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Breaking Providence Ch. 5 (Original)

🕑 Added 2022-11-02 23:00:03 +0000 UTC

Comments

Cambrian

Well, it is a smut story and Marcus is the main character soooo... lots :P

Lord of Debauchery

Wonder who’s else might be interested in little green in their life?

Cambrian

Glad to hear it!

Cambrian

Hehehe~

Cambrian

There will definitely be more of Serafina down the line. Whether I do her justice or not is something you'll have to tell me when we get to the finish line, but she will be there pretty much to the very end through all the twists and turns~

Kaijucifer

Aw man, every chapter is worth the wait. I'm loving it.

RanmaChaos

Another fantastic chapter! Serafina continues to be an enjoyable character. Ara Ara indead.

SpectralTime

Then I will at least say that I hope Serafina's position on the "home front" doesn't cause her to vanish completely, since I have successfully become invested in her, and part of seeing her as a fundamentally-decent person with some glaring flaws is hoping that she will one day become a better person who learns her lessons and moves past those flaws. Also, not to put too fine a point on it, I'm also at least kind of invested in her relationship with Marcus, and if she never really comes to see him as his own person and fall in love with him for him instead of just seeing him as his dad 2.0, I will be very sad...

Cambrian

Appreciate the feedback! I will say, I think the *sudden smut interrupt* is kind of my thing, and while it might not be conventional, I like to think that's part of the charm of my work. And like you said, it isn't just smut, its also a character study/view into who Serafina is a bit more. She's definitely getting more viewpoint chapters in the future, though eventually she'll be taking a backseat more since Marcus' adventures will move away from her purview. Glad that I made her feel nuanced and alive. And yeah, the lustfully commenting on her body is 100% supposed to be Serafina feeling herself in this moment as she helps Marcus "relax".

Cambrian

You'll see soon enough~

SpectralTime

Rereading from the top: It's a bit weird that a chapter from Serafina's POV keeps commenting on her body lustfully, but I guess in context it's at least sorta-kinda her feeling herself sexually. And I also appreciate that, while it's still a bit abrupt, it *is* kind of foreshadowed with the emphasis on his close resemblance to the father she was in love with. I also appreciate the subtler flaws Serafina shows, seeing Marcus more as an extension of his father than his own person, at least at first, and being at least a little prejudiced against orcs, if not in an overwhelming way. And her being too controlling and plotting out Marcus's course for him without his input makes sense, especially since she internalized the idea that his father died because she wasn't there for him long before she learned she was actually responsible for his death, and just learning new information wouldn't necessarily erase that idea. While I like, as I'll say later, that Serafina *isn't* just a one-note crooked churchwoman, her not being perfect either adds nuance to her character. From a critical POV, the pacing's a bit odd. As much as I, personally, get some intellectual gratification on all the setting fleshing-out and character development that immediately followed the pope shucking her vestments and preceded her sloppily sucking/breastfucking his cock, it might be better in the future to put that in a different part of the story from a structural perspective? But at the same time, I did like it, and it did help to further make clear that, whatever the corruption and abuse inherent to their world, Serafina is not herself a corrupt and abusive person, and that she at least tries to use her power for good. It takes the edge off the idea that what she's doing for Marcus isn't *that* different from what Archibald was planning to do to poor Angelica, which I wasn't going to harp on, but is a potential interpretation of events. Finally, since Serafina's projecting onto him so hard and doesn't know as much she thinks she does, but has also proven to be an adroit student of human nature, there *is* some ambiguity about which of his reactions she is or isn't reading correctly, and that adds further interest. Ultimately, while I do think the pornographic stuff came on a little fast and strong, this chapter mostly worked for me as a character study for Serafina, whom I hope will continue to be a deuteragonist and frequent viewpoint character in the story going forwards.

Sootythunder

……actually would If hero gives Marcus some acces to some holy/healing magics……and dark lord gives him some dark magic……would it be a better comparison to call him a red mage from final fantasy?

