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58. Beautiful Little Weapon (Redux)
🕑 Added 2025-11-16 00:04:13 +0000 UTCA/N: And here we are. The end of volume 2. What a journey this has been. Thank you all so much for reading Magical Girl Mechanical Heart. We're only halfway done with the story as a whole, but damn if that isn't an important milestone. I hope you all enjoy this chapter as much as I've enjoyed writing it. ...Though 'enjoy' is probably not quite the right word, since here are the content warnings (last chance last dance skip skip the spoiler trance): transphobia, dysphoria, parental abuse, implied sexual assault, severe suicidal ideation, manipulation. Yeah we're in for a real one today. Sorry.
We do have a transformation theme, though! Just one, and it can be found here:
https://youtu.be/pAkvF7HkFEY
Enjoy!
The chains are cold. My soul is cold.
Where am I? I can't remember… anything. Anything at all. It's just… cold.
Initialization start.
My primary hardware checks return partial functionality. Check pass.
My secondary hardware checks return no functionality. Check fail.
My tertiary hardware checks return no functionality. Check fail.
My soul link is stable. Damage level: minimal. Pass.
My spell core is offline. Damage level: severe. Fail.
My memory core is awaiting activation. Damage level: minimal. Pass.
My bioemulator is awaiting activation. Damage level: moderate. Pass.
My proprioception systems return null. Check fail.
The Cage of Returning Pain, Initial Finalization boot routine failure. Running in recovery mode.
Isolating memory core. Activating memory core.
Isolating bioemulator. Activating bioemulator.
What's… happening? Something is wrong. I can tell something is wrong, but I don't know what it is. Pass? Fail? What's going on? Where am I?
Entering sleep mode. Accessing memory core…
"No child of mine will think that way. It's not right."
"Mom, let me—"
"Not in my household."
What…? What is…?
"The doctor will help you."
What's going on?
"The clinical name for it is autogynephilia. I've treated boys with the issue in the past; there's no need to worry."
Stop. Stop it. Stop! What is this? I don't want to see this. It hurts. It hurts!
My power reserves have increased to 1%. Self-repair functions initiated.
It hurts, and I want to fix it.
- - -
"Minerva?" I cry out again into the darkness. "Minerva!?"
The Dark World, as before, has no answer. I stare at my hands, the traitorous things having only moments ago been drenched in her blood as it poured from the wound on our chest, but now even that has vanished along with the rest of her, leaving only silence. Nothingness.
Emptiness.
"Minerva?"
She doesn't answer. Not from outside my head and not even from within it. My thoughts have never felt so… absent. The person who had all the best ones isn't here anymore. I got her killed. I told her to chase after Melpomene. I said it was a fight she could win.
Again, I got my team killed. Not Aurora or Veritas, though for all I know the both of them are dead as well, but an even more important member of my team. A member I berated and hated. A member I spent so long wishing never existed. But she never resented me for it. She was more than a teammate, really. She was a partner. The better side of me. The one who fixed everything I fucked up. The one who got us moving forward again when we stalled.
And now she's gone. Now she's just me, and I'm nothing but a pathetic failure.
A shuffling sound catches my attention from out in the darkness. Movement? A monster, probably. I've been hearing them moving about through the mist. My instincts scream at me to get up, to transform… but the very idea of it is laughable. I'd need to be angry for that, but I just feel… nothing.
Empty. There's a gaping hole in my soul, and anything I might want to feel just pours out of it like a shattered cup. Only the despair clings to the shattered fragments, the sticky feeling clinging onto the remains of my broken self in defiance of gravity.
That's a bad sign. I know that's a bad sign. But I do not, cannot, care. I make no move to defend myself as the monster plods closer, only coming into view when it is mere inches from my face. It's one of the wolf-like beasts, the kind I've killed in the tens of thousands, maybe more. Crystals jut at awkward angles from all over its body, forcing open its lips so a permanent trail of saliva leaks from its mouth.
I expect it to charge, expect it to bite, but it doesn't. It leans over and sniffs my face. My hair. My shoulders. And then… it just wanders off like I'm not even here. Like there's nothing for it to eat.
Ha. Hahaha. Even the Dark World knows I'm worthless. I don't know what I expected.
- - -
[MeanBeanMachine]: Hey. I just wanted to say I'm sorry. You're my only friend, you're the only one that has really ever cared about me, and I know this is going to hurt you, but that's the only reason I have left. And it. It's not enough, Luna. I am so, so, so, so sorry. It's not you. I promise it's not you. Please just forget about me, okay? You're a good person. You'll find someone else. Goodbye.
[LunaLightOTK]: Bean!? BEAN!? Hey, wait! Wait wait wait, please! Please say something, please! We can talk about this. You don't have to do this!
[MeanBeanMachine]: I want to do this.
What is this? I can't remember, or… maybe I am remembering? I want to cry. I want to scream.
My power generation rate improves, and the energy is routed to recovery. Spell core reactivation estimate: 64.36 days.
[LunaLightOTK]: No you don't! You're scared. I know you're scared. You know I've been there.
[MeanBeanMachine]: I know. But things aren't going to get better. My dad won't stop, and I just. I can't. I can't do this anymore. I CAN'T.
[LunaLightOTK]: I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I wish I could stop him. I wish I could kill him. But please, please don't kill yourself. Please. I don't care if it's selfish. I can't lose you.
[MeanBeanMachine]: I don't want to be a woman anymore.
[LunaLightOTK]: Okay.
I'm sorry. I don't remember why, but I'm sorry.
- - -
How long have I been here…? Shouldn't I have starved by now? Shouldn't I need water? I've fallen asleep at least ten times, but no matter how much I wish for it, I can't sleep forever. Minerva, where are you?
Wandering around the Dark World is pointless. The mist is so thick in this fragment that if I stand up straight I can't even see my feet. I haven't died, though, so I've been wandering regardless. The only thing that makes me more restless than my own continued existence is having to stay still.
I'm itchy. I'm sweaty. I need to shower. How have I sweat so much without any water? Am I going crazy? Have I really only been in here for a few days?
