle in their own temple.
Reward: None! The only reason you’re not getting a celestial box for this is because your ass was saved by another god.
That was true. Hellik had come along and banished Khepri before he could do something to me. And it wasn’t just me. Katia and Prepotente had both received that achievement as well.
Still, it was irritating I hadn’t received anything for that. I had blasted him with a bomb, twice. And now I was permanently marked for death by him. Though I suspected that wasn’t going to last long. Khepri’s original description had given me a pretty big hint about some things that were currently going down on the 12th floor. He and Odette’s Nekhebit were in the same sub-pantheon. Someone was going through and killing off all the gods in that group. I figured it was either Odette for some reason or possibly Huanxin Jinx. I didn’t know enough to form a proper guess.
New Achievement! Celestial Orgy of Chaos!
You have been in the presence of more than ten gods at once, and you survived.
Now, here’s a mystery. Someone let out a bunch of gods who shouldn’t have been allowed into the temple in the first place. It probably wasn’t who you think it was. But the fact you survived this crazy orgy of a fight means you all need a serious pat on the back because I was pretty certain at least one of you—looking at you, Zhang—was toast.
Reward: You’ve received a Celestial Who Let the Gods Out? box.
This was the one that Me, Katia, Li Jun, Zhang, and Prepotente had all received. Bautista had gotten outside early in the fight, and he’d also received the achievement, but his had just been a legendary box. Still, he’d gotten a guidebook on his stuffed animals, something that would tell him what each one did before he used it. He’d promised to let me borrow it so I could look up that Kimaris figure I had, but we’d been so busy, it hadn’t happened yet.
And speaking of the question, who let the gods out, it was still a mystery. Naturally, I’d assumed it had something to do with Samantha, but this time it didn’t seem to be the case. The basilica ogre guards had come up from below to help in the fight, and that had, apparently, left the front door unguarded, but it seemed there was more to it than that, and it was yet another mystery.
New Achievement! Hey Larry, can I borrow your chainsaw?
You have utilized a borrowed skill or spell in battle. You have used this borrowed ability to kill an opponent. Oh, man. This opens up a whole new possibility of fighting styles, don’t you think? Just keep those tattoos above the knee.
Reward: You’ve received a Platinum Have You Goddamned Figured Out How To Use This In Conjunction With the Fucking Voodoo Book Yet? Jesus Christ I Can Only Help You So Much box.
The reward was a skill potion that ended up bringing my Pugilism skill up to 15 on its own, which was great, but the name of the box had sent Mordecai and Rosetta into a flurry of research. Even Zev had commented on it, saying she’d never even heard of such blatant hand-holding by the AI.
In addition to the regular achievements, I’d also received a few messages and a quest from Emberus as well. I was hoping he’d cancel out the whole kill-my-brother thing, but Hellik’s message had only served to enrage the god. And in fact, now everything was worse than it was before.
New Quest.
Fuck My Brother. Fuck him to the fires of Sheol.
Kill 100 worshippers of Hellik. Do so before you reach the 12th floor.
Time Limit: This must be completed before the collapse of the 11th floor, and as a practical matter, you should complete it before you complete the Kill Hellik quest.
Reward: If you complete this quest, you will receive a permanent boon of Celestial quality.
At least there wasn’t a penalty for failing this one, but more concerning was immediately after receiving this new quest, I had a second, confusing and alarming message from Emberus, this time in a more contemplative voice.
Emberus: Am I wrong to hate him? He has treated with Issitoq on our behalf, who has in turn allowed the peace to be breached. I am now allowed to kill the other Sheol princes in exchange for the information Amayon has about Geyrun. And what does he mean about our mother and sister? You, my martyr, be vigilant. If you survive killing Hellik, like he surely deserves, I fear I may turn my rage and grief on you for daring to hurt my own kin, and for this, I love you, beloved but doomed worshipper. I promise the burning will be exquisite.
What the actual fuck. Even re-reading this for the tenth time, it still filled me with such dread. It put me in an impossible position, and for the first time I started to wonder if I should just risk taking the smite instead.
That, of course, was the “out” that the patch gave me. I still wasn’t even tempted to use it.
I sighed. Mordecai had warned us from the beginning to stay away from gods. He hadn’t been wrong, but each day, it became more and more difficult, especially now.
I thought of the Gate of the Feral Gods, now in Elle’s hands.
T-minus one hour before the chaos would begin.
“Has anyone tried to escape?” I asked.
“No,” Zhang said. “It’s pretty well built to protect against it. And by the time they’re in there, they’re all pretty resigned to their fate.”
Zhang’s new cape fluttered behind him. It was white with the standard black, blue, red, and yellow circles of an archery target on it. It was his prize in the celestial box. It was a great, but dangerous, item. It was a unique item called Zhang’s Cape of Odds. When it wasn’t activated, it gave him plus 15% across the board for all his stats plus a level 10 Dodge skill. His skill in that was already 11, so it brought it to 14.
But it also came with a once-an-hour skill called Roll the Dice, which reminded me of the Wheel of Fortune game at the casino. If he activated the skill, one of 333 different outcomes could appear. Most of the outcomes were great, such as doubled strength for ten minutes. The ability to fly for an hour, etc. There were a few really epic outcomes, as well, such as Death Ray and several various summons.
But there were 66 outcomes on there that were bad. None of them killed him outright, and all were temporary, but there was paralysis, all stats are now 5, and something called “It’s been four hours and I think it’s time to call the doctor” which sounded ominous as fuck. The worst was “Summon the God Who Hates You Most.”
But, and here was where the cape was especially insidious—and a true Celestial item—was that after 19 spins, you could manually pick one of the choices.
Zhang wore the cape proudly, but he said he wasn’t going to actually use it unless absolutely necessary.
“How many are left?” I asked as we approached the brig building.
“Just one,” Zhang said, sounding nervous, as if he was afraid to tell me.
I wasn’t surprised at all.
When Li Na first approached me and asked if she could have my extra Ring of Divine Suffering, my initial reaction had been fuck no. She was quite possibly the most powerful crawler in the dungeon already, and I’d worried that while it would make her stronger, it’d also drive her to do something crazy. I’d briefly, and privately, discussed it with Katia, Imani, Donut, and Elle, and I’d been surprised at their reaction.
Only Imani had been against it. Katia and Elle were both adamant it was a good idea. Elle had been especially vehement.
She can handle it better than you certainly can, she’d said. And if she can’t, at least it’ll be the ring that kills her. She’s a scary psycho, but at least she’s our scary psycho, Carl. She’s the quiet type of scary, too, not like you or goat boy. At least I always know what your mood is. With Li Na, we want to stay on her good side.
