Cambrian
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Breaking Providence (The Afterword)
🕑 Added 2023-04-03 23:00:03 +0000 UTCHere we are, everyone. By now, I expect that almost everyone who wanted to has read the finale of Breaking Providence.
It still feels a little surreal to have written a full-length Original Story. I've written shorter length stuff before, but much of it has been for commission and none of it has ever reached over 200,000 words like this one did.
Coming up with the characters and the entire outline of the book ahead of time definitely helped a lot, and it's something I plan to continue doing going forward with these Free Writes I do. In fact, I'm currently working on plotting out the outline of my next Free Write right this moment. No, it's not going to be Breaking Providence 2 immediately, but funnily enough it does still feature an orc MC xD
I should probably get that out of the way first. I have every intention of eventually writing a sequel to Breaking Providence... but not right away. There's going to be at least one other Free Write between Book 1 and Book 2 from the look of things. I need to let the ideas percolate and get the juices flowing before I leap into Book 2.
Book 1 was a test of a lot of my skills. It's not a test I think I always wholly succeeded at. I know that by the end of the story, I had some people dissatisfied with the feeling that Marcus had seemingly taken a backseat in his own story.
This wasn't the intention, to be clear. The intention was always to have him and Elsenthia's paths crossing and uncrossing throughout the story, with each of them dealing with separate but also interconnected things. I think I did a semi-okay job of that, but there was definitely a sizable chunk of my audience that expected Marcus to need to save the day for Elsenthia, and so I obviously could have done it better probably.
That said, Book 2 will hopefully smooth out any issues people have with the end of Book 1. Marcus will certainly get plenty of opportunities to use his dual-class.
Here are some of the ideas I currently have for Book 2. Fair Warning, possible spoilers though I'm gonna try and keep things rather vague.
1. The book should definitely start with the orcs being brought in from the cold as part of Elsenthia and Marcus' goals to fix the errors of their predecessors. Something ceremonial between Roka-Ra, Marcus, and Elsenthia... and of course, probably some fucking between the three as well.
2. I know that I want there to be a Beastkin Kingdom, likely to the West past the 'Wilds' where the orcs have been roaming. It's funny, in the original outline for Breaking Providence, Beastkin were supposed to all be slaves in the Holy Empire. But then I realized that not only was Erised NOT a Beastkin, I also hadn't put any other Beastkin in anywhere else in the book. So luckily I changed course and Beastkin were not a slave race of the Empire. Still, even if there wasn't a single named Beastkin in all of Book 1, they definitely exist and are around, so I want to explore that more in Book 2 for sure.
3. The High Elf thing. I don't want to spoil the ideas I have for this just yet, but we definitely haven't seen the last of the High Elves or Elsenthia's mom. Stuff is gonna happen there for sure and it will probably be a big plot point in the fic.
4. More with Volupa. We haven't actually uncovered every last secret that our mysterious demon mommy had. One thing that I never outright stated in Book 1, mostly because I wasn't sure if it really worked or not... my headcanon is that Volupa's Job isn't something like Assassin as Erised's is. No, Volupa's Job is... Nanny. That's it. In my head, she took a bunch of Nanny Abilities/Skills and turned them into some really terrifying shit lmao. The fact that her Job is Nanny isn't even the biggest secret I'm thinking of having unveiled about her in Book 2, however. Some big stuff for sure.
5. The power disparity between Marcus and Elsenthia needs to eventually be addressed. Fact is, Marcus is by and far the most powerful person in the Empire. But he and Elsenthia are supposed to be co-rulers. Elsenthia will never complain about Marcus' strength, in fact she finds it sexy, but at a certain point Marcus is going to recognize the disparity between them and look for a way to address it. I'm thinking he might go back to Camilla for a way to do exactly that, in fact.
-x-X-x-
Those are all the ideas I have for Book 2 right now. Feel free to discuss them down below, and to speculate on the things I've said and not said. I absolutely love hearing your guys' thoughts, and I would be lying if I said I didn't happily take some of your ideas from time to time (though at times you guys also just happen to have correctly guessed where I was going with something already lol)
Also feel free to discuss other things I haven't mentioned up above, but that you would like to see explored in Book 2. Things I maybe have forgotten, or things that got a small mention in Book 1 but could be expanded upon in the sequel.
Once again, thank you all for reading Breaking Providence and coming with me on this wild journey. I hope to continue entertaining you when Book 2 finally starts at some point down the road!
Comments
Bellerophon
My honest take is that this was a great first attempt, there were negatives but it was mainly positive. The first thing I’d note is that there were 4 main fighting scenes, the village vs orcs, vs Rok-Ra, vs the Paladins and finally against the vampire Hunter. However, after his big combining of jobs there’s nothing, we know he’s powerful and there’s a big expectation to see him use it but when he reaches the capital everything’s all neatly tidied up. That was a disappointment. Second thing, I actually liked the Elesthenia plot line and have no qualms with her cleaning stuff up in the capital which is actually why I’d warn against power boosting her up to Marcus in terms of tangible power, I think a much more interesting dynamic would her being the power behind the throne and Marcus being the Kingdoms weapon.
DJ Johnson
Bit disappointed in some of the sex scenes especially Marcus and Elsenthia sex scene. I normally don't like novels with so many povs but this one kept me engaged more then usual. Wish we had more Marcus pov but other then that and the sex scene? This was great and hope you make more original works :D
RanmaChaos
Others have already pointed out the flaws much better than I could. Overall, I really enjoyed this story. I look forward to the next one, and Breaking Providence 2.
Razgriz0x
Book 1 was great. Looking forward to Book 2.
Zarroc789
You should keep it up though. Your next one will be even better, and the one after that even better.