Sootythunder

We going classic DnD with the party comp? Fighter (Marcus) Paladin, Cleric, and down the road we get a rouge/ranger character?

Sootythunder

Wow how the hell did I miss this chapter……now it makes me even more curious what a “dark lord” route would look like, I mean I could see enough doubt in Serafina already that she might remain quiet, I mean the church already killed the man she loved, they killed the previous dark lord even though she didn’t actually do anything, and the church assassinatedthem both and covered the whole thing up, while simultaneously observing a child grow up keeping their blades sharp to kill him instantly if their fears are confirmed? Yeah I could see that shaking someone’s confidence in the system

Cambrian

This is an idea I'm thinking I might explore in a non-canon omake down the line~

Sootythunder

As a side note what would Serafina did if more of Marcus dark lord traits rose up instead of his hero traits in that test of his will? I mean would she doubt that his job as hero would have been false? I mean with so many tests confirming him as hero before many high ranking members of the church she couldn’t just turn around and decree he was the dark lord…..could she?

Cambrian

Uhhh, it sounds like you missed Chapter 3 tbh, so go back and read that when you can lol. I am considering writing a short story of Caleb and Gral-Ra's meeting and 'meating' if you know what I mean, but probably not until this story is complete.

Cambrian

fufufu, yus it did :P

Sootythunder

You know this raises a few questions, like how the hell did the hero and dark lord get together……was a consenting? Or we talking something closer to like how talia-Al ghul drugged and brainwashed Batman. Which begs the question what happened to the mom, whatever happened between the dark lord and hero there had to be a minimum of 9 months before their first encounter and her death…….did the hero die and the dark lord was weakened in the fight (after raping the hero) to the point that the church was able to capture her? I could see Serafina upon realizing the dark lord was pregnant with the child of the man she loved petitioning for a hold on her execution until the baby was delivered

SpectralTime

Me, the second she kneels down but before anything else happens: I see where this is going, and that escalated quickly!

Cambrian

I'm a big fan of keeping things compact because I inevitably end up turning some characters into wall flowers if I have too many in any given scene. As such, small spoilers, but the initial party will only be 3 people large, Marcus included. Later in the story, 1 more will join, but Marcus' party won't grow beyond four people in total. Hopefully this will let each character continue to feel like a real, meaningful person, rather than wall flowers.

Azra

I'm very curious about what kind of personalities will be in his party. Also if his party will increase in size during his journey.

Cambrian

I mean...

Cambrian

:P

Cambrian

Great catch, thank you very much, fixt

Matchbook207

"She feels his large testicles against the underside of [his] bosom"?

Boneyard

Who wants to bet that his entire party is somehow all women? Tbh, I'd be surprised if there was at least one dude in this party. It would be even more surprising if the dude wasn't some old adult guy whose also dark-skinned for some reason.

GameJunkie999

...It's an all female party isn't it. It's so the Hero doesn't try to fuck other species like his dad did, isn't it?

Cambrian

haha, no need to apologize, I appreciate the excitement!

Cambrian

*looks at party* *whistles innocently*

GameJunkie999

Fuck Pope Milf works fast. As for the party, I hope he gets a male member, MC needs a bro to hang with.

Jack Reaver

Great chapter! I really hope she tells him about his parents, because it would suck if he has to keep thinking his father was an evil orc and his mother was an unfortunate victim, but I suspect that she would distort the truth. It would probably go from the parents being in love to him somehow being taken advantage by the 'evil Orc'. Either way, nothing wrong with an ara ara type character and if I'm being honest I'm hoping she turns into a yandere. I do find it interesting that she's basically seeing him as Caleb with orcish features. I also wonder if she kept tabs on him as he was growing up, because she doesn't seem like the type to let the last remnant of her unrequited love die. I think it'd be neat if he was in a bad situation, but she kept it minimal. Anyway, sorry for putting a massive paragraph in your comments.


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