But it was Donut who’d truly made me want to give the second ring away. She didn’t say her reasoning, but she’d looked at me, not using chat, and simply said, “Please, Carl. Please give it to her. Do it as soon as you can.”
Li Na had also asked about the Necklace of Indelible Woe but ultimately decided she didn’t want it, especially now that she had several level-15 dreads that she could possibly lose if she used the necklace. It remained in my inventory for now.
So, no, it wasn’t a surprise that the brig—filled with off-world mercenaries we couldn’t trust—was empty of all the prisoners save one, the one prisoner I’d specifically asked to leave alone.
It was also suddenly obvious to me why Donut had basically begged me to give her the ring.
“Okay,” I said, taking a deep breath. “Let’s get this over with.” We stepped into the building.
Chapter 58
Rishi the naga, now ostensibly a member of the Princess Posse, stood before me. Without his armor and with his arms removed, he looked less like a naga and more like a massive cobra.
Li Jun and Zhang remained outside. I’d asked the guards to leave, leaving me alone in the small building with its lone occupant. My viewer count was spiked. In fact, the viewer needle had a blue hue to it that it didn’t normally have, and I wasn’t sure what that meant. I’d look it up after I was done with this.
I examined the large, green and purple snake, lit by a single spotlight. Darkness had settled outside, making the naga look especially menacing. He was the sole remaining member of the original Blood Sultanate left alive on the floor. He sat serenely in his small cell, a smug, strangely amused expression on his snake face.
He’d surrendered himself to Donut, Imani, and Elle shortly after we’d killed Vinata. He’d buried himself in the dirt outside the castle and had waited for it all to be over before emerging.
Because he wasn’t a blood member of the court, he wasn’t a part of the whole Sepsis Whore quest. But, in real life, he had been married to a distant cousin of the royal family. He’d been the representative Vinata had sent for the preproduction meetings, and I got the impression outside the dungeon he held a fairly important role in the real naga government.
As a rule, when we defeated another faction, mercenaries would be evaluated on a case-by-case basis, but in general, if they were just grunts, I’d allow them to join up with us. My standing rule was to kill the higher-up officers immediately before they became a problem even though they, too, were now technically members of the Princess Posse. The Conscription spell was far from perfect, and I knew of several tricks one could employ to hinder an army’s efforts even with the debuff active.
If they were a member of the actual management team, a part of the original group that willingly came here to fight, they were treated differently. They were to be kept alive, encased with magic protection, and left alone until I could get to them. Li Na’s White Dragons were in charge of keeping the prisoners.
I knew Rishi was no coward, so the strange manner in which he’d hidden himself was more than just curious. It didn’t make any damn sense. I’d been putting off visiting him, but it was finally time.
According to the guards, Rishi hadn’t said much since he’d surrendered, though he’d asked more than once to speak with me. He just sat there silently in the cell, completely encased in a square-shaped containment shield that would protect against most bombs and cloud attacks. The shield also had a prismatic effect, which made him appear as if he was on a television screen. This would supposedly protect from charm spells and things like the Eye of the Bedlam Bride, should he have something like that hidden upon him. In addition, he was stripped of his gear, and the cell had a secondary shield around it that would keep him from casting anything. We didn’t have a method to keep him from pulling something from his inventory, but the Conscription spell mostly prevented him from attacking me and the guards.
Still, someone—clearly Li Na—thought it would be best to take extra precautions and had his four arms removed, which was especially barbaric. He would still be able to drop things out of his inventory, but his ability to wield weapons was severely diminished. He claimed his inventory was empty of weapons and magical items, and all that he carried was some documents, water, and food.
“Why weren’t you with your wife and the princess in the temple of Khepri?” I asked.
The large, green and purple naga smiled down at me, his tongue flicking out. “I knew that if I went with my wife into the that temple, I would be just as dead as everyone else. I warned them all not to go, but the late princess believed her plan to kill you with a god was a sound one.”
“It was,” I said. “It almost worked. But I’m more curious about you. You don’t seem too broken up about the death of your princess. Or your wife.”
Rishi didn’t stop smiling. “I was quite fond of my wife, despite the fact she hadn’t yet given me a clutch. But I had already grieved her death starting from the moment the mantis team fled. I implored Vinata that we, too, should leave, yet she insisted we stay. So I made peace with my inevitable death then.”
“The mantis team abandoned faction wars when we were still on the sixth floor,” I said. “You expected to die even back then?”
The armless naga chuckled softly. “I did not expect you and the crawlers to rise up like you have, nor did I expect Faction Wars itself to be the manner of my death, but it was clear something was wrong. The mantids do not flee anything, and for them to run like that... They were scared of something.” He paused. “Did you know that the Aryl system went dark the moment Princess Formidable hit the failsafe?”
“Princess Formidable herself didn’t make it to the failsafe,” I said. “The AI pulled her off her ship and dropped her into the ocean on the surface. But, yes. I did hear that. That was where the last season occurred.”
Rishi nodded, but he didn’t elaborate his point.
“You haven’t answered my question,” I finally said. “Why did you hide? Why didn’t you fight? I thought you were honorable.”
He paused for a very long time. “Have you heard the term ‘The Great Consensus’ before?”
I had. I had heard it from Loita. Loita the kua-tin I’d assassinated on the fifth floor.
“It’s some sort of nazi bullshit, isn’t it?”
“I don’t know that term. But it is a philosophy that is gaining momentum amongst many systems. It basically teaches the Syndicate was a mistake, and we are all better off on our own. There are many aspects of it, and some have taken the idea and turned it into something xenophobic and evil, which is ironic considering the name of the philosophy. The Bloom party of the kua-tin, for example, believe in racial purity and dislike the cultural influence of so-called ‘dry’ races. The mantids disdain what they believe are weaker and inferior species. Amongst the naga, some want what you want. Some naga believe while we can learn from each other, alien communities should have no say in how we live our lives.”
I grunted. “You sure have a funny way of showing it.”
He nodded. “I agree. And I know you don’t believe it, but Vinata was a firm believer in this philosophy. She’d seen war on alien soil, and she firmly believed it was all for nothing. Her father insisted she participate in Faction Wars. We needed the tourist money. We needed to keep the shipyards staffed and running. We were going to steal the entire fleet and run. We were going to travel, as a whole, for an entire generation, off in a direction that none of the tunnel threads point. Off to a place where it would be a very, very long time before we were found. That was our Great Consensus, engineered by Princess Vinata. To leave.”
