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TNG - Beverly's Role-Play Therapy (short story)

🕑 Added 2020-03-21 10:37:11 +0000 UTC

Comments

Plaron

It is better if you leave some time between writing and editing a text or use an editor if you know somebody. And the last part was a advice not critique. Just keep going and you will get better because of the experience and advice you get (earn). Stay healthy and a nice week.

Gillian R

The original concept outline used 16-inches, which is my default for ludicrously big cocks, but Mirina Sirtis is quite short so I docked two inches (ouch) and I must have missed one from before the change. With names I generally try to limit any given name to once per paragraph or less, alternating between their usual name and either an alternate name, a title, or an evocative description. Too many “she’s” in a row can leave a sequence feeling unmoored, especially since I assume most readers are at least a little distracted while reading (one hand being otherwise occupied, at a minimum LOL). I often shuffle those around a lot (hence the ‘the Beverly’ error) when editing, but this didn’t have the week long gap I usually try to leave between the last of the writing and the final edit for me to catch things with a fresh eye.

Plaron

Two little mistakes. First her cock changes between 14 then 16 then 14. And in following sentence I think there is a the to much. Although Deanna’s cunt was sopping wet with lubrication, she was still having difficulty getting any more of the Beverly’s cock inside her. Nice idea and well written but you should try not to use Beverlys name as much as you do. If you use "her cock" everybody knows who you mean :).


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