I trip and stumble, the dirt I've been trodding on abruptly turning to rubble. Seeing no reason not to, I ignore my bleeding knee and start crawling over it on my hands and feet, as everything is too dark for me to handle treacherous terrain with only my legs. Sharp rocks dig into my palms, but it doesn't really matter, and I don't really care. Pain, at least, is one thing I've always been good at handling. Physical pain, anyway.
The pain of loss, not so much. The pain of knowing it was all my fault, even less so.
"You're still alive."
I freeze. That voice…! My long-lost anger starts to bubble up inside me again. Her murderer! Her murderer!
"Melpomene!" I shout. "You fucking monster! Show yourself!"
"Alright," Melpomene agrees, and suddenly she's right in front of me, staring down with a blank expression. Even outside of her incarnate form, she's a very tall woman. And outside my incarnate form, I… what?
What can I do? Even if I could stay angry enough to transform, what good would it do? I can't stop her. I can't hurt her. I'm weak. I'm useless without Minerva. I can't do a single damn thing to her killer.
…But maybe I could get her to kill me, too.
"Fuck you!" I hiss, at a loss for what exactly to say despite my pathetic attempt at a 'plan.' I punch her in the stomach, but it doesn't seem to do anything but hurt my hand.
"Maybe later," Melpomene says dryly. "If you haven't died yet, you're going to be here a while."
I just respond with a wordless scream, trying desperately to find some way to hurt her. Her skin is too tough, so… the eyes! I claw at her face, but she just leans back and sticks out one foot. I tumble to the ground, more embarrassed than hurt. Pathetic. Pathetic!
"Aaaagh!" I shriek, coming at her again, summoning my incarnate weapon and swinging it at her head. She dodges back into the mist and I pursue, swinging and screaming with all my might.
"Well, look at you," Melpomene hums. "Congratulations on summoning your weapon without your stone for the first time."
"Shut up!" I roar, though once again my fury disturbs nothing but the air. Melpomene herself is unmoved. So far above me that I can't even comprehend it. Even Castalia couldn't beat her, so why did I ever think that I could? That… she could. Of course it was doomed to failure. Minerva was held back by me. And now she's dead. She's dead…!
"Even I can see when I'm not wanted," Melpomene quips. "I suppose I'll leave you for now. Goodbye, Fulgora."
"I'm going to fucking kill you!" I shout after her, though she's long vanished into the mist.
"Come now, dear," Melpomene sighs. "We both know that's not true."
I swing at everything and nothing until my staff disappears in my hands. It's only afterward that I register the fact that I had it at all, despite still being in my human form. Did I really not use my stone to summon it…? I still have my stone, I think. She never took it from me. Why didn't she take it from me…?
I fish the transformation stone up from its chain, pulling it out from under my shirt and into view. It's…
Red.
It's not brown anymore. It's red. It's red it's red it's red it's red it's red!
Screaming again, I throw it as hard as I can into the darkness before collapsing to the ground and starting to sob.
- - -
Sensorium repairs completed. Handshaking… success. Sensorium online. Power reserves below three percent. Activating in passive mode.
"—shouldn't be on Earth in the first place!"
"Guardian Aurora confirmed the existence of an active human soul. You cannot take her."
"I must concur. It is clearly a much larger violation of protocol to take a human to our home universe than it is to leave an artifact in this one."
"Your judgment is compromised, Tama. That any of this happened in the first place, in your area of operation, is proof of that."
"We have always acted in accordance with the laws of our position."
"And yet, your inactive Earth Guardian is here, in an exclusive zone that—"
"Castalia is the only reason things did not escalate further! You know very well she was granted official exemption. Your objections are groundless."
"No human should be part of this discussion, Tama."
"Then send me elsewhere by force, because that is the only way you will remove me."
"…Castalia dear—"
"Guardian Castalia!"
"This artifact is still active. We do not know its true nature. I am the only one capable of subduing it. I will remain. Any other choice would be absurd."
"…You can't keep staying here all day, every day. It's been nearly two weeks, Castalia. Go home. See your friends."
"My home is still under construction. It was destroyed in the fight."
"Oh. Right. We're sorry, it slipped our mind. But… it will likely be a long time before this gets resolved. Please take some time to yourself."
"No. I will stay."
Threat analysis acceptable. Deactivating passive mode. Returning to sleep mode.
Casta…lia…
- - -
I can't count the days here. I can only count the number of times my body has forcibly fallen unconscious, my wanderings halted by drowsiness causing me to stumble and subsequently find the broken ground beneath me more comfortable than the softest bed. I do my best to never sleep, though, since whenever I sleep I start to dream.
Most of the time, it's of her. Sometimes I am her, looking down at the lance in my chest. Sometimes I'm not her, looking from the outside as she's run through, screaming silently to no avail. Sometimes I'm running her through myself, tears streaming down my face as I stab her over and over. The longer I stay here, the more I have that dream over the other two. That probably means something. I bet Minerva would have some idea what.
Those aren't the only dreams, though. Sometimes, I dream of the dark. Of the swirling black mists. It feels like they're moving from something other than the wind, the currents shifting to lead me… somewhere. I've been staying away from wherever that is so far. Just wandering randomly is fine by me. Whatever the mist wants to show me, I don't want to see it.
I don't want to see anything anymore. I just want it all to be over. I'm so exhausted. I'm just so exhausted.
Finally, I make my way to where another pack of monsters is nesting. I've been hearing them—and smelling them, a bit—and they're just what I need. I'm not really sure what type of monster they are, and I don't really care. They have a nest here, not that I can really see what it looks like. I trudge into the middle of it, a few of them stirring but not really caring. At least not until I find the closest one and punch it as hard as I can in the face.
The monster yips with surprise, my fist shattering some of the fragile bone one of its crystals had started growing into. Yet the damn thing doesn't fight back, it just gets up and runs, most of its pack following suit. Cowards!
"Cowards!" I roar out loud, my voice coming out scratchy and raw. My throat still hurts from how much I've been screaming, and it has never really recovered. I want to drink water. I want to eat something. I'm always feeling hungry and thirsty, even if I don't actually seem to need to eat and drink anymore.
In spite of the pain, I let out a wordless roar of frustration, picking up a rock and throwing it in the direction the monsters fled to. Yet I never hear my stone hit the ground. Instead, there's just a soft pap of someone catching it.