I leaned in. “I don’t give a shit. What does any of that have to do with you hiding like a little bitch while your wife and princess died?”
He sighed. “Just before the meeting of the warlords, news broke that laid out our plans regarding our intention to renege on our shipyard contracts, which caused immediate chaos in our system. Because of the Emergency Action Item you enacted, we were no longer able to see what else was happening at home. That is when I decided to flee and hide.”
“Why?”
“So I could implore upon you our plight and make an offer to you. It was a gamble, but I suspected Vinata would fall. I have in my inventory a signed and AI witnessed document for you, the de-facto leader of Earth.”
I laughed. He did not.
A sheet of paper appeared and dropped to the floor. I couldn’t get it through the protections, and it landed sideways, against the shield. It was covered with glittering, holographic seals.
“Leader of Earth? Are you smoking crack?”
“Syndicate law dictates that in the absence of a working government, the native leader of a planetary body will be chosen by multiple factors. And while there are other military groups upon the surface who are clearly more suited, as well as other in-dungeon entities who could easily claim the title, the fact you are a warlord and the number one crawler on the leaderboard makes your claim legitimate. And because no formal leadership claim has yet been filed, we petitioned on your behalf while drafting that document, and the court granted the petition. The position is mostly honorary, but it does allow you to be a signatory on Earth’s behalf.”
“What?” I asked. “What does that even mean? And what does the document say?”
He seemed to shrug, which was difficult without arms. “I’m sure your attorney can explain it to you. But the document does nothing unless you sign it. It gives Earth natives citizenship rights in all naga territories, plus five Naphil-class generation ships. This is in exchange for allowing us to terraform and settle upon the other planets in your system post crawl once there is no longer a quarantine.”
“You are smoking crack. How is that a good trade off?”
“For a while, I assumed the failsafe would be blown, and that would be how we died. But we waited too long, and the system has gone primal. I still expect us all to die, but now I am no longer certain about the fate of those on the surface. You have millions of fellow humans up there, struggling. If this were a normal crawl, the system would go into a quarantine for some time post crawl. It would eventually open up, and the parasites from all corners would descend and bleed you dry. If it still ends that way, the children of your survivors will need friends. We can help each other. And by granting you five Generation ships, you can guarantee the survival of your progeny. Or you can sell the ships in exchange for protection. If this ends like usual, those planets will be settled whether you like it or not.”
“And if it doesn’t end like usual?” I asked.
“If you are wiped out, then we have lost nothing. But if not, this is where our gamble truly pays off. If your people manage to persist, if the post-crawl collection doesn’t happen, this macro AI will continue to spread, and, perhaps, a new inner system-style community will emerge with all the benefits of the current inner system. The natives will be protected by the AI and will soon rise to be some of the richest, most influential forces in the galaxy. And my people, who protected you during your time of turmoil, will emerge as great friends of the citizens of Earth, and both shall prosper.”
I was still reeling over the whole “de-facto ruler of Earth” thing. And sometime during his explanation, I stopped fully paying attention. But I still caught the gist of it. “And Vinata signed this? This doesn’t sound anything like that Great Consensus thing. In fact, it sounds like the opposite.”
“No,” Rishi said. “She did not sign it. She would not agree to something like this. I said she was a proponent of the philosophy. I am not. I drafted this, and I am the one who signed it.”
I just looked at the snake. “You? I’m confused. Are you allowed to make such deals?”
New Achievement! Holistic!
Your feed has reached a 95%+ viewer ratio of a single system!
Over 95% of all viewers in the entire, newly-coined Naga Sultanate of the New Reformer are currently watching your feed!
Reward: You have received a Legendary Fan Box! This box will only be voted on by viewers in the Naga system.
“I am allowed to make such deals,” Rishi said, pulling himself taller. “I am allowed because I am now the leader of the new Naga Sultanate.”
“Uh,” I said. “I thought all that sultan stuff was in your history. What about the current king guy? Vinata’s father?”
“My brothers should have him properly deposed by now. Him and his remaining children. We have been planning this for some time now. And you, Carl, with your influence...”
I held up my hand, stopping him. I was staring down at the contract, still on the floor. He’d signed it all right. He’d signed it Sultan Rishi the Usurper, First of his Name of the Naga Uprising.
I laughed. That was not the same name that had been in that achievement.
“You know what? I don’t actually care about any of this Game of Thrones bullshit. I just have a question for you. What happens to that contract if you die before I sign it?”
He flicked his tongue. “It will be up to the new leadership to decide if it is valid, and it’ll have be re-signed by the new leader or council. After what has happened, it may take some time. But if I am to be kept alive, you will be certain that some semblance of stability will...”
I held up my hand again.
Warning: Open Hostilities begin in 40 minutes.
Elle: Katia, you are a genius. You timed it perfectly.
Katia: Thank Milk. Her maps are insanely accurate.
My chat was filled with preparations. I needed to hurry this up. So far we didn’t see any enemy movement except some repositioning of the orc troops. I had to get this over with and get into place. I hadn’t actually expected any of this posturing from the naga when I came here, and I hadn’t planned this sort of conversation. But I had been curious, and now I knew why he’d done what he had. He was just like all the others, like Empress D’Nadia. A power-hungry asshole. It was oddly disappointing.
I looked the naga up and down. “I’d like to renegotiate on behalf of Earth.”
He straightened even further, and his tongue flicked again.
“Of course. Tell me your terms.”
“This is what I want. I want you to shut up. I want your people to take those ships you offered us, to get into them, and to drive yourselves into the nearest star. But first, I want you, Mr. new Sultan of the naga, to know something.”
I paused, and he didn’t respond. But that smug look on his snake face had finally left.
The thirty seconds have passed.
You have successfully marked Rishi of the Princess Posse.
His highest stat is Dexterity.
“Some people might find all of these politics interesting. But me? It makes my head hurt. I can’t get away from it. I know, I know. It’s probably important for me to be aware of all this stuff. But not today. Today I’m just happy that all your people are watching. You know why? Because it means they get to watch yet another of their so-called leaders killed. And spoiler alert for those at home. Rishi here is just the opening act.”
~~~~~
Hi everyone. Whew. Hoping to put some space between those chapters in Club Vanquisher and the pure insanity of what's about to happen. Thank you so much for all your support. I'm off in a few days to Hawaii to move my daughter from her 3rd floor apartment to her new place, and I'm staying an extra week by myself, holed up with no plans whatsoever other than to write what's to be the most difficult thing I've ever attempted to write. Similar to the chaos of the end of the last floor, but on a much bigger scale. Very difficult in first person, but we'll get it done.
