Finding my focus
🕑 Added 2022-05-27 21:02:35 +0000 UTCI’m out here in Puerto Rico still recovering from the gnarly Covid, day eight. I actually started my period as well so I’m kind of feeling horrible on top of horrible currently. Laying in bed thinking about a couple days ago when I was actually feeling fairly decent and decided to go jump in to the ocean with Jeremy. We have a beautiful tiny little beach that we love to go to, sometimes I’ll post photos and videos from there. I love this little spot because when it’s calm out, I can swim out as far as I want and can just lay still and float and feel one with the water. There’s so much to see around there. I don’t always wear goggles but I can see underwater so it’s kind of cool to be able to free dive or float and feel fully entertained and embraced by the ocean at the same time. People always talk about the ocean feeling like a mother‘s love. For those of you out there who have mothers you know that relationships with mothers can be very complex and at times tumultuous and at other times extremely comforting. I don’t know, there’s something in my brain that tells me that homeostasis looks a lot like a fetus in a perfect state in utero. In water. Just that perfect stillness, that perfect temperature, just existing and feeding off of your host mother.
Not all of us have had the opportunity to have such a perfect and pleasant experience in utero. I do believe I did have one. I think that my mother took incredibly good care of her body while she was pregnant and my father took incredibly good care of my mother while she was pregnant. I believe that that set me up for some sort of success in my life because the trauma came after I became earthbound. And I endured, as we do. Still through the worst of times my parents did their best to remain that calm place for me when they could. But life happens as it happens doesn’t it? As I said, maternal relationships can be very complex. I see that also in the ocean. These beautiful calm days where I can explore and feel a degree of safety versus the days when we can’t even drive down the road where that beach is because the waves are crashing so hard against the road. In fact the road along that beach is completely eroded in certain spots and very difficult to get by if there’s any traffic at all. So the force of the ocean can also be incredibly destructive as we see in these scenarios. It’s important to think about the footprint we leave not only for children but for the people around us. How many calm days do we offer versus destructive days? Anyhow, the day at the beach just kind of got me thinking about that. I definitely connected with my inner mother that day and shed a few tears over the destruction I have caused and also came to appreciate the good I have brought into the world as well. It’s a balancing act isn’t it?
Do you ever feel this type of relationship with the water? A mothering type relationship?
Comments
B Z
Hi Danielle, that is a very good word "vulnerability". I would Love to see a picture of your Beautiful Heart!
Kevin Barnes
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Danielle Colby Striptease Historian
😂💗🎉
Danielle Colby Striptease Historian
💗 thank you! I’m working on my vulnerability. I think it’s helping heal old wounds.
Danielle Colby Striptease Historian
I appreciate you💗🙏💗
Danielle Colby Striptease Historian
I’m so blessed. It sounds cheesy but I feel blessings every day. Feeling much better from COVID. Thank you💗
Danielle Colby Striptease Historian
😂😭😂
Danielle Colby Striptease Historian
It’s heavenly.💗 I’m feeling much better today🎉 I was 7 days mostly in bed. It was kind of scary. I didn’t test positive but lost my smell and taste and had the worst lung pain. Put my ribs out multiple times coughing. It was brutal. The fluid in the lungs was the worst part. Non stop acute hacking and coughing. I can’t imagine an elderly person getting this. But I’m so much better today. Got our chickens!
Danielle Colby Striptease Historian
That’s a good dog! I love her without even knowing her💗
David Johnson
Meant "under the weather"....my minds eye is nearsighted!!🤦♂️🙃
David Johnson
I absolutely love the beach!!! Such a zen place for me. I just zone out from everyday crap when I view the ocean. Floating in salt water is so relaxing. I always had a good relationship with my mom. She took care of three sons on her own after a divorce. Anyway, so sorry to hear you're the weather🤒 (instead of "under" the water 😉). Feel better lady....that's an order!!
B Z
Hi Danielle, I'm sorry to hear that you had Covid. I'm glad that you are feeling better. Thank you for being so honest and real with us. It hurts, but thank you for sharing the pain and the happiness.
Jim Howie
Danielle, I think that’s one of the most beautiful things I’ve ever read; despite the fact that your words came from serious discomfort! You are suffering and still find that place to mentally relax in. Not just the water, but your memories of comfort and LOVE provided you by your Mom and Dad. You really made ME feel a little better today - just by internalizing YOUR thoughts. You never know who you’re going to lift up when you write. God Bless you…
Greg Smith
You are very lucky to be able to live in a place that you love. The ocean seems to inspire you, relax you, and entertain you. Oh, and Jeremy also. PR seems to be a paradise for you. Sorry that you are dealing with Covid. Hopefully you will be over it soon. Take care of yourself sweetie.💕💕
Kevin Barnes
Xx.I hope you are OK amiga.
Kevin Barnes
The best though.Winter,even in Southern Spain the pool water is very cold,So I used to do my 200 lengths in full wetsuit gear,My little dog Prince would hop from one lilo to another whilst I was swimming.We had 4 inflatable lilos.An alligator,A seahorse,a standard lilo and a Caribbean Island inflatable complete with banana,drinks holder and palm tree.The local Spanish families used to film us and take photos of El Ingles loco y el perro loco.
Kim Rice
I hadn’t realized you were dealing with COVID. Hope you feel better soon. 🖤 Not being a swimmer, my relationship with water is somewhat nonexistent. Sitting in a bathtub or standing in the shower is nowhere the same as being in the ocean. If given the opportunity to sit in the water right on the beach and let the waves lap up on me, I would welcome it, though.
Kevin Barnes
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Kevin Barnes
Yes.Swimming with my mother in her retirement home in Spain was memorable.We built the pool and it was fantastic.7 coloured starfish tile mosaic in the centre.(None of that dolphin nonsense) We had 3 dogs at the time, they all swam with us.Lol.My mother played a prank on Cleopatra,our Schnauzer, Mum started pretending she was drowning,and Cleo raced to her aid ,grabbed her and brought her to the pool steps,it was incredible to watch.Pure love,Pure nature,Pure unconditional love.She used her back to carry my mother to the steps.I wish I had filmed the event.