"Whether you intended victory or suicide, you're not going to see much success that way," Melpomene's damn voice rings out. Her again. Her again!
I scream once more and rush toward her, swinging my fists at nothing but mist.
"Like a little maddened beast, aren't you? Take care you don't completely lose your mind. You'll be quite useless to me if you do."
"What do you want!?" I growl at her.
"To talk, darling. That is why I am speaking. I should hope that is not too difficult to understand…?"
"I have nothing to say to you!" I snap, sending out a couple more wild punches at nothing.
"Really? You seem to have quite a bit to say. Such as 'rawr,' and 'grr' and the like."
"Shut up!" I demand.
"No," Melpomene says bluntly. "I have no need or reason to listen to you. But you ought to listen to me, don't you think? I'm the only one who can get you out of this place."
"I don't care!" I snap. "I'm not listening to you. I'm not doing anything for you! Ever!"
"Oh, but you already are, darling. Just being here at all is a great help to me. Surely you've wondered why the monsters in this fragment aren't attacking you?"
"Nope," I lie.
"Well, I'll tell you anyway," Melpomene says, infuriatingly cheerful. "The Dark World wants you here. All that delectable despair wafting off of you is a better feast than a hundred normal humans. Better than a thousand, even! The Dark World is nurturing you. It's using you to finally begin to heal."
What…? No. No no no no no. The Dark World is 'healing?' I don't know what that means, but it can't be good, right?
"There's a bit of that fear you lost," Melpomene coos. "I'll come back later, darling. Perhaps you'll be willing to listen to me then."
"Wait—!" I try, but there's no answer. She's already gone.
The mists swirl around me, protecting me, feeding me like a farmer would their livestock. I start to panic, the feeling so painfully, horribly familiar, but even now my mind remains silent in her absence. This is bad. This is bad, bad, bad…!
I try to calm down, but to no avail. Every desperate breath sucks in yet more darkness.
- - -
I've given up convincing my parents or anyone else. I'm doing what I need to do regardless. I managed to time the delivery to when I knew I would be home alone. I worked a shitty part-time job that I hate to earn the money to ship them in from out of the country. But now that I have the medication it's… terrifying.
What if I got scammed? What if I'm about to be poisoned? What if I take the wrong dose? What if my mom finds it the next time she searches my room? What if it doesn't work? What if I just end up hideous, hated, and as miserable as when I started?
It should be exciting, but all I can feel is dread. Yet, I know what I have to do. I open the box, and—
Priority targets detected. Power reserves below three percent. Activating in passive mode.
"—weird, isn't it? It's like we just have an entire room to feel sad in now."
"We're not supposed to be in this room, Veritas."
"I've passed by a million times while the door was open. Nothing ever happens. Castalia even sleeps in here sometimes! We'll be fine."
"I thought… doesn't Castalia need that machine to sleep?"
"Oh. Huh. Yeah, I think she does. I could have sworn she was napping, but I guess she must not have been. I'm just so used to seeing her in incarnate form, you know?"
"We should probably be in incarnate form ourselves. You know, just in case."
"You're such a scaredy-cat sometimes, Aurora. It's fine. It's just some broken robot. Come on!"
"She's a robot. The robot is a girl!"
"Minerva always called it an it."
"I… Veritas."
"…Sorry. Sorry, I didn't mean it."
"It's okay. I just mean, um. Well, you know. The robot had boobies."
"Oh, yeah. That's true. It did have boobies."
"And she just feels like a girl, I guess? I don't know. Maybe the robot is a boy with boobies, but she's not an it."
"I think you're being weird about this. Let's just go in already, come on!"
Targets approaching. Preparing emergency responses. Go away go away go away please go away!
"…Wait."
"What? What now? Come on, it's fine."
"No, I'm serious. Stop."
"You stop being such a—ow! Hey, let go!"
"Veritas, stop. She's awake."
"Awake? Aurora, it's just mangled scrap."
"No. No, this is… we have to go. We have to get Castalia right now!"
"Wait, but—ack! Okay, okay!"
Priority targets moving out of range. Returning to sleep mode.
Thank god.
- - -
Empty. Alone. Empty. Alone.
It has to have been at least a month. I've fallen asleep… I've fallen asleep… one, two, three, four, five… ten? Twenty? I can't remember. At least a month. It has to have been at least a month. Maybe two m-months. Maybe… I don't know. I don't know.
Minerva, could you help me keep the time?
I cry as I walk, fingernails scratching the sides of my neck. The itch is getting worse. I'm not thinking about it. I'm stupid, but I'm not that stupid. I know what's happening, but I'm not thinking about it. I'm not thinking about the tiny specks of teal I've had to tear from my skin. I'm not I'm not I'm not.
"Your clothes are little more than shreds, darling. What happened?"
"Aaa!" I scream, and for once it's not in rage, but in shock. I haven't… it's been so long.
"I'm not here to hurt you. Though I suppose that's not what you're worried about, is it?"
"Mel…pomene," I breathe, my throat drier than ever before.
"That's my name, darling," the monster that helped me kill Minerva confirms.
"What are you… doing here?" I ask.
"Checking in on you. What else?"
That. Makes no sense. Checking in on me…? Aren't I already giving her everything she wants? The Dark World is bleeding me dry and keeping me moving without blood. I'm empty. I'm nothing. There's nothing for her to check on.
"Leave me alone," I manage.
"Very well, then," she says, and an unexpected jolt of fear passes through me. Alone again. But that's what I deserve, and it's not as though company from her would be worth anything in the first place.
It's better if it's just me and the dark.
It's better.
It's better this way.
I walk, and I walk, and I walk.
- - -
"Confirmed. That's measurable growth. The metal is… healing like flesh."
"Not quite like flesh. Humans can't recover lost limbs."
"What? Really? Why not?"
"I have no idea. We believe it is an evolutionary dysfunction. Or perhaps a nocebo effect?"
"But where would humans have gotten the idea that they can't regrow limbs in the first place?"
"Excuse me. I am right here."
"Er, yes? We know? Is something the matter, Castalia?"
"…No. Never mind."
- - -
My fingernails catch and scrape on crystal as I scratch my neck. There's more of it, beneath the skin. I can feel it. I can feel a lot of things. I don't want to look. I don't want to look.