But first I had to get the Rishi stuff out of the way because while it's important to see how chaos is slowly unfolding out there, the specifics of what's going down with the naga aren't really important anymore. But now we know the kua-tin aren't the only ones who now regret what they've become. And while the Bloom is awful, they're not the only ones who are becoming increasingly isolationist. And as the naga threat fades, the goings-on of the 12th floor along with those Emberus quests Carl has been studiously ignoring are about to flare.
Donut has been strangely absent these past few chapters. That's about to change in a big way. Looking forward to seeing how she deals with the amount of power she's just been given. + Plus we're FINALLY going to play with some of the bigger toys of the battlefield.
Thanks everyone! Next big event? DragonCon! More on that soon. But I also have this. I didn't make this poster, but it'll be me and my buddy Django Wexler doing a Q&A and a signing. : 
Comments
Victor Archela
Hey Matt, I’ve been reading the epub and wanted to jump here to give you some feedback on the reward for the vanquisher raid. I think if the idea is to give out more celestial boxes it’s worth doing it in real time. A few really cool scenes in this book (that in my opinion would be way more book clenching and enjoyable if we could experience as it happens) are being looked at from a recap perspective. Like the bedlam bride being contained, the cook book author that kills a warlord and the amazing unprecedented number of celestial boxes that come from the vanquisher raid. To speak specifically of this one, I think a recap does the value of a celestial box a de-service and it feels like more of a footnote than what it should be. The way it’s treated its more like it was a legendary box or something, which would be fine but I think the mystique of the top prize in the game should be maintained As for the bedlam bride capture scene and the cookbook author that explodes the tank I’ll put my comment on those chapters specifically
Damien Paul
Hi Matt, e eryo e is probably wanting s peice of you. Im no diffieret haha. Is there anything we do yo get you do come to Australia?
riyon hutton
Thanks for replying. I emailed Patreon disability support and haven’t heard back from them yet. It seems this is a frustrating situation for many of us
Hatshepsut the Fair
I don’t think there are epubs, but if you copy the link you can view it in your browser and then you can enlarge the text at will
Hatshepsut the Fair
Yeah I kind of think Carl was a little hasty there. If Rishi was on the level with that contract, Carl just made a huge decision on behalf of all of Earth, rejecting a possible salvation for future generations of humans.
QueenofHartbrake
Show me on this doll where they touched them
riyon hutton
Does anyone know how to access the epub of these chapters? I need to make the text larger
Jason Tinnel
This!
Jason Tinnel
I hear the AI voice from book 6 when you said “because holy shit it is gonna be epic”. My addiction is deep lol
Dragan
One more day and it will be here, probably, I’m really excited. 😁😁
David Franklin
Which interlude?
Elissa Kirk
Here's hoping, I've not been in here for long but joining so many in the tragedy of being caught up 🤣.
QueenofHartbrake
Man I’m so excited for this release *cough*today*cough*
Sandboy OC
Larracos + Zerzura + Changlings who have touched gods = 12th floor fun times
Teal
Carl marked the leader and got the stats so he killed him is what I remember.
curtis gatley
just visited point disappointment Washington. there's a coast guard base there. gave me all the lolz.
william brown
So I thought about it it seems like the gods levels are way crazy when we first start seeing them. But poni is already at 100, so if we got level 100 Carl, donut, Imani, poni, Louis, florin, and Ellie. I think they could easily start to whipe them out and then the demon lords from the 15th floor would be about the same. Just something I was randomly thinking about since we don't know the levels of anyone other than poni.
Paulamarie Young
The creative writing process is amazing. And I feel like we have a front row seat. I still can't believe Matt doesn't know the ending of his final story on this series, but instead lets it grow, lets us comment, and we all get an amazing ride. Matt. I hope you give us some story soon....
Spencer Shaw
Hello? We are all developing disorders waiting on these Chaps
One Winged Angel
Man....im so excited for Carls crash, just the inevitable dam breaking of him literally going from a recently single cat loving ex coast guard to a governmental collapsing killing machine, and then back to allowing emotion back, because holy shit is it gonna be epic when he finally just screams at the top of his lungs at full tilt.
Richard Blackburn
Chomping at the bit for my fix.... (awaiting next chapters....)
Kevin Veldman
I only joined after book 4, so I didn't get in on it, but it looks like we got to pick the prize from the Prize Carousel. That means we chose the Dungeon Anarchist's Cookbook, which is crazy to me, since it's such a massive plot point now.
Kevin Veldman
Yeah I think it should be the Scratch Pad
FossilWreckers
Ya, but Mongo could take the hit or Rend or anyone else who joins his party temporarily.
FossilWreckers
The Enchanted Hairbrush of the Beefmaster. The AI likes his Fabio look.
Zach West
What did Carl get in his celestial loot box?
Zach West
3rd.... those are rookie numbers .... lol
Jordan Jones
We've seen them, but their intro was so ominous and vague. Remember the flesher creature's line? "Warmages are... Warmages." That confirms they're their own thing, but the warmage said "just [a number] more iterations, and you'll know what I am." Which implies they might be late-stage fleshers, or something similarly terrifying and awful.
Grigorius of Tomsk, Devourer of Pop-Tarts, Victor of Many Battles
Just posting this here while awaiting the awesome new chapter drop... :) Really curious how Li Na's personality will change after slaughtering hundreds of mercenaries with her ring of divine suffering. O_o And also, bravo for the gradual and subtle power creep for Li Na's party. With her level-15 skillz + Li Jung's new eye + Zhang's celestial cloak, they're at least as powerful as Carl+Donut, if not more so. I sense some kind of inevitable confrontation down the road. ;)
Douglas Erdman
Matt has commented that what's posted here isn't the final, he goes back and adds things to add additional context or clear up potential plot holes that get found. He provided a PDF of the final version of Book 5 to patreon once the book was finished.
CaptainFlowers
Roughly every two weeks he'll post a few chapters together. Not always, but this is to help support him as an author. Imo don't stalk the page waiting for more, read other series and be happily surprised when a new chapter is posted.
Michael Landesman
Carl didn't go murder hobk li jun(?) did
Michael Landesman
I feel like there will have to be some additional chapters added for the final version to flesh some stuff out
Jyhden Bean
I’m new to the Patreon what is the chapter realise like
Stephen Greenwood
Matt used it in another one of his books, The Hobgoblin Riot, to massacre a wave of incoming enemies. He's already referenced one of the characters from that book as being the image on a flag for one of the Princess Posse's individual units.