Zarroc789
I have to agree with this. I liked your characters, but Marcus' party mostly felt redundant.
Cqys
The entire back story was really well done. You made a world that was super interesting. You made characters that really stood out. You over all did a good job. The one thing that was kind of Meh was that there was this emphasis on Marcus's party and then they didn't really... Do anything? Once they came together. It was all about Marcus finding his way which was fine but it kind of just seemed like most of this happened outside of Marcus's agency. He was just kinda... There...fortunately the rest of the characters held it all up but Roka ra in particular was side lined after her rescue big time. She barely did anything at all.. The real players in this book was Serafina, Elsenthia, her mother, and Volupa. Marcus's party did not do much of anything. That's probably why the story felt kind of off a bit? Like a prologue almost.
SpectralTime
Never did sit down and let you know my final thoughts, did I? I think my major problem with the story as a whole was just not enough plot? Like, I'm not saying we needed more side trips, but... well, maybe I am? It just feels like most of the story didn't really give the heroes enough to do, and after Roka-Ra joined the party it gave everyone not named Marcus just about *nothing* to do, with the rule-proving exception of weighing in on his Big Final Choice. I also think that making Erised's mom or the System Machine or someone/thing into some kind of final antagonist would've made for a better capper to the story. I *am* glad that Elsenthia, as the eventual second protagonist, got to feel like she was contributing to the ultimate solution, since I feel that's important, but it also indirectly felt like Marcus awakening as Destined Lord was... well, not *completely* meaningless because it ensures the system stops for keeps, but less meaningful than it could be because by that point everything was, unbeknownst to him, already resolved and everything would *mostly* have gone exactly the same regardless of what he did. I don't exactly mind several chapters of happy sex from an erotic standpoing, but the story in general ended very anticlimactically. Also, and this might just be my own biases talking, but the whole thing with Light and Dark being ancient stuff invented by Carmilla specifically and being intended to be used together all felt kind of underbaked and out of left field. In a vacuum, it's not a bad set of ideas, but it didn't feel nearly foreshadowed enough, and I felt it endowed Carmilla with entirely too much importance, while abandoning every piece of foreshadowing about her we *had* gotten. In general, I think that things kind of went off the rails after they rescued Roka-Ra and the entire Carmilla portion was the lowest point. And I say that as someone who really liked Beth and still kind of hopes she eventually rejoins their lives and she and Elsenthia hit it off and everything! But in terms of the good, I like the parts of the foreshadowing that *did* work, like why orcs and beastfolk get a raw deal, that the machine hasn't worked well in generations, and even to a point Elsenthia's mom's motivations. (I do still wish there was a *bit* more to it than just being desperately bored; if nothing else it begs the question of whether or not she and those like her are being *forced* to stay up in their higher order dimension rather than slum it down among the mortals.) And the characters were a strong highlight all the way through. For instance, even though I feel the story didn't give Roka-Ra nearly enough to do after joining the party, she was a strong and interesting character before it and had fun, if underdeveloped, dynamics with the rest of the gang after it. Heck, even after complaining about Carmilla at great length, I'd never say she was ever boring! And picking a favorite is impossible because there are too many characters who're my favorites, often for very different reasons. I think your background in short stories did show in several places, but overall it held together pretty well, and I look forward to whatever big project you turn your hand to next. (Unless it involves a lot of fetishes I'm not into, in which case the next project relevant to my interests you turn your hand to next!)
Keeper
If you want to, could do a "Cambrian’s Handbook to the World" type short story where you post info about the world/people and ask for suggestions/polls before the sequel later on. Like "How furry do you like your beastkin/do you think there should be more than one type of furry races counted as beastkin?" etc. Would also mean you can fill in backstory to the world that you’d never get a chance to showcase in a story
Anareth
I think that our dear high priestess needs to apologize to Roka-Ra with her body for her naughty plans.
Cambrian
Dunno yet, but it's an interesting idea I'll have to think about!
Cambrian
The Princess' Job was actually established pretty early on and was somewhat relevant. Elsenthia's Job is Knight, which is why she wanted to ride out and face Roka-Ra's Warband in the first place. It was also a minor source of friction between her and her mother early on, since Lisanna didn't like that Elsenthia ended up with such a martial Job
Cambrian
Yeah I always intended it to have a sequel fo sho
Cambrian
Glad to hear it!
Cambrian
Appreciate the feedback =)
V01D
It might be interesting to have something that compares how two people with the Same Job can differ - which would be especially likely with Beastkin. Are Beastkin going to be able to take a more Animalistic Form, like Fire Emblem’s Laguz?
V01D
I don’t think the Princess’s Job was ever brought up/relevant - did all the nobles simply have their position as their [job]? (A story that does a REALLY good job deconstructing a Leveling System akin to here is The Wandering Inn…)
SpiritCrystal
I think this will be a better setup to a greater story than a standalone novel. Still really enjoyed it.
Kaijucifer
I like the ideas overall.
Ashwath Raghuram
Thoroughly enjoyed BP 1, considering trying to make a character vaguely based off of Marcus for an upcoming TTRPG. I will agree that paving seemed a little janky, with the effective “climax” combat wise seeming to be the orc invasion, and then it basically being exposition from there. All the intrigue kind of happened off screen, and it was very action light after the orcs. I definitely want to see more of Elsenthia and Marcus, but I’d like to see Marcus come into his own more, as the Destined Lord and King. He is the protagonist of our story, he should get more focus and development IMO. I’d like to also see more of a rundown of his abilities and the others as well. Elsenthia should definitely get a power up, but I hope it doesn’t overshadow Marcus. I’m looking forward to more worldbuilding as well. Good times overall, looking forward to BP 2!