What does it matter if I do, though? What does anything I do matter? A monster is all I deserve to be regardless. No, it's what I've always been. I've never done anything but get people killed.
"I got you something."
Huh?
"What?" I choke out.
"Catch."
I make no move as something comes flying out of the mist toward my head, but it hits me with little more than a soft plop. Fabric. Clothes?
"A girl should look her best, even in the dark," Melpomene says. "And more importantly, you're wearing little more than sweaty tatters at this point."
I want to tell her to fuck off, but the words don't come. The mists curl around my hands and the clean clothing that fell into them.
"I haven't… sweat in a while," I say, not really sure why I wanted to mention it.
"No? Those should be even easier to keep clean, then," Melpomene responds nonchalantly.
"I don't… want this," I insist, or try to, but my voice sounds more petulant than defiant.
"Put them on," Melpomene orders, "and I have some water for you, too."
W-water? Everything is dry, everything is itchy, I'm so thirsty, so hungry but so thirsty and I… I…
"I don't… deserve it…" I choke out.
"Hmm. Well, if you prefer to just continue suffering, darling, I'm sure the Dark World would appreciate it."
I… but it… I don't want to… but I deserve to… no. Yes. No. Aaagh.
Minerva would know what to do. But I killed her. I killed her and now I…!
"Put the clothes on, darling," Melpomene orders, softly but firmly.
My hands go to my shredded shirt all on their own, grasping the front of it. I pause, but only for a moment, and then tug myself free of what remains of my outfit. I feel like I'm drowning in sand, everything I could try to hold slipping between my fingers. I've done nothing but wander aimlessly for… for how long…? I don't know. I just don't know.
I just need something, anything to hold onto. Water.
It only occurs to me after the fact that I've stripped naked in front of my worst enemy, but the thought barely registers as I get dressed once again. The clean cloth does feel nice on my skin, but it can't do anything about the itch.
"That's a good girl," Melpomene coos like I'm a child, but I only have a moment to be angry before something flies at my head again. This time, I catch it. It's… a water bottle. Water!!! I tear off the cap, immediately moving to upturn the contents directly into my throat.
A clawed hand catches my wrist, locking it in place. Immediately, I start to struggle, but I may as well be trying to pull a mountain. Panic sets in, and…
And nothing at all. The terror bleeds away into nothing even faster than it arrived. That part of me is dead, remember?
"Slowly, darling," Melpomene orders. "Your body has been sustained by nothing but magic for months now. Drink slow."
Her grip still iron, she guides the bottle to my lips, letting me take only a single sip. It's the best thing I have ever tasted. Just a touch of it on my tongue sends a wave of relief through my entire body.
"Like that. Do you understand?"
"Y-yes," I manage. Water, water, water…
"Good."
She lets go, and I slam down on my immediate instinct to engorge myself again, instead forcing myself to take a tiny sip like she showed me. Immediately, the relief repeats. God, I… fuck.
I want to scream. I want to cry. I want to chug this all immediately. Instead, I do nothing, nothing at all. It's all too much. It's all just too much. Why is Melpomene here? What does she want from me? Why am I letting her do any of this? I… I mean, I suppose I'm not letting her. I don't want this, but I can't stop her. There's nothing I can do to stop her. Nothing at all.
"W-why?" I croak.
Melpomene smiles. She's right in front of me. I could… I could what?
"Just take another sip, darling," she says.
I do. Damn me, but I do. And while I do, she reaches forward. Her claws inch toward my throat, and I make no move to stop her.
The pain is sudden, but no more potent than what my entire body has been feeling for quite some time. Still, for some reason, I don't expect it. Which is… stupid? Why would I expect her to do anything but hurt me? Three cuts, all of them shallow, now drip blood down one side of my neck.
"Give them a path to grow, or they'll make their own," she tells me, scratching three identical cuts down the opposite side of my neck as well. "Better not to leave them to their own designs. Symmetry is beauty, after all."
Oh. The… the crystals. She means…
"It's also just better to encourage them to grow out instead of in," she says softly, confirming my fears. "For somewhere like the neck, I suspect that will be especially important."
I start breathing harder, heartbeat rising as trickles of blood slowly drip down my throat. I'm turning into something like her. She's turning me into something like her! I-I-I-I-I… no. Help. Help!
"If anyone else was coming, they would have by now," Melpomene says softly, predicting my thoughts. "Enjoy the rest of your treat, darling."
She turns and begins to walk away.
"W-wait!" I blurt before I can think better of it.
She pauses for only a moment, turning back to give me a sharp smile before vanishing into the dark. I stare at the spot she just left, water bottle shaking in my hand. Why did I… why did I…?
I take another sip, scratching absentmindedly on my neck with my other hand and being briefly surprised that my fingertips come back wet. And red. Red. Red. I hate the color red. I wonder, if the Dark World is replenishing my blood anyway, would it be a good idea to drink it?
Ha. Hahaha. 'Of course not, you idiot!' She'd say something like that.
I start to cry, and by the time I drink the rest of the bottle, I've probably lost more water than I gained.
- - -
My power reserves have increased to 5%. Memory-based power generation is stable. Reactivating emergency periodic environment scans.
"—to do about it. Allowing the artifact to fully repair itself while still on Earth is unacceptable because we do not yet know anything about how it works!"
"Then investigate."
"That is precisely our suggestion! We must take the artifact to our home universe, as we would with any artifact, in order to properly study it."
"No. Bring your experts here."
"We cannot do that."
"Why not?"
"We cannot do that. Castalia, your stubbornness does you no favors in this matter."
"I disagree. It seems to be very effective."
"We cannot—hold. We are getting a transmission. …Oh? Hmm. At least there's some good news."
"What is it?"
"Guardian Amaterasu has apparently captured one of the corrupted."
"Oh. That is good news."
Distant voices sound at the edge of my hearing range. Optimizing resources for long-range sensory applications…
"—see her! I have to save her!"
Priority defensive target identified.
"We will not be leading you right to your death machine. We are not stupid."
"She's not a death machine! Her name is Luna, and she's being contr—"
Warning. Magical energy spike detected.
"Luna?"
"AAAAH! C-Castalia?"