FossilWreckers
The Ebooks? Go to "Collections" and choose the correct tag.
Sabe F.
Yup, NIMBYs (Not In My BackYard types) from wall to wall. I feel like throwing out the harem could have been the first step in the transition.
Melissa Glisan
Actually, with no outside intervention and demons being as litigious as they as reputed to be, my mental picture of the 15th level is like a HOA ran by Stepford clones.
Dragan
Donut has her love vampire skill which means she can entirely ignore carls clover patch.
Dragan
That theory is so cool, I love it. It would such a shot at regular society saying that he’ll itself is literally just the world we already live in.
Dragan
She also has that love vampire skill which could also save her from the clover patch.
Laura Harrison Allen
Awesome thanks!!
Erica S
That's after the book is finished
Björn Söderlind
Reread the interlude and you'll get it :)
Connor Sanders
Out of curiosity. I signed up for dungeon God but idk how to get a book. It says message him but idk how...anyone able to help?
deflatedballonmusic
I wonder why the basilica guard ogres let the gods out??
Spencer Shaw
When are you coming to Houston
Erich Sanford
Oh yeah, that would be pretty sweet too, somehow get Doughnut control...
Erich Sanford
Oh, I know, dissolve goblin "fun powder" in water from a fire God shrine (Emberus), soak it into a bandage. Make it ignite on impact, like the little "snappers" from the 4th of July. It can be a recipe Carl ADDS to the book. You've already got a naming convention established with "Carl's BOOM jug"; this could be "Carl's BOOM bandage" only these are WAY easier to make, and all the crawlers would be using them, so he gets a HUGE royalty. Which of course he has to tithe to Emberus. There's no shrapnel, and it's just gun powder, so maybe they're not that useful for damage; but a thousand crawlers chucking essentially flash bangs a good kilometer into the enemy army. I'm thinking that THAT would cause a little confusion in the ranks.
John S
Was it crease the clovers, or caress?
Konlin Gappmayer
I’ve thought for a long time that Carl is going to use dooms day scenario to some how animate the bodies he’s collected. Maybe they use the bandages to strengthen the bodies. Like a whole army of automaton mummies.
Luk Stippel
How does one join the discord I'm unable to find the linke:(
Erich Sanford
All the new chapters are just fantastic, I'm really loving them. I don't know if this is a place to put this or not, but I've been wondering about all the bandages that, ostensibly ALL of the crawlers received. No one ever really seems to have bleed effects to counter. Carl has to have hundreds of them. In my mind they look like WWII bandages (roughly 8"x6"x1" cotton padding with like 2' of linen tails/ties on each side) in my mind these things just LOOK like slings. I feel like there should be some way to infuse them on the alchemy/sappers table. Somehow make them explosive or with a potion or something, I mean hell, dip them in his Emberus shrine and he can just run around smacking undead. Literally thousands of these things are in the party, if Carl can figure out a way to weaponize them that could have a HUGE influence on faction wars. Also rather poetic, I can hear the AI saying something about "healing turned to hurting" or something to that effect. Just thoughts 🧐😁
Julian Hinck
i personaly thing hes not doing the right thing. he shuld have caled his layer and then get a beter deal for earth. This is going to bite him and all the earthlings that are left in the ass big time.
Robert Griswold
Seems like. Because we know it happened with Pony and Carl both having Miriam marked (although I don' recall ever getting confirmation that Pony got stats for her death).
Ilya Taytslin
Meaning that on the 6th floor it was possible to mark the same person with two different rings, but not on the 9th?
Sabe F.
Before the next chapters come out, I'm giving my theory on level 15, because the Kimaris figure description will probably ruin my chance to speculate: Left for thousands of years to its own devices level 15 has evolved into something like England under Queen Elizabeth. The demon harem was banished, the royals still act like always to keep up appearances, and the rest is row houses, manufacturing, and demons settled into something like nimby-minded suburbia. 'Ye Olde Hell' is something that just marketing and used mainly for its underperforming touism industry, and all the princes and the royals are pretty much irrelevant to most of the denizens of level 15 because unlike the royal family of England or of the Nagas they don't bring in any money (not that you can say it to their face, that is). That hell scrub Banjo from book 8? The creature that card was modeled after is actually a chartered accountant. The demon girl? She was modeled after the front desk attendant at one of the middling hotels that sits empty all the time. When the crawlers get there everyone will be shocked and will point them to the quest clues just to get them to move on. One or two will try to be aggressive and will be utterly shocked when they're so out of practice that they're underpowered. They will otherwise show up in droves to watch the crawlers attempt to best the royals at whatever challenges are required to leave the floor. Almost like going to a country fair out in the sticks for a pleasant weekend. The AI will be thoroughly disgusted and will advocate for the widest destruction possible.
Michael T
If Donut can get her cockroach skill to level 10, that would resolve Carl's concern about the clover patch, wouldn't it? According to Mordecai's original description of the skill, at level 10 Donut would get one free lethal hit per fight without losing any health.
Laura Harrison Allen
Where can I get the epub file of book 7? I am a platinum benefactor. Reading the chapters in patreon is getting harder and harder lol
Teal
The aspects of Carl having the AI provide unprecedented information for using the Vodo book is intriguing to me. Makes me wonder more about that neural enhancement pill Carl took, access to killswitch of the the failsafe. Perhaps there is more to the enhancement he received. The AI is not showing restraint. Hopeful hints there is more to the AI’s affinity than just them tootsies.
Teal
From the context seems like Carl went murderhobo on the prisoner Naga because the Naga reviled he was a leader. Otherwise Carl might have conscripted him if he was just a grunt. Carl reviewed the battle ethics, leaders go down as soon as possible. Kept to that theme respectfully in the debate of war. I find Carl’s recent actions a bit reckless, a traitor captured willingly may be a good allied partnership, but sticking to the team’s ethics are sound.
GhostSpydr
Man, hate to ask in the comments but anyone know how to get in touch with Matt for the patreon rewards? Trying to get some swag for my wife. She's on her 3rd reread of the series. Lmao I'm also a huge fan but I've gone on a tour of other MD books.
Dustin Bentley
Fuck the nagas. Call was 100% right to not accept that deal. Their motivation for trying to get out of the crawl is because it bit them once. Boohoo we killed Drakea and a bunch of other innocents and suddenly we're upset because we lost money. But don't worry it's real concern! It was a lot of money! As soon as Carl starts making deals it's the same old bullshit. Carl does the dirty work so what's left of humanity after the crawl will still be worthy of being saved. He's burning down everything that ever has a hand in the unfairness of the crawl, probably even himself before the end.
