Dr. Charla Hathaway
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Will a G-spot massage save the world?
🕑 Added 2022-11-27 00:59:00 +0000 UTCAfter a decade of Tantra workshops one would think World Peace is just a g-spot massage away. Gee, does she even want one? Can you ask? Can you answer? Melissa, who I mentored as the new Miss BodyJoy, and I get to talk about it.
And I had another great time talking about sex--in a sauna with strangers--enjoy my story...
Strangers talk about Sex in a Sauna!
I sought out the sauna at the YMCA (!) seeking warmth when the weather turned cold. i said 'hi' to a woman on the lower bench, and we started talking about her philosophy class. She said the men in her class didn't want to 'hear' her feminine perspective. I told her the men who come to see me as a sex and intimacy coach—WANT to hear my feminine perspective.
In my work, men often tell me how clueless they are when it comes to pleasing a woman in bed. I imagine men offer me more vulnerability and honesty in an hour than they share with their partners in decades. My sauna friend was intrigued, she'd never heard of an intimacy coach,”Sex is always so hush, hush.”
Two men chimed in to our discussion in the dimly lit sauna, one young and one middle aged. They reflected how growing up male, with narrow, traditional views, didn't fit them. They struggled to discard the ‘stiff upper lip’ of their father’s generation and find new models of masculinity. We talked with ease and interest about the ways men learn about being a man, and being sexual, in pop culture, movies and porn.
I mentioned my woman friend who produces artistic, award-sinning erotic films. In her hot, feminist porn, women set the pace and tone for sensual encounters, and guide men subtly and seamlessly. Men look woman in the eyes, support her taking the lead, receive graciously, and give her space 'to be' without taking over.
The sauna was getting too hot for all of us. No one wanted to leave--a group of four strangers totally engulfed in the magic of genuine, from-the-heart conversation on relevant topics.
Earlier that night, I had gone to the sauna feeling lonely and apart, lamenting the winter and not having much sex recently. Now I remember the original definition of 'intercourse’—which is verbal exchange. Gee, I just had intercourse with another women and two men in the YMCA sauna! I bet, had I asked, my partners would agree we had experienced—as strangers—more intimacy, truth, and transparency in that public place with some clothes on, than most couples will experience in bed that night across town.
In the shower I felt full, satiated...just having had the best intercourse of my day--my week, my month! Our simple gift to each other was full attention, respect and truth telling. It felt so natural and nourishing to commune this way. We are such social beings. In the sauna we came together in community (ha!), and though brief, its effects will stay with me forever.
Comments
Charla Hathaway
Blue Artichoke Films, porn made by women with authentic people! Yes, we both want to hear the truth and it can be scary too. But true story telling is the way forward.
Lucie
It is Sooo difficult for men to overcome a lifetime of social conditioning even when ( as in the case of my beloved husband of 43 years of living together) highly motivated. Thank you Charla for all your endeavours in this area!!!