"Yes. Hello. You said the machine is Luna?"
"Yes! She is. I-I, um, I built the disguise she used to go to school with you! You really have her, right? You're not lying!?"
"Disguise…? Well. Yes. We have her. Can you help her?"
"Yes! Yes, I can."
"Follow me."
"I do not think you are allowed to do this, Castalia."
"I do not care."
Targets approaching…
"Holy… oh, god. What did you do to her?"
"Exactly what she asked."
"What she…?"
"Can you help her?"
"I… yes. I will. Somehow."
"Okay."
- - -
It's… a city, isn't it? Or the remains of one. I can tell, now. I don't know how, but I can.
The mists haven't gotten any less thick. If anything, they've gotten thicker. The distance I can see only continues to shrink. If not for the soft teal glow from my forehead, I wouldn't even be able to see the mist itself. But still… I can tell.
The rubble around me is… expansive, but some parts of it are more intact than others. The nests these monsters make are groups of four to six, and so often they reside in the remains of what was probably once a house. Did they use to be Antipathy? Or perhaps the simpler beasts were the Antipathy's pets or livestock. It doesn't much matter, I suppose. Anything with a soul just becomes a monster here eventually. I am no exception.
I scratch at my neck, as has become my habit, but there's no relief from the itch. My budding claws scrape only crystal. Three thin rows of it on either side, right where Melpomene cut me. Every time I touch them, my mind drifts to her. The hate helps keep me going. But so does… the curiosity. And so does the promise that she will return.
Everything is a mess. My head is an empty wreck. My soul is a shattered vase glued back together with scars. And my body…
I don't like to think about my body.
And yet. For some reason, when I woke up this morning, I wasn't lost. Not in the same way I was before. I can't see, but I can feel. I can hear. I can smell. I reach my hand out toward a wall and brush my fingertips against the stone, knowing exactly where it is despite the blackness. I don't understand how or why.
I don't understand anything anymore. Empty, empty, empty.
A sudden, shrill roar shakes up the scattered fragments that pass as my thoughts. What was… was that a monster? Or a woman? Or… oh. She's back.
She sounds… upset.
The shattering, crashing sounds that follow could have led me to her even without the new sensations guiding my steps, but I end up approaching all the same. With another scream, she rips through one of the few partly-intact buildings in the area, reducing it to rubble in much the same way a kaiju probably did for its neighbors.
"Melpomene…?" I call out without thinking. Not that I do anything with thinking, anymore. All the worthwhile thoughts were hers.
"Wh—oh. You… came to me," she says, her voice a bit hoarse. Has she been… crying?
"There is. Nothing else here," I try to justify. "Where else would I… go?"
"Where indeed," Melpomene sighs. "Here."
She tosses me another bottle, and I practically leap for it, fumbling to catch it out of the air. After a couple of clumsy slaps, I manage to get my fingers around it, claws digging into the plastic and tearing off the top of the bottle, cap and all. Water, water, water, water…
"My my," Melpomene says, seeming to try and collect herself back to her usual aloof regalness. I can tell she's still hurting from something, though. Which is… good. Probably. "You can already see?"
"I can't see anything," I say. "I can do… something else."
She hums curiously, walking toward me as I take fumbling, shaky sips, hating myself for every tiny splash. But self-hate is just background noise at this point, a basic state of being that exists in perpetuity. It can't still my shaking limbs.
When Melpomene reaches me, though, I end up spilling even more as she grabs my chin and forces me to look up at her. Not that I can see her face, though… I can still tell that she's frowning. And her face tastes… salty…?
"How curious," she says. "I thought that by now your eyes would have started adapting to the darkness. Instead… you're going blind."
Oh. I'm… going to be blind? That's a scary thought, and yet… isn't it just more of what I deserve? I don't say anything though, just quietly hoping she'll let go of my face soon. Water water water water water…
She drops me soon enough, and I go back to drinking. She huffs, kicking some nearby rubble. And then, after another pause, she screams again, kicking the remaining stone even harder.
"What's… wrong?" I ask.
"She left me!" Melpomene shrieks, startling me a bit. Thankfully, I've drunk enough that the jolt doesn't let any more water leave the bottle. "She left me. After everything I've done for her, after everything we've been together for, she… she abandoned me!"
Cutting the top of the water bottle off might not have been the best idea. I'm not sure why I even did that. It's not like I don't know how to unscrew a water bottle. This isn't very comfortable to drink. I wonder who Melpomene is talking about.
"It should have been done with! That thing is dead! Castalia survived which means it failed me again, and it's dead! How could she have found out!?"
Dead dead dead she's dead that thing is dead dead dead she's dead she's dead. Haaaaah. Breathe in, breathe out. Some water ends up getting into my lungs, and I try to choke and not choke at the same time. Can't waste it can't waste it…
"Who are you… talking about?" I ask.
Melpomene turns suddenly as if she had forgotten I was here, glowering in my general direction. It's weird how I know that without even really looking at her…? It's because… it's… what is it…?
"Thea," Melpomene says. Huh? Oh, is that an answer to my question?
"Who's Thea?" I ask. "Do you mean Amalthea?"
A sudden pain erupts in my gut, and I immediately hold my water bottle closer, trying to stop it from spilling as I tumble over. Ow. Ow. Ow. Did she hit me…? Right. Of course she hit me. She's a monster. I'm a monster. It makes sense.
"Don't call her that," Melpomene snaps. "She prefers Thea."
I quickly drink the rest of the water before standing back up, my legs a bit wobbly. Cool. Good to know. The evil corrupted witch prefers Thea. Excellent trivia about someone I'll never see again because I'm going to rot in here forever like I deserve.
"That's weird," I comment absentmindedly. "Most people prefer their incarnate names."
That seems to give Melpomene pause.
"Thea… hasn't always liked herself much," she admits quietly.
"So?" I ask. "Does anybody?"
She seems taken aback for a moment, and then she suddenly busts out laughing.
"You know, I'm not sure!" she says, her voice cracking a little. "I suppose I've yet to meet anyone who does, come to think of it! Ha! Well, except for…"
Her face falls, grief wafting out of her for a moment before being abruptly burned away. It's a bit of a jarring sight. It's an oddly human sensation to feel from a monster. I've always seen Melpomene as an entity of danger. As something to overcome. But now that I know I will never overcome anything, least of all her, it's… strange. To watch her acting like this.