Gabriel Magalhães
He didn't use it on the prisoners because Donut asked him not to (by pleading for him to give the extra one to Li Na)
Joshua Galaise
Alpha Carl would have taken the deal
FauxLegs
Opening scene of the movie Ghost Ship. Worth checking on YouTube. Probably one of the most memorable openin horror flick. It’s fucked up.
Donato Hunter
Also I don’t think Carl hates this specific Naga so much as he hates the politics. He can’t know if the Naga’s will be good or shit neighbors, but between the previous Cookbook author having an eternal hat boner for Nagas it’s not a shock he would rather them all burn. Not like we’ve met a single one who wasn’t a dick.
The Lost Pages
Technically he is only giving the second ring away. Not his own.
Bru-
Thank you, figured it was an edit.
Matt D
Good question. This is the convo from chapter 40: Donut: WHAT DID YOU DO WITH KING RUST’S RING AND THE NECKLACE? Carl: Don’t worry. I can only wear one Ring of Divine Suffering at a time. I checked. Besides, it turns out two rings can’t mark the same person on this floor anyway. And we don’t need that necklace. He has some other magical gear we’ll distribute around. We’ll figure out what to do with it all later.
Bru-
How did that happen with Miriam then? Pony marked her which was the main issue and then Carl marked her when he got there?
Robert Griswold
Thanks! I didn't remember that.
Matt D
I clarified this in an earlier passage. Once someone is marked by one ring, they can’t be marked twice by a second ring.
Joseph Harris
if they ever make a live action or animated version of these books I think Li Na and Li Jun would hands down have the best fight scenes.
Joseph Harris
I want to see the Li Na vs Lucia fight that got teased in the last book.
Joseph Harris
I think that is why Donut pleaded with him to give it to Li Na as soon as he could. Li Na can handle it better than he can. Carl will probably only use it in battle or when Donut isn’t around.
Erik Leiden
Two things I don't understand: - What made Carl think this Naga guy is so bad? I think that could use some more explanation, because this felt like Carl just going murderhobo - Since it's clear the Ring of Divine Suffering wasn't forgotten, why didn't Carl use it on the prisoners? It seemed like such an obvious way for him to get god-level strong
Jamal Jahabar
Yeah agree with you. Even background players get interestingly fleshed out. I would love to see or get into Britney's mind as well on how/why she went from being timid and scared in Butcher's Masquerade to slaughtering an entire species in Bedlam Bride. That is some real trauma there to trigger such a change.
Dragan
This truly goes to show how absolutely ridiculously well these characters are written. In full honesty I would love to see the story from literally any character, like donut would be an awesome choice because even if the events will be the same we’ll get to see her mind and how she adapts to being sentient. Or from Oddette’s, we could see her grief and spite. My favorite idea would be a book all about Mordecai’s crawl or mabey the last naga crawl. But all in all, there is so much one could do with these people and characters because Matt wrote them with so much detail. I feel like I know everyone inside and out. FANTASTIC stuff!!!
Parker Cobb
A wire that essentially cuts everyone in half I believe.
Jona
how about using the new patch with let's say someone like Lucia in the group didn't she have that rubber skill that reflects a big part of the incoming dmg on a target of her choosing, get rid of emberus and smite some enemy
Matthew Richardson
Oh yes this please
QueenofHartbrake
Audio book listener here but I alway assumed it was zathura cause of the movie… you know flying house and all
Grigorius of Tomsk, Devourer of Pop-Tarts, Victor of Many Battles
And from Pony's POV. And a book from Brad's POV if he decided to enter the dungeon after all, back when he was stuck waiting for a taxi with Bea. (That'd probably be a very short book, though. :P ) Ooh! And a book from Quan Ch's POV. ❤️
Ilya Taytslin
I just sent you a friend request
Tom
Harkening back to a Matt comment about Carl's Cookbook not necessarily being the only item of its type in the dungeon: what would be cool, is to have a "cookbook" entry from another crawler in the thick of the battle.
Tom
And if Batista tells him, then the whole universe knows.
Jared Lessl
True, but A) that's one extremely bad outcome out of 333. 95% odds that it'll never come up over 19 rolls. B) Do this immediately outside a saferoom and step inside if that or similar outcomes turn up. He's untouchable in there, even by the gods.
Ilya Taytslin
I want one from Elle’s POV
Jon Sterling
I'm Tsietisin on the discord
Robert Griswold
That is great! I hope we get a story so far from Pony someday too!
Robert Griswold
Matt, if Li Na is using the ring for stats on the prisoners, why wouldn’t Carl have marked them too? Did he purposefully leave hundreds of stat points unclaimed? Wouldn’t it have been 30 seconds to mark everyone in the pit?
Ilya Taytslin
How do I find it on Discord? I searched for “Jon Sterling” and failed
BlaueFeder
Daddy needs his achievements.
One Winged Angel
Welp, Carls going Primal!
William Magee
Thanks Matt!!!
Dragan
The most recent thing voted on was Sir Rendlegore’s name back in like chapter 5
Terra
I loved the achievements! great chapter matt! go get em carl! hoping we'll get to vote on his box but not sure what our options would be from the nation whose new leader carl just killed lol. looking forward to it either way!
Terra
from mr "I will break you all"? no way. they ruined drakea's (sp?) planet. get em carl
Terra
I think he's trying to downplay the kimaris figure. Bautista knows it's rare, but I don't think he knows it's a /unique/ item. carl likes to keep his cards close to his chest.
Jamal Jahabar
Wow. Now I need a whole book from Li Na's POV. From her time pre-dungeon till now. She's possibly the scariest crawler in the dungeon now.
Vickie Rashvand
Thank you for the awesome chapters!! All the best for the solo writing!!
The Lost Pages
Yup. Matt would give us choices and then we'd vote on them.
Cedric
Really? You guys could vote on the fan boxes in the past?
Jon Sterling
It's my spreadsheet of all achievements received detailing floor received along with quality and your of box.
Jon Sterling
I put it in the discord every now and again
Brittany
Hail yourself!
Max
Hope we get to vote on this fan box! I think that’s one of the coolest things the patreon offers
Andrew Bartlett
4: It's a book. You write in a book with ink. Magic ink is how the tattoos work. Simply write a matching sigil in 2 voodoo books to create a power share link... There's my also totally uninformed guess! 7: Donut doesn't want Carl using the RoDS, so if Li Na does it first she's relieved.
