Max_Striker
patreon
Chapter 92: Mercs for Money
🕑 Added 2025-09-21 13:34:45 +0000 UTCThe elevator ride to the penthouse felt like it lasted forever. Domino stood pressed against the back wall, fidgeting with her black and white dress.
"No need to be nervous, Dom," came a gruff but reassuring voice. A massive gorilla in a safari jacket patted her shoulder with surprising gentleness. "We go in, eat good food, get Reed Richards' help, market ourselves, connect with others, and get out. Simple."
"Hey, her ex is there," another voice chimed in, this one metallic and robotic. "After seeing what he did in Latveria, it's us who should be nervous."
A monkey screech echoed through the cramped elevator.
"Hale, get your pet in check," the robotic voice said with electronic irritation.
"Like I told you last time, just cause I'm like this doesn't mean I can't talk to monkeys," growled the gorilla. "Hit-Monkey's got his own opinions."
"Wade, son, you're worryingly quiet," someone added, looking toward the corner where a figure in red sat unnaturally still.
Wade Wilson looked up, his mask's white eye patches seeming to stare through the pages. "I feel a disturbance in the force. Can't pin point it, but something's about to go very, very meta."
Another monkey screech, and suddenly the elevator doors opened. Everyone practically exploded out as they'd been forcefully stuffed in there like sardines.
Slapstick literally pancaked against the opposite wall with a cartoonish splat before bouncing back like rubber, his toon physics making him spring up with a cheerful "Ta-da!" Gorilla Man stepped on Machine Man's foot, who let out a mechanical "OW! BIOLOGICAL WEIGHT DETECTED!" Hit-Monkey chittered angrily as he got tangled in Deadpool's cape.
Domino stumbled forward from the push, catching herself before she could face-plant completely. When she looked up, there was Jay. Handsome as ever with two little kids sitting in his arms like he was their personal jungle gym.
Her heart did that stupid skip thing it always did around him.
‘Oh, fuck me sideways.’ This was not how she'd pictured running into her ex. The ex she'd walked away from in an alley while he was broken and bleeding emotionally. The ex who'd probably spent months hating her guts, and she wouldn't blame him.
"Well," she said, straightening up and dusting off her jacket with forced casualness, "this is awkward as hell."
‘Real smooth, Neena. Way to break the tension.’
She could see the kids looking between them, picking up on the weird energy, and Jay's expression was completely unreadable.
"Look, Jay, I..." she started, then stopped. What was she supposed to say? ‘Sorry I abandoned you when you needed me most because I was scared of my own feelings?’
Jay kept staring at her mismatched eyes, quiet as a grave, until Frank Jr. pointed at her excitedly.
"Lucky lady!"
Lisa followed immediately. "Lucky hero!"
Seeing the kids calling her out, Domino snapped out of her trance. Frank and Maria Castle appeared behind Jay, and recognition hit her like a truck. She knew those faces. Central Park, the gunfire, Jay throwing himself between the bullets and these exact same kids.
Maria grabbed Domino's hand. "We didn't get a chance to thank you properly too, did we, dear? You're our kids' second-favorite hero after the Doctor."
Little Lisa jumped from Jay's arms and ran up to Domino. "You know, I have a drawing of you in my room! Next time I'll show you!"
Seeing how adorable Lisa was, Domino took her in her arms without caring if it wrinkled her black and white dress. The kid was just too damn cute.
Maria looked at both Jay and Domino holding the kids and quickly snapped a photo with her phone. "The kids will love this."
She paused, studying the picture with a soft smile that slowly grew wider. "Also... you guys look so good with children."
The words hung in the air like a loaded gun. Both Jay and Domino went completely red, the implication hitting them like a freight train. They stood there, each holding a Castle kid, suddenly very aware of how domestic the whole scene looked. Jay cleared his throat awkwardly while Domino found the ceiling incredibly interesting. Even little Lisa picked up on the weird energy and giggled.
Frank stepped forward, either oblivious to the tension or choosing to ignore it entirely. "Thank you. For everything that day. My family owes you more than we can repay."
