esk0
patreon
(LAST UPDATE) READ THIS IF UR A PATRON OR THINKING OF BECOMING ONE
🕑 Added 2020-05-21 10:40:44 +0000 UTCits one of those posts, so im warnin u
so for i think almost a month, i got barely any work done due to the fucks i keep havin to deal with irl, it was the least productive i have ever been in the 5 years ive been doin this shit. i literally CANNOT keep workin from them, its gotten to the point where i started havin mental breakdowns, i had 3 of them in the same day (today), when even 1 never happens
these fuckin idiots keep doin a certain thing that prevents me from workin normally, so i tell them to stop doin it cause it bothers me nearly 24/7, i told them i cant work or even sleep because of them, and they not only keep doin it to purposely piss me off, but they now laugh at me and talk shit behind my back
what that certain thing is is JUST a vent, a vent thats in their bathroom that has the noise fill my entire basement, which is all my room. do u wanna wake up and work through the sounds of peoples fuckin piss above ur head, singing horribly to urself, makin loud random noises for no reason to nobody, and the sound of sum1 constantly makin the noise of doin a loogie? its all day every day. they literally just cant keep a vent closed in a bathroom that they only started using when i got my own room
its all on purpose. its fuckin drivin me crazy. thats just one of the things of course, but thats one of the major problems right now, its fuckin impossible to even think because of their fuckin stupidity. they want me to work all day, than complain when i work. they want me to either work or kick me out of the house, but i cant work when they keep doing this stupid bullshit all day
i havent eaten anything today and its nearly time for me to sleep, i cant even feel hungry when my mind is constantly breaking down from them. their stupidity is affecting my sanity, its bad enough they ruined my entire life, but i feel my sanity slipping now, my mind is getting worse and worse. my body on instinct just suddenly punches everything right when i hear a noise coming from that vent, leaving my arms bruised, or even bleeding, for months to, their affecting both my mind and body way to much
i tried working on stuff today, but its fuckin tough, i dont think i can do it. i fuckin cant, i cant even think, i cant even sleep, when i wake up, it only takes seconds for a problem to happen, i really cant keep tryin to work through this, i dunno how much longer i can live like this honestly, im not suicidal, but this is makin me close to it. i really cant handle everything anymore, i just wanna fuckin work for u guys in peace, but sumthin that simple is to much apparently. im really sorry, i no u ppl pay for this stuff, so i want u guys to cancel ur pledges until i can actually get sumthin done at least, because as it stands right now, its too difficult, so dont waste ur money on me
i dont care about money right now. im 1 of only 2 people in this house working (both of these lazy fucks that are the problem both dont work, and havent for over 10 years), so since their preventing me from even working, fuck it. just fuck it. dont gimme money. i dont care if we get kicked out of this shitty fuckin house, i dont care if im not able to afford anything anymore, the only things i do care about, games and animating, where both ruined completely by them. so, seriously, cancel ur pledges, because while i do want to work, im gonna just continue doing what ive been doing for over a week, just gonna play games all day, theirs no point in continuing to do anything animation related, no testing, no porting, nothing. cancel ur pledge and do wutever else u where gonna do with that money instead, it would be better than wastin it on me
UPDATE
i didnt expect ppl to say their staying, u ppl are so fuckin nice. u ppls words do help, until i turn off the screen and realize that im still at home, hahhaa. i cant thank u all enough, wish i was around ppl even half as nice as u guys irl, hahaha, but i do not like receiving money when i cant even get work done for u guys, so if u wanna stay, at least do it when i release sumthing instead of when im struggling with shit irl. i mean, sure, money is wut every1 needs, but id rather have other ppl use it on themselves, i grew up poor and always gave my money away to my classmates, so i never cared about it besides bein able to afford essential stuff anyways. with all this virus shit on top of everything, think about urself, urs and ur families needs first
i cant answer everyone, i read everything but i wanna clear sumthin up. their not my roommates, their my "parents", im still livin at home. noise isnt the only problem, interruptions, yelling, fighting are, and stuff like that. its nearly 24/7, they just DONT understand that i work from home, their too stupid to figure out that i cant be bothered, and its been 5 years since ive been doin this, and they still dont get it. their hopeless, their stupidity really gets to me. they complain that i work alot, but than complain if i dont work and threaten to kick me out. when 1 problem is solved after days of fighting about sumthin, they instead just switch to sumthin else that they know id be able to hear from the room im in (entire basement btw). its like im fighting with little kids when their ppl that are sumwhere around 65 (i dont no either of my "parents" actual age) i just REALLY cant understand their point of view at all, and on top of that, they get everyone else in this "family" agreeing with them, even when their clearly wrong. making sense of everything here just cant be done, super fuckin irritating
now im gonna answer sum things from the comments
the reason earplugs wont work (thought about it long ago btw) is because its not JUST when i sleep, i would need to do sumthin like wearin earplugs all day, but who wants to do that? i listen to music when workin, so i cant have earplugs/earphones because my room also has NO lock on it, so the only way i no sum1 is about to enter the room is from hearin the door, if im wearin earplugs, i wont be able to hear that, so that means id get caught makin porn (they dunno wut i actually do besides workin from the computer)
that therapist comment, i almost tried to get on dr. phil, haha. i dropped tryin tho cuz i no exactly wuts gonna happen if it ever did happen, my "parents" r just impossible to talk to, even when talkin with strangers, listenin to them talk is infuriating, their minds r in their own little world, and if sum1 else tells em otherwise, well... im sure u can figure out the rest. a therapist for myself, i personally dont want to do sumthin like that, i no wut the problem is, i no about the stuff i carried from childhood and all that past-diving info, i dont think itd rly help me, and talkin to ppl irl about this stuff is just sumthin i cant rly do anyway, only online can i say this stuff more comfortably. irl, i just dont wanna talk about this stuff with other ppl at all. when i leave the house, i wanna forget about everything and actually enjoy gettin away from there, so thats y this just wont work for me
thank you all again
last update
next animation is almost finished. self isolated myself, i leave the room if sum1 else is in it, and i did end up gettin earplugs. while they still do try pissin me off on purpose and all that, it doesnt work as good for them as before, since i leave if they start talking, and i cant hear too much while sleeping, but anyways, yeah, next animation will come soon, sorry for the really long wait, learning a new program while my drive to work, or even do anything at all, is completely killed is very difficult to do
Comments
esk
naaaah im not amazing, hahaha, thanks tho, and yeah they really did help, i can finally sleep, haha
WN
Glad to hear the updates, you're amazing! Also glad the earplugs helped a little and you're making some progress sometimes a little bit at a time is all you need, one day they will understand if not just keep in mind how much talent you have. :)
esk
hahaha, ive been here, just hard to get stuff released after my drive to do stuff was killed, sorry. im near the end of this next animation though, so itll be released this month at least
Meowi Wowie
We miss you! <3
Yuki
anyway, stay safe,stay alive.