Andrew Bartlett
"Like always, I copied all the achievements into my inventory." Assume this was meant to say Notes/Cookbook/Notepad not Inventory. 95% sure Matt is a Last Podcast On The Left listener, with all the Cryptozooology, Demonic, Santeria, and now Black Metal church-burner references... there's a lot of overlap in subject matter! Awesome.
Andrew Bartlett
There was a warmage on one of the express lines in the Iron Tangle, Donut used the hole spell to decapitate him and Carl has the head in his inventory.
Andrew Bartlett
Reformer rather than Usurper, I reckon the old king kept his crown.
Nick
Feel like that is the AI at this point. Poor Zhang keeps getting told he is going to die.
Laura H
Thanks for the unexpected chapters posting, Matt! I love new chapters. Thus far in this story, you have played with my emotions till I hardly know which way is up, plus the story is so crazy and so elaborate that I don't have a *clue* how you keep track of it -- but you always make me want more! I'm really looking forward to not just the complete story but also Jeff's *amazing* narration of it. Have fun in Hawaii, and don't blow out your knees moving your daughter's stuff down all those stairs!
orion
Matt has done this a few times. He has Carl kill people offscreen, like orc with the silly name. Its possibls matt does this one day to pysch us out, but Carl noy giving a shit about politics and killing someone who pisses him off is very in character.
Jason Davis
I can’t figure out what achievement is bring referenced!
Laura H
And thus ends the mystery about not doing something otherwise obvious. I'd wondered, too. Thanks for the explanation!
David K. Storrs
Except the "summon the god that hates you the most" one.
David K. Storrs
It's a species, like elf or ogre.
David K. Storrs
What's in your spreadsheet and why will it be messed up?
PerfectYarn
With how much is about to go down in part 3 I wouldn't be surprised if we got an AI perspective interlude.
Ilya Taytslin
Care to share it with fellow fans?
Ilya Taytslin
A few months ago I saw on the web a fanfic telling DCC story from Elle’s point of view. From the very beginning, when Agatha set the fire outside Meadow Lark. And then this fanfic disappeared. I wondered if you had something to do with it, which would be odd as several other fanfics on the same website remained, and they were utterly revolting
Grigorius of Tomsk, Devourer of Pop-Tarts, Victor of Many Battles
Ahh, that makes sense. :) Thanks!!
Melissa Glisan
The AI needs a Donut doll to follow him around and say, "you know how I feel about that bug god, Carl."
Sabe F.
I have to ask... Since you comment it every time, what is a "Ghost Ship" trap?
Matt D
It’ll be clear later, but you gotta scan the tag with the book. I had this whole thing on it but took it out.
Matt D
I’m actually working on the book 6 recap right now. That will be tossed at the beginning of this book. It’s gonna be told from Elle’s pov
Zach Gibson
Thanks, Matt!
Jon Sterling
Oh boy those new achievements are really going to mess up my achievement records spreadsheet.
Grigorius of Tomsk, Devourer of Pop-Tarts, Victor of Many Battles
Hmmm. I kinda thought that war spell would happen right after a first-stage attack, where either Carl or one of his allies does something to kill a few hundred (or thousand) enemies, followed immediately by Donut casting that spell to sow chaos. Re-reading the spell's description, it's cast on fallen creatures, so Li Na's little ring massacre would actually *cause* Donut to use it. (If she didn't want to use it, she would've kept the prisoners safe from Li Na.) Nah, I think this is specifically related to Carl being downgraded from his #1 spot for whatever reason. :P
Sabe F.
What are the odds that it's Samantha's king?
Misterzod
Zerzura (is a legendary city or oasis located in the Sahara Desert)
Paul pollard
First of all thanks for the chapter and have fun in Hawaii. If you get the chance to do some sight seeing in Hawaii, go to the old Pali Hwy lookout and take a walk down the path from the look out and if you go far enough, there is the most amazing waterfall hidden back there and it’s the greatest hike to go on. It was one of my wife and I, favorite places to go.
Leif Olav Støle
Norway getting some representation, yay(?)!
Joseph Harris
But he promised Ren that he would kill every last one of them.
YourNameHere
Is there a "the story so far" post somewhere? I have lots to catch up on
Kyle McDonald
Laughed so hard that the AI literally put a target on Zhang, Li Jun's new eye sounds like it'll make for an epic battle scene!
StoveTop
My theory is that she’s going to use the “you’re not done yet” spell, which is the same spell the flesher war mage used back in the 4th floor. I’m thinking she doesn’t really want to use that and the War Crime spell, and if Li Na kills their prisoners, then it gives her an excuse to not use the spell
Alan Meyer
Some major head games going on here. No way I can keep it all straight but loving the suspense. Also visiting HI this week. Enjoy Matt!
username here
New chapter days are the best days.
chris moffatt
Matt: didn't think I would blueball you with those achievements did you? Also Matt: immediately blueballs us with finally getting to figure out wtf that Kimaris figure actually does that he has been teasing us with for the last *checks notes* six books.
FossilWreckers
Do we think the Changlings are gonna use the Zarthura(sp?) spell to get to the 12th floor to touch gods while disguised as the ogres? Cause that's what I think Justice was asking about.
solbergs
Always nice to get that raw, uncut from the source.
william brown
Plus he's monologueing, we never monologue Carl!
Grigorius of Tomsk, Devourer of Pop-Tarts, Victor of Many Battles
Right? Or just instantaneously haha - "Yo, my man, can you look up this weird Kimaris toy real quick?" :) I get that the delay is to add more anticipation, etc (since it'll definitely be some epic game-changer), but the way it's written right now is odd.
Daniel Reiss
7: or she wants him to get rid of as many rings of divine suffering as possible. She doesn't like the effect his is having on him.
Ani-kins
I immediately wondered #3 also. I don't see why Carl would ask, "Can I look up my Kimaris figure next time I see you?" instead of, "Can you look up my Kimaris figure for me?"
Big I
I assume the name of the naga government in the achievement means Rishi had already been deposed, presumably by his brother. So his deal was worthless anyway.
Lee Jordan
I’m looking forward to meeting you and my fellow crawlers at dragon con!
Joseph Henry
Dude @Matt ily.
Jordan Jones
I am so freaking stoked to finally find out exactly what a warmage is.
King Nereus
I got the impression none of these people are liked by their citizens, and they were all hoping to watch him die too.
william brown
Unless he was waiting on the mark to disappear. I feel there was a lot of discussion as to what they were unable to make people do and what it is they are unable to do because he is an off world mercenary. Idk, I feel some dread that Carl may have to hide and given the blood bar issue he will not be able to wait in the safe room.