"Um, like, Dom? Could you introduce us?"
Domino looked like she'd been pulled out of a dream. She turned to see her team grouped behind her, looking like the weirdest comic book panel ever come to life.
"Jay, Mr. and Mrs. Castle, meet my new team. Mercs for Money."
Frank's brows knitted at the name, clearly not liking it. Jay was utterly baffled at seeing the lineup.
His Comic Book Nerd Perk now firing up, feeding him info about them.
Kenneth Hale stood there as a fully sentient gorilla in safari gear. Aaron Stack looked like a chrome-plated robot trying to pass for human. Masacre was dressed exactly like Deadpool, but with a priest's collar. Hit-Monkey sat on Hale's shoulder in a perfect black suit. Steven Harmon looked like a Looney-Tunes character had stepped into reality, all bright colors and impossible proportions. And finally, the Marvel Jesus- Wade Wilson, the Mother-fucking Deadpool.
After Domino's brief introductions, Gorilla Man stepped forward and handed both Jay and Frank business cards with their branding, phone numbers, website, Instagram, and even LinkedIn handles.
"Professional mercenaries for the modern age," he said proudly.
Jay couldn't even form words. He was on edge because Domino was here, but also because there were not one but two fourth-wall breakers in the same room. Both Deadpool and Slapstick. The universe might actually implode, and all bets are off.
"Why don’t you give us some space and go stuff your faces?" Domino told her team. "Don't be weird!"
Seeing her, I mean business face, everyone skedaddled.
Then both Jay and Domino went back to being awkward.
Maria, sensing the tension between Jay and Domino, tried to get the kids to give them privacy. "Come on, kids, let's leave them alone to talk."
Both kids refused. "We want to stay with our heroes!"
Seeing them adamant about not leaving, Jay told Frank and Maria, "You two go enjoy yourselves. We'll look after the kids."
Maria was about to protest when Frank, seeing his chance, took her hand and whispered something in her ear. They both practically ran off.
Jay, now alone with Domino and the kids, cleared his throat. "So..."
"So..." Domino echoed.
The kids giggled at their awkwardness.
Another elevator ding, and out came the X-Women: Kitty, Jubilee, Storm, and Rogue, along with others. Seeing Jay and Domino standing there holding kids, they didn't know quite how to react.
Storm was first to greet, side-hugging Jay warmly. "Jay! Thank you for your help with Logan. He's been a completely different person since then, much more tolerable."
Jay smiled back. "If it gets beauties like you to hug me, just point me at the next guy who needs brain surgery, and it'll be 110% painful, doctor's guarantee."
Everyone laughed except Rogue, who looked away uncomfortably.
Jublee dragged the ladies toward the bar. "We better not disturb the lovebirds."
Jay found himself alone with Domino again, Frank Jr. and Lisa still in their arms. They made small talk, carefully avoiding any stressful topics.
Suddenly, Frank Jr. pulled Jay's pendant out from under his shirt. Seeing the adamantium bullet hanging there, he pointed excitedly. "My dad has a chain with the same one!"
But Domino's eyes went to the quarter attached to the necklace. The lucky quarter.
Recognizing the coin, she asked quietly, "You're still keeping it?"
Jay nodded. "Well, it saved my life, didn't it? Plus, your powers were the reason it came in clutch. So yeah, for good luck."
Domino was getting emotional, remembering that night. "Jay, I'm sorry for the way we broke things off. We both were running high on emotions, and I've always been a lone wolf. It wasn't..."
Jay stopped her. "Dom, you have nothing to explain to me. Don't justify your feelings. If you kept suppressing your nature and true feelings for my sake, then sometime, somehow, it would have happened anyway."
Domino looked down and muttered, "Dammit, Jay. You really had to go all understanding and sweet."
Jay was about to respond when collective shouts from across the party stopped him.
The chaos was spectacular.
Hit-Monkey had somehow gotten hold of several bottles of sake and was emptying them one after another while pointing guns at his feet whenever a waiter approached to stop him. His chittering was getting increasingly aggressive.