Not that it really matters. Nothing does.
"Anyway," Melpomene dismisses. "I've brought you an extra present this time. Food for you. I hear bread is relatively easy on an empty stomach."
I'm hungry. I'm certainly hungry. Why am I taking handouts from… no. It doesn't matter. It doesn't matter. Nothing matters. I don't react to her offer, but my stomach growls as she produces a full loaf.
"What? Do you need me to feed it to you, darling?" she smirks at me.
"Why… are you doing this?" I asked. "You're helping me. But you… you killed her."
Her smile grows sharper.
"Did I, darling?" she asks.
Hah. So even she knows.
"…No," I admit. I killed her. I did it. Of course she knows. It's the most obvious thing in the world. I'm alone because I deserve to be. I'm nothing and no one because that's all I ever was. Minerva was the hero, and I… I don't know what I am.
Anger? Spite? A raging beast that thinks only of itself? A monster that seeks power at the cost of everything else? I don't know. I don't know.
"That's right," she says, ripping off a piece of bread and walking towards me. I do nothing as she parts my lips with two fingers and pushes it into my mouth.
"Chew," she says.
I chew.
"Swallow."
I swallow.
"Good. What a delightful little thing you're starting to become, Fulgora."
But I'm not anything at all.
"To answer your question from before," she continues, "why wouldn't I help you? It's clear that no one else will. The Preservers abandoned you, just like they did me. Castalia has abandoned you, just like she did me. This is what they do to people like us, Fulgora. This is what they reduce us to."
But you… I… that doesn't make sense. I am sure there must be a reason that doesn't make sense. I take a deep breath, my fading vision catching the black swirls rushing from my lungs as I exhale.
"You… hurt people," I say. "Even if I… even if it's my fault that Minerva died, you… you attacked us. So many people…"
"The only hand I can play is the one I've been given," Melpomene says. "The Preservers forced me to do this. The world they've created, the world they perpetuate, is one intrinsically tied to suffering. Yours. Mine. Minerva's. Fighting back against them is the only reasonable option. They see us as nothing more than slaves and tools."
"But I'm not anything more than a tool," I breathe.
"Well if that's all you want, darling," Melpomene purrs, "then that's all you need to be. I can certainly promise you that."
I can't say I was expecting the relief that hits me when she says those words. Everyone has always told me that I needed to be more. Chloe, Luna… even Castalia. They all seemed to agree that I wasn't enough. That I had to be more than just an Earth Guardian. More than just a weapon. But that's all I know how to be. That's all I've ever needed to be. I never knew how to be the person they wanted instead of the thing that I am.
But there's something… there's something not right. There's something not right and I can't think, I don't understand. It's her, isn't it? She's dangerous. She's… the enemy. That, at least, has always been clear.
"What… do you want?" I ask.
"What else?" she smiles. "Join me, Fulgora. Help me save the world."
"I…" Say it. Say it. Say it. "No. I can't."
Melpomene frowns, tilting her head ever so slightly to the side. Then she sighs, shrugs, and turns around. Slowly, she begins to walk away.
I'm going to be alone again.
"W-wait," I sputter.
She stops, glancing at me over her shoulder.
"I…" I try, but no more words come out. I don't… know what to say.
"I'll be back later," Melpomene promises. No. No no no I don't want to be alone again. "Do think about your answer while I'm away."
And then, despite my new senses, she takes another step and vanishes. I… I… no! No! I don't… but I couldn't… she's…
A wordless keening sound escapes my lips, unwanted and unbidden. Nothing makes sense anymore. Nothing makes any sense at all. Minerva, what should I do?
But of course, she doesn't answer.
- - -
My power reserves have increased to 10%. Threshold reached. Attempting full boot…
My primary hardware checks return full functionality..
My secondary hardware checks return full functionality..
My tertiary hardware checks return partial functionality..
My soul link is stable..
My spell core is online.
My memory core is online.
My bioemulator is online.
My proprioception systems return partial damage to locomotive systems and substantial missing frame parts. Check pass; missing segments non-critical.
All checks pass. Initiating…
I… oh. Oh god. How long has it been…?
More importantly, where are my current targets? I clench one fist, or try to. The locomotive systems strain against the damage still present in my frame. My other hand is still missing in its entirety. Given current damage level, a full repair would require 46% of my total potential power reserves to initiate magically, assuming I could source available materials. …Though available materials do seem to be nearby.
"What was that? …Luna?"
I don't answer, since I don't know where I am or who might be listening yet. My sensorium boots shortly after, treating me to the view of a perfectly white, slightly curved ceiling. There isn't any art on it. It doesn't look like human architecture, unless I am somewhere very weird or very fancy. If I'm in the Preserver homeworld, I'll completely freak out.
…But that doesn't seem likely, since Thea is sitting next to me with quite a bit of tools and scrap laid out around me. The floor of this room is nowhere near as pristine as the ceiling, thanks to her presence in it. It's a far cry from her workshop, to be sure, but it seems like she's been here for quite some time.
Irrelevant, though. She's not currently in danger, and I feel several magical signatures nearby. I sit up.
"Woah! Woah, Luna, stop!"
I'm sorry, I literally can't do that. I force myself to my feet, calculating the best ways to compensate for the damage to my legs before one foot even touches the ground. Killing my targets is going to be very difficult in these conditions, so I'll have to be fast and hope to catch them by surprise. I jump forward and—woah! Thea just shoved her hand into my chest. I abruptly stop so I don't hurt her, then start to twist my body so I can—
"Sorry!" Thea squeaks, ripping something out of my chest with a painfully resonant shattering sound. Warning! Power systems disconnected. Initiating emergency shutdown.
"Sorry, sorry, so—" Thea repeats, and probably continues repeating for a while after my sensorium deactivates. The sick feeling of failing my orders yet again overtakes me for the brief moments before everything returns to nothing once more.
- - -
It's quiet. It's so quiet.
Water water water water.
I shouldn't have let her leave.
Water water water water.
