zaifyrRR
patreon
V2 Chapter 32: Defense V
🕑 Added 2023-03-25 14:00:05 +0000 UTCThe Grrrrrrrelen in the staging area had shied away from the humans as it became more and more apparent that the humans were excited about the coming battle. Sevs imagined it was similar to how the Greeks felt around the Varangian Guard. Not that the Grrrrelen were cowards, but they were much more stoic and didn't take the same pleasure as the players did. To them, it obviously wasn't a game.
The humans didn't begrudge them and left the serious-looking warriors alone for the most part. This was the first low-stakes battle they had been in for this entire play through. They didn't have to worry about losing a ship or respawning. They could just charge in and do their thing.
Technically they had a plan they were supposed to follow, and there were a few squads that had responsibilities to take certain targets. But that was only a few, and the mission was rather simple when looked at in a certain light. The ships would take care of the dirty work of relaying messages to breed tensions among the Tarlaki through the station's systems.
It was Sevs's team's job to get in and clear the place making sure there were no survivors. Just a simple sweep of a station that held ten times their number, right? To the Grrrrrelen, it seemed like an impossible task. By every right, they were correct. Except they didn't know this was a game, and to some of the humans, without a lot of the limitations their nomad lifestyle imposed on them, this was easy mode.
So compared to the first shuttle ride their team experienced to the Tarlaki ship while they were still training, the atmosphere was rather relaxed. Sevs let them all joke around while he sat off to the side. While they were in transit, he needed to think about something. What more did he want from this world?
He had already chosen to lead small groups rather than larger groups. Being a general really held no interest for him, but now he was thinking. Did he even want to lead a company? A small group of six high-tier players was a scalpel that if used correctly could have as big of an impact as a whole army. Was he satisfied with this?
Looking around Sevs watched the rest of his team pile on Jason who took it well and sniped back at them in an equally playful manner. Sevs knew he could join right in if he wanted. There would be a certain amount of decorum that he should maintain as an officer, but no one really cared that much. Even then, it wasn't like he wouldn't be a part of it.
This was something that he had been missing for so long that when he found it again, he forgot what it was and didn't even recognize it again. Not until recently.
Now that he wasn't alone anymore, he was done? Did he still want to ascend? That was something that had been nagging at him subconsciously and was maybe part of why he had been avoiding thinking about that. Deep down, he thought that maybe he just wanted to move on because he was alone. That he would be giving up the next new thing just for a chance to be reunited with all the ones who had passed him by.
As he turned that idea in his mind, he found that it wasn't quite true. It was a jumbled mess still in his head, but he didn't think that he truly only wanted to ascend to find the ones he had lost along the way. There was a fear there. One that he hadn't wanted to face. A fear that he wouldn't be able to find new people to adventure with.
But now that he had overcome that, what did he want? Now that he didn't feel so alone, was he still anxious to ascend? Sevs wasn't so sure. He had expected to find no. That he was ready to go through 100 more playthroughs and make the same build each time. With the little help the charisma gave him, he would just have the same endless adventures of old.
That sounded fun, but it wasn't nearly as attractive as when he didn't think he could have it. No, for he was ready to move on to the next stage. To whatever singularity, there was, whether or not the people he knew were there with them. It was a sad feeling but not one of despair. The desire came from somewhere deep, something that he hadn't had until recently, and a deep sense of fulfillment from having lived a full life.
Carl noticed his detachment and disengaged from the conversation, coming to sit next to Sevs. "You doing alright, man?"
Carl spoke with a soft voice so as not to be overheard by the others. Sevs gave his answer a little thought before nodding. "Yes, better than I have been for a very long time, I think."
The smile Sevs gave felt a little different from his normal one. The typical smile was usually sharp and cutting but this felt relaxed and peaceful. Sevs spoke up before Carl had a chance to voice the concern on his face. "How many worlds have you gone through, Carl?"
Carl shrugged and looked up, thinking. "I haven't kept count. Less than a hundred for sure."
"Well, I have had to go through thousands. Maybe more than ten thousand. I don't know. I have lived every life I ever wanted to and many, many more I didn't. A long time ago, I started to pull back from other plays and just solo plays. I was the guy in the edgy cloak that took the hardest quest from the notice board by myself.
"It was a lonely thing, but I had many people I knew, and one by one, they all moved on, and I never ran into them again. I fought to join them but there was something holding me back keeping me from moving on, something the system decided wasn't ready. I think the issue was that I didn't want to move on. I wasn't done here; I just wanted my friends back.
"That wasn't enough for the system. See, I don't think it lets people move on who don't really want to and those who don't understand themselves. After thousands of more playthroughs, I started to really want to move on. But I didn't understand why. I had forgotten too much of myself crawling around in my own head for so many millennia that I needed to remember.
"Say, do you know my stat distribution for this run?" Sevs finished his long speech with a question.
Carl shook his head. "Maybe dexterity and intelligence? Any wisdom?"
Sevs chuckled. "No, I'm flattered but it's 170% charisma."
With a thought, he flipped his stat allocation to Carl, whose eyes widened as he read. Letting out a low whistle, Carl swiped his hand, dispelling the notification. "I can't see it. You seem balanced."
"I am now. I think I needed this perspective. To really understand myself I needed to understand others," Sevs said. "Well now I remember what it is like to have friends and it taught me a lot about myself."
"It sounds like you are about to leave us, Sevs." Carl said, the question clear in his voice.
"Not yet, not yet. But I think this will be my last playthrough." Sevs said with a smile. "Despite everything there is still more I want to do. But not things where the setting matters so much. I'm not going to need some fantasy world to unlock the truths about myself anymore."
"I hope we will keep going for a long time. I have no intention to leave this world anytime soon." Carl said. "I definitely won't be leaving before you. Though I will be re rolling."
"I'm not going before you either!" Bexy declared. Sevs and Carl looked up from where they had been speaking softly to each other to find the other four sounding them. Apparently, they hadn't been as subtle as they had thought. Sevs coughed in embarrassment as each of his friends also said they weren't going to reroll until he had moved on.
Jason, of course, couldn't let a somber moment stand. "If you think I would leave my chance to learn from one of you before I squeeze everything I can from you, you are crazy!"
Bexy swatted his arm, but no one really disagreed with him. Sevs didn't mind though it was worth his time to teach them. There were still a lot of things he had never bothered to pass along since he had retreated into himself.
"Okay, we can talk after, but for now we have a battle to win!" Sevs said as he noticed they were less than a minute before they would disembark, and everything would happen all at once.