BlooCobalt
I'm sorry this is happening, I've always loved your works and don't want to stop supporting when it sounds like you need it now more than ever <3
mangaka92
Hang in there. We're not going anywhere.
Arid Muse
No, I'm staying. Take as long as you want, and please don't feel guilty.
Fox
Sorry my good friend, I'm not leaving. I understand the situation very well. I hope reading our many words shall bring some form of light in that dark world. Those above and below my post will continue to support you.
epigram
孩子，開個100或150美元的，我贊助你3個月，搬出去吧
WN
I suggest some earplugs they are super cheap, its not the ultimate solution but its a quick simple solution will lessen the noise decibels a little and give you some quiet, not going anywhere. still gonna support. Stay strong.
thethomaseffect
Not going anywhere dude, if the only way I can help is a bit of money take it, you need it more than me
Jake
I've delt with very similar circumstances and it drove me fucking insane as well. Take as much time as you can to find some peace and figure things out and my suggestions are either kick'em the fuck out or move out and find a better situation, you really need that right now! and I'm damn sure most of us patron's would agree and will still support you though this. Just remember you'll only come out stronger from this and there's plenty of people out here who care for you and 1 more thing always leave fucking asshole's in the dust, much love esk!!!
Kabal
Stand strong bro. There's got to be a way to get yourself into a better place. I'm not withdrawing my pledge because every dollar coming in to you could help you out. If you need any help or advice feel free to ask. I'm sure any of us would be willing to help in whatever way we can. Don't let 'em win. We're with ya.
Amanda Nonyuh
Nope. I'm supporting you because I like you. Not because I want you to work slave for me. As for the situation, I feel for you. Shitty roomies and all of that can be... Disheartening. Get some help if you can. Solve the problem. Don't give up. You've got people that care about you and want you to succeed. You can do it. ^.^ You can have all the Mandy kisses you want.
Randomguy664
Get some help man. Not one of us wants you to be this stressed. There's got to be a way to get a therapist or something to help you deal with this crap.
Yuki
i cant provide anything more than this ,but i'll keep it until my life fucked up just like you or anything else. i'm staying with you.
Yozora_Ultima
That’s bullshit man. I’m staying. It’s not much but I love your work
Blue-LeadersQ
Awesome Work 😃❤😺😁👍🙂😀😄
Zephyr E. Levin
I'm not repeating what's probably already been said. So, I'll make this simple... I've stuck around this far, might as well stay on this crazy ride (for as long as it goes). 😎👍
S N Z
That shit sucks badly, personally not gonna cancel my pledge as I imagine many other won't, even if you're not animating right now every penny will help you with moving on to a better place, which you clearly need now more than ever and more than glad to help you in that way. Your animations are unmatched and you're just in a bad spot right now, but you still deserve it for all the work you did. Stay strong my dude, you can do it.
Blues
hey dude sorry about your home life really sounds like you live with a couple A holes. theres no reason you should have to support them living for free. I completely get not wanting to do anything but protect your own sanity. I dont really toss you very much money but I do appreciate you and I'm keepin my monthly pledge in the hope that you start to feel better :)
AyQ
Fckin hell that sucks dude.. Not cancelling my pledge. You've made awesome stuff for a log time and I'm a big fan. I hope it works out for you. Them moving out or you getting the peace yoy need. These are trying times for travel, but if you for any reason ever end up close to Scandinavia, you are welcome to stay at my place bro
Kadotus
IWatched your Content for a long Time without paying you. i owe you something for this. Now i Pay you for not creating Content. Thats fair in my opinion.
unicornCrimes
Sorry to hear that, but I believe in you. It sounds like these two guys are the source of your problems. If they don't do work, how are they paying their part of the rent? Can you kick them out? Could you and the other guy (the one that works) move somewhere else and split the rent? Even if its a small place, at least you won't have to deal with those guys anymore. Think about your options dude, you have talent, don't let these idiot guys decide your future.
Staying subbed. You’re worth it
Esk, I don't give up subbing you, you are already in my heart, so just don't give up try your best we will wait for your arrival, we are with you!
I used to have this problem my self. Even if I had work the next morning, they would keep me up at night as they rutted.
Isaac Clarke
I'm truly sorry you have to live like that. I really hope you are able to find another place to live. I'm not gonna cancel my pledge, I've got so many animations you've done for next to nothing, so I think this is only fair. Maybe consider going to a psychiatrist and get something like anxiety medication. I have a friend who did the same after suffering an insane amount from constant noise in her daily life. It could help you deal with it better. I hope everything gets better