I shudder, lying on my side in a puddle of my own tears, my tongue sticking out to try and drink them. Yet all I manage is to cut it on my own teeth. My old teeth fell out a while back, replaced by something… wrong. Long and thin, it's uncomfortable to even close my mouth all the way with how they end up digging into my lips. Oh, well. The blood will slake my throat for a while.
Water water water water.
I flex my fingers. The webbing between them stretches and folds uncomfortably. I keep flicking my fingers against each other, like there's something sticky I could just knock off if I tried hard enough. Flick, flick, flick… yet, that horrible extra skin remains. At least I can still move them at all.
Water water water water.
Flick, flick, flick, flick.
No more wandering for Fulgora. My legs… simply don't work anymore. How long have I been here now…? Ha. I don't know why I even bother to wonder that anymore. It's been long enough for my whole body to become… this. A long serpent's tail extends down from where my spine once ended, slick and thin like an eel. I still have my legs, but… crystal growths have made them useless, fusing them to the sides of the tail and ruining the range of motion for both of them. Anywhere I want to go, I've had to drag myself on my hands and 'knees.' But why would I want to go anywhere? Why would I need to? There's nothing here. It's the perfect place for me. Soon, the crystals will lock my whole body in place, and I won't even have to worry about the temptation to move.
Water water water water.
Flick, flick, flick, flick.
Water!
I'm just a monster, now. Nothing else remains. There's even some kind of antenna emerging from the middle of my forehead, though it's a useless little thing. A crystal has grown on the end, making it droop down in front of my face whenever I sit up. Not that it really matters, since Melpomene was right. I've gone blind.
At least I don't have to see myself. I might feel it, I might know it, but as long as I don't have to see it I can pretend it's not real. I can just… let this all end.
Water water water water.
"Fulgora? Darling, you look terrible."
No. She's back. Why do I… why am I so relieved? Shouldn't I just let myself give up already!?
"Mel… pome…ne…" I croak, and before I know it I'm being rolled over onto my back, the woman gently forcing me to sit up as she spins the cap off of a water bottle.
Water! Water! Water! Water!
"I'm so terribly sorry it's taken me this long to return. You must have gotten so lonely without me, you poor thing."
Poor… thing. I suppose I'm a thing, anyway. But I don't care; she's finally pouring the water down my throat, and I just… fuck, I needed it so much. I… how am I supposed to…
"Just look at you! Quite the lovely blessings you've been given, but you haven't been taking care of your crystals at all, darling! Come here. We'll get you back to Nanaya and she'll fix you up in no time to your proper shine."
She picks me up in her arms, the ground falling away as her hands slip under my back and barely functional knees. Huh…?
"Why are… what…?" I manage to choke out.
"Well you're coming back with us, aren't you darling?" Melpomene says like it's the most obvious thing in the world. "You'll fit right in now. I'm certain Anath will be delighted to see you."
Anath? Nanaya? Why would I… why would they…? Everything is too much. It's too much. What can I even say?
"But I'm not…" I try. I'm not what? A monster? A corrupted? What protest wouldn't be plainly false?
"Oh," Melpomene says. "Would you rather stay here, darling?"
"N-no!" I blurt immediately. "No. No. I'm sorry."
I should stay here. I should stay here. But I can't. I can't. No more, please. No more.
"Then you're more than welcome with us," Melpomene says, her smile almost divine in how perfectly pleased it seems.
"I… thank… you…?" I say, tears starting to well up in my eyes again. I don't. I don't understand what's happening. I don't…! "Why?"
"I told you why," Melpomene says. "Don't tell me you've already forgotten? You and I, darling, we're both victims of what the Preservers have done to us. The whole world will fall victim if we don't do anything. And you? Everything you've done has been to save the world. Even this. It's a beautiful thing to devote yourself to."
"No," I choke. "It's ugly. It's necessary."
"Ah, isn't that always what the world needs? Something ugly and necessary. Yet even if the actions you take are ugly, I think you're beautiful for taking them. A truly beautiful little weapon."
A laugh bubbles up in my throat, though I do my best to choke it down and mostly just choke.
"I'm not…" I briefly cut myself off with a cough before inhaling and trying again. "I'm not going to be a very good weapon like this."
"Ah, but that's where you're wrong, darling. You're going to be far more powerful than you ever were before. The Dark World is as spurned as we are. It provides."
"I can't walk," I say desperately, needing her to understand. Needing… someone to understand, even if it's her. I can't even walk, but my body is all I have. The only value I've ever had. I have to be able to move, to fight, or I'm nothing.
I've always been nothing.
"If you can't walk," Melpomene says, "you'll learn to fly."
I shut my eyes and grit my teeth. Minerva was always the better flier. But… there's still some truth to that. The Corrupted are all strong, even outside their incarnate forms. Maybe I could… no. No. I shouldn't be thinking like this. Hope is for people. It's something I don't deserve. Maybe Melpomene is right, maybe she isn't. Either way, I don't deserve to feel anything good about it.
Oh. Wait. That's exactly it, isn't it? That's why I feel this way.
It doesn't matter if Melpomene is right or wrong. It doesn't matter if she's evil or good. It doesn't matter at all. I've never been smart enough to understand something like that anyway. My whole life, I've just done what the Preservers told me to do without even thinking. Why would I need to think? But then Luna came and made everything so… complicated. Secret plots, energy factories, conspiracies, lies… I couldn't follow any of it. But that's fine, isn't it? It doesn't matter.
Nothing matters. I exist to fight until I die. That's all I've ever been and all I'll ever be. So sure. The Preservers can be evil. Amaterasu can be evil. Castalia can be evil. My team can all be evil! Every Earth Guardian can be evil! Because of course we are, right? I certainly was!
"Sure," I say, relaxing into her arms. "That sounds fine to me. None of it matters anyway."
"Darling, I am so glad to hear you say that," Melpomene smiles. "Here. I believe you lost this."
She manages to produce a familiar necklace from somewhere, forcing it into my hand. I shudder, letting out a long breath.
"What… what color is it?" I ask. For all my new senses can pierce the shroud of the Dark World, they still can't see that.
"Teal," Melpomene answers, and I let out a sigh of relief.
"Perfect," I say. "Do you mind if I…?"
She chuckles.
"You never were one to let others carry you, I suppose," Melpomene says. "Go ahead, darling."
