A little update
🕑 Added 2022-11-17 12:58:33 +0000 UTCI’m sure that you have noticed I’ve been quiet for a little while. I’m doing my best to articulate my healing process and share the journey and try to stay positive. Starting week three of healing has been difficult to say the least. I know my body is going through its healing process so everything is going to shift and change and feel different. I’m really fortunate that I have had my daughter Memphis and her partner Oliver and the beautiful puppies Lua and picolina here at the house with me. There’s something so comforting about cuddling in bed with dogs. And I have a heating blanket so they really enjoy that during these cold Midwest winters. Illinois is no joke, I forgot how cold it is here all winter long. It’s funny how we forget those little details throughout the year when the sun is shining on us. While I’m incredibly thankful to have family accessible to me and have such wonderful children who will drop everything to help take care of me, the depression during this time has been very real. I have been taking Shatavari like my friend Shelby suggested. It does help with the anxiety. But to be honest the depression has been very difficult for me to deal with. I am working through it in my own way but in part it is preventing me from writing much because I don’t feel very many positive things right now even though I realize everything that I’m thankful for and the blessings I have. Things will be better soon, I tell myself this often but There are simply times where our brains do not want to understand because our brains simply get depressed. I can tell my brain over and over again how thankful I am and somehow, at times, the depression wins out. I know this is raw to listen to so I understand if this is an uncomfortable conversation for some. But it’s a very real conversation for a lot of people and I’m going to talk about it because this is part of my healing journey. I’m not gonna go into all of the details of why this healing process has been so triggering but it has. While my body is healing, I have a lot of emotions that are healing as well. I’m trying to make space for these emotions and not crowd them out by brightsiding myself. I was actually supposed to have guests come stay for a few days and I canceled with my guests because my depression level is at the point where I just simply don’t want to be around other people. Have you ever had the flu and are puke shitting yourself and don’t want anybody around to see it, that’s kind of how I feel emotionally right now. Very raw, struggling, but by no means suicidal or in fear of self harm just hurting physically and emotionally so I am giving myself space to feel my deep feelings, grief, sorrow, anger, etc. I am working on being very intentional with my actions and words.
I understand that most of what I’m going through is a transition. And hormonal changes as well as dealing with a fair amount of mourning and grief and rehashing past traumas, etc. I have been obsessively staying on a schedule. This helps me right now for some reason. Waking up at a very specific time, exercising what little bit I can three times a day, preparing foods that comfort me, being mindful of my health in the process. I am learning to hold space for my pain. Nobody likes to look at Pain, I don’t know, maybe some people do. I don’t like to look at pain. So often times I want to run from it or turn my head and often times that doesn’t help the situation. I’m at a situation right now that is impossible for me to escape from because I literally could not walk fast enough to escape, lol! I feel like everything is coming into balance. It just is taking a long time. I’ve never really been much for waiting, Never saw any use for it. What a humbling realization I am coming to now. Patience is a virtue. Healing is messy. It’s messy physically and emotionally.
It’s been an incredible experience being cared for by my daughter Memphis and Oliver. They’ve made me delicious meals and done everything that I have asked, without any sort of complaint. My sister Tara has been incredible along this journey as well. She’s made so many of my meals and delicious desserts and sat and talked with me and helped the rest of my family with their difficulties as well during this process. It takes me back to my childhood. She was often times, more often than not, responsible for my well-being in one form or another. She was in the role of caretaker to me and my sister Annie through most of her childhood. It’s such a beautiful experience to be cared for by her right now while I’m going through all of this. I would not trade these experiences for anything. As difficult as the healing process is emotionally for me right now, I’m thankful I was able to have the surgery and the surgical team. It was a complicated issue and I don’t know if it would’ve come out as well had somebody else done it. Right now resting is the best thing I can do for myself so I am going to take this time, crawl under my heated blanket, watch some TV and let myself fall asleep. Thank you for listening to me rattle on. I’m looking forward to February when all of this healing will be finished and I can function normally again. 💗🙏💗
But in the meantime I’m counting all of the things that I’m feeling excited about like, now I can have a glass of wine! I’m feeling myself in a pretty healthy state during the day, nights can still be difficult but during the days feel stronger. My mother coming over to wash the floors and take out trash is something for me to feel thankful for. Seeing my Dad recover from his surgery and feel more empowered in life again, I love seeing that! Seeing my animals on FaceTime when Jeremy calls from PR, where he will be until Tomorrow. I’m so excited to see him again! I miss hugs, cuddles, kisses, etc. I’m afraid to adventure with anyone else driving right now until the risk of internal bleeding goes down, a little accident could lead to a much more dangerous problem right now considering where the seatbelt is located, right over the area I just had surgery on, so I haven’t left the house for a week but soon I can adventure outside the house again with Jeremy!
I’m fully understanding what a long journey healing from this hysterectomy is. It’s daunting sometimes but I can finally see light at the end of the tunnel.
Comments
Don A
Dang that white dog looks just like my Lily and the person holding the pup looks a lot my daughter 😳
YourMagnet_adult_version
Healing is a complex and sometimes lengthy process, but I hope this process will be easier for you ... besides, you are already gradually recovering. I think a little more and you will be completely healed.
Danielle Colby Striptease Historian
That’s good advice 💗
NakedAlice
Really glad that your family is around you ready to help you at any difficult moment. Our families are the most important thing, the family is the support and strength
D
Steven Malc
Dani, you just keep cooperating with your body right now! You may think you're resting, but your body is using a ton of energy to heal itself - energy that you would normally devote to your usual activities! So, while you're napping and watching TV and enjoying an occasional piece of French Silk pie, your body is very busy putting you back on the road to normalcy! The body is a complicated (and in your case, beautiful) mechanism - it'll take a little time!
Kim Rice
One of the things I read last year, can’t remember if it was pre- or post-op, was that feeling sad or depressed was common after a hysterectomy, especially for women who had borne children. Don’t quote me on that, though. 🙂 I never had any use for my uterus to begin with, so I don’t think my post-op sadness/depression was related to that. It was more loneliness after my sister went back to England. I’m glad you have such a great support system. Just FYI: If Tara tries any low sugar/sugar free pies on you, she might have got the ideas from me over on Facebook. 😂 I accept no responsibility on my culinary experiments being used on you. 🙃
Greg Smith
Like you said, you’re experiencing a very humbling time that requires patience. We are here for you so rattle on as often as you want. Better days are ahead of you. You’ll get back to the island 🏝 you love in February. Continue to heal and be with your family until then. 🙏🙏❤️❤️
Matt Forrest
Danni, You are so brave and strong to be able to share your journey through this healing process. As you share these struggles and feelings, I know you are helping others get through their own journeys. Take the time to feel those feels and embrace the healing adjustments. We are all human and have our own roads to traverse, but knowing someone else has them to. I think that the more you get to know others the better you know yourself. Keep looking down that long road to full recovery when you can dance and sing again. Cheers to you! Matt in California
troy
Just keep doing what you are doing and rest assured that your fans are very much thinking of you and will all still be there when you are ready!
Xenia Twerk
❤️
Kathy Randle
Just relax and get well. Whenever I had my hysterectomy in the early 90s. I was never given any hormones to replace the ones that I lost. So I have been going through being bitchy and then crying about it. Lol 😆😂
Carlos
One day at a time to heal.🥰🥰🥰sending you love ❤️ 😍 and hugs 💓 🤗 ❤️ 💖 💓
billy ford
Rest and relax. Let your loved ones tend to you and things that need to be done. We all need help now and then. Thoughts and Prayers to you as you continue to heal .
Danny Steffenhagen
Just take it easy and let your family take care of you.
