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June Newsletter
🕑 Added 2025-06-01 20:56:23 +0000 UTCHappy June, subscribers!
It’s stranger to me now to be writing to an audience like this than it used to be. I’ve had the pleasure of talking with many of you one-on-one, but I’ve seen very few of you in person. I used to prefer this level of isolation: I log on, write something that makes me sound smart, and send it off without any idea of who reads it. Same with my solo music. I think it was the idea of it, more than the lived experience, that made me a laptop-dweller for so many years. Lots of attention to what I was building up on the screen - little attention to my real, human self, and my relationships with other real humans.
I guess I’m confronting some of that this year. In the wake of a very kind outpouring of love as our new record comes out, I’m forced to examine my dimly-defined visions of ‘fame’ that lurked in me when I first started doing this. I don’t find it very admirable to want to strut your stuff onstage before a crowd of strangers, yet there was that vision in my heart, like the laptop screen, a glittering promise of anonymous exultation. I don’t think it’s a healthy thing to seek. I have moments of deep dread now where I will see myself in a very dark room, illuminated only by the glow of a screen. I’ve spent almost my whole life glued to that screen; meanwhile, the place I’ve been actually living in is that dark room which I know nothing about. What happens when the screen goes out?
Sorry this is taking a gloomy turn. It’s actually quite beautiful and sunny out right now, and everything is blooming. I’ve cut down my screen time a lot this year, using my laptop only for work, for the most part. Meals I spend with a book, or a friend, or in quiet. I’ve started memorizing texts to give myself mental company instead of turning on music or a YouTube. I’m working on Googling things less. The internet seemed like a natural landscape fifteen years ago, neutral territory to settle in - but it never was, and I’m trying to pull up roots where I can. I’m grinding through a lot of fears as I go, but I do believe that in time, my eyes will adjust and the room around me will get less dark.
Anyways - come say hi in the comments, and tell us one thing about yourself that we might not guess from your username and avatar.
Comments
percy
My name is Percy and I have a lot of struggles, especially with paranoia. I like to go outside and birdwatch, or do just about anything else. The other day I had three red-breasted nuthatches that were flying around my birdfeeder while I was gardening. A couple seeds fell on my head. A few days before that, I was observing two Sandhill Cranes, and they started getting closer to me. They're very curious birds, and very beautiful too! Once I move into my own place, I want to start a little YouTube channel where I talk about birds, with one of my puppets as a co-host or as guest stars. I think it'd be fun.
kaz
very very late but hello!! my name is jordan, and i’ve been playing trumpet for (5?) years. as the years go on, i get very stressed out because as it goes on, i keep getting bigger roles in my band, which is really scary. i always think to myself- “what if i mess up? what if i don’t do this right? what if my instructor things i’m not cut out?” but i realize that the only way i can overcome this is practicing, and just working my ass off!! my profile picture is matthew macfadyen saying “we have to kill ai artist” because, well we have to kill ai artists and replace all of the ai slop on the internet with pure, human-created art. but i know that, as time goes on, it will just get worse and it will kill our planet. but my profile picture kinda says to the people “THIS SHIT IS TRASH!!! I HATE AI ART!!” which i do!!! anyways, if you’re still reading, i hope you have a wonderful day/night :)