I nod and clutch the stone to my chest.
"Oɴᴄᴇ Aɢᴀɪɴ, I Fᴀɪʟ."
The glow envelops me, and I let it pass. It doesn't matter. Nothing does.
"Dᴇsᴘᴀɪʀɪɴɢ Bᴇᴀsᴛ Aɪᴍʟᴇss Fᴜʟɢᴏʀᴀ."
- - -
Power reserves at 18%. All checks passed. Initiating…
My fingers twitch.
"Oh crap, here we go. Luna? Please say something?"
"…Thea?" I respond, entirely on instinct. God, it feels good to hear her voice.
The rest of my sensorium flickers to life, the white of what is probably some kind of Preserver architecture filling my vision again. It just takes a simple turn of my head to see Thea, though, alone with me in the room. Shit. I have to… wait.
What do I have to do exactly?
"Oh thank god," Thea breathes. "Luna? Is that really you? Are you okay? Feeling normal? No uncontrollable urges to kill anyone?"
Excellent question! Though I mean, I haven't automatically started working through how best to locate and murder basically everybody except Thea and Melpomene herself, so if it hasn't struck me yet it's… probably not gonna.
Which is just. Oh my god. I love you, Thea. You are literally the best thing in the universe.
"No, thankfully," I confirm, although I have several major memory gaps during periods I had supposedly been online.
I'm significantly better-repaired than the last time I remember, too. It's… wait, is my clock right? Is it June!? Of next year!? Well, I guess it's this year, now, but… shit. I don't have internet access. My transmitters seem to be online, though, so that's another checkmark in the 'in a Preserver structure of some sort' box.
Which means Melpomene would probably want me to smash something, but… ha. Haha! I don't feel any urge to! No fucking way!
"Oh, good," Thea sighs, sagging with relief. "Finally. Oh, I thought I was actually going to lose you. Uma'gabo has been totally all over me about results and time frames and I was just so scared I'd mess it all up and… sorry. Sorry. I don't mean to ramble."
"…Yeah," I agree somewhat absently, looking around. This is amazing, but something still feels off. A lot more stuff in her makeshift workshop this time, too. It's definitely been a long time. "Is it June?"
"Oh, um, I think so? I'm not a hundred percent sure what day it is, but that sounds right."
Classic Thea. Still, almost a year. Holy shit. Not important right now, though. What matters is the situation. Thea seems really, really stressed. That's probably bad. No, definitely bad, actually. It's Thea. She's always a little stressed, but this is a lot more than usual. Her eyes keep flicking away from my face, her humanoid hand keeps playing with the webbing on her mutated one, and her tail is flicking back and forth like mad. All the little recordings and signs of her stress are here, and… that's. Bad.
But hey! I don't feel anything toward Melpomene anymore. Nothing at all, outside of the hate she obviously deserves. I'm so insanely glad Thea seems to have figured things out there, and not just because I'm finally fucking free. Though that's like. Definitely most of it.
Most… of it.
"Where is everyone else?" I ask. "We're not on the Preserver homeworld or anything, right?"
"No!!!" she insists. "Oh, no, we're just in an Earth Guardian base. I, uh, used to live in one of these, haha. Castalia and I have been making sure they don't take you away."
"Great," I say, staring at her closely. What is going on? I feel a little out of it. Like none of this is real, and at the same time like all of it is too real. Like she's too real, like…
Oh. Oh, I get it. Fuck.
"Seriously, are you okay, though?" Thea asks. "Feeling alright?"
"Yeah, I'm… doing great," I say. "One quick question for you, though."
"What, um, what is it?" she asks.
"Why are you my master?"
She freezes up, her spine going straight with terror for a split second before she clatters onto the desk and shoves her hands over… the part of my face where my mouth would be. As if that in any way affects my ability to speak.
"Okay, I'm really sorry, but first things first? You can't talk about that."
Oh. I… can't talk about that.
Here we go again, I guess.
Comments
Dexter Sinister
Fuuuuuuuuuuuck you Thunda. I loved this chapter so much I hopped on your Patreon. TFTC and do enjoy the money.
Cameron Cross
Congratulations, you've managed to cliffhanger someone who has never subbed to a Patrion before SO HARD that they decided to spend $5 just to not have to wait a week... which may not be a good thing given if I read all of this and undo my subscription for next month, ill need to wait 10 weeks......... hmmmmm
SliceThePi
What a journey indeed.
fleatingday
Dang i hate catching up.
Shaun Wilson
That's terrifyingly plausible. I had only thought of the obvious slippery slope from (potentially paternalistic) "for your own good" type orders like the "you can't talk about that" order. More so, even though she can properly interpret "do/don't do/say X" type statements in context as an expressed preference instead of an order, for Luna expressed preferences = orders.
Kofi McIver
Since the next chapter hasn't come out yet I'm going to pop this Theory down here and say that I think what's going to happen is that, while Luna could talk shit to Mel because she knew on some level that that's what she would want she won't be able to express her feelings as openly to Thea because she's much more emotionally vulnerable and that might actually hurt her
Mia
I wonder if this is the chapter that some people realized luna is trans. like it has hardly been subtle but name dropping agp kinda suprised me. i suppose if someone hadnt picked up on it yet the term agp probably wouldnt ring a bell either though.
Winter
This is the problem I'm expecting the only way for Thea to not control Luna is just by not being around her
anonymous wildfire
You know, I realize now that it might not actually matter how much Thea doesn’t want Luna to serve her, it might not matter how careful she is with not commanding Luna. The Cage isn’t just about anticipating your master’s desires. It’s about anticipating your master’s desires *to be the perfect servant.* We might have Thea running up against the edges of Rule 0, even if she really wants to give Luna the most freedom she can get.
Flora P-Stylianides
Oh gods
Wupwup
Fulgora is certainly having a time of it. Her and Mel's relationship really works here. Poor Luna. That "diagnosis" is one of those made up pieces of bullshit that I really hate. Glad you decided to blast it for how it's just hate and intolerance. Thankfully, Luna has a brand new master that's hopefully more friendly than the last one!
Avery Brown
Two books in and only one major character death and both protagonists have swapped levels of autonomy. I guess this is as good as we could have hoped for!
