Ficticious Chaos
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Another Day At Work
🕑 Added 2025-04-25 18:39:35 +0000 UTC(Just some light fun)
Ichigo looked out the window, down to the city below. His newest mortal client was a wealthy and brilliant scientist that ran his own tech industry. At least, that's what the file in his hand told him. Looking at the brown-haired man rave on and on about how he'll take over the local area, Ichigo was beginning to doubt the man's supposed genius.
"So let me get this straight," Ichigo said slowly, "you want me to brainwash the mayor into being your servant?"
"Correct! And then I will finally have revenge on my brother for robbing me of my mother's affections!" Exclaimed his contractor in a thick eastern European accent.
"You want me to hypnotize the mayor so you can get revenge on your brother?" He asked hesitantly.
"Ah! But my brother is the mayor! You see, it all started when I was growing up in-"
"Yeah, no," Ichigo cut in, "let me stop you right there. I don't need the background monologue. I just want to make sure you understand that I'm Satan."
"Well, yes. I imagine so," the scientist said. "That's what the big evil book of evil spells I purchased online says. Everyone knows big evil books of evil spells don't lie."
Ichigo briefly glanced at the ancient looking grimoire radiating evil magic. "Sure, I get that. But I'm Satan. I can wipe out every human army on the Earth in like an hour. And yet, for the amount of money and supernatural resources it took to get my attention, all you want me to do is hypnotize just one guy? That's it? Like, you could have just summoned a low-level Devil for that. Heck, you could have just paid some random warlock off the street!"
"Ah well," his contractor rubbed the back of neck embarrassedly. "To be honest, I didn't think that this would work. I kinda left behind all the superstition and nonsense when I left my home village."
"Right. Left behind. That's why you bought a magical grimoire and sacrificed a literal fortune to get my attention. Also, what's up with all the garden gnomes?" Ichigo pointed to the numerous, and admittedly disturbing, gnomes surrounding his summoning circle.
"Well...maybe not all the superstition. Gnomes are supposed to ward off witches and evil spirits. Or so my dad used to say…"
Ichigo opened his mouth but quickly closed it. Yeah, this man and genius did not go hand in hand. There wasn't a gnome in this, or any universe, that could stop him. Much less some creepy, clay lawn ornament.
Suddenly, a ventilation duct on the ceiling was busted open and down jumped a bright green...platypus? Ichigo rubbed his eyes in confusion. And when he took his hands away and opened his eyes, the odd animal was still standing right there. On two legs.
"A platypus?" His contractor asked, apparently just as confused as him.
And then the platypus rolled its eyes, making Ichigo even more bewildered, and proceeded to pull a fedora out of thin air and put it on its head.
“Perry the Platypus!” The ‘alleged’ scientist jumped back with a shocked shout.
The platypus flexed its hands – when did platypus evolve fingers? - and made the oddest noise that was between a growl and gargle.
“You’re too late to stop me, Perry the Platypus!” His contractor yelled as he motioned in Ichigo’s direction. “Behold! My brand new Ichigoinator!”
“Yeah, not my name.”
“And with the unrivaled fury of a Demon Lord straight from the darkest depths of the Underworld, I will finally conquer the Tri-State Area!”
The platypus sent Ichigo a questioning look, and at this point he just decided to go along with it all.
“Technically,” Ichigo said, pointing to the magic circle beneath his feet, “we haven’t finalized the contract. If the summoner is incapacitated before the contract is made, I can just turn around and leave.”
“Hey, wait a minute!” The self-professed evil scientist protested angrily. “I already paid you!”
Ichigo shrugged. “Yeah, that’s just my summoning fee. The actual contract has separate costs and fees.”
“What! But that’s a rip off!”
“Should’ve read the fine print in your big evil book.”
“Wow, that’s evil! Like genuine, big corporate evil! If I wasn’t so angry, I’d be impressed!”
However, their discussion was interrupted when the platypus in the fedora made that strange noise again and, in an incredible display of athleticism, jumped high into the air and landed a perfect spinning back kick against his contractor.
The ‘evil’ scientist flew far and crashed through the window, plummeting far to earth below as he screamed out, “Curse you Perry the Platypuuuuuus!”
Ichigo leaned in his summoning circle, looking out the broken window as his summoner’s voice became fainter and fainter, until finally there was a large bang, signaling the violent end of the scientist’s descent.
The Platypus then tipped its hat in Ichigo’s direction before pulling out a jetpack, apparently its pocket, and then proceeded to leap out of the broken window and fly out into the sky.
“And still not the weirdest day I’ve had,” he mumbled as he sunk back into the Underworld.
Comments
Harrison Caton
Multi-dimensional summons? Oooooohh~ this would make a great series