Ani-kins
As essentially Carl's adopted daughter, Donut just literally became PRINCESS OF THE ENTIRE PLANET!
Grigorius of Tomsk, Devourer of Pop-Tarts, Victor of Many Battles
(also, Rishi wasn't part of the Sultanate at first: in the last chapter, Carl and Donut got achievements for finishing the Sepsis Whore extermination, IIRC)
Grey Law
He got marked. There’s no way he doesn’t die.
Grigorius of Tomsk, Devourer of Pop-Tarts, Victor of Many Battles
Oooh, that's an excellent point! I missed that. :)
william brown
Idk, I always worry if it is not on screen, did it happen.
Grigorius of Tomsk, Devourer of Pop-Tarts, Victor of Many Battles
I think it's very very strongly implies that Carl's last words were the last thing Rishi ever heard. (The death was off-screen.)
Grigorius of Tomsk, Devourer of Pop-Tarts, Victor of Many Battles
Woot, a new update! And so soon after the last one!! Thanks again for having this Patreon feature, Matt. :) First thoughts: 1. Ahh, so it was the changelings (in the basilica guard form) who let the gods out. :) 2. "This was the one that Me, Katia, Li Jun, Zhang, and Prepotente had all received." Typo: "me" is capitalized. (A leftover from a sentence edit? haha) 3. "He’d promised to let me borrow it so I could look up that Kimaris figure I had" - hmm, but why wouldn't he just look it up for Carl? Or is it impossible to look up the stuffed animals that aren't in your inventory? 4. None of us will ever guess what Matt meant with that Voodoo Book hint. 🙃 Might as well start making wild guesses! My best bad guess: if Carl tattoos the actual Voodoo Book on his body (above the knee, naturally :P ), he'll be able to borrow skills and powers from every person in his book. 5. So Elle has the Gate of the Feral Gods, and she's working on some plan? That's gonna be hilarious. :) 6. “It’s been four hours and I think it’s time to call the doctor” which sounded ominous as fuck." - literal LOL! So he has a 1-in-5 chance to get nerfed... Considering the AI is a sadistic asshole, those are bad odds, Zhang! ...but also, can he use that skill while in a saferoom or on a show? Because that'd be a smart loophole to get that 20th pick. :) 7. Donut's reaction re: Li Na and the ring was weeeeird. Can't wait to learn more! Edit, later: ahhh, that's because she wants Li Na to get the #1 leaderboard spot, so Carl wouldn't have the burden of being the de-facto ruler of Earth. (I assume Rishi had generated that contract before Li Na's bloodbath, when Carl was still Numero Uno.) 8. "If they were a member of the actual management team, a part of the original group that willingly came here to fight" - management team? That's different from the officers, since those had already been mentioned. Does that mean they're showrunners? Or Valtay? 9. "This is in exchange for allowing us to terraform and settle upon the other planets in your system" - would the Nagas use the term "terraform" or would it be something more like "Nagaform"? :P
Edward Ellis
Holy shit
Jared Lessl
Hmm, at 66 bad rolls out of 333 (19.8%), there's actually a 1.5% chance of rolling 19 times and getting no bad outcomes whatsoever. But since they're all temporary, the obvious exploit is to just keep rolling it _outside_ of combat and danger zones. If it's bad, just wait until it expires. Might be painful or embarrassing, but not permanent.
Mentive
40 minutes!!!
Malachi Granmo
I feel like Carl should have at least talked that over with his lawyer
william brown
Oh no... Donut is about to be more prevalent in the coming chapters. Why did it not say rishi died... I'm worried...
Parker Cobb
Thanks, Matt. I know writing a war in the first person will be tough. I think you could have some random non first person scenes? A random soilder, someone watching at home, Odette, Mordecai, Milk. I think you of all authors could make that work
Trae Gesling Jr.
This series really just hits all the time
Parker Cobb
Man, I really hope there's a Ghost Ship style trap for your sake. You consistently comment about it within 30 minutes of release, and a guy with commitment like that deserves a payoff.
Ranen
First off, yes yes yes! Those achievements were the release I needed. It’s crack, Matt. Those goddamn achievements are crack. Second, I enjoy the set up for the 12th floor. After rereading I’m more than a little psyched about Bautista’s book- we’re about to find out about that connection between Kimaris and Samantha… And third: enjoy Hawaii and remember self care for these upcoming chapters. Thank you!
Stephen Greenwood
Great read! Can't wait for more. Fingers crossed for a "ghost ship" trap. Something to make the defenders of the hobgoblin riot proud!
Mark Sier
I think Rishi is not their leader. That's the point of the name being different, I believe. His brothers failed and someone else, the new reformer, is actually the leader.
Mark Sier
Oh my God. I'm rereading books one through three. Right now. I'm listening to book one. This series has ruined me. Keep crushing it, Matt.
Lindsay the Ducky Queen
Thank you! I'll go find it :)
Geekdumb
Not an ongoing one but we did get one at the end of the last book.
Kelly Cobb
You're going to knock it out of the park, Matt. We believe in you.
Grace, The Bringer of Scalpels, Queen of Fuckeryy
Yay for Sunday chapters!!
Sabe F.
Such a great scene with Carl plodding on with the determination of a QVC host trying to keep it on the rails "Defacto ruler of Earth? Really how wonderful, but politics make my head hurt. Now, allow me to demonstrate the next wonderful item we have for you, look at this ring shine, can't you feel it just lock your attention? And now for our many viewers out there, a demonstration...."
John Anastacio
Yah that was unexpected but very delicious and funny.
John Anastacio
Wonder how killing Rishi on live tunnel affects the fan box Carl gets. It's sure to be Legendary but executing their leader might cause them to give him a bad Legendary. Guess it depends on how unpopular Rishi was.
Stephen Greenwood
Hahaha, love the Varg reference!
Rane Wallin
Wow. Did not expect chapters this soon
Tom
Happy Sunday
Benoit Langevin
Just before jumping in airplane mode for my flight. Thanks
Lindsay the Ducky Queen
Is there a mobi file for these (I'm a Platinum)? Need to get caught up on a bunch of chapters 😅
Levi
Yo what!?! Fucking love this dude and this series. Let’s fucking go!
Jake Tompalski
Woooo!
Christopher Hendl
I actually *did* think you were going to blue ball us. I’ve been hurt before……
Mikindustryz
Thank god. I can't get enough of this story.
Andrew Gerber
Unexpected surprise today - thank you!
