stephattyy
patreon
Health Update...
🕑 Added 2022-09-27 09:32:53 +0000 UTCHey guys! So… I have some news, and boy have I put off sharing this for a while, but I think it’s time I open up about some things and I will do my best to not ramble LOL. I am sharing this with you guys as you have all been directly contributing to my livelihood and deserve to know what’s up. I do not wish to make any of this info public, so I trust that this stays between us 🤍
In a nutshell, my health as of late is not good. In fact, I am quite possibly at my worst right now, both mentally and physically, and I feel a little ashamed to have to admit this. As you all know, I’ve supposedly been on sabbatical, but the truth is I have been struggling to rest since the end of Reunion. Working with Webtoon for the past year has given me a lot more anxiety than I was prepared for. Let me be clear that I am not directly accusing Webtoon of being responsible for my poor mental health, but it is a fact that Webtoon indeed worsened a pre-existing condition. I guess it was inevitable, working with a publisher does come with unusual levels of stress, however, what kept me going was the belief that it would all be over when Reunion wraps, and I could pace myself again. Unfortunately, I’m starting to realise that this cycle of restless anxiety has become my new norm, and I literally cannot relax.
I don’t know how else to describe this, but every minute I spend not working is accompanied by the guilt of not being productive. Every minute I spend working is accompanied by the fear of letting people down with subpar ideas. Every subpar idea I have makes me question my ability to create, and if I can make it in this field at all. I find myself feeling constricted by expectations that may not even be real.
While I surely anticipated some struggle as I moved onto the sequel, what I did not expect was for my health to also take a nosedive. I have not slept properly in ages. This is not an overstatement. When I say I have not slept, I really mean I have not slept. At the time of writing this, I have been awake for about 48 hours due to anxiety-induced insomnia and have slept for less than 24 hours in the past 7 days, in which I was relying on (prescribed) sedative pills to quite literally knock myself unconscious just so I could turn my brain off for a few hours. I don’t know why I am struggling with so much anxiety, I don’t think I have any reasons to be stressed? But this cycle feels like a bad habit I cannot break. It isn’t just the fact that I can’t relax, I actually don’t know how, and that has taken a toll on me.
I guess what’s different about being a solo creator is that my work literally cannot progress unless I am working. There is no one else on earth who can temporarily take my place while I try to recover from whatever life crisis I am going through. Knowing that the longer I struggle to get better, the more I’ll lag behind, I have this pressure and this need to get back into tip top shape ASAP so my work can finally make progress again. But this pressure to get better is the source of my anxiety which is preventing myself from getting better, so I am indeed stuck in a nightmare that seemingly loops infinitely til I perish, or something. You get the gist.
Basically, TLDR; My health is at an all time low, I’m chronically exhausted, my head is not in the right place and I’m struggling to produce content/make progress with the sequel. In a perfect world, I’d be happy and healthy and none of this would be a concern. I know you guys are here because you believed in me at some point and I definitely don’t want to let you all down, so I am committed to getting better. I've recently started going to therapy again and I’m trying different supplements that could best aid my sleep issues (sedatives are not feasible in the long run). I hope to be back in good health soon and get back to the groove of making art again. I want to live long enough to see things through, so I must put my health first now. I will continue to keep my Patreon alive with as much content as I can, however it will be a little slow for the time being. Sorry for the bad news, but thank you all for being cool and understanding.
Your support on Patreon is extremely valuable as usual. It alleviates a ton of financial pressure as I take time off to prioritise life things. Just know that your pledge has and always will make a difference and I am very grateful to have you guys here with me.
That’s all I wanted to share, and hopefully the next time I’m back, I return with great news. Thank you all for sticking around, please take care and see you all soon!
Comments
Maya
Your health is more important to us steph please take your time and when you feel like comming back we will be here for you❤️
Tiffany Krug
I'm so sorry your health has not been good and I hope you take care of yourself. I hope you take the time to rest and find a way not to put so much pressure on yourself. Sending love 💕