Gorilla Man and Machine Man were busy trying to get contracts from Stark, who was completely flabbergasted. First seeing a talking gorilla, then getting excited about a walking, talking robot.
"The applications for Stark Industries could be revolutionary!" Tony was saying, his engineer brain already spinning with possibilities.
Masacre, dressed as Deadpool but with a priest's collar, was busy reading Bible passages to the X-Men, specifically Scott and Jean. "And lo, a baby born out of wedlock is a sin against the natural order!" He was nearly an inch away from meeting his maker as Scott's optic blasts started glowing.
In a quiet corner, Slapstick asked Wade, "Why are you suddenly so quiet, boss?"
Wade held up a finger, his mask's eye patches narrowing. "Shh, we're in scene now. I've done so much meta commentary that readers are getting performance fatigue from my schtick. Now I either just isekai people or come to farm aura and leave. Gotta preserve the mystique, baby."
Slapstick, not getting it, went on a loony rant. "You mean the basement dweller with carpal tunnel who's writing us right now? Or the mouth-breathing knuckle-draggers reading this while ignoring their responsibilities? Plus, how catastrophically bad does a book have to be to never crack top 30? And don't get me started on those Patreon numbers... I've seen more support for a lemonade stand! Man, why wasn't I the comic version of me? That guy had actual character development instead of being stuck in fanfic hell!"
Before he could continue, Deadpool frantically covered his mouth. "You absolute walnut! If the readers don't like our comedy gold, the author will either give us some bullshit reason to disappear or worse... just forget we exist! We'll become background decoration faster than you can say 'narrative convenience!'"
Deadpool looked nervously toward the fourth wall, practically sweating through his mask. "Hey there, great author sir... or madam... or non-binary literary genius! Can we maybe do a retake on that last bit? Pretty please with a chimichanga on top?"
But before he could finish his desperate plea, the scene mercifully cut away to Jay, who was feeling weird about the chaos his ex's teammates were spreading.
Domino handed Lisa back to Jay. "Sorry, give me a minute. I need to knock some sense into my associates."
What followed was too painful and cringe to watch as Domino systematically shut down each team member's antics.
Frank and Maria came back, both slightly disheveled. Jay handed their kids and gave Frank a knowing smile. "You know about a dozen people here either heard or are smelling it now. Next time, maybe don't play hooky around supers."
Frank's face went red with embarrassment, but Jay couldn't help laughing. It was amazing how different and better this Frank was compared to the Punisher he could have become.
Just as Jay was about to find Domino to finish their talk, the sound of glass clinking against a spoon echoed through the party. Mr. Fantastic stretched himself to the center of the balcony, getting everyone's attention.
"Everyone, may I have your attention, please?"
[Author's Note:
Did Deadpool and Slapstick's meta jokes land, or should I send them straight to the shadow realm where forgotten characters go to die?
Deadpool: "Whoa whoa whoa, hold up there, literary executioner! Before you delete us faster than your search history, remember - I'm the Merc with a Mouth! The regenerating degenerate! I've survived cancer, countless deaths, and Ryan Reynolds' acting career!"
Slapstick: "Oh, so THIS is where all the pathetic begging gets done? What a cosmic joke! Here I thought we had artistic integrity, but nope - we're just dancing monkeys hoping daddy author doesn't flush us down the plot toilet."
Deadpool: "Slapstick, you're making it worse! Look, gorgeous readers with questionable taste in fanfiction, if you enjoyed our comedic brilliance, throw us a bone! Validate our existence! We're more desperate for your approval than a politician during election season!"
[Author's finger hovers menacingly over the delete key]
Both: "PLEASE WE'LL BEHAVE!"]
Comments
Manan Biwal
Yeah Thank God I finally remembered that he existed
Manan Biwal
It's 8 walls and yeah but that's for you reads to decide
Gemaxter
Woah, two fourth wall breaks in? Thats like sixteen walls. Can we keep them? I promise to comment on time!
Felix Richards
Personally I've never been a fan of the fourth wall stuff and Slapstick is one of most underrated characters out. His powers are crazy.
